Friday, August 27, 2010

The Summer House - 12 Minutes of My Life I'll Never Get Back.

**SPOILER ALERT!!** So I broke down and watched that short film starring Robert Pattinson called The Summer House. I really couldn't resist and it was only $1.99 on iTunes and I was so curious.

Here's the synopsis, which totally cracks me up because it basically tells you the whole entire film. No seriously, the synopsis really leaves nothing to the imagination. It's only 12 minutes for fuck's sake!
The Summer House is about a moment in a young girl's life. A turning point, a time for decision: to go back, or go forward?

Jane (17) is in rural France visiting her aunt Priscilla during the hot summer of 1969, the year of the Moon landings. Also staying at this beautiful 19th century chateau, a sleeping beauty of a house, are her aunt’s old flame Freddie Porteous, a charming Englishman, and his wife Marie Pierre, a French woman of great sophistication and beauty.

Jane has left behind an unfaithful first love. Several letters have pursued her, letters decorated with hearts to tempt her. The author of these letters, Richard (18), turns up uninvited. Jane is unaware that her situation is provoking tensions among the older generation, she catches whispers of unspoken somethings at the heart of Freddie and Priscilla's relationship and she finds Marie Pierre’s allure and passion unsettling.

Jane looks to her role models for advice but Priscilla, Freddie and Marie Pierre have become wrapped up in their own giddy feelings about what it was like to be 17 and in love. At a party to celebrate the moon landings Jane is transformed by Marie Pierre from English mouse to sophisticated woman. Wanting to impress and suspecting Richard might be at the party she holds her head high.

Dizzy from dancing and emboldened by champagne Jane ventures out to the Summer House. Curiosity has got the better of her. Is there a dalliance between her sensible aunt and charismatic Freddie? Instead she is confronted a repentant Richard. He wants her back. She is impossibly tempted, but repelled by his crude attempt to force her.

The romantic ideal of young love becomes crushed by his rough desire and by the giggling arrival of Priscilla and Freddie. Jane is forced to face the disappointment of reality. Troubled by Richard’s motivation and by the apparent immaturity of Priscilla & Freddie, she burns the unopened letters and drops them into a deep well. Her world has changed, expanded; a more complex fairy tale is emerging…
Aaaaaand now I ask this... what the fuck is the point of a short film?? That fucker was 12 minutes long... that's barely enough time to take a shit, let alone entertain me. And it definitely did not entertain me. Nope. Can someone pleeeeease explain the point of a short film?? It's more of a giant twat tease if you ask me.

Plus, the other characters in this filmette really bugged the living shit out of me and RPattz was in the movie for oh, all of about two measly minutes. Granted he was smoking hot in those two minutes, and that stupid child Jane was ridiculously stupid for thwarting his advances... I mean, who does that? I don't care what the script says. Let him put those hands (oh, those hands) wherever he pleases!! Prude.

Exhibit A of smoking hotness. Sweet baby jeezus!

Exhibit B of more literally smoking hotness! Maybe it's my panties that are smoking?

So I basically paid $2 for 2 minutes of screen time of Rob... worth it? Maybe... the lighting during his part was very reminiscent of a couple of my favorite scenes in Twilight...

Oh gahd, I feel veeery... protective of you.

Hold still... I just wanna try one thing. Humina humina humina.

So my Twitarded friends... have you taken the plunge and spent your hard earned pennies on this mini-film? What did you think of it? I'll admit, I've never been a big fan of RPattz's earlier acting adventures. I didn't even make it through How To Be so maybe I'm glad this one was a short.


  1. I basically found the theme to be...."Two things never done before in the history of people doing things"
    1) walking on the moon, and
    2) someone rejecting Robert Pattinson.

  2. I forked out the cash and was not all that impressed. Rob was hot in it, so there is some small saving grace. Who in their right mind would reject him?!?

  3. Agree totally with the previous two commenters. I read the synopsis, too, LKW,and had the same reaction. Since I'd had a couple too many glasses of wine at the time, it took me about 12 minutes to read it. Then when I watched it, I was so disappointed that Rob's part was really just that brief.

    I have liked Rob's earlier work. Just bought Bad Mother's Handbook and can't wait to see it again. I watched it online several months ago. Little Ashes is my favorite of his pre-Twilight stuff. Dali was so quirky/clownish in reality and I thought he did a fine job with the part, especially at the age of 21 or whatever he was then. Completely looking forward to his post-Twilight career.


  4. I have not seen the movie. But those two smoking hot Rob pics are hilarious!! And there is nothing I love more than some Smokin' Rob pics, but WTF is on his head? Is that the tail of some dead animal? lol


  5. Finally! Someone else that couldn't make it through 'How To Be!' I was truly worried I was the only one.

    @Mrs. P - <3 your comment :)

  6. @Mrs P--LMAO!

    I fell asleep reading the 12 minute long summary, so I think I'll skip this one. When does WFE come out? I'm gonna go stand in line now just for good measure.

  7. The hottest he ever looked. It´s like a golden god. Hot Summer Hair, I call the shitty short film.

  8. Oh, LKW, thanks for that. I feel like whispering, shall I?shhhhh! I've never liked his earlier work either? Did you see The Haunted Airman? Now that's fucking an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back. Fucking amateur all the way around. That's mostly why. Not his fault, really.

    Maybe that's why, although I too spent the $1.99 on itunes and the twelve minutes, it totes didn't bother me. Small change comparatively.

    I'm scared about How to Be and Bad Mother's Handbook. Do I do it? Some people say yes. Hells bells, someone even tried to defend Haunted Airman to me. I was rendered a bit speechless by that.

    And to end this rant, I will have to restate that I do heartily lust the precious. There is no doubt about that. I just hate shitty movies. I'm really really really hopeful about Water for Elephants. Please to Gah, let's have a movie that doesn't make me want to fast forward scenes he's not in. That would be nice.

  9. I do believe that Robert has his moments of hawtness, but not enough for me to spend money on it. So I didn't fish out the money for the film.

    Admitting that my panties don't melt at the mention of RPattz may get me popped in the mouth in Forks, but its how I feel.

  10. seriously i can't even keep up with the characters in the synopsis... i have zero chance of making sense of this "movie"... my guess (sight unseen) is that this was meant to be a longer movie but they cut it short/scrapped it for some reason and then when rpatts became a huuuuuge star they said "let's make some money off this thang!!!" and here we are $1.99 poorer.

  11. @Mrs.P---Oh how I love you and that snarky brain of yours. That was perfect. I seem to remember your review and you saying that what used to be on YouTube was pretty much the whole damn movie...yep I watched that grainy shit a while ago and you were right.

    I love films of all sorts. I didn't feel like it was a waste of time but I definitelly wouldn't have even given it a second thought if it weren't for the sexually charged, neck breathing Rob in the dark grotto. If I had spent $3.99 on it I might be pissed. Ha!

    I have seen all of Rob's movies. Yes, I am not so smitten that I can't admit that some of them sucked. Personally, I find his transformation/growth as an actor fascinating. I honestly think he will go far and get the respect he deserves...and that's not just my over-sex-charged-nearly-40 hormones talking. I know not everyone loved it, but Remember Me was my turning point where I let my breath out...after seeing him in that movie I knew there was great potential. He's got it people. I also love knowing that he will choose rolls that he likes...I really don't think he will ever sell-out...and this is why we love him. Good gods I am a wordy bitch today.

    @TK--Save me a place in line will ya? I need to run and get my flask. I will grab you some practical line-waiting shoes while I'm at it.

  12. Oh and I found How to Be painful. I'd still do him in that rainbow sweater though.

  13. I watched and pretty much felt the same "WTF?". And more importantly, the pretty was hardly in it.

    One minute he was at a gate, well I think it was supposed to be him, but the darn camera never got closer but the fingers looked kind of familiar. Then his next big scene you could hardly see him in that shed or whatever it was. The darn lighting was just too artsy and I gotta say, I laughed when he spoke.

    I think I was more interested in the house and the clothes but that was about it.


  14. It's like a god damn 900 number- a dollar a minute. I'm not even going to lie when he comes rushing on to the scene with his spray tan and extensions I started laughing. I mean he wasn't real smooth about it, it's like she's just standing there and then BAM there he is. Any faster and he would have plowed into her and not in a good way. And seriously? If he wanted to grope me I'd let him.

  15. Didn't see Summer House and glad I didn't waste the money on it. I did come accross Vanity Fair on DVD as a second hand movie. Got bored...really...really bored and skipped to the deleted scenes. Gotta say, our man is pretty! I have endured How to Be, and ohh how it sucked! Not impressed with Haunted Airman and Dark Kingdom was bad. He looked so scrawny and the wig made me want to throw up in my mouth badly. Sorry to say, didn't much care for Little Ashes either. Remember me was definitely alot better! Even my Twilight hating children didn't mind watching a second time. I am glad to see that it isn't bad acting on his part, just badly written and executed movies.

  16. K Seriously I just read that synopsis like 5 times to try and keep all the characters straight. I think I'll pass on buying and watching this vag tease. Two minutes of Rob? I think I'll stick to watching various ten minute youtube videos of him for free. :)

  17. Have not spent the money, since I figure it'll show up on youtube eventually. I did, however, purchase "How to Be" and loved it! I thought he was brilliant in it!

  18. LMAO @ MrsP@Twibite!!!! Too true. What the hell was up that girls bug anyhoo? If I had Rob molesting my shoulders and rubbing his junk all up on me, I would soooooo not stop him. The mini film of left me with a major case of the WTF's.

  19. @tk wfe comes out April 15 and I think bel ami comes out around Christmas.

    As for the summer house....I liked the the girl's dress and rob's hotness.

  20. I took the plunge and paid the $1.99 to watch HHH for all of 60 seconds. I look at it as I want to have all if his movies in my collection, so this was just another notch in the belt. I even have that Ring of the Whatever movie burned on DVD, so my collection is up to date but I am so glad I didn't pay for that piece of shit!

    And I wouldn't kick Richard out of my bed. He is absolutely delicious in The Summer House!

  21. LOL! I didn't make it through How To Be, either!! I love Rob, but oh... painful... I actually saw The Summerhouse in its entirety on youtube a while back, so I saved my $1.99. Stupid Jane. Stupid short. But still, he is such a beautiful, beautiful man. Glad I'm not alone in my opinion of Rob's early films. Just weird choices, really.

  22. A bit OT but is TRUE that Bel Ami will not be released in the States??


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