I have a secret that's not really mine but I'm going to dish about it anyway. And I intended on doing this prior to this person being stuck somewhere in some blazingly hot Southern state... with no internet access. Somehow, that makes this post SO much better.
At one point in her life, Snarkier Than You actually had a filter. Sure, it was more like a thin, meshy, gauzy kind of filter but she had one nonetheless. It was more for fashion rather than function, ya know?
That filter slowly disintegrated over the past eighteen months until it was nothing more than a vague memory of social decorum.
As you all know, nothing is sacred here at Twitarded, and this motto has apparently transferred over to pretty much every aspect of our lives. We talk about sex lives like we're discussing a really awesome (or embarrassing) movie we'd seen recently and no one blinks an eye when the topic of poop or other bodily fluids come up randomly in every day chatter. "Fuck" is more common than "the".
"Go fuck yourself" and "suck my dirty ass" are now terms of endearment that are uttered with a smile and a wink.
Take, for example, an early morning text message conversation between myself and STY. ML was away on tour so I was forced to schlep my lazy ass over a mile every morning to the train station.
It was not fun. Not in the least. I found myself snarling thinly veiled threats and curse words at cars and fellow commuters more often than usual, which is like every five seconds. Oh, and to the dickhead who whistled at me one morning as I was half-jogging down the street because I had thirty two seconds to catch the train? I totally don't regret yelling at you to drink a bowl of herpes.
STY, being the best BFF ever, took pity on me a few days and offered to drive me so I wouldn't show up to work looking like I just ran a marathon. She's awesome like that.
Oh, and it's also physically impossible for me to, I don't know, actually get up at a reasonable hour and this resulted in me being obscenely late more often than not. I fucking hate mornings.
STY - Ma'am please let me know when to send that surly driver of yours around.
Me - God I love you. If you had a dick I'd totally suck it. Guess who woke up late again?? Give me 20, lol. Text you in a few.
STY - LMAO!!!! aaaand poopin'. Just wanted to share.
Me - Yup. Definitely love you.
STY - p.s. LMT**
Me - I'll be ready in five. And no LMT right after a poop session. Duh.
STY- Fair enough. Raincheck.
In the end, STY retrieved my late ass and deposited me at the train station, where I got out of the car, blew her a kiss and told her I loved her. All the other husbands and wives that were lined to dump their significant others off heard me.
But we didn't care.
**LMT - lick my twat.