Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Osa Bella - Chapter 18 "Rebound" [Twilight FanFiction]



ANNOUNCEMENT:

GAH! *JMFHF! I don't know why, but the original .pdf file is gfuckerd, so I uploaded to a google doc, please go on and click it there and sorry for the inconvenience.

*Jesus Mother Fucking Hamster Fucker
____

Oh my, my darling Twitards. I have to let you know that we have over 60 people on Team Osa Bella now contributing for the Fandom Gives Back fundraiser for Alex's Lemonade Stand. What's really amazing is that the auctions haven't even begun--and we've already gotten over $1800 in pledges! I am so, so blown away by the extraordinary generosity of you all. Your stories have touched my heart so deeply, and your enthusiasm and willingness to pull together to do something good in this world have inspired me beyond measure. I am proud to walk among you.


If you're interested in joining Team Osa Bella, you can join any time before the auctions close on July 2. Just click here to go straight to our pledge form. If you want to read the story of Team Osa Bella, you can head over here. Bring Sniffs, especially if you read the comments. 

In honor of your generosity and your commitment to tell childhood cancer to fuck off, I will be writing a one-shot of Osa Bella from Sailward's point of view. I can't tell you, actually, how happy the thought makes me. I have been working through EPOVs for all sorts of scenes, but it will be up to all of you what chapter I turn out for this.

Now, in case you don't remember, we left poor Cougarbells very distraught in the aftermath of her being dumped by Derek (and word has it there is now a "Team Deck Derek" in the small corner of the fandom that reads Osa Bella, not for FGB, but just, you know, for philosophical purposes.)  I think Derek is going to be in Big. Fucking. Trouble. with you guys after Chapter 18. We'll see.

So anyway, Bella was pretty down after being dumped on the day that one of her favorite students nearly died. (What a dick you are for doing that, seriously, Derek. Reminds me of the time I dumped my boyfriend of four years on Christmas eve. He had it coming to him, though. What?) She thought she'd just try to go to sleep and cracked a beer. What a dummy! But then, that's what deep sorrow can do to judgment. Even so, that god awful depression was sneaking up fast, had its foot in the door to her quiet, empty little house and she couldn't face it another night alone. So she decided to reach out. 

"Come back," she typed, into her cell phone. And then hit send. To Edward.

Which brings us all up to speed and ready for Chapter 18. Hope you enjoy. Here's your pdf,  (don't click that, it's fucked.) and as always, can't wait to dish with you all in the comments. 

Love,
Myg


CHAPTER 18
Rebound

I knew Edward would come—I had no doubt. What I didn't know was what I would do with him when he arrived.

But I certainly had ideas.

I chugged down several swallows of room temperature Rainier for courage, but it made me feel sick. I mustered the energy to get myself off the couch and into the kitchen, where I dumped the can out and made sure I hid it at the bottom of the recycling bin.

I brushed my teeth and fixed my hair and tried to make myself presentable, a fairly useless endeavor with my puffy eyelids and swollen lips. I splashed water on my face and wiped the mascara streaks from beneath my eyes.

In the bedroom I surveyed myself in the full-length mirror. Aside from a face swollen from crying, I still looked fairly young—not at all what I'd expected to look like at thirty. I turned the lights down and lit a few candles. Why show off the bags under my eyes? I pulled my shirt and bra off and looked at myself again. I could make him want me, I thought.

I rummaged through my lingerie collection, which was almost nonexistent now, but there were a few pieces left. How sexy could I look with a cast on my leg? I laughed to myself and pulled a lace-trimmed black demi out of my dresser drawer, all the while anxiously listening for his car to pull up. Would he park in my driveway, or would he think to park around the corner? Would the neighbors have any idea? Fuck it. Shit. What was I thinking? My mind wasn't clear, loose from the Percocet, and the little bit of alcohol wasn't helping matters.

I put on the bra, slipped my skirt off and tugged my underwear down, awkwardly over my cast, and then changed into a thong. But what to put on next? Babydoll? No, no—way too obvious. A black tank top. Zack always loved me in a tank top with cute lingerie hiding under it. It was the tomboy pinup mash-up thing, I guess. I bent down and dug into my bottom dresser drawer to find one.

"Very nice."

I jumped at the sound of Edward's voice behind me, bumping my head. I stood up and tried to hide my ass against the dresser. "How long have you been standing there?" I asked, wrapping my arms around myself.

His smile said "far too long." I had amused him, obviously. Not at all what I had intended to do.

"What are you doing, Bella?"

Like he didn't know?

"I'm getting ready for bed." I lowered my hands to the dresser's edge and leaned back casually, as though maybe I posed in my underwear and an ankle cast every day. I shuddered as I felt his eyes roam over my barely clad body.

"And you wanted me here to help you out with that?"

"Yes." I blushed deeply and looked at the floor.

"Are you sure?"

He closed the distance between us and my heart began to pound, a mixture of fear and anticipation. He brushed a strand of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear and then tipped my chin so I'd look at him. I tried to not to crack. His body so close to mine made me feel like fire licking across hot coals. "Maybe you should think it through a little more," he said.

"Oh no," I said and gave a short, cynical laugh. "I have no intention of thinking this one through."

"That's unwise."

"I don't care."

"You'll care tomorrow."

"I don't want to think about tomorrow," I said, tightening my jaw. Was he really refusing me?

He shook his head. "You're not ready."

"I'll never be ready for something like this."

"I suppose that's true," he said. "But just the same, this isn't happening until you can do it and not hate yourself for it."

"God damn it," I said. My face burned with anger, frustration and embarrassment. "I thought you wanted me."

"Oh, I want you," he said. "But I'm not going to be your rebound. You'll have to get back at Derek some other way."

Should I just hit him? That's what I really felt like doing. Not because he was right, but because he refused to indulge a longing that felt close to a biological imperative right then.

"Fuck," was all the brilliant response I could make. I moved away from him, mortified, and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"I don't want you to feel worse," he said. "You feel bad enough already."

"Stop it. Just stop with the rational, perfectly reasonable explanation for rejecting me, okay? I'm humiliated enough as it is."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," he said.

"Please, please shut up," I said. "You are being way too mature about this. You're supposed to be the young, impetuous one here."

"You know me better than that."

"Come on," I said and then looked up at him, a little bit pathetically. "Please? Just this once?"

He stared down at me, his mouth a tight line, perhaps a little angry. I was frustrating him. Good, I thought. At least I won't be the only frustrated one here. I unhooked my bra and slid it down, part way, so it was still sort of covering my nipples, but barely. I watched his face, looking for some sign of weakness.

"You have no idea what you're playing with," he said, shaking his head at me, disapproving.

"I think I have some idea." I dropped the bra and leaned back on my elbows, inviting.

"No, you really don't. And if you keep that up, you'll find out the hard way."

"Maybe I like learning the hard way."

He grit his teeth and narrowed his eyes. I'd gotten to him, and that made me smirk, just a little.

"Lay down," he ordered, and my heart raced like it was trying to escape my body. He glared at me in a way that wasn't exactly threatening, but definitely challenging. I narrowed my eyes back in defiance, but I was terribly distracted by the dampness between my legs. I squirmed as we held each others' eyes for several beats until I capitulated and lay back on the bed. His expression changed from angry to satisfied as he watched me back down.

I waited for him to make some kind of move, but he just stood there looking, like he was trying to memorize every detail of my skin, my shape. I'd never felt more naked in my life. He towered at the foot of the bed, and as I watched him look at me I felt hypersensitive, like I could feel his need on every inch of my trembling skin. I longed for him to come to me so I could satisfy it, but still he stood.

His face grew softer then, his eyes cooler as they hovered first on my face, then my neck, my breasts as they rose and fell with my quickening breath, my belly, my thighs as they tensed under his gaze. The patch of cloth between my legs, the only place that remained out of his sight.

"You are lovely," he said. "I could look at you all night."

"Please don't," I said, propping myself up a little.

Then he sighed and pulled a blanket over me, covering me up. He shook his head and sat down by my side and took my hand in his.

"Okay, then," he said. "Tell me what happened with Derek."

"Are you kidding me? I don't want to talk about that."

He said nothing but waited quietly, holding onto my hand, attending to it like it had secrets all its own. The touch of his cold skin to mine brought the surprising comfort of familiarity, like holding my hand might have been something he'd done thousands of times over scores of years.

The tears came. And he listened as I talked about how I had pursued Derek and how I even went to church with him so I could understand his world better, yet how he never did anything remotely like that for me. He never even cared what my worldview was. I told Edward how I'd tried to be a better person for Derek, and how he'd said he loved me but that I doubted he ever really knew me. And I told him how I was so hurt that he'd left me. That he hadn't even bothered to try to work our differences out. How could he make a commitment of marriage to me, only to back out as soon as we hit the first hurdle? What kind of grown man does that? Was it all because he wanted to fuck me but because of some confused morality wouldn't let himself until we were married? Had he chosen his first wife out of lust too?

When I finally reached a sense of relief that I wasn't going to marry him, and spoke of the clarity I now had about how wrong that match really was, I watched Edward's face and waited for him to say, "I told you as much." But I didn't even see the thought flash in his eyes, which were soft and compassionate and lit with the attention he gave every word. And then I just stopped speaking.

"What's wrong?" Edward said.

"The way I feel about you is what's wrong," I said. "Terribly wrong."

"Your feelings aren't wrong. The context is."

"Well, then, should we book the space shuttle and fly to the moon? Because that's the only context I can think of where this could ever work out."

"You never know," he said. "There might be others." He smiled then, and his smile carried a pervasive kind of contentment that worked its way deep into my heart. But sadly, my mind was still unfazed by his optimism.

I wished I could be seventeen and believe in possibilities like that.

But I wasn't. And I didn't.

#

He'd left sometime late in the night while I was in the middle of a dream I wouldn't remember upon waking. I barely roused when he kissed my forehead goodbye, but just enough to be sorry to feel the space he'd left behind. I could get used to him sharing my bed, I thought.

In the morning I thought of his parents, and wondered if they really let him run so wild all night or if he managed to maybe climb out a window, silently backing his car down the driveway and starting it in the street. But I hated thinking of those things. They reminded me of how young he really was.

I had to go into work for an early faculty meeting on Mike Newton, so I called Charlie.

"You should be staying home," Charlie said.

"I'll just drive if you can't take me."

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

"By the way, Derek broke up with me last night," I said.

"Good," he said.

"Wow, thanks for the compassion."

"Are you upset?"

"Not exactly."

"I didn't think so. It's like a near escape, if you ask me," he said.

I laughed. "You're like the only one who didn't try to talk me out of it."

"Bella, you are thirty years old. Who you marry is up to you."

At least someone thought so.

#

I walked into the staff meeting and noticed the sympathetic looks I received from coworkers, even Doreen. Derek had obviously told everyone we weren't engaged anymore, and I don't know why this bothered me so much. It was like he couldn't wait for people to know he'd dumped me.

Red pulled me to the side when I came into the conference room and just said, "I heard. Are you okay?" I nodded, but didn't say any more about it.

The early staff meeting was my idea. One suicide attempt is all it takes for an avalanche of misery to come piling down on a small school like Forks High, and I wanted the faculty to be all over the kids looking for signs of depression. People didn't realize how contagious a suicide attempt could be, but I’d seen it before. I was going to do whatever it took to make sure Mike Newton was the last suicide attempt we saw in a generation, at least.

“I want referrals,” I said. “Any kid so much as looks funny today, I want them sent down to me. Make lists of kids you’ve been worried about. Think about homework assignments that had death themes, art work, you name it. Make contact with your quiet kids today. Let the students know we’re here for them.”

Derek, of all people, challenged me right there in the meeting.

“Bella, come on," he said. "Half the students fit into that category. They’re teenagers. They can’t all be suicidal.”

“Of course not,” I said, “but suicide attempts are very triggering for people, and we’ve got to be aware of how the kids are feeling.”

“Bella’s right,” Red said, giving Derek a look. “Finals are coming up, the kids are stressed out and we’ve got to be on top of this.”

The group dispersed and I sat there with Red, thinking to myself.

“I’m glad you're here," Red said. He laid a hand on my shoulder briefly, and then walked to his office. I choked a little on my own guilt. How could I pose as a competent professional with what I had going on with Edward?

There was only a week and a half before graduation. I just had to make it that far. Then I could figure out whether I would quit, turn myself in, move out of the state, or what other possible options existed for making myself right with the world again.

At my desk I began compiling lists of kids to see that day. Jessica for sure. Paige, Angela and Erik too. I took a swig of coffee and checked my supply of pain killers. I was going to run out too soon the way I snuck extra pills. I had my ankle raised but it still hurt. I decided against taking another Percocet, even though the throbbing was already gnawing away at my composure.

I could hear the kids filing into the building, sounding pretty much like they did any other day. A mixture of quiet conversations, laughter, boisterous and soft voices weaving the sonic tapestry of high school mornings. I checked my email. I'd finally heard back from the University of Washington—there was an anthropology post-doc named Anna Marie Gladwell who was interested in coming out and meeting the old man at La Push. She was available mid June—right after school was out. I'd have to call Jake and let him know. I was about to pick up the phone when Red stuck his head in.

“We need to meet. Now."

I followed Red into the small conference room, the same one where I'd first met the Cullens nearly nine months before. Derek sat across the table, looking down, not making any eye contact with me.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Derek is concerned that Edward Cullen might be stalking you. Given his recent theft of formaldehyde, I'm worried about his potential for violence. Have you seen anything unusual lately? Has he been hanging around your neighborhood, or have you noticed anything out of place in your house or office?"

"No, of course not," I said, shaken by the strange assertion and the additional confirmation that Edward had read Derek's mind.

"He's got a disciplinary hearing next Tuesday and I want as much evidence as possible so I can keep him out of school for the rest of the year."

"He's done nothing violent."

"He stole formaldehyde," Derek said.

"That's not violent—he could have been dipping weed, for all we know." Of course, he wasn't. I was absolutely certain he wasn't. But there was no way to explain the truth, and drugs were more palatable in these situations than violence.

"Why are you defending him, Bella?" Derek asked.

"Because it's not fair," I said. "He made a mistake but he didn't hurt anyone."

"Your judgment is off," Derek said. "He has totally manipulated you."

"No he hasn't."

"Then why would you chase him into the woods after you knew he'd stolen potentially dangerous chemicals? Why did you let him drive you home last night?"

Red looked at me curiously, as though he too would appreciate an explanation, but I wasn't offering one.

"Do you have any idea how much I have to do today? I do not need to deal with this bullshit."

"Bella, let's stay professional here," Red said.

Doreen stuck her head into the room. "Chief Swan is on the line, Mr. Colter."

"You called my father?"

"Stalking is a police issue, Bella," Red said as he walked out of the room.

"Thanks, Derek. I really owe you one."

"I'd say we're even," he said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Next time you want to report me for something, be grown up enough to come to me about it first."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I know you reported me for discussing religion at Lake Crescent."

"Is that what this is about? You're mad because you think I told on you?"

"Didn't you?"

"No," I said. "But now I wish I had."

"It was probably Edward," he said. "He hates me because he's obsessed with you."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I've been paying attention, okay? I see the way he watches you. All those private meetings in your office. Manipulating you with his little crisis at prom. Coming on that camping trip after he'd quit the club. You are so blind about him."

"Why are you doing this? What have I done to make you so angry?"

"Angry? Bella, I'm not angry with you—I'm trying to protect you."

"Edward would never hurt me," I said.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about," he said. "You're in so much denial you can't see the truth."

"What truth?"

"Look, have you ever noticed anything strange about the Cullens—the whole family?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"Okay, in the nine months they've been here, have you ever seen any one of them eat?"

"Now you sound like Mike Newton," I said. "And you know where he's headed? A psychiatric hospital."

"Have you ever noticed how their eyes change color? They go from gold to black."

"So they wear color contacts," I said. "Lots of kids do."

"They're possessed, Bella. All the signs are there."

I was so amazed by his assertion I went slack-jawed.

"That's the stupidest thing I've just about ever heard. And offensive, too, by the way."

"Just give me a minute here and think it over. How can they all be so perfect?  They're teenagers and have you seen a single blemish, blackhead or stray hair on any of them?"

"Your imagination has run away with you," I said. "You know, Edward has been nothing but hard working and well-mannered. He makes one mistake and now you think he's the devil?"

"I think his influence has turned you away from God," he said.

"Holy shit. I can't even believe I'm hearing this." I almost laughed in his face, I was so relieved he didn't accuse me of sleeping with him.

"Just remember Bella, when the devil comes, it's not with a pitchfork and a brimstone censer, it's with a dozen roses and a BMW. Or maybe a limited edition Volvo."

#

Red came back into the conference room with Charlie. Charlie looked annoyed, but I wasn't sure what was annoying him more--the fact that my ex-fiance was causing some sort of stink about me, or the fact that there might be some sort of stink I hadn't told him about. And I was still worried that my unlawful relationship with a teenage boy was minutes from being uncovered.

"Are you all right?" Charlie asked. "You look sick."

"I'm fine."

"Okay, Derek, what's this about Edward Cullen?"

"I believe he's capable of violence," Derek said. "And I'm afraid he's fixated on Bella."

Charlie bristled. 

"Derek thinks Edward Cullen is possessed by the devil," I said. "He just told me. He thinks a high school senior with prom date trouble has turned me away from God." Derek glared at me and I raised my eyebrows. "Is that not what you just said to me, Derek?"

"She got into a car with a student who had just been charged with theft of dangerous chemicals yesterday," he said. "Don't you think that's a problem with her judgment?"

"Is my judgment, poor or otherwise, a matter for the Forks Police Department?"

"Bella, are you worried about this kid bothering you?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"Okay," he said. "I'll just talk to Edward Cullen myself and then we can forget the whole thing."

"Dad, there is no reason to do that."

"I'm not going to arrest him, I'm just going to check it out myself. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, right?" Charlie raised his eyebrows at me. I nodded in agreement with him, because how could I continue to protest without appearing suspicious? I had to let it go.

I had to admit Derek was right about one thing. I did have bad judgment.

About Derek.

#

Back in my office I took several slow breaths to get a grip on myself. I tried to concentrate on what I had to do that day, but all I could think was that I had to talk to Edward before Charlie got to him. I locked the door to my office and called him from my cell.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"My father," I said. "He's coming to question you. Your parents too, probably."

"Derek reported I was stalking you, didn't he?"

"Yes," I said. "Were you?"

"Stalk is really not the right word for it," he said.

"You have to tell me what's going on," I said.

"I just feel very protective of you, Bella. I'm sorry. I try not to interfere."

"I don't want you to stalk me," I said. "That's not healthy."

"I know."

"What are you going to say to Charlie?"

"I'll think of something. Don't worry."

"Edward," I paused and considered whether or not to tell him more. But I had to know. "What else did you read in Derek's mind about… about what he believes about your family?"

"Is this a test?"

"Yes," I said.

"Okay then, he believes we're all possessed by demons. He told you that, I guess."

"Yes," I said.

"He's an ass."

"Are you coming over tonight?"

"Are you wearing a thong?"

"Oh my God," I said, tingling everywhere inappropriately. "This is so fucked."

"I'll see you after the sun goes down."

I was really in the shit now and getting deeper by the minute. But I didn't exactly want out of it, either. What the hell was happening to me? Was I really going to pursue a relationship with student?

A quick internet search landed me on the age of consent laws for Washington State. It was actually quite upsetting. I could already be given up to a year of jail time, just for trying to seduce him last night, even though nothing technically happened. I could go to jail for kissing him on Reckoner. For the way I'd spoken to him.

He would be eighteen in less than a month. Did I really want to risk jail?

Kind of. Yes.

But I could wait, right?

My job was a different sort of problem. Maybe I would apply to Ph.D. programs and leave Forks. Yes, that was it. I'd leave Forks and… then what? Run away with Edward?

Reality smacked me in the face. I hated when it did that.

I could not get around the fact that Edward was seventeen. How ready did I think he was to be in a real, committed relationship with someone my age? No matter how mature he acted, he was a young man. Hadn't even been to college yet. He wouldn't be ready to have kids for a long time—maybe not until I was aging out of that possibility. And did I have any evidence that he was interested in an actual relationship with me?

How did I ever let myself get this involved?

Was Derek right?

#

The day wore on. I met with Jessica. I met with Angela, Erik, and several other kids that I didn't know very well, but who'd been quiet and were looking extra tweaked the last two days.  But it was Paige I had the most difficult time dealing with, because she was terribly upset about Mike's suicide attempt. She was inappropriately angry with Jessica over it, and she disavowed herself of any feelings she'd ever had for Edward as though he'd meant nothing to her at all. The fickleness of her heart was only an indication of her age and Mike's influence, I knew that.

"I can't believe I went to prom with a terrorist," Paige said.

"Edward is not a terrorist," I said quietly.

"I feel like I've lost all my friends," she said, then put her face in her hands and I could tell she was crying. Then I couldn't help it, I started crying a little too.

"Miss Swan? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said. "It's been a shitty couple of days, right?"

"Really, really shitty."

And then we had a long talk about Mike, Jessica, Edward, Thoreau club, finals, graduation, college, leaving home, leaving childhood. The last long heart-to-heart we'd have, I thought, given the year was almost done. And that made me tear up a little too. I hated how aware I seemed to be of the lasts of things.

The rawness of my emotions caused my pain to feel almost unmanageable, so I took an extra painkiller. I probably shouldn't have come to work, I thought. Maybe I'd have to take Friday off. An extra long weekend for the holiday.

It was just before the end of the day and I was outside, waiting for Charlie to give me a ride home. I didn't know if he'd talked to Edward or not, but I definitely wasn't going to bring it up. If Charlie had spoken to Edward and was worried about it, he'd brief me on stalkers—what to look out for and how to protect myself from an attack. I briefly thought of that pepper spray and wondered where I'd last left it. He would ask, for sure.

It was just before the final bell when I saw them. Three black bears, right at the edge of the woods, near where Emmett Cullen's SUV was parked. I pulled my phone out and dialed the main office, but before I got anyone the bell rang and kids began to swarm out of the building.

"Back inside!" I started calling. "We've got bears out here!"

The kids were coming out of multiple exits, streaming into the parking lot. I hobbled on my crutches out into the parking lot so I could wave them back in the building. A few students saw the bears and started to scream. That's when I thought I recognized one of the bears—it looked like the one I'd seen in the woods two days ago with Edward.

Strangely, it seemed to recognize me, too. Because it started to lumber towards me with a determination and a speed that was totally unexpected. I was alarmed and turned to hop back towards the school as fast as I could when I saw the Cullens headed right for me, almost faster than humanly possible, looking stressed out. Emmett swooped me up without warning and carried me back inside as Jasper, Alice and Rosalie headed right for the bears.

"All students return to your last period classroom at once," I heard Red's voice on the loudspeaker.

"Are you okay, Miss Swan?" Emmett asked, and I nodded, a little dumbfounded. He ran back and joined Alice, Rosalie and Jasper who were all squaring off with the bears. With their backs to me, I couldn't see their expressions but their postures were unquestionably aggressive.

"See what I mean?" I heard Derek say in a low voice behind me.

"No," I said, shaky.

"Look at them," he said. "They're not normal, Bella. They are having some sort of communication with beasts."

The bears backed away, slowly, from the strange formation of the Cullens, and then turned and ran back into the woods. Red strode past us out of the building and yelled, "Back in the building! Right now or you're all suspended!"

Then the Cullens turned around and gave me, Derek and Red a passing glance, and then got into their SUV and sped off.

#

As he was dropping me off at home, Charlie said, "So, what's with your ex-fiancé?"

"We got into a fight when we took the students on that camping trip," I said. "He's obviously still angry about it."

"What's his problem with Edward Cullen?"

"I have no idea," I said, but he wasn't convinced.

"You still have that pepper spray, right?"

"Dad," I said. "Am I going to need to use it on Edward Cullen? Seriously?"

"I was thinking you might want to use it on Derek," he smiled.

"Don't tempt me."

#

After the sun went down, I waited for Edward. I was in baggy sweats and a pony tail and lying on the couch, my ankle elevated on some pillows, reading Madame Bovary.

"So you appreciate the classics," he said. "Interesting choice."

"How do you get in here without me hearing you?"

"You didn't hear me? You must be really absorbed in that book. How do you like it?"

"I hate it," I said, dropping it to the floor. "Did you know I could go to jail for a year just for what's already happened between us?"

"Yes," he said. “I know that’s troubling.”

“Troubling? I can’t imagine humiliating my father like that. It would kill him. And me.”

“You’re not going to jail, Bella,” Edward said. “I would never, ever let that happen to you.”

How I wanted to believe that he could stop the world from caving in on me. What a typical adolescent, thinking he could protect me like that. I sighed.

“I’m thirty years old—what could you possibly want with me?"

"Oh," he said, smirking. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"I mean besides that." I blushed. "You have your whole life ahead of you. You can be with any girl you want. Why would you want to be with someone my age?"

He didn't say anything. Instead, he just stood there and looked slightly worried, like he was trying to figure out what exactly he ought to say. And it was a painfully awkward moment, as I realized I had assumed far too much about his feelings.

"Am I sort of an older woman fantasy to you? You can tell me. I'll understand."

"Bella," he said, a half smile on his face. "If all I wanted was to fuck you, it would have happened by now. Many times over."

“Oh, you think it would have been so easy?” I said, feeling defensive, but I knew he spoke the truth.

"It would be so easy to give you everything and anything you want," he said, smiling as he kneeled down next to me, putting his face close to mine. He kissed me lightly on my brow. "But so dangerous."

"What do you want?" I asked.

“I want you willing.”

"Willing?"

"Yes," he said. "I know you can't be with me now under these circumstances without tormenting yourself. And there's a lot you need to know about me that I can't explain."

"What can't you explain?"

"A lot of things," he said. 

"So then, you really are possessed by the devil?" I tried to joke.

"Not exactly," he said.

"I wish you were, really," I said. "Then I wouldn't be the only monster here."

"You are no monster, Bella."

“I don't want to keep you from what you have to do at this stage in your life. You've got college, your sailing trip around the world."

"Do you want to be with me?" he asked, his eyes intensely focused on mine.

"What I want in my heart is not the point," I said. "I'm afraid because you're so young. You've got things to do yet and I want to start a family. I can't wait another five to ten years."

He winced when I said that.

“You’re right,” he said. “That's something I can't give you.”

Wrong answer, Edward, I wanted to say. You are supposed to unveil the big secret here, the one where you tell me you are undercover with the CIA and that you're really 28.

I started to cry, hard. I couldn’t even explain to him why. I curled up into a ball, tried to get away by collapsing into myself. I wanted no witnesses to this despair. I knew it too well and needed no audience to bear it away.

"Look at me,” he said. I raised my blurry, tear drowned eyes to meet his, but I could hardly stand to look at him it hurt so much. “I’m so sorry, Bella. It’s not that I don’t want to have a family with you.”

I couldn’t speak.

“God damn it,” he said, looking away.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“No,” he said. “Don’t you ever be sorry.” Then he took my face in his hands, and kissed me, a soft, delicious cool kiss that delivered me from despair into the arms of longing. I pulled him to me, parting my lips so I could inhale him. His breath was cold, clean. I could live underwater just breathing him.

He wrapped his arms around me and then whisked me into the bedroom where he lay next to me, and I pulled myself to him, kissing his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his mouth until I finally felt his restraint fail, and he began to kiss me with a longing and an intensity that eclipsed every care I had in the world. About anything. I didn’t care if I ever breathed air or tasted water or spoke again. I just wanted to keep kissing him.

He pulled away from me and said, "Look, you can find someone else to marry and you can have a long, healthy life with all the babies you can make, and I will never interfere with that. But when it's over and your time has come? I will be there, waiting."

"What are you talking about?"

"Bella," he said. "You have no idea how long I've waited for you. And I will wait for you forever, if that's what it takes."

“You know nothing about forever,” I said. “Forever is a lie.”

“That is where you are very mistaken,” he said.

68 comments:

  1. ahhhhhh Cliffhanger again!!! I love love love love it Myg.....favorite! I never read fanfic until you!

    ps this chapters hot and i cant wait for Bella to find out he is 109 and they can live out there 'hot for teacher' fantasies over and over

    please??

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  2. Hi D of A! Thank you so much - am glad you love it. I never read fanfic until me either! Actually, I have only read a few snippets of fic, I am too paranoid I will rip somebody off. I have a long and growing list of recs though...

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  3. Great chapter, as always. I wish they would just FUCK already!!! Now I have to wait til Wednesday...which is ECLIPSE day...squeeeee!!!

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  4. I feel embarrassed bc I haven't been leaving reviews, but I have been pimping and squeeing over on twitter so I hope that makes up for it a teeny bit!
    Damn I want to smack Derek upside the head, he is such a misguided twit! Luckily Charlie's reactions are level headed and totally on the money! LOVE him! xo
    How hard must it be for Edward to resist sweeping Bella up, telling all and running away from her?! I assume there is a perfectly logical explanation for this mainly that Alice sees this playing out a certain way and they are going by the script. Edward's demeanor is the big treat here. He is comforting, intense, devoted and protective. In the face of her confused feelings regarding practically everything he is just so solid! Since we know he is 109 this of course makes total sense! God I am rambling so I'll shut up not..just know that I am totally Team Osa Bella and equally committed to Team Deck Derek (fucker). xoxo
    PS. and special thanks to Mr Myg! :)

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  5. You are unbelievable Myg! That first scene with Bella and Edward in the bedroom was intense! The way you convey their sexual chemistry is amazing. I am loving where this is going. Now if I could just figure out what is up with the damn bears!

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  6. Another excellent chapter. You write beautifully.

    I must admit that I never read fanfiction either and I even thought it was silly. I was wrong! You are doing a great job, I can't wait to read more - even if they do turn out to be *vampires*! : ) LOL

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  7. Myg, you rock. I so look forward to "update days" and I love how you've crafted this story! Sooo good. I think about it randomly throughout the day, wonder about the characters and how the plot will develop. I wonder about the bears and Jacob and the rest of the Cullens. I love Liv Tyler as Bella@30 (you're right, Rob and Liv definitely need some screen time). I can only imagine how difficult it must be to keep this up, but we're so glad you do. Sorry for the long, rambling post but I haven't commented yet and felt I had some catching up to do. Like D of A, I was a fanfic virgin until Osa Bella!

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  8. Daaaamn that was sizzling and a bit of sweet relief to see Bella giving in a bit! And Derek is *such* a dick, aghh!

    @Liz is so right about edward's demeanor being the treat here! God I really adore him, and that adoration is totally reaffirmed in this fic. Side note, but do you think the whole (or biggest?) reason we love Twilight is Edward? Cuz, yeah... *melts*

    I have loads more to comment on, including my fav line (Edward: "Your feelings aren't wrong. The context is.") but can't do it on the iPhone so I'll just have to comment again later.

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  9. Addicted2TwilightJune 23, 2010 at 10:32 PM

    Am I the only one having a problem with the PDF?

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  10. *hollers up from the engine room* Give us a sec on the .pdf, someone forgot to open the Fribillator(TM) valve on the Adobe external tank redundancy system. (And thanks for the heads up.)

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  11. Myg, you amaze me. I know technically this is called fanfic but it's not like any other fanfic I've ever read. You've brought it to a whole new level. I hope you realize what a wonderful writer you are.

    Oh, Derek, how I completely despise you which is why I'm so glad you're sticking around. Every good story needs a complete dick to fuck things up for the good guys.

    Bella, you rock and any one of us Twitards would do the same thing if we were you. Although according to some of the comments there are a few here who might be a tad more aggressive where Edward is concerned.

    Edward, I.. well, um, I think I love you.

    And you, you overly confident bears, I don't even pretend to know what your deal is but you are intriguing!

    I know I'm only one vote in this whole EPOV issue and I know we're not voting yet but I want to throw this out there. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it, Myg, if you would choose the EPOV chapter yourself since this is your baby.

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  12. *fans self* Oh man Myg - that was awesome. The tension between B/E is almost too much. And I'm not going to get to read Saturday's update until Sunday! Wahh!

    p.s. I hate Derek. What a moron.

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  13. Oh hell, you guys. I don't even know where to begin. I love, love, love writing Osa Bella. And the fact that you love it makes me love it ten gazillion times more. Thank you all.

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  14. There. That oughta hold it. *rips the duct tape and slaps the end down*

    I think the .pdf is working now, but "now" is imprecise and relative.

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  15. "it would have happened by now. Many times over . . . "
    mmmmm mmm mmm can't wait ; P
    Thx Myg!!

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  16. As alway @Myg, your talents are unparalleled!!! I can't explain how much I adore Osa Bella.
    Charlie could not have been more spit on. And Edward - dear Lord he leaves me hot & begging for more!

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  17. Oh. My. God!!!! Myg, you are KILLING ME with this fuck awesome story! Damnit, baby is crying and I have to go. Next chapter Saturday, right???????? Oh, will I live that long?

    My father had a heart attack this morning, and I was at the hospital all day, and this is just what I needed. Thanks!

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  18. So first I couldn't get the PDF to work, and then I got a super special bonus that was fucking HOT. I love you MYG and I am not going to spoil it for the rest of you.

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  19. AS;LDKFJA;SLDKFJ A;SDLKFJ A;SDLKFJ POASIJDF;ALKJS D;LFKJA S;DLKFJA ;SLDFKJA;LDS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IS HE GOING TO TELL HER? IS HE? IS HE? IS HE?

    Jesusmotherfuckinghamsterfucker, I fucking love this fucking story. (I am giving fucking PFach a run for his fucking money with this fucking post.)

    But really. IS HE GOING TO TELL HER?! Because as much as I am loving the tension, I can't wait for her to knooowwww so she can stop beating herself up! AND WHAT THE EFF IS UP WITH THOSE BEARS! Why are they "after" Bella? Or do they just want to talk to her? Or do whatever it is that spirit bears do? AND IS THE BIG BLACK ONE JAKE? Or Sam?! Sam is a big black wolf, right? Couldn't he be a big black bear?!

    AND JUST FOR THE RECORD I am going to kick some Derek ASS. What the hell is wrong with that fucker?! Pshaw, I LOVED how you have him thinking the Cullens are freaking demons - so perfect. :) And I chuckled out loud when Charlie suggested Bella use the pepper spray on him!

    OH DEAR GOD the part about the "quick internet search?" Please tell me that she did not do this on her work computer and that it will not come back to bite her in the ass! Please!

    "'Are you coming over tonight?'

    'Are you wearing a thong?'"

    aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    "And that made me tear up a little too. I hated how aware I seemed to be of the lasts of things."

    MYG GET OUT OF MY HEAD, WOMAN! How did you know? That that is me?

    Okay, I'm done ranting at you, but suffice it to say that IIIII LUUURRRRVE YOUR STORRRYYYYYY! Stop writing so awesome, you're making me insecure. On second thought, I'd rather be insecure and have your story than have an inflated ego and be Osa Bella - less.

    @Vermonstermom4edward, I am sooooooooooo sorry, honey, to hear about your dad. I hope he's doing okay, and that YOU'RE doing okay, and if there's anything we Twitards can do, just holler. Hugs and good thoughts to you and your family. We're all pullin' for ya.

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  20. The best chapter yet! I always want to write so much but am always so short on time so I just throw down a quick something so you know I'm out here devouring your words. As I've read copious amounts of fanfic and only commented enough times I could count on one hand I hope you understand how much I love and appreciate your story as I try to find time to comment on every post...

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  21. ding dong the dick head is gone....now if only he would be eaten by one of the bears..

    I love love love this story. i hope some day you decide to write a publishable story. i know for damn sure i'd buy it.

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  22. "Bella," he said, a half smile on his face. "If all I wanted was to fuck you, it would have happened by now. Many times over."

    masterful freaking UST!!

    love this fic to pieces, myg...I know that he is officially Sailward, but in my mind, I can't stop thinking of him as Adultward, which sounds boring, but for a high school fic he's just so deliciously, responsibly, and thong-searingly adult.

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  23. I really liked this chapter. Derek reminds me of the crazy people my parents went to church with, some of them were big assholes as well. Do you come from that kind of background Myg? Just curious, because you write it really convincingly.
    I love the unique mythology you're creating with the spirit bears and can't wait to see how/if it ties into established cannon of the Twilight universe.

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  24. OME, Myg. This story is so delicious. It just keeps getting better and better. I'm glad you incorperated the Cullen's this time around. I wonder why the bear's keep going after her? Is she marked or something? Gah! This story is my new favorite.

    Team Osa!

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  25. oh... those last two lines made this my favorite chapter ever. Gorgeous!!

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  26. RRoPboundwithwaltzwardandtaycobJune 24, 2010 at 4:46 AM

    I'd love for Waltzward to cuckoo me...many times over!!! Gauh, when the chapter ended, I screamed out, "Noooooo!!" effectively waking up the kids!!! you are a UST MASTER!!!

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  27. RRoPboundwithwaltzwardandtaycobJune 24, 2010 at 4:49 AM

    I'd love for Waltzward to fuck me...many times over!!! Gauh, when the chapter ended, I screamed out, "Noooooo!!" effectively waking up the kids!!! you are a UST MASTER!!!

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  28. So Mrs. Myg...when are you going to write your novel? I can't wait till it happens and I can say "I read her when..."

    The story is beautifully crafted. I am dying to know about the damn bears...What the hell is going to happen with Jacob (we haven't heard of him in a while)...and of course How will...when will...Bella find herself and her true path (in bed with Edward having crazy Vampire sex)?!?

    I love how much I dislike Derek (jealous much Derek!?). I do have a hard time reading about her thoughts of Edward because in her mind he is 17...But I think that is why it is so compelling...we know the truth but she is struggling with false fronts.

    Anyways...I am dying...I neeeeed more! I wish I had a million dollars to give you so you could hire a nanny and a housekeeper and type all day. xo

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  29. Love it!!! Love it!!!! Love it!!!!!! Keep it coming Myg - and, perhaps more importantly, get E & B coming (*ahem*) - this UST is killing me!!!!!

    Mwah

    wv: mighresc You are, indeed, mighresc(ue)Myg ;-)

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  30. Hey Myg! So great. Awwww- snuggling, like I wanted. With promise of more. So good. Problematic about the kids, no? Oh, immortality might be worth it. Effing the hell out of Edward defs would be. Thanks for this Myg, you're the bestest.

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  31. @Vermontstermom4edward holy shit - is your dad okay? Email me at mygdala @ gmail pls!

    Thank you all for the kind words - I am so glad you like this chapter! Gotta zip it before I give too much away though.

    I am going to write something I can sell and publish and I'm hoping to start it right after this wraps. It's something I've always wanted to do and you guys are no small part of building me up to do it.

    Love love,
    Myg

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  32. Again, so good. I caught a glimpse of my refection as I was reading on the black background-- I looked like a crack whore in front of about 80 dime bags...
    SIGH
    More, please!
    xoxox

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  33. Ugh! This story always haunts me between chapters... can't stop rolling it over in my head...

    He pulled away from me and said, "Look, you can find someone else to marry and you can have a long, healthy life with all the babies you can make, and I will never interfere with that. But when it's over and your time has come? I will be there, waiting."

    Man, Sailward has it all figured out and it's agonizingly beautiful! Of course she can do whatever she needs in life and he can 'turn her' just at the end... so intensely devoted... so freakin' panty wetting...

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  34. Edward saying "Fuck" in this chapter was one of the hottest things I have read in fan fic!! I don't know what it was about it, but I just melted when I read that sentence. I love Edward's character- it is so mature and mysterious. You are awesome, Myg! When is Bella gonna get some and when is Dereck gonna get his comeuppance?

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  35. Gosh Myg...now you've got me looking forward to Wednesdays and Saturdays just so I can read the next chapter!

    So glad to hear you're going to publish your work. You were meant to do this!

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  36. Best. Chapter. Yet. That is all I have to say.

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  37. This story is my own personal brand of heroin. Thank you Myg for being my pusher.

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  38. Derek needs a good throat punch and maybe a jumk kick for good measure. Asshat. And I LOVE this Edward *sigh*

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  39. JMFHF!! (LMAO and btw I'm totally stealing this and saying it all the time now) gah. Holy cliffhanger, batman... I. cannot. WAIT. for Saturday.

    Oh aaaand I puffy heart Sailward : )

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  40. I rushed home after work & there it was, my update! Being a huge wolf lover I'm dying to find out about the bears...as well as seeing what happens with E/B.

    You write beautifully & I would definitely read anything you published. Write more! *cracks whip*

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  41. Myg, best chapter yet, and I've loved all the previous chaps. That opening scene was unf-ing believable. And love Edward talking about coming back for her when it is her time, brilliant.

    It will be a VERY long wait until Saturday. Any chance we can get two chapters then?

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  42. I love to hate Derek. Such a condescending prick. I hope a bear eats his face.

    Sadly, my sympathy for Bella waned a little in this chapter. "Ohhh, waaaah! I'm so baaad! I shouldn't doooo this! Whoops! There goes my bra!" I guess Percocet and beer will do that, though. Carry on, Bella. Carry on.

    A great read as ever, Myg! Can't wait for more!

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  43. Most Excellent!

    Um, Edward? Can't you just like...suck on her ankle and heal it right quick? Then we can get to DOIN' IT?! Gawd. I'm pulling my hair out here! She was right.there. WAITING. ....Brutal.

    Hey Myg? Yeah...
    "Just remember Bella, when the devil comes, it's not with a pitchfork and a brimstone censer, it's with a dozen roses and a BMW. Or maybe a limited edition Volvo."
    I almost spit out my smoothie when Derek started talking that jive ass shit! I can totally see him being that kind of dude. Fist bump to Bella for being rid of his ass. I'm sorry she's sad, because it does suck. I can't believe Charlie didn't laugh in his face when he came to talk to them. Speaking of, I love that your Charlie is stepping back and letting Bella make her own decisions. She is 30 after all. We're dealing with Cougarbells, not a seventeen y/o Bella.

    Bears, bears, bears! Love that they showed up! Now tell us what's up!!!!!! And with the cliffie? BAAAAHH!!!!

    ..::singing::.. I love this fiiiic! I love this fiiiiic!

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  44. Oh Myg, I love this chapter. such UST and it was so hot. Oh, how I wish I had my own Sailward. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story with us!

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  46. love it! had to wait the whole day before i could read it. osa bella is not a story i want to read while i work- osa bella is a story i want to enjoy, relaxed at home.

    great chapter, was worth the waiting ;-)

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  47. Oh God, I just cringed for Bella when she was throwing herself at Edward. I felt reeeeeaaaaaaaaal bad for her and was begging for her to stop. Thank God Edward is Edward and said no. Ever the gentleman.....*sigh*

    I really get her worries about the whole cougar thing. My boyfriend is ten years younger then me. We got together when he'd just turned 22 and I just couldn't understand why the hell he'd want to be with me and spent the first year telling him to go off and find someone his own age. But a few years later, and he's still here. He's no Edward but I kinda like having him around. And I'd only have to stretch that decade another 2 years to make it to the Precious' age....totally do-able

    Myg - can you please tell Bella one thing from me though? LOSE. THE. THONG. Nobody's ass looks good in a thong. I repeat...nobody.If you wanna get all shmexy, go for french knickers or even butt naked, just not a thong, okay? Lecture over.

    I'm so enjoying this story, totally absorbed by it and boy do I need some escape right now. My life has recently completely crumbled in to fucking nothingness thanks to the miscarriage I had last weekend. Three fucking years I've waited to get pregnant. I go through IVF, I get pregnant and then I have a fucking miscarriage a week later. Life fucking sucks.....*deep breath*...sorry, guess I must be in the anger phase of grief. Need. To. Vent.

    Anyhooooooo, really love this story. Thanks for taking the time to give all of us some time away from sucky life.

    I wanna know about the bears.....waaaahhhhhh......tell me, tell me, tell me....*cue tantrum*

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  48. This is one awesome fic - and I should know - I read every rec I find, *who needs sleep?*

    What an intriguing twist - Devil worship? Really? Derek is a stupid asshole, next thing he'll be proselytizing on the streets of Forks. (Look out JJ and SNY!)

    Hope the bears and the Cullins take care of Derek soon in their own *special* way (grins).

    Myg - I apologize for not offering my condolences for passing of your beloved friend. I have written here that Twilight, Twitarded,FF, and all you fab Twi-hards have made a most difficult year easier for me (my father in law passed away in March after a year long horrendous battle with lung cancer). Other fans have written to me, telling me that all things Twi have helped them during a tough time.

    JJ and SNY wrote that inexplicabley, they fell in love with Twilight. Maybe, just maybe, this obsession isn't so inexplicable. This is what we all need, right now, at whatever stage of life we are in.

    Thanks for being part of the madness and the healing.

    I'm loving Osa Bella.

    xx

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  49. So am I the only one wondering how many other women this Edward has had?! He's so overtly sexual in an unapologetic, realistic way, Myg, but then after all he is 108 (at this point in the saga). You are an amaaaaazing wordsmith! I have said it before - there are not enough Wednesdays and Saturdays in the week to satisfy my OB craving!

    Thank you from the bottom of my Edward-loving heart, Mrs (& Mr) Myg!!!!

    L in Maine

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  50. I only have a minute and there's so much I want to say to each of you, but I just had to pop in to say ((((((hugs)))))) specifically to you, Mrs. Moo. I too went through IVF 3 times to have my boys and it SUCKED and I can imagine a m/c after that is just, ugh, there are no words. I am just so, so sorry.

    Jeez, you guys. You're like my extended family now.

    And as far as Bella's behavior when Edward comes back? Well, all I can say is, I've definitely had nights when I've been so depressed I acted badly, just so I'd feel a different brand of shitty. Too bad Edward wasn't there to stop me. (Well, sometimes he was. *nods to Mr Myg*)

    Bella is flawed. She makes plenty of bad decisions (sailing trip on Reckoner, anyone?) but that's part of the reason Edward loves her so much. She's human.

    Love you guys. Yes, I'm very touchy feely like that.

    Myg

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  51. Yeah, I love your Edward. And this story. I can't wait until we (and Bella) learn all his secrets.

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  52. Awesome chapter Myg! Gah!! As one of the older Twitards here, I totally understand and sympathize with Bella. Beautiful job and I can't wait for the next update. *Sigh*

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  53. ah Myg--you wonderful temptress you!

    You know I love it, so much. OB is totes one of my faves for sho.

    I'm very glad DickDerek is gone and showing his true colors now. When will E tell her? gah, I'm excited! Would he really wait and turn her into an old lady vamp? odd, can't imagine he'd want to tap that for eternity, I guess love makes a difference, but I wouldn't want old man balls forever, even if they were Edwards. I mean, I'd still take it, who am I kidding, but it would not be my choice for sexytimes.

    Can't wait for more!

    smoochies

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  54. Many hugs to you, MrsMoo. Hang in there, bb!


    On a totally unrelated note, can the bears rip Derek's fucking face off? Please? :-D

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  55. MYG, do you know what you did to me?

    I couldn't read the new chapter yesterday at the tranquility of my home... so I thought "ehhhh it's just a few minutes at work tomorrow"

    O.O
    I didn't know it was going to be so.... HOT! lol
    Reading it was kind of uncomfortable (or REALLY)... having my boss walking into my office twice! I was almost dying.
    Worst part? I couldn't stop reading once I started...

    NOT DOING THAT AGAIN!


    but anyway, I loooooved the chapter, the bedroom scene was bound to appear soon :P

    Can't wait for Saturday like the rest of the world! and if you publish something, you already have quite a few fans ;)
    (can't wait to have an actual book with your name in the cover... not waiting for updates... ::sigh:: now I'm just daydreaming) lol

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  56. i am not kidding, i teared up at the end of this chapter.
    i LOVE osa bella. maybe more than twilight itself. at least equally.

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  57. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're right about self-important douchebag Derek losing his little Derek-sypathizers.

    I'm glad Edward is coming across so "mature". Sex with a student would kind of kill the mood. Can't wait for school to be out, birthdays to come, secrets to reveal so that guilt can make way for unbridled passionate kisses.

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  58. My dear, sweet and sassy Myg...this chapter was amazing. I love the changes you made and now I don't know what to expect. Love the relationship building with these two lovebirds. You rock the hardest my friend.
    @vermonstermom4edward-I hope your dad is OK...hugs.
    @Mrs. Moo-So sorry to hear your news. Big hugs.

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  59. oh man myg......I was camping...which I am not fond of anyway and didn't get to read the post until now......I live in Wa and so kept pretending the lake we were at was crescent and maybe i would see a naked sailward in the water......no such luck. i literally, launched out of the car and ran in to check, only got about 2 paragraphs in when i had to actually pay attention to my family (unpack the car, feed the girls lunch....etc) finally i got to finish the chapter in between all that and oh myg it was so worth the wait......absolutely amazing....
    thoughts:
    derek has reached monumental levels of toolness.....what an ass!
    edward has reached monumental levels of hotness.....i love a guy who knows who he is, and the way he looks out for bella.....oh man, so sweet and perfect. the bedroom scene was intense, i can totally picture him sighing and then putting that blanket over her and covering up....i love the restraint he shows and totally appreciate bella's grief and the way she tortures herself a thousand different ways, done that! always searching for a new kind of pain because you just get so damn sick and tired of the old one.....can sooooo relate!
    myg, i think this is a beautiful beast you have created, i too think you should pick the epov! ok, enough I need to save some for the ff comment section.
    hugs!
    kelly

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  60. I admit it- I'm rereading before the next installment comes out! Here's the thoughts I didn't get to type earlier:

    -So who told on Derek for his inappropriate religion crusade on the hiking trip??

    -Derek thinking the Cullens are possessed is *perfect*! It fits in with his religious beliefs and could be true, everything considered. That made me LOL.

    I just LOVE B & E's interactions. They say so much to me. Like this one, for instance:

    "I don't want you to stalk me," I said. "That's not healthy."
    "I know."

    He knows she doesn't want him to stalk her, he knows it's not healthy, but he isn't apologizing or promising not to do it. Simply, "I know." It's compassion, he is validating her feelings, and I think even sadness in that statement, because he can't tell her everything he wants to. And of course we know he'll continue to protect her from afar... *swoon*

    And this: “I’m so sorry, Bella. It’s not that I don’t want to have a family with you.” omg, *sob*

    And Myg, I love how pull in real Twilight lines and themes:

    "I wish you were, really," I said. "Then I wouldn't be the only monster here."

    Which brings me to dramatic irony, which you so very nicely use in this story. That's another part that I love; you don't make Bella stupid despite the fact we know so much she doesn't. You make us feel her frustration and confusion and pain..while throwing us a bone (twss) that there is hope:

    “You know nothing about forever,” I said. “Forever is a lie.”
    “That is where you are very mistaken,” he said.

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  61. ""Just remember Bella, when the devil comes, it's not with a pitchfork and a brimstone censer, it's with a dozen roses and a BMW. Or maybe a limited edition Volvo.""
    OH MY GOD (had to use that one) really?? Derek is a dork! LOL


    "I had to admit Derek was right about one thing. I did have bad judgment. About Derek." Yes Bella you definitely do!


    Go Emmett!! Swooping in to save the day.


    "You still have that pepper spray, right?" "Dad," I said. "Am I going to need to use it on Edward Cullen? Seriously?""I was thinking you might want to use it on Derek," he smiled."Don't tempt me." Ahhh memories of where this all started. LOVE IT!!!

    ""Then I wouldn't be the only monster here."" God the pain that Bella feels is just right there to be touched. I actually feel my heart pain each time.


    "and he began to kiss me with a longing and an intensity that eclipsed every care I had in the world. About anything. I didn’t care if I ever breathed air or tasted water or spoke again." WOW


    "Bella," he said. "You have no idea how long I've waited for you. And I will wait for you forever, if that's what it takes." “You know nothing about forever,” I said. “Forever is a lie.” “That is where you are very mistaken,” he said.
    AAANNNDDD this is why we love Twilight and why we love Osa Bella. Pure love. Precious pure love.

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  62. Wow! What a great chapter! Unlike others that read Osa Bella, i think that Edward and Bella taking things slow is a really good thing. When they do get to the hot and steamy or cold and steamy (lol) love making its going to read amazingly! Bella is really going to enjoy herself and so will Edward!;) Other than that,what Derek did was really really shallow. He is a huge dick for trying to make Bella's life a living hell. He already screwed with her life enough! I think it added to your story well, but i still think he's a big jerk! I still love Osa Bella! Myg! You've got me hooked! Thanks so much for the great read/readings!:)

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  63. So Mrs. Myg...when are you going to write your novel? I can't wait till it happens and I can say "I read her when..."

    The story is beautifully crafted. I am dying to know about the damn bears...What the hell is going to happen with Jacob (we haven't heard of him in a while)...and of course How will...when will...Bella find herself and her true path (in bed with Edward having crazy Vampire sex)?!?

    I love how much I dislike Derek (jealous much Derek!?). I do have a hard time reading about her thoughts of Edward because in her mind he is 17...But I think that is why it is so compelling...we know the truth but she is struggling with false fronts.

    Anyways...I am dying...I neeeeed more! I wish I had a million dollars to give you so you could hire a nanny and a housekeeper and type all day. xo

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  64. I really liked this chapter. Derek reminds me of the crazy people my parents went to church with, some of them were big assholes as well. Do you come from that kind of background Myg? Just curious, because you write it really convincingly.
    I love the unique mythology you're creating with the spirit bears and can't wait to see how/if it ties into established cannon of the Twilight universe.

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  65. RRoPboundwithwaltzwardandtaycoApril 29, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    I'd love for Waltzward to fuck me...many times over!!! Gauh, when the chapter ended, I screamed out, "Noooooo!!" effectively waking up the kids!!! you are a UST MASTER!!!

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