Sunday, August 8, 2010

We Went to BlogHer and We Didn't Beat Anybody Up!

It took us about five minutes to realize that we were pretty much the only ones who didn't put our real names on our badges. We stand by that decision.

We're baaaaaaaaack.

BlogHer was simply unbelievable. It was totally overwhelming but we had a fucktastically amazing time and met some really great writers and no one even laughed when we explained what our blog was about.

Well, that's not entirely true but the one or two spunk-knuckles who thought we were stupid can eat my vagina. After I've gone for a jog in 90 degree weather.

Snarkier Than You and I had anticipated that we were going to be the only Twilight bloggers present and I really think we were, unless there was a little Twilight club of bloggers hiding out somewhere and avoiding us, but I doubt it. At any rate, almost everyone was very receptive of our little world. Either that or they were really good liars.

However, there was this one time that I was talking to a woman and she thought our blog was interesting so we traded cards and I realized she was actually this super sweet innocent lady who talked about family and puppies and rainbows and love and I really wanted to tackle her and wrench our card out of her hand because I just know that poor chicky is going to eventually meander over here and be permanently scarred and probably need therapy.

When we weren't attending various panels, sessions, and labs, we spent a good deal of the weekend doing our pitch, handing out cards and boasting about how brilliant, witty, and sexy all of our readers are. We were like proud Mamas every time someone asked about our readership and totally pimped ourselves and you bitches out at every opportunity.

We'll elaborate a little more (well, actually a LOT more!) about BlogHer in another post (or five), mainly because STY and I are pretty fried and I'm really looking forward to pooping in my own bathroom, even though the throne in the Hilton was pretty swanky.

True story - my fucking feet dangled when I sat on the shitter. WTF, Hilton??

Speaking of swanky, STY and I really pulled out all the stops and did our best to be the highest class bitches we possibly could.

I totally swear we didn't steal this. We were drunkster diving late Saturday night and this was on top of a recycling can and we were all "SCOOOOOOOOOORE" and then walked through the Hilton as innocently as two drunk women carrying a huge-ass sign can. Which is not at all.

Yup, that's right. We were totally on our most adult behavior ever. And we have proof!! There was a "Dance Off" contest to win a T-shirt at the expo center and STY and I decided to show off our stellar, kick-ass dance moves. Totally the grown-up thing to do.

Unfortunately, the best part of this video isn't actually in the video. It was when STY tripped climbing up the stage before the music even started and almost did a totally Bella-worthy faceplant.

I may or may not have laughed. I'm apparently more of a Nelson than an Edward Cullen.

My BFF-ness is as awesome as my dancing, what can I say.

Anyhoo, stay tuned for more stories, like how STY totally stalked the fucking ever-loving shit out of met The Bloggess, or we both got to meet a poop doctor (whose really sweet attendant lady was totally appalled when I told her we talked about poop all the time and we were a Twilight blog. I mean, what? Poop and Twilight make total sense together right? Right??). We were also lucky enough to hook up with our NYC bestie, Misstejota, who was more than willing to record any fuckery that might occur. And trust me, between the three of us, many-a-fuckery occurred.

And last but certainly not least THANK YOU to everyone who chipped in and helped us stay that second night. In hindsight, there's no WAY we would have made it through this weekend had we not been able to remain at the hotel for the entire conference. We'll be in touch with a little sumpthin' sumpthin' for all of you, promise.

But first I really need to see some RPattz pictures. I'm going through withdrawal. Although we DID get an unexpected fix (and pleasant surprise!) at the Sparklecorn party Saturday night...

Just for the record, STY's camera can only be used by STY - otherwise the pictures come off a little... off. We made some poor adorable tipsy blogger take, like, a gazillion pictures of us. We're such demanding bitches. And I'd also like to point out that STY is practically on her knees in this picture because she's obviously WAY too tall and it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm a fucking hobbit.


  1. I ADORE the dance video! I am soooo proud of you for not only doing the dancing but posting it!!!! I love you ladies! Only one question, did you not want us to know who you were STY - what is up with sunglasses?? LOL!!!

    Did they get those posters just for the 2 of you??

    I am glad I could help you stay the second night. Your happiness and that video are thanks enough LOL!!!!

    Again, I just LOVE you ladies!!

  2. OMG! It sounds like everything was amazing! I'm so happy for u guys! I LOVED the pics! Looking foward to see the rest of them!

    How did those twilight posters ended up there?!?!?

  3. i heart the dance video!!
    my husband started watching it and asked who you guys were, and i was like "these are my home-girls JJ and STY. they are full of win, how do you not know this?"

    and JJ, he totally thinks we are twins.

    srsly, I love you girls!
    thank you for representin' the twi-blogosphere! no one could have done it better. =D

  4. Like I just tweeted, you two rock for doing that! JJ- You were in a dress! SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS! You gals are adorable and we are all going to have the time of our lives in Forrrrkks. :)
    PS NEW ROB PICS AT PATTINSON LIFE ;) Emailed them to you.

  5. That video is freakin' awesome!!!! I have just been sitting here watching it grinning from ear to ear because you chicks rock....out loud! I can't wait to read about the rest of your epic adventures this weekend!!!! I know you did us proud! I'm curious about the Edward poster in the last pic. Were you guys packin' your own Twi-crack???? LOL

  6. Dude you guys are awesome for posting that shit!! It looks like good times were had LOL

  7. So glad you h00rs had fun! I'm so jealous of some of the people you got to meet.

    I was watching the video & DH came up behind me & said, "I never noticed how much STY looks like Daphne."

  8. aaaah! you two are both such adorable bitches. glad you had a blast!

  9. I am so sorry I didn't get to meet you guys! I love your blog! I took a pic by that Edward poster & Sparklecon & with Wax Edward at Madame Tussaud at NYCityMama's party!

    Where you on stand at Sparklecon with the Blogher sign? If so then I least I saw you & thought those girls are so cool! :)

  10. stll looking for my vampAugust 8, 2010 at 10:08 PM

    You girls are so above awesome, and you can cut a rug :).

    I am thinking of whoring myself in downtown Phoenix to pay for the trip to FOOOOOORRRRKKS. You girls are my peeps. I must, must meet you someday.

    I can't wait to read the rest of the updates.

    You obviously did us all proud!

  11. Haha! You bitches are so awesome! Nice job ladies!

  12. Thanks for posting that oh so cute video...couldn't wipe the smile off my face. You girls rock and I bet you rocked the dance off too?!

    Did mini E make it home safely?

    Look forward to hearing more about your BlogHer escapades :)

  13. Heeheeehee, glad you two twatwaffles had such a good time!

    Awesome video of you two dancing! I expect to see some of this repeated in FOOOORRKKKKSSS!

    p.s. cute dresses!

  14. p.s.s. I'm proud of you for taking that sign.

  15. The dancing video...priceless! Thanks for posting! Looks like you had an awesome time!

    P.S. JJ, love the way you practically mounted the Edward poster in what appears to be the hotel lobby! Way to make us proud girl! :)

  16. I'm thinking I just might be that "puppies and rainbows lady" you referenced? I really hope so, because that will be my first time (knowingly) being referred to as such. I just might change my tagline.....
    your site looks great. not my bag, but great all the same.

  17. Priceless!! The dance video rocked! I hope you got to meet the bloggess. I was wondering if you got your blogger tshirts made?

  18. Two words. Kick Ass!

    Where was the reality show contract- the cameras to follow you about?! I would like to have been a fly, er some other less disgusting creature, on the wall for the BlogHer highlights.

    Will we see an encore performance in Forks?

  19. YOUR dance moves are STELLAR!!!!!!!

  20. Holy fucking shit! That is the most awesomest thing ever!!!! You two were fucking amazing! I am laughing so hard right now. Oh, and of course you both look gorgeous. I was excited to karaoke with you in Forks, but now I know there will be more...oh so much more!

    STY--the sunglasses were a very nice and mysterious touch.

    As if it were even possible...I have fallen deeper in love. Sigh.

  21. Ya'll just bring me so much joy. Particularly when ya'll go out into the big wide world on some Twi-blogger mission. The story about the sign took me back to a similar incident in college...only it was a propane grill and it was out in front of my neighbor's apartment. Grill + 4" strappy platforms + 6' tall version of Bella = twisted ankles and loads of hilarity. I can't wait to read more stories about this weekend.

    My Etsy Shop

  22. I love it. Can't wait to read all the other posts. And I adore the fact you all took the BlogHer sign.

    Much fun was had at BlogHer. You all made the entire bareable for me as well as, a shit load of fun.

  23. Thank god we don't have to vote on which of you get to stay on So You Think You Can Dance.

    LOL that it took T minus 10 seconds for you to get busted by Ms Puppies and Rainbows.

    I'm glad you had a good time and stayed over both nights. And jumped on the bed while holding a massive sign. No hotel stay is fully realized until bed jumping occurs.

  24. Wow, Annie! You are so brave to read this and still post a comment!!! Kudos to you Ms. Rainbow girl!!!

  25. OMG...that video was absolutely the best. And it was a freakin' workout!!! LMAO!!!! Great job ladies...

    Glad to have you back and I wish I was there with you...


  26. Fantastic vid Ho's! And I love how STY has such poise throughout behind those sunnies! I think my fave bit hough is how the camera keeps rolling long enough to watch you both scouring the piles of t-shirts for your reward ;o)

    Great post and glad you had fun! xx

  27. Oh my GOD I love you guys. Seriously, I was just rolling from that video, kudos for posting it! Your rockin' dance moves have me in awe (read: shaking with laughter). Seriously, I am dubbing this the Shittiest Weekend Evaaarrrr and you guys started my Monday off right. :) What would I do without you twat waffles?

    ALSO, I love how Annie, "puppies and rainbows" above is so polite... I hope you are not permanently scarred from your visit to Twitardia. :)

    SO GLAD you ladies had fun, can't wait to hear more about it!


  28. you guys are cuties-my fave part of your dance? shake it, shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture...LOL. well done!

    Love the blue pics at the bottom-very pretty ;)

    off to read Annie's blog..

  29. So proud I could cry. *sniff*

  30. AAAAAHHHH! That video was better than caffienne in the morning. I think I love you more, if that is even possible. So happy you guys had a blast!
    And the shitter?? I'd need a step stool to get on that thing! It's not easy to take a crap while your feet are dangling. WTF Hilton? I plan to petition on behalf of the short people of the world.
    I'd also like to say how proud i am that you took that sign. Although, I guess I'd expect nothing less :)

  31. @Dangerdafne - what?! you can recognize me in that video?!? holy shit my disguise was a total FAIL!!! lol!

    fellow twitards, i will admit that as i debated whether to do the dance thingy, grabbing a pair of cheapo sunglasses after jj told me the video WAS getting posted and to suck it up totally made me feel slightly better. plus they are definitely wayfarer wanna-bes and that helped too and i don't need to explain that any further to this crowd. and jftr, i WON that mothereffin' dance contest and t-shirt! there were two other people over there on the other side of us and somehow i still won! oh and dancing for four minutes strait almost killed both of us and made me feel like i was going to vomit for the next hour. THAT'S how out of shape I am. at least i didn't clock JJ but I came close a few times as you can see. would have made for great video content, but...

    while i was still hyperventilating after doing this (and as we were preparing to hoof it to the next conference session), JJ told me that she had accidentally hit the "delete" button on the flipcam and that we would have to do it again. because THAT'S how much she enjoys tormenting me. i can still feel the frozen look of horror that was on my face before she told me she was fucking with me.

    bbl laaaadies!! i haven't had a chance to read all the comments (i haven't even read chapter 26 of osa bella yet ffs!) but i will definitely be back and lurking today as much as mr. snarky will let me...

    : )

  32. Glad you ladies (snort) had a good time! The video is awesome, and I am quite looking forward to seeing your dance skills while I serenade you with "Supermassive Black Hole" during Twi-karaoke in FOOOOORKS!

    Annie, kudos to you for commenting, girl! Put your feet up and stay awhile - we're a fun crowd :)

  33. @KG - the real question is which one of us is the "good" twin and which on is the "bad" twin. LOL!

    @Patty - Maybe we can meet up in San Diego at next year's BlogHer. But if you can't wait for that, you totally should come to Fooooooorks!!!

    @Annie - You are one awesome lady. Thanks for leaving a comment deven though this isn't your thang. That makes me happy. :)

    I have to admit that I was pretty shocked that STY agreed to do this because the exhibit was basically smack in the middle of this huge expo hall.

    Oh, and I totally planned on dragging out the "holy shit, I accidentally deleted it and we have to do it again" trick for, like, 30 minutes but STY looked like she was either going to punch me or barf on me so I was nice (for once) and I told her I was only kidding.

    If we do a dance-off in Forks, I'm going to kick all your asses with my mad flailing skills. Just sayin'.

  34. What a blast! It was fun to read and see all the different tweets that people who went to BlogHer posted. Can't wait to see the rest of your posts. You guys have some mad dance moves too! :o

  35. Dance off in Forks?! Bring it on, the Texan with a Georgian/Scottish/Australian mix thrown in for good measure posse will kick ur asses......


  36. looks like you guys had a blast!

    Break it down girls! 2:45 on in the video is Pure WIN!!!!!!

  37. I'm pretty sure this is the best blog post I've read in my entire life.

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  40. Wah, I hate that I can't see the dancing video! JJ and STY busting a move and I'm missing it! Blocked at work and my laptop at home contracted a virus (she's such a slut) so now I'll never see it! Not. Fair.

    I'm so glad you had such a great time ladies! Aren't you glad you went, spreading the gospel of Twilight and The Precious!!

    Oh, but you'll get no pity from me on the high toilet thing. I'm a tall drink of water so in most public restroom scenarios, one of two things happens. If the stall offers seat covers, and hence safe to land on, I always underestimate their lowness and think they are higher than they actually are and as a result of my underestimation, what begins as a graceful descend… *any second now, aaaaaaany second now… ok, where the eff is the seat?!?* results in an arse slam. Or if there are no seat covers to be had, you try hovering over a toilet with your knees up to your chin. My thigh muscles are good, but they're not that good. WTF? They might as well put a hole in the ground. Tall people have to pee too, ya know.

  41. I fully expect to see you two on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars" - epic entertainment!

  42. That video is the stuff of blogging legend.

    And I just realised I watched the whole thing while sitting on the toilet.

    How poignant is that?

  43. Great picture with the sign!!!

    Did anyone's facial expression freeze in fear as you confessed your bloggy topic?

    I new this was a classy blog- how many others will get a photo of the potty?!

    Love you guys- so glad you had a great time!!


  44. I'm so glad you guys had a most excellent time. Thanks for representing us with PRIDE!! But for reals, I'm just tickled pink at JJ molesting the Twilight poster....That's our girl!!!

  45. This blog...this post right here? This is why we fucking smush, squishy, fluffy heart you bitches. I was totally impressed by the dance vid (can't wait to get the full film on dvd), and you both looked adorable!

    I am so stoked to hear more deets. Including, but not limited to, Snark's stalk-o-rama with The Bloggess, any other nifty pics of Mini-E, and the actual amount of swag you stole. Ya know...the usual travel stuff.

  46. I am so thrilled that you guys had a good time, and got to meet up with NYC bestie, Misstejota. She's awesome!

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the dance video. I was watching it at work w/the volume off but I could see the smiles on your faces and you both looked adorable.

    Can't wait to hear what the eff BlogHer is all about.

  47. holy mother of fucking sweet baby jesus!! I fucking peed my pantz!! This is why I heart you soooo much . . . aside from OB, RPatz pics, poop, farts, vajayjay, swamp ass talk . . . you kick ass for showing that vid. I love STY's feet shuckin and jivin down there. Spunk knuckles. My new electric company word of the day. thankyaverrahmuch.

  48. That dance video was both HIlarious/adorable and fear inducing at the same time. It brings back the horrific memories of my dance aerobics attempts - in public.

    I bow to you both - I could never do it - for 10 t-shirts. Ok, maybe if Rob was in one.

  49. @Mysharona - Wait, doesn't everybody read blog posts on the toilet?? ;)

    I should point out that I sent this link to Mommy (not a)Jerkface and the first thing she asked was how much we had to drink beforehand.


    Hey! Where did Lindsay Rae's comments go????

  50. @jacksonstat thanks for sticking up for us tall people!I'm calling The Hilton to get the model number of that toilet.

    That dance video is a hoot-You ought to hire proper videographer to follow y'all to Fooorks. Must-do-documentary!(see my previous post!)

    Yep, you done us proud!

  51. GO STAPLES! Lol. I work for Staples... It's good to know we could save the day! :)

  52. Oh the dancing...totally hilarious!!!!! I loved your dress JJ where did you get it?!

  53. I wonder if anyone had to remove JJ from the Robward poster? Rubbing your boobs all over it sounds like an awsome way to recruit Twitarded followers. LMAO! And that dance video...*shaking with laughter* Your coordination rivals Bella's, most definitely.

    Sounds and looks like you had a great time. Thanks for the pics.

  54. I meant to check back in after I left my comment and make sure you didn't take it offensively. Just saw the other responses to my comment...too funny. Thanks for the kudos. Although, doing it online was easy...maybe wait to give me props until I go up the Twitarded Ladies at Blogher 11 in person and introduce myself again.

    I'll be the one with my eyes scratched out from bleach... ;-)

    ps. seeing how many people are on here loving twilight makes me consider reading just one little book to see if I misjudged a book by it's cover (yes, intended)


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