Friday, June 18, 2010

Vampires Are Invading Everything!

As you may know, my Twi-bloggy world was turned upside down last October when Mr. Latchkey Wife switched to working days. I thought my world as I knew it would cease to exist. I thought my blogging days were kaput. I thought my whole Twilight loving existence would be flushed down the proverbial toilet. And honestly, if Jenny Jerkface and Snarkier Than You hadn't welcomed me into their Twitarded clubhouse, I think I eventually would have stopped blogging.

This picture has no relevance to this post. It's just pretty and it's Friday and I wanted to drool over it.

Fast forward eight months and things are still chugging along. I'm still writing and the hubs is still fucking clueless! It totally cracks me up when I think of how my stealthy blogging skills have evolved to a level of near double-agent status. Like I'm working for SD6* and I have this completely undercover Twilife that very few real life folks know about. [note from STY: if I was your husband, I would be sure you were having an online affair and I would be cyber-stalking you. Just sayin'...]

While my loving husband still remains in the dark about the filthy whorey shit that litters the pages of this blog [STY: hey! I resemble that remark!], he is slowly starting to accept the fact that I'm hopelessly obsessed with any and all Twilight shit and anything else containing vampires. He still isn't a fan of any of it, but he accepts that I am and that in itself means the world to me.

My mom often threatens my husband with sparkle powder. He has no idea what she's talking about.

The most adorable part of it is... I don't think he has the ability to distinguish one vamp franchise from the next. He just groups it all together as "your vampires." As in... "your vampires are on the cover of Entertainment Weekly this week." Or "have you watched your vampire show yet? Can I delete it from TiVo?" Or the best one yet... "why are your vampires in my Playboy? Vampires do NOT belong in Playboy!"

Um ya... I wanna be the meat in that vamp sandwich... move over Sookie!

Whether it's "Twilight" vampires, "True Blood" vampires, or "Vampire Diaries" vampires, he doesn't care. He just knows they're MY vampires and he wants very little to do with them and he definitely doesn't want them in his Playboy. Honestly, I think if he got over his vampire prejudice and at least gave at least True Blood a chance, he'd like it. Especially with all the dirty things that happen... and the boobs. I've never known my husband to turn down naked boobies.

Boobies and vampires... What's not to love?

But the best part about his whole quasi-acceptance of vampire shit is the wonderful commentary he provides every time the Eclipse trailer comes on television. (Please understand Mr. LKW is the most politically incorrect man on earth.) He knows immediately when the ad comes on because I involuntarily gasp. And it starts... "oh here we go... oh look, it's the Indians that turn into wolves... or are they wolves that turn into Indians? I can't keep up. And oh wow, look at how far that redhead can jump. Oooh, that flip over the wolf was amazing... Why are those vampires in the water?"

Even though I want to be mad that he's poking fun, I can't. I guess I'm just happy he's even paying that much attention to it even if he only does it to try and make me mad. I would even welcome his smart-alecky commentary [kind of like my own personal RiffTrax] if it meant we could sit on the couch together for hours while I drooled over Edward and he mocked every ridiculous scene. That, my friends, would be my ideal Twilight date with my husband!

Happy Friday!

*Who got the Alias/SD6 reference? Anyone? I fucking loved that show!


  1. I just love that picture. Le sigh.

  2. we're all vamp tramps? and proud of it. I've fell off the vamp blog wagon, but im back in full effect.

    love that you've joined forces with twitarded. the husby just rolls his eyes when i le sigh over all twilight. it blows that i have accepted his friend req. on fb now he sees all the shit i put on there including my twisighs. damn. might just have to deltete him so i can fangirl it up on fb.

  3. Hey sure your hubby isn't from Canada? Sounds kinda like my brother-in-law. He's kinda red neck and inappropriate. Likes to bug me about all things Twilight he tried to say my hair looks like Alice's... Unless Alice had black with red highlights not even close. On the other hand my hubs is gona sit through all three movies with me what a guy! He may be sleeping through most of it but he'll be there!

  4. so i have a boo-boo in the crook of my neck/at my clavicle and i scratched it and it started bleeding and i looked at mr. snarky and said "i have no idea what this is or where it came from" and he looked at me and his eyes grew wide and he said "VAMPIRE BITE!!!"

    ok so he doesn't know that twilighty vampire bites would be crescents and not puncture wounds, but i am ok with that. actually i am glad he is oblivious. i like it that way!

    : )

  5. Good call on that pic, any excuse to look at it.

    I love poking fun at things I love, especially Twilight, so I don't really mind when non-Twitarded friends or family make fun of it. My little sister loves pointing out every Twilight-related thing we see or come across, especially in stores, but that's alright, because, as I told her today, when she's with me I don't seem so pathetic looking at all the Twilight stuff - I just pretend I'm there for her.

    Now, gotta go catch up on True Blood.

    Oh and totally got the Alias reference, loved that show.

  6. @Christina Padilla - "vamp Tramps" - lmfao!!! i think i am going to get that tattooed in the small of my back...

  7. I just love you Latchkey, yes, even your packet of Depends.


  8. PMSL at your Hub @LKF. Are you sure he doesn't moonlight as mine coz they sound exactly the same. Mine even used to do a second shift like yours). I managed to persuade mine to watch TB (persuade=I told him one arvo I'd blow him if he watched TB with me first)and now he loves it. Yes the offer of boobies is always a good incentive. In fact my blogger name is a tribute to him & his love of mine.

  9. LKW, truly, your stealth skills are impressive. I have no idea how you've kept that secret for so long. I was so excited when I came up with my Twitarded comment name that I nearly told Mr. XKR all about this blog and my new name for posting comments. Of course, many a day has come and gone since then and I am oh-so-glad that I never jumped off THAT cliff. Talk about hitting bottom hard and fast! Instead he is blissfully unaware, I comment and read ff to my heart's content, and other things are hard and fast around here :)

  10. I loved Alias! That was one kick-ass show! If your skills are up there with hers, I am incredibly impressed!

    First comment I've posted here - I subscribe to the RSS (first for me) and get all excited every time I see an update. The New Moon watching party was the most fun I've had in ages.

    I luv you guys (girls)! Wish I could go to FORKS with you! :o(

  11. Mr. VitaminR knows more than he should probably but so far he hasn't run out the front door screaming. He will not, however, sit and watch anymore Twilight movies with me after I made him watch the first one. Oh well I'm not bothered. ;-)

    @LKW--Mr.LKW is best kept in the dark. I just don't know how you are going to continue the secret if he ever meets us one day...could happen.

    Totally got the Alias reference. Loved that show too. Loved nerdy Bradley Cooper on that show.

  12. My husband is even more in the dark than yours. (And I have a huge RPatz calendar hanging in the kitchen!)

    Do I win some kind of prize for this?

  13. I totally got the Alias reference,I have all 5 seasons on DVD!! I loved that show. I actually have it pretty easy with my S/O. He's read all the books and has been to both of the first midnight showings of the movies with me(he'll be at the Eclipse one too) He thinks it's funny how excited I get when the commercial's come on. He doesn't watch The Vampire Diaries with me but he does watch True Blood. He may raise his eyebrow at times when I buy something new for my Twilight collection/shrine but that's about it! I think he knows it's gonna happen whether he likes it or not so he just goes with it..that and I just have to remind him that he's spent more money on his new motorcycle than I have on Twilight stuff :P

  14. LKW and all other ladies...I am extremely jealous of your clueless, yet smart alecky hubbies/ hubby actually told me tonight that he feels that my Twilight/The Precious obsession is what caused him to seek the comfort of another woman.. WTF????..wanna hear the ironic part?? I immediately defended Twilight and The Precious as though I were a mama bear protecting her cubs....and I have NO intentions of re-prioritizing at this time...I sooo heart this blog!!!!

  15. @ STY - Vamp Tramp Stamp??!!

    I get a little of both reactions to my Twilight craze - hubby makes fun of it but he also enables it. I can take it :) LOL

  16. @DD- LMAO!!!

    @LKW- You are one stealthy H00r!!!!

  17. @LKW blogging w/o the hub is the only way to go. The fallout from involving him is so not worth it.

    Hey, Twitards - try a new FF "This Buried Life" by Emmanuel Nathan, Very lemony -you will love DarkTubeWard!

  18. stilllookingformyvampJune 19, 2010 at 12:18 AM

    This weekend the Twilight Convention is a mere few miles away from my house. I really wanted to go, but I don't have any friends who are into Twilight as much as me. And as much as I would love nothing more than to get my pic with Dr Cullen and ooze myself all over him, I am too chicken to go by myself. I didn't mention that it was going on to Mr Vamp.

    Today, me and Mr Vamp were out for a late lunch/early dinner. He says, "Let's stop by the Wigwam Resort and check it out," which is where the convention is being held.

    We walked through the hotel, and I was grinning ear to ear at all the babes in their Twi gear. My peeps. Mr Vamp looks around and says, "this is pretty cool." I think I fell in love with him all over again.

    LKW, I don't know how you are doing it. I try to keep it low key, but Mr Vamp is so tuned into me it scares me sometimes.

  19. I'm single so I can let me Vamp Tramp Flag fly ;-) but I'm amazed by all of you ladies' stealthiness..I cannot get away with anything with my children around-much less a nosy adult male!!!

    Sidney was kick-ass & that show fueled one of my first adult TV crushes!!

    True Blood gives me the raw sex that's missing from Twilight-and Eric is my backup Vamp for Edward!!

    I think I squealed a little when I opened my mailbox & saw that cover!! Although I was kinda disgusted that the writer of the article said Alex plays Eric Northem...really? You couldn't even get the main character's name right? "Twilight-story about Edmund & Bella"...Pfft

    Hope everyone has a cock-rockin weekend!!! *Muah*

  20. @LKW - Not only did I get your SD6 reference, but I was also knew Jennifer Gardner when we were younger! When Alias came on, the air, I used to watch it thinking that the she looked awfully familiar and not being able to place it. It wasn't until my Mom brought out pics of us when we were about 13 together that I finally put all the pieces together!

  21. So I know I'm a total DORK but I don't watch other vampire shows because it makes me feel like I'm cheating on my Twi-Guys.

    Also my husband knows NOTHING about this site and my extreme obsession with FF. If he did, I think he would have our internet shut off. Luckly I have been able to get with very few hours of sleep so I can read most of the night.

  22. LKW, I simply cannot belive your husb doesn't know you blog! Surely he asks questions about the hours you log in front of the puter, right?

    Well, my husb has watched Twilight and New Moon with me, usually pretending he's not paying attention while surfing the net. But one time I caught him red handed admitting something major. He was getting pissy about New Moon and he started the sentence with; "I loved Twilight because..." and then I stopped him, "whoa whoa whoa, you WHAT? You LLL-Loved Twilight? Is that what you said??" And he scurried to correct himself, "no, I mean I liked--"

    Anyway, point is, he's watched and although he cuts me off 99.9% of the time when I utter Twi-- I know deep down he harbors a slight interest in what's next in Eclipse!

    Get this... today is my 4-year wedding anniversary and the husb says to me, "anything you want me to do to you tonight, no matter how kinky or embarrassed you might be to ask, just tell me what it is and I'll do it". Wanna know what I told him? I said; "Well, what I want you to do has nothing to do with me actually. I want you to read Twilight. That would be such a fucking turn on if I saw you reading that!" He refused and so we just watched a movie until he fell asleep on the couch. Some anniversary!

  23. LOVED Alias- Thanks for the reference...
    My husband enables/ loathes the whole Twi thing. I'm a recent convert and he said if I'd been this into it from the beginning we'd be divorced by now! I went to the fan screening in Hollyood on Monday w/ my sis and left him alone w/ our little boys for 8 hours- He still hasn't forgiven me but he'll be there at the midnight showing--- and he's put up w/ watching new moon A LOT of times... ;) Funny thing is- part of the attraction of RPatz for me is that he soo reminds me of my husband! Lucky me.

  24. P.S... That pic is gorgeous and sooo makes me wanna start smoking again.

  25. Great post. My S/O is clueless. SD6cracked me up- just as I had to text my sister when Sark showed up on 24 this season. Classic reference. But most of all, the Sparkle cartoon is getting blown up and place prominently on the fridge. He'll never get it, so all the more satisfying...

  26. Okay, first and foremost, I have to say it. Playboy is so fucking tame compared to the shit we twi-Hoor's delve into. Your hubby could star at perky boobies all day, but we have domward's and pictures of virating sparkly peen's penetrating our everyday lives. *sighs* if they only knew. ;)

    And second, my husband has his entire work crew at US Air teasing me about my Twilght obsession. In a satisfying way one of his guy friends at work revealed that he loves Twilight and that if he we're gay, he would totally want Rob. *giggles* So let it be known, on this day, that Rob is turning straight men gay. LOL!

  27. My husband knows more than enough. He actually is the first person who told me about this little site back when that article was written --what was that in CNN?-- (granted I had already visited but he does not need to know that). In my mind, him bringing Twitarded to my attention meant he approved. I admit that's probably a bit of a stretch but that's ok, i'm flexible. I also know he was just relieved to know that I was not the only crazy obsessed over thirty chick in love with a vampire franchise meant for teenagers. Whatever his reason, I thank him and now he has had to live with the consequences. And he is the one who offered to buy me a mini E. I'm angling for the FSE next. Oh, and I am going to FORKS!!

    Uh, he knows nothing about FF and I plan to keep it that way for now at least--a girl's gotta have some secrets.

  28. I've said it before and I'll say it again... there are benefits to being a single vamp tramp! No hiding for me...

    So, loads of people I know who are only on the fringe of my twidiction (just the tip!) get the twi-vamps and the TrueBlood-vamps mixed up all the time. At the moment I am reading the Sookie books (AMAZING!) and I keep hearing comments like 'I can't believe you're reading that shit again'. They're different stories, people!

    Hmmm, Eric. You are so my first equal favourite vamp, ever. Sorry, sidetracked...

    And BTW, TrueBlood S3 hasn't started here yet (we're a few weeks behind) so please add spoiler alerts! :)

  29. This comment has been removed by the author.

  30. oops... not sure what happened there.

    For all the Eric fans, check this out:

    Then tell me he's not up there on your 'fave vamps' list... ;)

  31. If vampires are invading everything why isn't a certain vampire invading me?

    Oh, righ, he is fictional. Heh.Heh. I couldn't resist.

  32. Just so u no I totally stole that "sparkle fool, sparkle!" pic and am now using it as my fb pic!!

  33. i feel like i'm betraying my love for vampires (which i have been nursing since a very young age) by admitting that my favorite character on true blood is hoyt fortenberry...but it is...i said it...

  34. Ok HAD to comment on this post before I even finished reading it. I got super giddy when seeing SD6 haha. Seriously I'm in fucking love with Alias. I was gonna watch season 2 on dvd tonight because its been a while (yeah crazy friday night huh?) but decided to read Twitarded instead. :)


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