Monday, August 23, 2010

Jenny Jerkface Attends a Meeting... Awkwardness Ensues. As Usual.

Saturday night, I joined socially-awkward forces with the lovely Miss Tejota and we ventured off to attend a novice meeting at a BDSM society.

Needless to say, I was both a little nervous and very excited about this. Nervous because I was afraid I would offend someone, giggle uncontrollably, or start shrieking, "turpentine!! TURPENTINE!!" when someone tried to shake my hand. Excited because it was something new and I'm a sucker for doing shit that makes me insanely uncomfortable.

Oh, hai Awkwardville. I love visiting you. Frequently.

Miss Tejota and I met up before the meeting for a little liquid courage and we discussed what we expected out of the evening, which really wasn't much of a discussion. I mean, I had a million scenarios running through my head but I really had no idea what expect. Would they be in head-to-toe leather? Assless chaps? Would I sneeze (accidentally giving consent) and suddenly find myself hog-tied with a cock in my mouth?

Whoa, whoa, WHOA!!! I didn't know Gesundheit meant "truss me up like a Thanksgiving turkey"!!!

I knew, in the back of my mind, that 99% of these people are just like everyone else, but I still couldn't stop my imagine from running wild.

Despite all the various scenarios I had come up with, I can say the one thing that absolutely did NOT run through my head was that the meeting would be held in a, oh, I don't know, a motherfucking DINER, so imagine our shock and surprise when we found ourselves standing in front of one, address in hand, that night.

Ummm, what? Really? Ooooookay...

Massive bouts of oh-mah-gahd-what-do-we-DO-now?? giggling ensued. I mean, I figured this would be in a private room, or maybe a dungeon, but a diner? Really? It threw me off so completely that I almost wanted to bail out and run away. Eventually we stopped laughing, pulled up our big-girl panties and marched right in there, where we immediately made a beeline for the bathroom.

More massive bouts of giggling ensued. Except this time, all the BDSM people could hear our hysterics.


We heard you giggling like fucking maniacs in there, you weird, awkward girls!! Now COME OUT!!

Thankfully, not many had arrived at that point so Miss Tejota and I positioned ourselves at the end of the table (easy escape route) and I grinned gassily at each person who showed up. And because I was already feeling really awkward and uncomfortable, my body decided to up the ante and I was sweating like a fucking whore in church.

The attendees ran the gamut of gender, size, race and age. Some folks were decidedly more S&M-y- looking while others looked like your stereotypical sweet little Grandma type (who has been into the scene for 35 years and likes to be tied up, by the way).

Needless to say, Fifty Shades did not attend the meeting.

I was too busy tying Bella up in my Red Room of Pain to attend. Next time, ladies. Next time.

We met up with a really lovely couple who were new to the scene and we spent a good deal of time just chatting and shooting the shit. Overall, everyone was extremely friendly and polite, though some were a little more stand offish than others. There was really only one guy who exuded a (major!) creep factor and he sat next to Miss Tejota. Afterward, she would point out that he looked like the Dom version of Billy Mays and I couldn't disagree.

The one thing we did not do, and what I WAS expecting, was actually talk about the BDSM lifestyle.

I was disappointed because that was pretty much the whole point of us going.

After about forty five minutes of mingling, Miss Tejota and I were getting a tad antsy so she went up to lady running the meeting and discovered that basically the meeting was a hey-what's-up-okay-let's-all-go-to-the-S&M-Club-down-the-street type thing.

S&M Club? Scenes? Um, what? This, I was not prepared for. Not monetarily OR mentally. Miss Tejota and I looked at each other, shook our heads slightly and bowed out.

Ummm, I'll just have a glass of water, kthxbye.

Here's the thing. I would have gone if I had known about it (I clearly did NOT do my homework). I had not discussed the possibility of going to an actual S&M club with ML and didn't feel right about it. In general, we don't exactly ask each other permission to do things. Our conversation regarding the upcoming Foooorks trip went a little like this:

Me: Hey! Guess what I'm doing at the end of September?? I'm going to Foooorks with a bunch of readers and stuff.

ML: Okay, have fun. Don't die. (He ends a lot of conversations this way, especially when it comes to my trips, plans or ideas.)
But there is something entirely different about going to a club where I would watch people being punished or dominated or... whatever happens in those clubs and I figured it wouldn't be right to go without discussing it first.

Also, it was twenty bucks to get in.

And there was no booze. Fuck that.

Miss Tejota and I retired to a local pub and mulled over the possibility of going again, and actually going to the club this time. I'll admit it - I'm insanely curious.

Yup, pretty curious.

There are many of us who are really into the D/s fan fiction, myself included, that it's made me want to see what it's really about. Now, I know that there are a lot of you who aren't into that sort of thing and, frankly, I think I'd just rather keep the edginess of those kinds of stories to my fantasies, but... it's there nonetheless. I want to know why so many of us are interested in it. Or what "it" really is.

And the only way to figure this out is to do a little research, even if it results in me, red-faced, as I stutter a greeting to a bunch of strangers or cowering in a diner restroom, trying to stifle the maniacal giggling that only occurs when I'm really, really nervous.

I need to know. And I want to share what I learn with y'all.

Currently, ML is extremely uncomfortable with the prospect of me going to a legitimate S&M club. I'm working on him so he'll be okay with it.

I'll keep y'all posted.

[NOTE: To anyone who has stumbled upon this post that is part of the lifestyle - I'm in no way mocking you. I'm genuinely curious. However, we try to be as honest as we possibly can, whether it's positive or negative... and always include a laugh or two. Because that's important. Especially if you're about to get a spanking.]

[NOTE: To anyone who does not agree with this lifestyle - that's cool too. We just ask that everyone be respectful.]


  1. Wow, this is a great post. I've always been curious and have always wanted to be tied up. I look forward to read what everyone posts. Thanks for doing the research and I would never have the balls to do this.

  2. Thank you for holding my hand through the process. I wouldn't have been able to do this alone and having someone else there, helped me with my nerves and the massive amount of adult beverages I consumed also helped a tad bit.

    Thank you. I'm grateful for you for writing about this topic for others who may have been interested and didn't have a way or know of a way to learn a bit more. And for opening others to another lifestyle.

  3. Well thanks to Fifty and tara sue me's The Dominant/The Submissive, I am intrigued too...i think some things might be a total turn on and some might have me running naked for the hills!!!!

    Do share what you find out!!

  4. I give you two a big high five for doing something adventurous and new. It’s true some of us like to read that sort of stuff, so why not check out the group. Kudos to you guys and do post what you find.

  5. I just have to tell you JJ, you are my fucking hero. Again.

    As I picture you and TJ "grinning gassily" in your blessed awkwardness, being so fucking courageous, gah, I wish I was there, but I would have been too scared. Maybe I'll go with you guys to the club. I'm sure Mr. Myg will *love* that idea (read, no, not really, not at all). But the fact that you'd brave your total awkward and hfs feelings and check this all out and be honest with us about it (and funny, score!) has me so fucking impressed. I love you.

  6. Wow. I'm impressed. This goes way beyond anything you've done for us. Very brave, ladies.

    Does this have anything to do with STY going out of town? Does she hold you back from doing crazy shit?

    just askin'


  7. Oh my gah! I joined a "support group" to figure out what the hell I am....all that was on there were strangers that wanted to fuck me. And none of them were Domward....I'll just stick to my BAMA Spanky man and wing it! But keep me informed! Wish so bad I was going to Forks! Lurve y'all! Fanpire in TN

  8. So I always thought that stuff was FREAKY, but after reading MOTU, I was insanely intrigued. Honestly I think I'd only be intrigued if it was "Fifty" performing said spankings and such...but who knows, maybe the s/o & I could give it a try. He's pretty tame so it would be interesting to say the least..LMAO!

    I say kudos to you for doing something outside of your comfort zone!

    37 days till Forks. Just sayin'.

    xo J

  9. PS Please don't forget the advice on my Avi (it is a pic from my own car).

  10. I am just thankful you made it home safe on the train. You know how I worry. ;P

    Just MommyNotAJerkface still reading?

  11. I'm one of Miss Tejota's roomies in Forrkks!! If she spanks my ass in the middle of the night, I may just tie her up. :-)

  12. @MissTejota - THANK YOU. You were an amazing and honest cohort in this experience.

    @AdonicaSS - STY was a tad worried at first but that's just because she loves us. I bet if I convinced her she would have gone.

    @Anonymous/Fanpire - Wanna know what the hell you are? You're human. You just found a shitty support group. Keep looking and be safe!

    It was weird. I won't deny it. I don't do well in social situations in general, much less one where people are open about a very intimate part of your life. It's one thing on the computer, but another in RL. Just something else I'll have to get used to. I suppose that's part of it. Like I said, nearly everyone we spoke to was very nice and amazing. I don't care what your kink is, as long as it's between consenting adults so I wasn't necessarily nervous about the meeting itself, per se. In some ways, I felt like I was an outsider that didn't belong.

    I'm lucky enough to live in an area where going to meetings like this and talking to people in the lifestyle is far more accessible for me than some of you. And I'm intrigued. Like I said, I want to go and learn more and I'll share it with y'all.

    There are so many things that society tells us is shameful about sex and I just think it's all bullshit. Even if you don't necessarily agree, if BDSM makes a partnership strong and happy, then go for it. Admittedly, I can't really imagine ML and I adopting this lifestyle but I still want to explore it, if only from a research standpoint. Mommy (not a)Jerkface once said the moment you stop learning, stop seeking new endeavors, is the moment you stop living.

    I'm pretty sure she wasn't thinking about me attending BDSM meetings when she said that but still. It applies.

    Thanks for the comments!!

  13. @VitaminR70 - Thank you THANK YOU for keeping me busy on the train. I will love you for that (well, for SO much more than that). Always.

    @Heather - Perhaps that can be arranged. ;) Can't wait to see y'all in Fooooorks.

  14. Fuckin' fearless, JJ. Fuckin' fearless. Kudos.

    Will wait patiently for deets 'bout your S&M Club adventure (you know it'll happen).

    w/v: Supple. WTF is going on with these w/vs lately? 90% of them are/sound sexual... or maybe I've been just been reading too much fanfic lately.

  15. This is why I love this blog. You see stories similar to this on Dateline or some other news magazine and the reporter is always so freaking professional and masking all the awkwardness. Kinda makes me feel like I'd be a douche bag if I giggled. But you ladies tell it how it is and we know we're not alone in our lack of couth.

    Oh, and I love how you all can tie everything back to Twilight SOMEHOW. One day, I hope to stump y'all. Find something that you CAN'T tie back to the Twi-dom.

    My Etsy Shop

  16. @Heather, aka Jake's Mommy I won't spank you unless you ask me to. *packing paddle into suitcase, just in case* ;)

    I [heart] you! I so needed some laughs tonight and as always your humor produced a VERY loud guffaw from me.

  17. Oh Lordy! Is there anything you won't do for us/share with us??? I bow before you! Sorry @Twitarded Mom . . . When you got your hoo-ha pierced, you were my hero. But J J here may just knock you down a peg if she pulls this off! (TWSS!) OK OK I can grovel really low. There's room at the top for both you and J J. You both rock! And Miss Tejota too!

    I live practically in Hooterville. Even though there are probably some people who like to get their kink on, it wouldn't be easy to find them. Oh! Wait! The internet just told me that there are girls in [my town goes here] just waiting to get kinky with me tonight! Well, thanks ladies, but I'm not ready to try that on yet.

    Holy fucking shit J J ! How awesome is that! We are all BDSM curious after reading these wonderful stories. What will we want to try next? Anal to mouth????

  18. Holy shit on a stick batman!!!
    JJ you amaze me. I'm curious about the lifestyle but shit I don't know if I could attend a meeting. How the hell did you ever find out about it? Wow this would be interesting to say the least!

  19. Thank you 100x for not only going, but sharing with us all. There is only so much a girl (*cough* I *cough*) can learn from books & online, but I'm not sure I'm ready to make the leap to going to a club, especially solo. (That is, until I hear a little more about it form brace souls like yourself.) I truly hope you do end up going back, I would absolutely love to hear more.

  20. Wow.. I would never in a million years have enough courage to go to a meeting let alone a club that practices that lifestyle.. its not my cup of tea but I get it, to each their own. I couldn't contain my laughter just reading your experience, I don't know how you ever made it back out of the bathroom.

    I have read two (okay really four) D/s FF's but three were a series. I understood the Turpentine reference! PS: That series f*ing rocked. The Submissive, The Dominant and The Training.

    If you go to a S&M club I don't even think I could read your post without having to be hidden under my covers lol.

  21. Wow! I'm with Myg and TheRugbymom - JJ, you and Miss Tejota are my heroes! I"m seriously in awe of how fearless you ladies are.

    I've been curious since before Fifty - but only to the extent of getting some furry handcuffs to play with with my then-boyfriend. Taking it into real life is a whole new thing! I'm so impressed that you ladies went, and kudos for trying something new! I'd be so so so curious to hear if you go back again. Maybe you'll give me the courage to look into it myself!

    Also, can I just say how much I love that this is that much of a safe space that we can talk about exploring our BDSM desires and waxing our cooters together? Incredible.

  22. ... and by that I meant we can talk about it together, not actually waxing our cooters together.

    Yeeeeeahhhh. That's definitely not on the schedule for FOOORRRKKKSSSS.

  23. What a bold and ballsy thing to do JJ and Miss Tejota, you two are simply amazing!! I would need more than a couple of drinks to do what you did. My hubs is also interested (yeah, he told me he's getting a spreader bar - it's been 3 months of talking and he hasn't bought it yet). Problem is, I laugh whenever I think of hubs going all Dom on me. Plus, rural Wisconsin doesn't seem like it would be a hotbed of BDSM activity, but maybe I'm wrong. I think if I wasn't in the relationship I'm in, I would seriously consider it. Is that weird that I would do it single but not married just because I don't want hubs to be my Dom?

    wv - domicswi, I can't use it in a sentence but it starts with dom

  24. D/s: did it when i was younger, loved it, miss it a little now... pretty cool if one is inclined.

  25. @RugbyMom- as we learned from Clerks, "you never go ass to mouh!!!" lol :)

    so glad none of us has a filter in the land of Twitardia

  26. Fantastic post, as usual! I would not have the courage to go there, but love hearing about your adventures!

    Although, I have to admit I'm a little intrigued by all this paddle talk going on between my Forks roomies (@Miss Tejota & @Heather)! This trip could turn out to be even more interesting than I thought! :)

  27. Wow, you two are BRAVE! Can't say that's my cup of tea, but I love the idea of JJ sitting there sweating and awkward in the name of research :) I'm touched (heh) by the lengths (heh heh) you'll go to for us readers. Like the "ice" lube that actually contained menthol (I still need to order that stuff) or getting your goodies waxed wearing a STD-ridden nightie. Truly, hats off. We love you back!

  28. Ladies...I give you two sparkly peens up for your chutzpah!! You are both braver souls than I will EVER be!

    @Pimpy... I will run around like a crazy person with you in forks and even get at tattoo with you...but I must draw the line at beaver waxing...

  29. I can't stand it. I'll pay for the videographer myself. Shit. It would be probably be cheaper to just get the damn divorce and go to Forks myself.

    If you don't understand the above, that's OK. Just venting...

  30. I would so go to a club, but not a meet and greet at a diner. Aaand, only to watch.

    But, now that I think about it, I don't think I'm interested in seeing real people do this. It's way sexier in my mind when it's a perfect/fictional Fifty sort of person. When it's people that probably look normal like me...not so much.

    Would ML go with you? Would that make it more OK with him?

    Off topic, but I'll catch up with you ladies in about a month. I'm headed to China, where I'm pretty sure Twitarded won't make it through their internet filters.

  31. I'm so jealous! I want to go to a novice meeting...

    Wait, no Fifty?!? Fuck, I'm out... Do they have meetings like that in Forks? It might make for an interesting activity while you all are there.

    I'm with @laphipps (and so many others)... those fics have made me very curious. Well, I might be more than curious... I do have a few toys in my toybox (a flat, black leather crop is my fav), but to be completely honest I had no idea how to use the nipple clamps until tarasueme filled me in. They've been in the toybox for years just taunting me but I'm still afraid to use them.

  32. Like many others here - I'm all talk. Bloody curious though.

    You had me at 'Fifty Shades'! Ooh... had me... excuse me while I go read the MotU2 update :)

    Keep us in the loop, JJ :)

  33. You are so brave. I've researched teh BDSM scene on the internet & looked for groups around me after reading 50. I don't like pain (says the girl with the pierced hoohaw & nipples). But some of the things I've learned from 50 sound like fun.

    Would you be more comfortable going to the club if ML went with you? I bet if you read some selected scenes from MOTU he would be intrigued.

  34. THis rules, but you totally missed out not going to the club! I used to live in Los Angeles, and there was a time, back in my NIN-loving heyday, when I frequently visited the likes of Sin-a-matic and Club Fuck, and I have to tell you that it is awesome. Personally, I never indulged -- I was nowhere near close to brave enough in those days -- but some fairly incredible offers were made, and some of them were totally hot.

    Plus, I met a guy with 32 piercings there (to use the fanfic parlance), and guy who fancied becoming my "pet" and was approached with the best pick-up line ever when I guy entirely clothed in PVC slapped his meaty paw on my shoulder and said:

    "You know what I like?" ...pregnant pause... "Blowjobs."

    "Wow!" I replied, "I've been searching the entire universe for a man who likes blow jobs!"

    Best line in this post:

    "Needless to say, Fifty Shades did not attend the meeting."

    Now that is disappointing.

  35. Yes you two are heros. I had no idea they had novice meetings. I'm gonna have to look into those. We will see if the husband will go, he is pretty shy and laid back so I don't know. I might have to be the dominate one :)

    Let us know if you go back. I'd love to hear more about it.

  36. As ever JJ, I bow down to your amazing story telling - and that's a reverant bow, btw, not a sub one ;o). I now have visions of a FOOOOOORRRRKKS scale Twitarded outing to an S&M club. Holy shit, could you imagine that?! PMSL!

    I also liked these sentences:
    "And the only way to figure this out is to do a little research, even if it results in me, red-faced, as I stutter a greeting to a bunch of strangers or cowering in a diner restroom, trying to stifle the maniacal giggling that only occurs when I'm really, really nervous."

    Well, better to have a red face than a red ass in the company of strangers in my opinion. I guess that's me out of the BDSM scene then :oP

  37. Hats (or whatever, your choice) off to you both! I've only gotten as far as googling the topic, and doing internet research. I've picked out some wish list toys that I'd be curious to try out with DH, once I get the next tax return...but as far as actually going to a meet and greet for a BDSM group? Probably not....yet. And I can't picture Mr. Monster at one of these, hell - I can't picture myself at one of these!

    I'm just beyond thrilled that Icy is gracing us with a MOTU sequel. By the time that's over, I'll probably be in the dungeon. Or at least in the bunker. With Fifty, in my dreams....thank you Sir, may I have another? ;)

    Do keep us posted on your research, JJ. I for one am veeeery interested in your findings!

  38. Loved this! I would be curious to live vicariously through the BDSM adventures of JJ and TJ.

    Also, doesn't EVERYTHING happen in a diner in NJ? just saying.

  39. Dear Drs. Jerkface & Tejota - thank you so much in your tireless endeavors to keep us twitards informed on these issues. I admire your bravery and tenacity and look forward to future updates on your "research".

    In my "experience" which I admit is limited, I found that it's the one administering the spankings/paddlings/handcuffing that makes all the difference. For instance, Fifty vs. Mike Welch, say.

  40. I knew nothing of fan fiction before Twilight, but there's no doubt that some of the well-written D/s stories have unearthed feelings in many of us much in the way Stephenie did with her silly YA vampire saga. We're not really comfortable trying to explain it, but it's there and we shouldn't be embarrassed by the curiosity. I mean, really, who didn't find angry Edward in Eclipse just so... hot!? He really should have taken Bella over his knee for riding off with Jake, IMHO;)

    JJ & Tejota - you were brave and funny and honest, and once again Twitarded provides a safe place to be... us! Thanks:)

  41. I think Twitarded should start a list of adventures that Jenny Jerkface/Miss Tejota could do on our behalf.

    Ok - we have started with BDSM - any suggestions for the next venture?

  42. Wow! I am in reverant awe. I would throw back a few drinks and go to a watch...with a town far, far away where no one could possibly recognize me. You guys rule!
    @Micki_Martini, I am with you. If I were single, I would condiser actually trying some of my Fify fantasies, but with my husband, I just don't see that working.

  43. That would be FIFTY fantasies. Just thinking about him gets me a all flustered.

  44. JJ, you are so brave to do this. Until I read MotU I think I would have been shocked at it. Now I'm curious too . . .but probably wouldn't actually want to participate unless Fifty was the dom.

    Love this pic of Rob with his Fifty-face on. Makes me shiver all over, in the best way. Wonder if he knows about MotU. . . . So now that I'm thinking about him, have to see what Icy's up to.

  45. I'm late to this comment party - @VitaminR told me at lunch I needed to read this asap! :)

    I love that JJ and Miss Tejota went to check it out - and if I were around I would have totally gone with you! I also would have joined in on the ridiculous, nervous giggle fits. I love being outside of my comfort zone in social situations, and enjoy reading about 50 and other such ff escapades, but I'm not really interested in trying it myself. I admit it. I'm a total wiener that doesn't find pain pleasurable - especially where sexy times are involved.
    I do like the controlling, angry Edward, though. So maybe rough, just not painful. Is there a term for that? :P


  46. I'm curious about it too, and like @succubus will live vicariously through your BDSM adventures.

    Keep us posted!

  47. I used to go to the Vault in NYC back in the mid 90's when I was a curious young lass. I remember that although I didn't participate, my little voyeur eyes were appreciated by the patrons! I didn't gawk or anything but I do recall feeling like my curiosity was not just tolerated but welcomed. I hope you go, with or without ML (but hopefully with!), because you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. That's the best part. Well, that and the hot sex you'll have later!
    Good luck!


    Ah hell, I might as well. You peeps are like my freakin family anyways. lol

    I've been active in the BDSM lifestyle for about 7 years. My husband/Sir and I have a 24/7 D/s relationship and I've been his collared slave for a little over 3 years (you can see my collar in my avatar pic if you are curious what it looks like). My first BDSM event was just as awkward as what you described! I went ALONE, though! I sorta kept it my little secret, but I kept going because I knew it was something that felt right. I kept with it and haven't turned back since! It's a part of my everyday life and I couldn't be happier!

    I'd totally encourage you to go to a BDSM club or perhaps a private play party through your local munch group. It truly is pretty fascinating to see!

    For those of you are more curious, there are TONS of internet resources to research. is a great place to start!

    @JJ (or anyone else!!!!): I'd be MORE than happy to answer any questions you have about anything. I'd love to give you a glimpse of what my life is like...of course, from a slave/bottom/submissive POV. :)

    See you beezies in FOOOOOORKS! :)

  49. @Charla- Nice collar! OK, let me be the first to ask, because I know everyone wants to know- have you ready MoTU and the Sub/Dom/Training trilogy? If so, how accurate or far from the truth do they seem to be? I was fascinated in them how Edward was able to be so good at it because he knew how his actions were impacting Bella and exactly how her body would respond. Almost like he knew more about her body's reactions than she did. And I wonder, is that just part of being a good Dom? Or is that complete fantasy? (just like how in the other stories Edward can always hold off on coming, or Bella can seem to come on cue).

    Oh, and did you meet your husband in the D/s community, or were you together first and got into it as a couple?

    OK, thanks for the lesson, I'm completely fascinated.

  50. Although another person in the BDSM "lifestyle" has already responded, I want to offer some additional info from someone who does go to BDSM clubs and participates. The irony is, if it weren't for Twilight fanfic I wouldn't have made the foray into the scene at all.

    I'm female, late 30's and have had kinky interests for years but never acted on them. There'd be hints here and there in my regular "vanilla" relationships but nothing that most would likely consider actual BDSM. Although I enjoyed Tara Sue's Dom/Sub/Training series it was Fifty that pushed me all the way. I read a post on the MotU Twilighted thread that mentioned Fetlife and I started poking around there. My first event was also a munch, and like Charla I went alone and was TERRIFIED. I never ever thought I'd be out in the scene, I'm terribly shy but here I am a year later, going out to clubs and incredibly happy I made the leap. A year into the scene means that I'm by no means an expert, but I can at least offer my perspective. I feel like I owe Twilight fanfic fandom in some way. :)

    What Jenny attended is a munch - meetings at neutral places where BDSM people often meet to socialize, interact, welcome new people, find partners, etc. They're done in places like diners so people don't feel as intimidated the way they might going to a dungeon/club the first time. Also there's no pressure to do anything at these events and it's made for talking. It can be more challenging to chat in a dungeon since most areas will want you to respect the scenes going on at the time. Most dungeons have a social area as well but it's generally away from the play areas. Distractions during scenes generally take away from the headspace that both the dom and sub get into. It's this mental state that is, for many, one of the greatest pleasures of BDSM.

    It's common for BDSM clubs not to serve alcohol for both legal/liability and safety reasons. It's generally looked down upon in the community to play with senses impaired since what we're doing has inherent risk of injury. Most people are very safety conscious - a common phrase is R.A.C.K. - Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Classes on how to safely engage in BDSM activities are common in the clubs and community in general.

    Rules at clubs vary- some clubs allow sex, some do not. Some clubs allow certain types of play but not others. Some clubs have trained monitors watching to ensure that rules are adhered to and that no one is being harassed or forced to do anything against their will. A BDSM club is not the same thing as a sex/swingers club and not all BDSM people should be assumed to be swingers or polyamorous, though some are.

    (comment continued in next post due to character limit)

  51. Continued...

    Italhurts- As a person that's a submissive/bottom type I agree that Fifty anticipating Bella's responses is something a good Dom would know, but likely after playing with someone more than once or twice. It's been my experience though that a good Dom also watches my responses very carefully during play and learns when to move forward, when to back off, when to take a moment, when to push harder. In the end a good Dom can make you feel like you're the instrument and they are the master musician, playing you to get the sweetest music.

    I realize that makes it sound very romanticized, and for those that have similar inclinations to mine it can be fantastic. However, this is not for everyone and there are many risks involved- physical and mental, career/identity/reputation risks, etc. If you're interested in this do some reading first, meet some people at a munch. I wholeheartedly suggest joining Fetlife and spending some time thinking about what you're interested in and what you feel comfortable with for now. You might just want a few playful spanks from a lover, or maybe some handcuffs now and then and that's great. There are plenty of people on Fetlife who have never set foot in a club. There are some people that engage in online relationships only. It's a very diverse community- what interests you might turn off another BDSM person completely and vice verse, but that doesn't make anyone kinkier-than-thou. Of course, you'll also see the extreme sides of that diversity, and photos and videos of it as well on Fet, so be warned those of faint constitution- not that I think anyone reading this blog probably fits that description LOL.

    If you're interested in some reading material there are some great books out there- I suggest "SM101" by Jay Wiseman or the books "Bottoming" and "Topping" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. I also offer to answer any questions anyone might have. Again, I'm no expert, but I think it's important to answer the questions of those who are curious not only so they can understand what they're looking for but to demystify the people that are into BDSM. For myself, and the people I've met in the scene, I see this need as an internal switch that's set to on or off. In my experience, it's just part of who they are, not really a choice. The choice is how or whether we act on it. I see people that are very happy in it and I see people that have been hurt by it, just like anyone, anywhere in any kind of relationship. BDSM folks are like people anywhere, with the same foibles, problems and stuff to deal with as everyone else. The best fanfic on BDSM reflects that- while still offering all of us the hot fantasy of the ideal relationship. I mean really, who wasn't ready to drop to their knees for our boy Fifty?

    This ended up long, but I'll end on something that might put some perspective on it. After reading MotU, I send a link for it to a good friend who is also active in the BDSM community but much more experienced than I am. Her response: "That was kind of racy."

    Jenny or anyone else who is interested, feel free to email me at

    - C

  52. Wow Cygne, that was a fab insight. I'm a bit naive in this area, and I don't think, much as I love fifty, that it will ever be my thing. Like you say, I think demystification of things like this is good, and I found that really interesting! Thanks for sharing :o)

  53. Thank you to all of you who have responded! There are a lot of you who do indeed seem interested in this lifestyle.

    Thanks to Charla and Cygne for coming out and giving us some information!! Holy shit, Cygne, that was a great comment!!

    I'm really surprised at the turn out on this post. I wasn't sure if people in the lifestyle were going to rake me over the coals for taking a humorous, naive perspective about it, or if people were going to appalled that I was even curious enough to attend a meeting.

    I should have known better. You guys are amazingly unjudgmental. It makes me so fucking happy.

  54. Outside of reading about Fifty and his lifestyle I'm too much of a chicken to try. I'd freak out the first time anyone spanked me. I suck, what can I say. But reading about is definitely my thing. I love Icy for bringing the whole mentality of the BDSM lifestytle to life instead of just the act. It made me understand it better. And, though I'd run screaming before I even tried, me and my girly bits will be forever grateful for fan fiction. =)

    Oh, and I 've learned something while reading MotU. Even though you are submissive, they have the upper hand. Their strong people, not weak as I once thought.

  55. I'm pretty sure this is old news, but just in case, Icy is writing more chapters for MotU. Just as brilliant and breathtaking with real fuckhawt lemony goodness in chapter 2(89) - handcuffs, real metal ones and "interesting" positions. Plus, one hell of a cliffie.

  56. JJ, thanks for this post! And thanks to Charla and Cygne for giving us some great things to consider. I met some people in the local scene, and thought they were pretty cool, but as soon as I expressed interest in stopping in to a meeting or two, I got thoroughly and uncomfortably harassed. Needless to say, it scared me the fuck away. So I think I'll just hold out until I move to another (bigger) city with more options.

    I can't wait for updates on your adventures, JJ & Miss Tejota!!

  57. I'm staking an anonymous claim here. JJ & Miss Tejota kudos and kick-balls!- In my younger days I once went to a similar club in a city like Gotham, after also not having done a lick of fucking homework besides knwoing where it was and reading Bondage Fairy comics (yes,it's a comic), and let me tell you it took a few cocktails and a twenty minute walk to settle my nerves and wrap my head around the reality of it. I wasn't prepared for the "raw" aspect of that. Glad you two didn't make a go of it...yet.

    A diner? Maybe the next meet and greet is at the I-Hop. Although I'm going to Forks, so....

    @Shipstress- I just saw your post and that's the very one. It was an interesting experience.

  58. I'm pretty sure this is old news, but just in case, Icy is writing more chapters for MotU. Just as brilliant and breathtaking with real fuckhawt lemony goodness in chapter 2(89) - handcuffs, real metal ones and "interesting" positions. Plus, one hell of a cliffie.

  59. Wow, this is a great post. I've always been curious and have always wanted to be tied up. I look forward to read what everyone posts. Thanks for doing the research and I would never have the balls to do this.

  60. Yes you two are heros. I had no idea they had novice meetings. I'm gonna have to look into those. We will see if the husband will go, he is pretty shy and laid back so I don't know. I might have to be the dominate one :)

    Let us know if you go back. I'd love to hear more about it.


Comments are our life now. Leave one!