Monday, September 6, 2010

5 Random Things You Should Know About Me Before You Meet Me In Forks

It's occurred to me that while I spend a lot of time [read: almost all my time] with you fine twat-waffles, spilling my guts and providing TMI, dishing about porn-this, RPatts-that, lemon-y fanfic SQUEE!! and all that good stuff, there are still a few...key things that you don't know about me. Or Jenny Jerkface and Latchkey Wife, for that matter. Those of you going to Forks will likely find that advanced knowledge of these er... "personality quirks" will explain a lot. And possibly keep you from getting killed. For everyone else, just relish in the fact that you are probably not the freakiest lady out there. Latchkey Wife is.

So in no particular order, here are five [very] random things you should know about me before you meet me in Forks. They will account for approximately 37.536% of my bizarre behavior. The rest of my idiosyncrasies? Your guess is as good as mine...


1) In real life, I am painfully shy and socially awkward. I will be freaking out pretty much the entire time I am in Forks (and have been in a perpetual state of freak-out since I realized the day is drawing near). I'm working on it... But there is not enough time for therapy and drugs are expensive, so just keep in mind that going to a party and holing up in a corner with JJ (with occasional forays into the general population for beverage refills) is usually the extent of my public social interaction. Like I said, I am working on it... Baby steps! Please forgive me for my perpetual "deer in the headlights" look, OK? Thanks.


2) I am a happy drunk. If you are not, get yourself a minder. Surly, fight-y drunks, you know who you are (I am not a fighter, but if you are and you bring drama to Forks, I will fuck you up)! I like to drink and I might get a lil' inebriated while in Forks, but I can hold my liquor and I won't be calling on anyone to hold my hair up in the loo while I pray to the porcelain gods. Cheers!


3) I hate perfume and overly scented stuff with a burning passion. I have always had a keen sense of smell, and when I stopped wearing most scented products years and years ago for allergy reasons, it made me that much more intolerant of all things scented. I tend to be overly sensitive to smelly shit (just ask JJ, who I have chastised for perfume excess on numerous occasions). I'm not the most touchy-feelie person in the world but I know there's going to be a lot of hugging and smooching in Forks. And I'm down with that! But if the cloud of your perfume reaches me before you do, I will turn tail and run faster than Edward.


4) I am not outdoorsy. At all. You would think that JJ--in her girly-girl dresses--would be an indoors kinda gal and me in my jeans and black tee-shirt get-up would be all out in the woods and stuff, but nope. Why do people willingly choose to go sleep in little nylon bear-feeding capsules in the woods? I don't get it... I think nature is best appreciated in a temperature-controlled environment - like a bar! - through a thick pane of glass. Preferably while drinking a cocktail. JJ and LKW will be dragging me kicking and screaming into the Ho.


5) I am ridiculously vain and also not photogenic (this is fact, not just me being vain). I hate having my picture taken, and I will probably spend 99% of my time in Forks holed up in the bathroom at the hotel, fighting what I expect to be near-fatal humid hair. Ooooor I'll bring a scrunchie and a hat. One of those. Again, trying to get over it but no time for therapy!

Here are five random things you should know about Latchkey Wife before you meet her in Forks!

1) Like STY, I'm a happy drunk although I don't drink much anymore. As I get older, the hangovers get worse. And when I say hangover, I'm talking two full days of feeling like absolute garbage. Not something I want to experience in Forks, I've got too much to do and see! Have no fear, I've found that I'm just as foul-mouthed and crazy without alcohol in my system! And truth be known, I'd rather be high than drunk... no hangover

2) I love, LOVE to meet new people! I work in advertising and am always meeting new people and it's one of my favorite parts of my job! I feel like I know so many of you already, but putting a face to a name and chatting with everyone is something I really look forward too. That taller chick futilely attempting to hide behind me? That would be STY...

3) It's difficult for me to not make a funny face when someone takes my picture - just ask anyone in my family. I've ruined more family snapshots by crossing my eyes or sticking out my tongue... I'm just warning you right now.

4) I love to tell jokes and make people laugh. Hearing someone laugh at me is the best. I don't care if it's because I've done something incredibly stupid or what, laughter is one of my favorite sounds. I love to laugh and laugh loud.

5) I'm not a natural blonde. Normally people are very surprised to hear this which is a total ego boost for my hairdresser. I was wicked blond as a kid and I couldn't let go. And I spend oodles of money each year to keep it looking that way.


...and here is Jenny Jerkface's list of five things you should know about her before Forks!

1) I snort when I laugh - I also tend to deny that I do this, depending on how sober I am. Usually I just blame it on bad sinuses.

2) I am super impatient. ML will often attempt to shoo me out of a store if we're stuck online behind someone who a) didn't realize they would actually have to pay for the shit they are buying and then fumble around with their wallet like they've never fucking seen money before or b) have coupons, question the price of something, count out eighteen dollars in nickels, stare absently at the cashier, etc. I'm also rather vocal about my impatience.

3) I'm a loud happy drunk but my Jersey accent gets insane after a few rounds - even other Jerseyans are embarrassed by it. Fuck them.

4) I have texture/food issues and oatmeal and Cheerios make me want to barf. Seriously, just the smell of Cheerios turns my stomach. This list is so absurdly long I'm just going to leave it at the two main culprits.

5) The sound of metal silverware clinking against teeth makes me homicidal. Yes, I need therapy. Also, I fucking CAN'T stand that sound. This is why I ate alone as a child. Which probably explains a lot.


So what are your five??? And not going to Forks? So what! Tell us five random things we should know about you anyway! Looking forward to learning all about your quirks in the comments, llllaaaaaiiiidies!

106 comments:

  1. I love this!

    JJ, just READING your #5 gave me squinty eyes and goosebumps. AAAUGH stupidmetaltoteeth shit!

    ok my 5 even though I'm not going:

    1) When I drink I love everyone and I apologize over and over for being drunk

    2) Sometimes I stare off into space when people are talking to me, but I SWEAR I'm listening, swear it!

    3) I swear to god I'm not picking my nose, I'm adjusting the damn nose ring, gawd!

    4) I like to fart and burp a lot and I forget sometimes I'm not just hanging out with my family

    5) If you ask me about my son, I will tell you his life story, so don't ask if you don't want to know ;)

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  2. WooHoo! First NFW!

    No, I am NOT going to FOOORKS. Tough shit. I HAVE to participate in this list.

    1. I am nearly 100% grey, Like LKW, I spend lots of money and time covering up this fact.
    2. I'm overeducated and underemployed. Have been for years. And I am still embarrassed when I admit it, even to people I'll likely never meet.
    3. I do not share food/drinks/makeup/toiletry items.I'm convinced that is a sure ticket to Legonaire's Disease, or some other plague.
    4. I'm 5'10", so clearly, I'm too fucking tall to join you in FORKS. That's not why I'm not going, though.
    5. I wonder if I'll last through the next 3 weeks of pre-Forks tweets and posts. I feel like Cinderella before the ball.

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  3. aaand if you didn't notice (being the first commenter) I'm connected at the hip to the internet.

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  4. 6. I'm not first. Second. I will always try harder.

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  5. @adonicass I'll share first with you

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  6. Well this stuff is good to know. I'll try to use plastic flatware, wear no perfume (I don't anyway), and laugh at LKW's jokes (this shouldn't be difficult). Me:
    1. I need my Twi-news fix frequently - I check TwiCrack Addict probably a dozen times a day (hi Lorabell!).
    2. I am not shy, but I am a little intimidated by all of you. In a good way. You all seem to know e/o so well and I'm not exactly the most socially confident person. Liquid courage, here I come!
    3. It is quite possible that I will shed a tear or two when I get there. Big impact on my life, yadda yadda. I cry at pretty much anything.
    4. I am a friendly drunk... until you threaten or belittle me or my family. I will cut a bitch. If you need extra muscle in FOOORKS, I'm your gal.
    5. I feel soooo freaking lucky to get to go on this trip. Mr. XKR didn't even put up a fight (I did choose my timing well when I asked him, ahem), and I just feel so blessed to have found you ladies, and can't wait to meet you all!

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  7. @JJ: I am so with you on the silverware against teeth. I hate that noise. There is no reason that a utensil has to hit ones teeth. Completely not nessisary!
    Ok, my 5:

    1. Having serious conversations is a bit hard for me. I have to make sarcastic and funny remarks no matter what I'm talking about or else I can get a bit bored.

    2. I am always looking for a photo opp for mini Edward even at family functions.

    3. I'm an olympic swimmer....NOT..see it's even hard for me to take this seriously.

    4. I like American Eagle jeans.

    5. I think Fiji water is the bomb diggity.

    See you in FOOOOOORRRRKKKSSSS!

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  8. Only 5 things?! Well shit here goes and yes, I'm going to Forks.

    1. I'm from Scotland originally, it is not the strongest of accents due to geography but it is there. I talk fast when drunk but like those before me, the hangover just isn't worth it all of the time.

    2. I love my Texan chums and anyone willing to have some fun with life. Don't judge, either join us or keep your gob shut. Cause you know what? You are a long time dead.

    3. I hate people who are rude. There is no need for it.

    4. I love to travel at every opportunity.

    5. I met JJ in real life in Austin and I survived.

    X

    4. I

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  9. @Cat & adonicass - awww you're sharing! and please remember that cinderalla ultimately WENT TO THE BALL. so see you there?? : )

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  10. Myg here!

    Why, yes! Yes I am going to Forks! Here's my list:

    1. If you ask me just about anything about myself, I am likely to tell you. Most of this I'll regret later, and you may too. This is 10000 times worse if I'm drinking.

    2. If you talk to me about yourself, you're likely to get told what I think you should do next. Sorry in advance.

    3. However much fun I'm having, I'd probably still rather be writing.

    4. I'm going to be a god damned mess over leaving my kids for the first time, however much fun I'm having. I'm planning on crying into VitaminR's Rainier and Mama Cougar's rack for a lot of this trip.

    5. I'm already beginning to feel sad and anxious about the post-Fooorks let down when there's no FFFFOOORRRKKKSSS trip to look forward to and Osa Bella is all done for good.

    And still, I can't fucking wait!

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  11. @my other car - uh yeah i am RIGHT there with you on the liquid courage front! it's going to be a fine line between socially-well-lubed and snockered that i ride during this trip lol!

    @cazza - if you already survived SXSW, forks should be a cake-walk for you!

    @living with edward - just THINK about the many, many photo ops awaiting you and the mini in forks - woot!!! we need a group pic of as many minis as possible!

    : )

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  12. Myg - i have a feeling we are going to need another major "thing" to focus on STAT after Fooorks! although it will take us approximately six months to catch up on forks stuff and be ready for something new lol... we are still not done with blogher stuff! we suuuck at follow-through. gah. i move at glacial speed...sorry!

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  13. @STY: Yes, we must get all the minis in one shot. I hope it doesn't get violent though. I have had some interesting experience with multiple minis.

    I have been dying to get a photo of mini Edward on La Push for over a year now. I am so glad I am going to get to cross that off the list.

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  14. @Cat MWAH!

    @STY I was going to say something very nasty about fairy godmothers. I'm hedging my bets and shutting up *thudfromTwitardia*

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  15. Excellent info ladies...good stuff to know.

    Ok here we go...

    1. I'm not a big drinker...but don't expect me to hold your hair if you puke...It ain't gonna happen, unless there is room in the porcelain goddess for the both of us at the same time.

    2.People tend to mistake my quietness for shyness. This isn't the case, I promise you. If I don't have anything to say, I just keep my trap shut. I love meeting new people and can not wait to meet all of you!!

    3. I laugh...A LOT...like as much as possible (@JJ, I'm a snorter too...it will be like a mating call across the crowded bar!) I am all about getting people to laugh with me as well.

    4. This trip is the craziest thing I've done in a very long time....I own a business and generally work 7 days a week. The thought of being completely free of responsibility makes me want to jump with joy and do a little dance.

    5. I'm a hugger, so don't be afraid to come up and grab me when we meet!!!

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  16. 1. I don't drink alcohol.

    2. I don't curse (unless really really mad and I hope that wouldn't happen in Forks).

    3. I cry when sad AND when happy.

    4. I am gluten free and very very picky about the food I eat - don't worry if you don't see me eat (I am a vampire really).

    5. I am afraid to see Toy Story 3 ... for the aforementioned #3 :)

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  17. I'm pretty depressed that I can't make it to Forks for your shindig. As it is--I'm just hoping to get up there in the next year because I love the Northwest so much, but I hope you all have a blast!

    five things:
    #1. I pace ridiculously when I'm on the phone. I have no idea what that's all about, but I absolutely cannot sit still while talking to someone.
    #2. Walnuts. Hate them. Black Walnut ice cream seems equally as repulsive as if there were a Braunschweiger flavored ice cream. Gross.
    #3. Breastfeeding in public. Yes, I'm one of those poeple who are not comfortable looking at your tits. If I've had three too many drinks and I'm flashing someone, that's one thing...but seeing tits and milk spewing out of a baby's mouth, while I'm eating lunch in the food court? No thank you.
    #4. Although I feel that I've greatly improved, I have a fair amount of road rage. If you have a cell phone attatched to your ear, and you're driving in the hammer lane doing exactly the speed limit, then I feel I have the right to a few light slams to your back and front quarterpanel. Seriously, get the fuck over and let me speed as usual.
    #5. I am the BIGGEST pussy when it comes to my eyes, and even using moisture drops is torture. Thank god I have 20/20 vision...for now.

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  18. I love this!!! I'm not going to FOOORKS :( but this is my 5

    1) I am a flirty drunk. Get a few in me and I'm smiling, laughing, and doing all the things I normally hate seeing girls do to get a guys attention.

    2) I am a very picky eater... no seafood of any kind, minimal red meat, no pork, no mushy food ie bananas and mashed potatoes. My food dislikes could go on for days :)

    3) I can't listen to loud music it makes me physically ill so I go to very few concerts or loud bars

    4) I sleep a LOT and do not like being disturbed while I'm sleeping. One you wake me up I can't get back to sleep and your likely to end up battered and bruised if you wake me

    5) I am quite perverted and sarcastic(or as many people would consider me a bitch with a dirty mouth). Most times I cannot contain my inappropriateness and don't particularly care when I offend people :)

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  19. 5 Things To Know About Lindsay Rae:

    1) Shy I am not. In fact, if your hotel room is cracked open, I'll prolly walk in, sit down, and want to talk for a bit. Just to get to know you. And if you look shy (I'm looking at you, STY), I will DEFINITELY find my way to you and chat you up. I hate it when people look like they're not being included/enjoying themselves.

    2) I'm snobby about beer, but I'm not below drinking a clear beer (domestic, light, and cold) if it's offered. Oh, and I love Jameson. And I have a tendency to not know realize how drunk I am until the next morning.

    3) I'm rooming with Derry/neverthink and I will probably be attatched to Toey and Pimpy's hips. I love those ladies, and my heart is racing to finally get to hang out with them. If you wanna hang out with us non-planners, we will be the Queens of Winging It.

    4) You will have to drag me away from the karaoke mic, or maybe put me on a song limit. I'm not a great singer, but I can hold a tune, and I know a shit ton of music.

    5) I snore. Especially when drunk. I'll be giving Derry a pair of earplugs as a peace offering.

    @Toey: I can't wait to hear the mating calls! And I am full of butterflies to finally meet you!



    FOOORRRKKKSSS!!! OME IT'S ALMOST HEEEEERRRREEEEE!!!

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  20. 1) Happy drunk, but watch out as my knees randomly seem to stop working and I'll fall down.

    2)My thumbs are two different sizes/shapes.

    3)I have an itty bit of an anxiety issue. So, let me drive as much as possible, and ignore the fact that I'm checking my purse for the 4th time in a day because I'm convinced I lost something.

    4)I must eat breakfast. Must.

    5)I'm so excited to meet everyone! I just know it's going to be soooo much fun. :)

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  21. I am so sad not to be going to Forks but here are my 5 anyway

    1. I am a flirty drunk. I am typically shy but if I've been drinking I will talk to people (usually guys) like I am the sexiest girl on the plant : )

    2. I love to sleep!!! Anytime anywhere but do not and I repeat do not wake me up!!!!

    3. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue. Even the really short ones.

    4. I take my Edward blanket everywhere I go. I can't sleep without it.

    5. I teach preschool so I can handle all things gross. If you need someone to hold your hair I'm your girl!

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  22. 1. I get nervous in crowds. Usually I try to go as unnoticed as possible. Being 4' 11", it's not that hard.

    2. On the flip side, after a few drinks, I love you and want to know everything about you.

    3. @ Myg, I am also freaked out about leaving my kids. The only reason I am awake right now is because I was lying in bed thinking about it and had to get up before I had a full blown panic attack.

    4. I have serious control issues.

    5. I still can't believe this trip is really going to happen. It just seems to good to be true.

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  23. 5 things to know about Monkeygirl1969

    1) I don't drink. I actually stopped drinking when I turned 21. Ironic I know. I have had a slip or 2 of a drink to taste it but I don’t really count that as drinking. I think I will be the only sober person in Forks. Which is ok…I am often the designated driver.

    2) I have actually been to Forks. I went last summer and really once you been to Forks why do you need to go again but I could not miss this opportunity to meet all of y'all.

    3) I do say y'all. I have lived in Washington State for 29 years but I'm still a southern girl at heart.

    4) I hate going places by myself. That is why I am dragging my friend with me. She is new to the fandom. She just finished reading the twilight series last month and now she is often late to work because I have introduced her to the world of fanfiction. 

    5) While we are at Forks it will be my 22nd wedding anniversary. I was worried about mentioning the trip to my hubs but he is cool with us celebrating our anniversary another weekend. Micki Martini is also celebrating her anniversary in Forks with us. We are going to have a toast to our hubs.

    I can’t wait to meet everyone! It will be here soon!!!!

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  24. 1. I am shy, but I want to meet everyone so I am going to get over myself.

    2. I curse like a sailor. I attribute this to being a Navy brat.

    3. I love my S/O, but I like being alone, too. 5 years ago I walked across Spain by myself. Yeah, I did get mugged. But it was still an awesome trip. My S/O travels a lot plus I didn't meet him until I was 32 so I am used to traveling alone.

    4. I'm an aggressive driver. But probably not in a rental car.

    5. I'm so excited to meet you!!!

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  25. 1) I have little to no patience. For almost everything. In fact, this might not make it past #2

    2) If I have to read how to put something together or how to play or use it? I get a pain in my right eye and wonder why I fucking bought it...might explain the vacuum cleaner and bbq put together with no tools

    3) No offense to HIM, You, Her, the Pope, etc. Stop sending me all of those GOD DAMN religious emails. FUCK!

    4) I drive better than everyone. Know this. The world would be a better place if the population accepted this

    5) When I drink I am a happy drunk but I just might grab your ass or boob. Hell, I might even be found in a corner grabbing myself

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  26. Hmmm five things.

    1. Everyone always thinks I'm younger than I am, they are usually about 5 years or more off. Granted I don't dress or act my age: 48

    2. I'm a loud friendly drunk, sorry in advance if I yell in your ear. But on the other hand, don't mess with my friends or family, cause then you'll meet the other side of my Gemini personality and that bitch will cut ya.

    3. According to Mama Cougar I have a distinctive laugh. Didn't know that, but hey. I like to laugh and usually when I'm nervous I laugh even more. So yah I'll be laughing a lot at Forks.

    4. I'm not shy maybe a little socially awkward, but if I have nothing relevant to add to a conversation I keep quiet and just listen.

    5. I can't stand rudeness and I will not put up with it. I am usually a little outspoken about it.

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  27. 1. I am a little nervous about probably being the oldest person there. Don't laugh at me for acting like a kid - I'm having a good time.

    2. 3 beers is my max limit. So if you see me ordering #4, smack me. And gag me, as I will be talking way too much by then.

    3. I drop the F-bomb way too much but really can't use the "c" word. (it's a generational thing) (Is twatwaffle a swear word? Cause I love that one!) Fan Fiction has made my swearing worse, which combined with my sarcasm and snark can either make me real funny or a pain in the ass.

    4. I. DO. NOT. DO. MORNINGS.

    5. Music. Must have music. Rock music. It nourishes my soul.

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  28. Jeez - I just looked at the East Coast time stamp on my post. You poor people are going to have to be getting up in a few.

    I'm just heading off to bed cause I'm on VACAY! After I promised myself I would not stay up late and would keep work sleeping hours since I am going from a 75% work week to 100% next week and it will suck ass losing my 3 day weekend.

    Tomorrow night. 11 pm. Lights out. No Fan Fiction after 10 pm.

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  29. I’m Caitlin Scully. Most friends just call me Scully. Most friends of friends have a minor epiphany when they realize that “Caitlin” and “Scully” are indeed the same person: me.

    1. I’m loud, extroverted, ridiculous, and nerdy
    2. I’m a girl of extremes – I love it, hate it, or I don’t really care (I’m sure everyone can guess what Twilight falls under).
    3. When I was in kindergarten I said I wanted to study whales when I grow up. Now I’m the naturalist on whale watching boats.
    4. I am a self proclaimed “short, dark, and busty” mostly Italian from Connecticut (the ‘just outside the city’ part of Connecticut), who now lives in San Diego.
    5. my favorite things are: cetaceans, sharks, dinosaurs, David Bowie, David Attenborough, random facts, tote bags, bocce ball, cooking, sharpies, floating, Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Wayne's World, nature photography, and my dog Sir Charlie von Wooferton Prancealot

    This is a 2 week endeavor for me ladies, and I’m SO EXCITED! the Forks Motel will be the first “real” bed and bathroom after my first 5 nights of camping along the coast – it’s going to feel like the Ritz and I can’t wait!

    My friend Jess is joining us too. Since she has been on a boat in the arctic for the last month, and will continue to be freezing her ass off until about a week before Forks, I’ll fill you guys in with a few things about her:

    1. She is 6 feet tall and a redhead, you can’t miss her (just don’t say “hey you look like that girl from that 70s show”).
    2. She listens to whales for a living – they say weooooooo (it’s true, I used to help her)
    3. She LOVES her family and big dogs
    4. She was Marvin the Martian last Halloween and it was one of the best handmade costumes I’ve ever seen
    5. She was the only person I could initially confide in when it came to intense twilight loving – she’s cool like that

    p.s. heres our #5.5
    just so everyone knows we are 24 and 27 (respectively) and we can DRINK. guess who will be ordering the rounds of shots...

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  30. I am soo jealous of all you twatwaffles that I would vomit on your shoes if I could....but alas.....I live in South Africa...so your shoes are safe!

    My 5 random facts:

    1-I have the foulest mouth EVER and it just got worse after I discovered Twitarded and fanfic!

    2-I got my husband to read MOTU and our sexlife improved to the point where I am starting to classify myself as nymphomaniac!

    3-I have the worst eyesight ever and cannot see jackshit without my contacts.

    4-My obsession with Twilight has resulted in me corrupting several of my friends with fanfic and my 4yr old ADORES Edward....my work here is done!

    5-I am a firm believer in possitive thinking and WILL dispense advice at every possible opportunity!

    Chow twatwaffles!

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  31. OK I'm not going to Forks (being on a separate continent restricts things somewhat)but I just HAD to say my piece.

    1. I can be loud, obnoxious and nosey, but I am a bit of a shy introvert at heart and don't do too well in large social situations. Liquid courage, however, REALLY helps.

    2. I have to have my say, and, generally the last word. Hence my need to comment on pretty much every blog post. And when I got into twitter - oh my god, the eavesdropping a girl can do! Fab!

    3. Most of the time, I'd rather be alone. Since the discovery of fan fiction, this has increased. And... I wonder why I'm still single.

    4. I'm 30. And OK with that. 29 was harder to deal with. The hardest thing about 30 for me is that 99% of people I know are coupled and are reproducing. My ovaries do ache a little at small, cute things.

    5. I love loud music in the car. A good sing-a-long is fucking awesome. Especially something rock. Muse has become a fave since Twilight, and Kings of Leon are also rating highly, especially after reading Maybe by 107yearoldvirgin. RocknRollward... mmmm.

    Oh yeah, and I feel the need to go on and on, hence I never post a short comment. Have fun in Forks, bitches.

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  32. I wish I was going to Forks! Here is my list of things you didn't want to know about me.

    1. I've been married 3 times.
    2. The day after I was diagnosed as post-menopausal, I got pierced like Bella in CW&IA.
    3. I'm a morning person (as long as there is COFFEE).
    4. I hate to excercise.
    5. My dream job when I was little was to be a Mom. Talk about aiming high.

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  33. OME I so wish I was going on this Forks trip! You twats are going to have SO MUCH FUN!!!

    Me?
    1) I'm shy. And insecure. I'll talk to you, tell you anything really, talk your ear off, but you'll have to make the first move. Once people know me they are always surprised when I say I'm shy because
    2) I'm loud. I have no inside voice. My boss laments this on a regular basis
    3) When I drink, which isn't often, I'm a very happy drunk. I'm likely to tell you that I love you.
    4) I hate mouth noises. I don't want to hear anyone kissing or chewing. This makes dinnertime at home with a 3.5 and 5 year old very annoying!
    5) I have mama guilt - I have no problem leaving my kids for a few days. Up to a week if I'm away on business (the only reason I'm not crying about missing Forks is cause I'll be in London). I MISS ALONE TIME! Me time now consists of RPattz/twilight/fanfic/blogs and house cleaning... the house is losing! Big time.

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  34. love love LOVE all of your fives! aand shyness & the fact that i'll be freaking out aside, i can't wait to meet you all in forks, too! WOOOT!!!

    don't have time to comment on all the interesting stuff i just read about you all, but wish i did! this week is going to do it's best to break me, but i won't let that stupid office grind get me down - nope - not me... keep 'em coming - i'll definitely be popping in when i need a pick-me-up later. : )

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  35. I'm going to FORKS!! But, ya'll may not want me to after THIS! Ha.

    1.) I am super shy when I first meet people. I'll smile and nod, but it takes me a bit to warm up and talk.

    2.) Unless I'm drinking. If I'm drinking, I talk. And talk. And talk. And freaking talk. It's madness.

    3.) I have an Okie/Texas accent. Deal with it. And, please don't tell me it's cute. That bugs me.

    4.) I have to have caffeine first thing in the morning. If the motel doesn't have a coffee pot in the lobby or a pop machine in the hall- please steer clear of me until I can get some liquid crack in my system.

    5.) I snore. I'm bring TJ and Kristen ear plugs and maybe even myself some no-snore strips. Even though everyone knows those little mothereffers don't even freaking work.

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  36. @red_bella, most people think I'm younger than I am too. Sometimes off 5-10 years. In my case, it's all smoke and mirrors. I color my gray and I'm usually spanxed up one side and down the other. But I also feel young :)

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  37. 1. I haven't decide if I'm going or not. I REALLY want to meet all of you but I don't know if I can leave my 18 mo old just yet.

    2. I have never had a hangover. Which makes most of my friends jealous because I can drink a LOT with no morning after bomb going off in my head :)

    3. I am a morning person. So with that being said I will stay away from most of you. Just come and find me when you wake up.

    4. I am always up for anything. Hey I only get one life and I am going to enjoy it to the fullest.

    5. I am a peacekeeper. I hate fighting and tension and will go out of my way to try and make everyone happy.

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  38. I can't afford a transatlantic flight (and then some) flight right now :( *sob* But I'm gonna bore ya with random facts about me anyway.

    1. I'm a night person. Bright sunshine gives migraines and just generally pisses me off. In fact my mom calls me a vampire. Anyhoo, needless to say I am NOT a morning person.

    2. I'm a heavy sleeper. Seriously, I could sleep through world war 3. Also I've been told I snore and talk on my sleep.

    3. I'm a huge nerd who's never minded being alone. I guess I'm kinda like my dad that way ;)

    4. I'm allergic to any meat, milk or cheese produced by sheep or goats.

    5. I have a slight American accent even though I've never lived there. My dad's American and I guess I just picked it up from him over the years.

    Soooo...that's more than you guys ever needed to know about me. So here's some more useless info:
    I'm socially awkward like STY, I snort when I laugh (and blame it on my sinuses) like JJ, get accused of picking my nose when I'm adjusting my piercing like cat, hate mouth noises like Smitten and people think I'm younger than I am like RedBella. Which can actually be a disadvantage when you're 25.

    Have fun in Foooooorks bitches! And have extra fun for those of us who can't make it.

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  39. First, let me say that I won't be hard to identify - I'll be the one with @Myg's face buried in my cleavage - which is...shall we say, adequate.

    Second - @red_bella has a HILARIOUS laugh that starts as a wheeze and then turns a tiny bit evil. It's kinda hot when you think about it.

    Third - I'm so down with JJ on the sound of utensils on teeth and I'll up her annoyance by saying it's really squicky for me to even hear people chew & swallow. Not sure WTF this is all about, it's a recent avoidance.

    Okay....my five:

    1) NOT SHY. Not shy sober, not shy drunk, not shy in a box, not shy wearing socks. Not shy with dorks, and NOT SHY IN FORKS.

    2) I FUCKING HATE BUGS. I have had a serious bug phobia since the age of 16 and if a bug touches me or even gets close, I get hysterical. Do NOT even entertain the idea of a practical joke on me involving bugs, dead or alive. Shit will get ugly real fucking quick.

    3) I snore. Sorry @DangrDafne (roomie in SEA) & @LivingWithEdward & Sandy (roomies in FORKS) but I really can't help it. Just ask @17ForeverLisa who has immortalized said sounds on her blog.

    4) I cannot be friends with anyone who doesn't wash their hands after using the restroom. Sorry...but, no. I'm not an OCD handwasher, but if you wiped...even with good TP coverage, your hand was still close to your CootSuit and it needs to be washed. I've lost some good friends over this. Seriously.

    5) I have a sister who is a lesbian, and I'm dyed-in-the-wool liberal. I believe love is love and in live and let live. I have no idea why I am so in love with a saga that promotes conservative Christian ideals, I just am. I LOVED that Bella tried to get Edward to fuck her, and I eyerolled when he said no. Still, if you're into Elizabeth Hasselback and calling black people "colored" our relaysh will probably not work out.

    FFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKSSSSSSS!!!

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  40. I am sooo excited to be meeting ya'll in just a few short weeks.
    I'll give you 5 little facts.

    1. I love to laugh and enjoy meeting new people. Sometimes I'm quiet and I like to take it all in. Sometimes I'm loud and the life of the party. -Tequilla will deside the person.

    2. Tequilla is my FRIEND- I don't drink alot, but I found a couple shots of Patron leaves me silly,and gives me no morning hangover. I like not having a hangover. At my age 46- a hangover can ruin my entire day.

    3. I have re-read certain chapters of MOTU-can I just say that MOTU is fucking HOT!!!I love the QUEEN.

    4.I have fallen in LOVE with the likes of all of you..And sometimes like TL better than RL just sayin.

    5.I'm secretly hoping that we can meet once a year in FOOORKS for a TWITARDED get together-I adore that JJ-LKW-STY- have made this site so fun and welcoming..Love ya'll FOOOOOOOORKS

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  41. First off, I feel the unecessary need to share with you the one's I have in common w/STY, LKW, and JJ.

    STY: #2 Happy Drunk - check, #3 Sensitive Nose - check.

    LKW: #1 "And truth be known, I'd rather be high than drunk... no hangover" - here, here sister!, #2 Meeting New People - check.

    JJ: #3 Happy Loud Drunk, #4 Texture/Food Issues (though not Cheerios or oatmeal), #5 Metal on Teeth!

    Okay - now here are five about me that I can think of now:

    1. I am often mistaken for sweet and innocent. Pfft! I'm not sure why, but it happens. In truth, well, you all know the truth. I CAN be sweet, but I lost my shot with innocent ages ago.

    2. I laugh - A LOT! I get giggly when I'm intoxicated, but I laugh a lot sober too. I'm a pretty damn happy person, in general. Not irritatingly so, though. Promise.

    3. I can't stand pushy people. If you can't respect the people around you, fuck off! ;) I'm just saying that everyone is different, so be understanding and tolerant.

    4. I'm a soda addict. I drink it morning, noon, and night. Wild Cherry Pepsi. It's my biggest vice. I've tried to kick the habit, but am too weak or lazy or both to give it up. My neurologist would love it if I did though. Apparently, caffeine isn't the best for people with migraines. Hmm - like I said, I tried. If in Forks, you bring me a Cherry Pepsi, I will subsequently sing your praises to the world. ;)

    5. I'm a total optimist. I may be snarky at times, even a bit bitchy, but underneath it all, I've seen enough of pain/suffering to know how to find the light in the dark. Plus, I was born this way. And raised this way. I can almost always find some kind of encouragement to help. Not the cheesey, kind either. Honest opinions that stem from my eternal optimism. I've been in the middle of my own personal hell and still found reasons to smile. Not all the time, of course. I have my moments. Just overall, I see the good.

    Okay - that's my 5! I can't wait to read what everyone else wrote.

    WV: It's his rod,se?

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  42. Alright- here goes-
    and yes, I AM going to FOOORRRKKKKS!!

    !. Not only do I 100% agree with JJF and MC but will add a couple more things that make ME homicidal- soup slurping- and whistling, does this make me a grouchy bitch? I cannot STAND whistling. Sorry, but you just can't get a whistle in tune and it makes me fucking nuts!

    2. I am extremely shy and awkward in large social situations, until a couple of cocktails then all is well with the world.

    3. Disorganization and clutter make me anxious and bitchy, just ask my 5 kids. Why, oh why do I not have just one anal-retentive kid?

    4. I have a potty mouth, a seriously bad potty mouth. You have been warned. It just makes me feel better :-) Since I try to restrain myself around my kids it can be bad on girls night out

    5. Something nice? well, I am a huge Disney fan. Like a real Disney geek, it's my happy place- second only to anything twi-related
    bad day? just pick up my TS books, fanfic or any related website and I am haaapppeeehhhhh
    FOOORRRRKKKKS

    I cannot wait to meet every single fucking one of you :-)

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  43. JJ - you and I will hit it off. I just about blow a brain vein when I get stuck behind someone at the toll booth who stops then starts rummaging for their wallet like they didn't know they'd have to pay a toll to use that road. This happens at an expressway entrance that has a pass scanner or exact change only. We should be flying through, but NOOOOOOOOO, some jerk is just realizing they don't have exact change. After holding everyone up forEVER, they just drive away without paying!!! (I know my daughter reads the comments, so I won't finish this off with what words really come to mind now :) - Hi Honey!

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  44. Eden (@defenderofmice)September 7, 2010 at 12:15 PM

    So, me. I'm going to FOOORRRRKKKKSSS (bunking with red_bella), and narrowing things down to five was difficult.

    1) I'm a TMI girl, drunk or otherwise. Apologies in advance. This also means you can tell me anything and I'm unlikely to flinch (much).
    I also write codes of what not to do on my hand if I'm anticipating a night of drinking (read: socially awkward).

    2) I have a tendency towards freaky bursts of energy. This can manifest in forms reminiscent of Phoebe in that old Friends episode when she and Rachel try to take up jogging. I don't expect you to join in (though you're welcome to) and will try not to annoy you.

    3) I do this stupid clasped-hands-eyelash-fluttering weirdness bullshit when ordering in restaurants. Please kick me if you see me start it; its origin is a mystery to me and I'm trying to break the habit.

    4) I like to travel to places others would consider to have a less than ideal climate, usually for things like concerts (or, um, meet-ups with people I met on the internet; this is number two), which could be done for less money and hassle at home, kind of how some people buy books or household items while on vacation as a way of attaching interesting associations that can be triggered later on by the souvenir. It's also a way for me to see "less popular" locales, often alone as I don't have to talk someone else into coming.

    5) I try to be unfailingly polite and considerate. Rudeness is a plague. Sometimes I slip up, and am mortified when it dawns on me.

    Can't wait to meet you in the flesh!

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  45. @Cat - I suspect you and I have a lot in common. I tend to stare off into space also. Except that I really am not listening. STY yells at me to pay attention and I insist I am and then I immediately do the exact opposite of what she said.

    @all who can't stand the sound of people chewing/swallowing etc. -- I am SO with you. Not sure why, but it irks the shit out of me.

    I will say that I have been told that I come off a little rude/snotty at times. I swear I'm not!! See "not paying attention" from above. I try and then I get totally distracted and wander off. I've done this when I'M talking, for crying out loud. I really need some Ritalin or something.

    Can't wait to meet all of you!!

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  46. @Cat - I suspect you and I have a lot in common. I tend to stare off into space also. Except that I really am not listening. STY yells at me to pay attention and I insist I am and then I immediately do the exact opposite of what she said.

    @all who can't stand the sound of people chewing/swallowing etc. -- I am SO with you. Not sure why, but it irks the shit out of me.

    I will say that I have been told that I come off a little rude/snotty at times. I swear I'm not!! See "not paying attention" from above. I try and then I get totally distracted and wander off. I've done this when I'M talking, for crying out loud. I really need some Ritalin or something.

    Can't wait to meet all of you!!

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  47. I have to say that the fact that so many people are saying that they have zero tolerance for rude people is REALLY making me happy! i am the same way. er even though most of my 5 kinda make me sound like a superficial hermit jerk kinda thing. oops.

    and in my defense, i REALLY pushed myself out of my comfort zone with the trip to blogher; i was so social that i think JJ was convinced that the REAL STY had been abducted by aliens and replaced with this new, less introverted model - lol! let's just say that blogging has changed me in many ways (and i'm not just talking about my sex life or my hoo-hoo either).

    : )

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  48. OMG...This post was genius. Apparently, we're all WAY more alike than we thought. This is going to be EPIC.

    I love getting to know all of you this way! I'm loving you all SO much more!!

    A little note for all of you Twitards who think you're too old, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too fat, too skinny....Fuck it all. We're gonna party like we just got into the most exclusive sorority on campus. BOOYAH!!!!!

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  49. @JJ - I'm with you on the chewing, gross eating habits thing. The epitomy: buffalo wings!!!! WTF people?! Can you NOT tongue the shit out of the bone that's left?! I don't eat food that's still attached to the bone, either, but I'm weird about my food.

    @STY - I have a feeling with THIS group, you'll feel comfortable a lot more quickly than other social situations. ;) You already love us! Remember? And we already love you! It'll be a breeze!

    See? Optimism. I just can't help it. Fuck.

    WV: osabu. Osa B****, U fuckawesome fic!!!

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  50. Wow... that's a lot of fives! I'm going to Forks, and here's my list:

    1. Like someone said above, I'm slightly intimidated by ya'll. I hate being in a crowd feeling left out and insignificant.

    2. I talk a lot, but maybe not when I speak english. I think a lot faster than I find the english words in the brain, so even though I know a lot of english I might sound like I don't. I'm not stupid, just Swedish... I suspect it'll be a lot easier when I'm drunk though!

    3. Sometimes people don't get my jokes, which is weird...

    4. I have microphone phobia and freak out if someone hands me a mic. So for me to do karaoke I need to be really drunk. I always want to, but never dare.

    5. I don't have a problem leaving my kids at home. It's not the first time I've done it, and hubby's well trained. I'm a bit afraid of flying though. It's mostly okay when I'm up there, but before that... *shudders*

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  51. LKW- The blonde thing...yup me too! Born blonde, blonde kid...blonde now with help and lotsa $$$. Btw, it doesn't look like you highlight your hair.

    JJ-I have no patience either. None.

    STY-My hair is already stressing me out.

    Ok my Five:

    1. Whenever I travel I get a poopy stomach. Truthfully I'm terrified that I will have an upset stomach on the way to Forks from nervous excitement. I'm getting poopy just talking about it. I will be popping Pepto like it's crack.

    2. I need sleep. I really love my sleep. Of course I don't plan on sleeping in and missing out on fun shit in Forks, but if you see me abruptly disappear from the bar, it's because I decided I'm tired and want to go to bed. It happens in 5 seconds flat.

    3. A. When I drink I tend to give TMI. Like I pretty much have no filter when in regards to the stuff I'll say about myself. B. I also tend to get a little dirrrrty. Like I may or may not act as though I'm humping FSE...if he's in the vicinity.

    4. I'm not shy, at all. In fact I talk A LOT sometimes. But, I can also be super quiet...just taking it all in...observing.

    5. I'm overly sensitive. Like I get my feeling hurt pretty easily...just sayin'. I need to grow thicker skin.

    FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORKS!

    xo J

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  52. Let me just say, I am more excited about this trip than I was when I lost my virginity.

    My fives:

    1) I never leave home without my iPad. I just don't.

    2) I have food issues. In that I eat a special diet, no I'm not a vamp, I wish. I am gluten and dairy free (dairy gives me massive, days or weeks long migraines-had one for 2 1/2 YEARS before we figured out why). And to severely make my food issues worse, I am also a vegetarian.

    3) I am sort of shy. It takes me like forever to really let you get to know me but then I will tell you any minute detail of my life, as long as it does not involve any feelings-than I close up tighter than Edward when Bella was trying to get some ass.

    4) I am a rather artsy, creative type. I have to be creative in some capacity or I feel totally helpless. I love to paint, my avi is one of my own paintings. I also make glass stuff, which I will bring to share.

    5) I LOVE to write. I have a 60k word novel started that I do plan to finish, but the bulk was written out of grief so I took a step back to gain some perspective on it. I also have a FF I am working on and will be starting novel #2 in November. I am writing 99% of the time, sometimes its just in my head. We can be talking, I am paying attention, but I am also listening to dialogue in my head. All the time. Sorry.

    FFOOoooOOORrRRRKKKKKKKkkkkkKKSS!!!

    Btw, I am bringing a friend, she'll be the one with a coffee cup, no matter what time of day. She is a Twi fan, no where near as obsessed as some of us **cough*me*cough**

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  53. @inotu - I AM GLUTEN FREE TOO!!!! What are your plans for eating in Forks? I am bring food with me to be safe.

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  54. Hey... here's 5 more from me!

    1. Everything I eat gives me the shits.
    2. I love to chew with my mouth open and smack my lips (and I can't wait to do this at the same table as Jenny Jerkface)
    3. I love being a rude and pushy bitch.
    4. I have the habit of tapping my silverware on my teeth while waiting for my food to arrive.
    5. Oh and did I already mention that I looooooove to joke?? LOL!!

    Just kidding... I can almost sense the angry mob forming now to take me down the moment I arrive in Forks!!

    Can't wait to meet everyone in Foooooorrrrkksss!!! It's going to be EPIC!!

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  55. Not going to Forks, but my 5

    1) I need A LOT of sleep. I get super cranky if I do not get at least 9 hours a night. I turn into Joan Crawford with wire hangers if I do not get the rest I require.

    2) I need to eat at regular intervals. See above.

    3) I cannot walk on metal grates/drains on the sidewalk. Freaks me out. I am so afraid I am going to fall through and be forced to live with the sewer people.

    4) Love to laugh and make people laugh. I love to laugh until I hurt. I have an odd sense of humor so it does not always translate well with normal people.

    5) I must read before I go to bed. If you try to talk to me while I am reading, you are likely to get hit over the head by a hard cover version of Breaking Dawn.

    Bring me back some sporks from Forks.

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  56. @Latchkey Wife - what part of "makes me fucking homicidal" did you not understand. ;)

    If you do that to me, I'm gonna pee in your suitcase.

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  57. oK, Since I'm the ultimate procrastinator and more than a little strapped for cash I may or may not be coming to FOOORKS depending on how awesomely my birthday (the big 3-0 ) goes in two days, sooo, just in case......
    1) I've never been drunk, I usually just drink to a steady buzz and quit cause I don't want to spend any more $$ so I have no Idea what kind of drunk I am lol.

    2) When I'm away from my Hubs I am a whore-ible flirt lol, I can't help it 15 years of togetherness makes me want to verbally molest every hot piece of manliness I see, and boobs are nice too so don't be offended :)

    3) I have an awful mouth and a large vocabulary, I Love words; making up words, combining odd words. I tend to be overly loquatious once you get me talking and I kinda get irked at people that can't properly use words with more than two syllables, I don't mean to seem an elitist bitch about it but....

    4)I'm afraid of clowns, not that I'd expect any heinous fuckery of that sort in Forks but you never know...

    5)I LOVE to sing,music is always in my head and karaoke is my greatest weakness and if given the opportunity I'd be the only one on the little bar stage just crooning my heart out...I "bought my daughter" a karaoke machine for x mas, one kids themed cd and 6 60's thru the 90's just so I could use it to fight off my random bouts of angstyness.

    So cross your toes that the moms comes thru with my tix to WA on Thurs......I hope I hope I hope...

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  58. I am so ridiculously excited about going to FOORRRRRRKKSSS!! It's like you guys live inside my head and I already know you :)

    Here's my five:

    1. I tend to get intimidated and shy around large groups of people I don't know, but I swear I'm a nice person.
    2. I'm a total drinking lightweight and will think pretty much everything is hysterical after 2 margaritas.
    3. I don't sleep much and am not a morning person. Let me say that again, SO NOT a morning person.
    4. I will constantly fuss with my hair and it will still look awful.
    5. I'll spontaneously agree to do just about anything RPatz or Twilight related, so hopefully my poor judgement won't be tested in Forks :)

    Looking forward to lots of fun!

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  61. I have to say that this is fascinating - if you told me a year ago that I'd care enough about a group of people I'd never met to read every. single. one. of your 5's, I would have laughed at you. But here I am, and I read every word. Can't wait to meet you guys in FOOOOORKS!

    @Casch - Hi (again) Mom! Uh, you know what blog this is, right? Do you really think I haven't heard those words before? :)

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  62. @dangrdafne I will definitely bring some stuff with me, Larabars or Kind bars, maybe something homemade depending on time. I figure there are not too many people talented enough to make a salad totally unconsummable. And if I have to hit up a grocery store for a couple of bananas or something I will. The dairy is harder to get around, especially in my coffee, which probably should have been one of my top fives. I must have a cup of coffee in the morning. Guess I can research some stores/options between now and then. Think they sell rice milk in Forks?

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  63. I am going to FOOOORKS! I can’t wait to meet all of you! While reading these responses, it’s surprising to see just how similar most of us are!

    Okay, my five…

    1. Like @inoutu, I am a vegetarian and have been for 16 years. When you compute that I’m only 26, that says a little more. I’m the most anal (har har har) lacto-vegetarian (no meat, no eggs) you might ever meet. If I don’t know what’s in it, I won’t eat it. Cooked on the same pan as meat? Won’t eat it. On the same plate as an egg-containing product? Won’t eat it. Yyyyeah, I know, I know.

    2. I have an irrational empathy towards animals. I can’t watch the nature channel when the gazelle is running from the cheetah because I feel so bad for the cheetah. What about the baby cheetahs the mother is trying to feed? Yeah, still can’t do it. I can’t watch planet earth or other stuff like that cause it sends me into crying fits. Deep seeded issues much? Lol.

    3. I recently graduated from nursing school and because of the shitty economy, and the fact that no hospital will hire without 2 years of experience in a particular field, I have no job and am able to go to FOOOORRRKKKSSS! I will be singing a different tune come January and my loans are due.

    4. I’m trying to cut back on the swearing. When my military husband tells me I have a dirty mouth and that I need to act more like a lady, that says something. I have a tendency to be voted “most classy” amongst my sarcastic friends. I am sure you twat-waffles are not helping my cause.

    5. I have a tendency to share too much information. I sometimes forget that the world can be a “judgy” place and often share a little more about myself than I should (eg. a Twitarded post where I, ahem, “outed” myself, but I love you non-judgy beezies). When I am drunk, the somewhat small filter that I do have completely disappears.

    Hope you all plan to enjoy learning too much about me! Muahhaah! I know I look forward to learning too much about all of you!

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  64. @inotu - yes I think you will find rice milk in Forks but if you are coming in through Seattle you might be better off getting it there first. Email me at if you want and we can discuss particulars about our diet and what to do in Forks - dangrdafne@gmail.com -
    I see from your blogger profile you are from Maryland - I am in Pennsylvania - hi neighbor :)

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  65. Oh yeah, number six... I'm kind of verbose. Note my thesis length response.

    VW: founfart. Fart, heh.

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  66. Well damn, I already really wish I was joining ya'll in Forks, but now I really wanna! I'll be there in exactly one week though (squeeeee!!) I'm going to try and find a way of leaving my "A Twitard Was Here!" mark somewhere in that damn town.

    Ok, here's my five:

    (And did anyone else find it hard to wittle your list down to 5??)

    1. I think cilantro and green peppers are vial and disgusting and have no business being on my plate.

    2. I can’t stand the “at” people. “Where’re you AT?”, Where’s it AT?”. Seriously, I worry one day I will cause bodily harm to a grammar offender.

    3. I don't have pierced ears (or any other body part) but I do have tattoos... figure that one out.

    4. I don't like the telephone. Don't call me just to chat, have a reason and get to it otherwise I get antsy and start to pace.

    5. I talk to myself. A lot. At work, at home, in the car. I talk to my dog too and no, I don't think she (always) understand me but she does cock her head to the side so I know she's listening.

    Someone once described me as sweet but twisted. I wasn't sure what he meant at first but now I do. I actually think that's me in a nutshell (help, I'm in a nutshell!).

    Ya'll are going to have so much fun in Forks! I'll be there in spirit! And perhaps underwear. I suddenly have the desire to run to Hot Topic and pick up a pair of Edward Panties to leave behind somewhere in my room at the Forks Motel.

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  67. I will be there!!! YAY!
    Here are my five.
    1. I love my dogs, and I'm bringing them with me. They are small and portable and like to have a good time. Don't worry, I won't be bringing them into the party or anything, but they'll be joining me, @MissTejota and anyone else interested for some hiking and a renegade Twi Tour.
    2. Fanfic has invaded my life and I'm looking forward to hanging out with people who will get that the cupcake collar on my dog is a CW&IA reference.
    3. I love laughing, talking and pop culture.
    4. I really love diner breakfasts. Who's up for going to Forks Diner for a ridiculously unhealthy breakfast?!
    5. I smoke cigarettes when I'm drinking. And I'm bringing a hookah, with mint and apple tobacco. So, if you are grossed out by cigarettes, probably shouldn't be around me while I'm drinking.

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  68. I sooooo wish I was going to Forks with you all! I love the 5 random things (even though I normally gag at corporate ice breaker kinds of crap)considering most of us are nut jobs and are quite ok with it!

    So, my list...

    1) I am waving the shy card too....have been that way all my life and have just had to learn to push through it...ain't easy.

    2) I am taking the shy card away after a few drinks....I am a happy drunk too and usually don't know my limit. God, do I love my vodka drinks! Besides being happy when I drink I am also very mischeivous when under the influence....so good thing I am not going to Forks....would surely get arrested!

    3) I love a good discussion/debate and will analyze things to death....and my fave topic these days (or months)....FanFiction!

    4) I also have texture/food issues, although I am fairly adventurous with trying new food. But if it looks anything like a runny egg white, get it the fuck away from me (and yes, I am aware that this causes other challenges as well).

    5) I love music...any and all kinds, the louder the better. After an annoying day at work the only way I know how to relax is to blast the shit out of my car stereo speakers. And I can't sing, but I do anyway...so there!

    All you Forks pilgrims.......I hope you have a hella good time and I CAN'T wait to hear ALL the details - pictures, video, on the spot YouTube uploads...it's all good!

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  69. Okay, my turn, I am so going to FFFFOOORRRRKKKKSSSSS! And I just want to say that just reading about people scraping silverware on teeth gave me shuddery goose bumps, and if you do that shit around me you're likely to get socked in your twat - nuf said. On to my 5:

    1. I, too am totally awkward in large groups of peeps (whether I know them or not) and to deal I tend to hover around food and stuff my face.

    2. I totally feel like a stalker going to Forks with all of you (especially JJ, STY & LKW). When I got a reply to the email I sent you ladies I felt like I was talking to a celebrity.

    3. I fucking HATE onions unless they are in the form of onion rings and covered in ketchup.

    4. I swear like a drunk trucker with terets, so be prepared.

    5. At times I am too sarcastic and honest for my own good, some people thinks that makes me a bitch, I think they need to deal, its nothing personal.

    I can't wait to meet y'all in FFFFFOOOOOORRRRRKKKSSSSS!!!

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  70. So the more stuff that you guys reveal, the more I want to tell you stuff about me!!

    @kitty elvis - I'm stoked you're bringing your pups. I love dogs too and can't wait to squeeze them. Oh and I LOVE diner breakfast. The greasier the better for me.

    Here's another fact - totally true... I'm an obsessive ironer. I can't leave the house if anything is wrinkled. I iron everything but my fucking underwear. Even regular printed t-shirts if they've been balled up in the dryer too long. And jeans too. Yes, I iron my jeans. I think I read that the Forks motel had iron/ironing boards so that's such a huge relief for me!!

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  71. Sadly I am not going to Forks, but here is my 5.

    1. I don't shut up. I cannot stop talking, however I am very shy when meeting new people.

    2. I have sound sensitivity as well as smell and touch. I do not like loud noises, like balloons popping. I also don't like to touch certain things or smell overly perfumed people.

    3. Growing up I was very food selective and only ate chicken nuggets. I am pretty much the same as an adult. I stick to what I like and don't stray. I will always order the same thing at a restaurant.

    4. I don't drink very often, and when I do drink I never get drunk. I used to be a big drinker when I was younger but as I got older I realized I don't enjoy being drunk. I'd rather get high.

    5. I am NOT a morning person. I cannot stand waking up and will do anything to go back to sleep.

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  72. @LKW - Isn't the dryer for getting wrinkles out? What is this "iron" you speak of???

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  73. Not coming to Forks - my top 5.

    1. Cannot use cutlery that other people have had in their mouths.
    2. Too scared of getting pet hair on clothes.
    3. Too scared of flying.
    4. Cannot use public toilets.
    5. Blush at everything.

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  74. 1. I am asthmatic...really...really...asthmatic. Like if you pet a dog and then 3 hours later hug me I will have an asthma attack. I am really hoping I do not end up in the hospital and ruin the whole damn thing for Purple Cupcake.

    2. I am quirky...Like I wear 1950's style hair do's and custom Griffindor legwarmers.

    3. I am always afraid people won't like me...because most don't. I am surprised Purple Cupcake has put up with me so long.

    4. I don't drink...but I don't need to.

    5. I am really, really, really scared to fly cross country and then drive for hours in no man land. I may not eat or shit for days. Heaven help me.

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  75. JMFHF! I just deleted most of my comment all accidenty like. Grr. I want to say that while I'm not going to Forks this post and all of your comments make me squeeeefully excited for the lot of you. Sounds like you'll have tons of fun.

    Here's my quickly retyped list.
    1) Extreme social anxiety and shyness - extreme. If I went to Forks none of you would even see me 'cause I'd be in my hotel room. That is unless someone coaxed me out with their super awesome friendliness and a few beers/shots/tokes.
    2) Once out of the 'shy shell' I'm very outgoing and bubbly. Yup, I'm a walking dichotomy.
    3) Prone to bursts of wild energy and goofiness. Known to break out in song or do a tap dance (I don't know how to tap dance... or sing).
    4) Hate routine. Actually hate it so much I've been labelled "anti-routine" by someone with some kind of degree in head shrinkin'. Weird, right? My likey the spontaneous.
    5) Great listener except when I'm not. Meaning, when I'm tuned in I'm an awesome listener but I'm also kinda known for saying, "Um, you're gonna hafta repeat all that. I was totally somewhere else."
    5.5) I explain away people's crazy and/or disturbing behavior by believing they are robots.

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  76. OK, well, I can't get to Fffoooooooorrrrrkkkkkksssss! as it's a bit of a trek for me (!) but I'm more than happy to give you my two penneth worth:

    1. I'm the wrong side of 45 :-( (JUST) I don't feel it inside, but the increasing number of grey hairs, wrinkles and expanding waistline tell me on a daily basis that I'm ageing - and I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!! Thankfully, hubs doesn't seem to notice - in fact, since I started reading fanfic on the sly, I think he thinks I'm returning to my youthful ways! ;-)

    2. I'm a bit of a lush when it comes to drinking - love my red wine and, if out and about when imbibing (which happens extremely rarely!) I guess I'm a bit of a flirty drunk *blush* Hence, I tend to make sure I don't drink too much if out with friends - for fear of embarassing myself and everyone around me! At home, however.................

    3. I live for my supplements. B Complex, E, Omega 3,6,9, Starflower, C. I also take Natracalm (a herbal calming supplement based on Passiflora) daily. This is my breakfast. I'm also quite partial to hard boiled eggs (the best portable snack available!), and on the whole way prefer savoury to sweet.

    4. I'm shy. But you'd never guess. I tend to overcompensate by laughing (a lot), cracking stupid jokes (a fair bit) and getting on the dance floor to let my (brunette) hair down. I have been known to head for a dance cage at a nightclub (but I have to admit, that was quite a few years ago now.....) My teenage sons are regularly embarrassed by my dancing at home........

    5. I've been to the States twice - both times I visited a friend in Atlanta. However, my dream is to fly to Vancouver, hire a motorhome and travel from the West Coast to the East. Just gotta get sufficient time away from work........ ;-) If I could engineer a detour to Forks, my dream would be more than complete. Not sure hubs would be that keen, though I think he realises more about my obsession than I give him credit for ;-) Watch this space!

    So there you have it. @CougarChloe in a very small nutshell.

    Wish I could meet you all at the end of this month :-/ Having said that, now you've read about me, you might be glad I can't make it! :-o

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  77. LMAO - this is awesome!!! I want to play!

    1- I, too, am shy at first and intimidated by large groups - they make me anxious. Hopefully the fact that I "know" so many of you will help, this is why I started trying to get to know a bunch of you months ago, so I could deal with my crazy anxiety. Also, I'm bringing my decidedly not-shy friend, Mrs Fashion, so hopefully I'll be okay for this trip. :)

    2 - if you chew out loud in my vicinity, I will cut you. OK, maybe not literally, but you will definitely get the bitch brow. I am so with JJ and everyone else who mentioned this shit - chewing out loud, loud swallowing, gasping and/or groaning while you eat, silverware hitting your teeth - even the sound of a spoon in a cereal bowl sometimes - it all DRIVES ME CRAZY. Please keep your eating and drinking noises to yourself.

    3 - Strangely (after the above revelation), burping and farting do NOT bother me. They may send me into fits of giggles, being as I'm a 12-year-old boy inside sometimes, but please burp and fart at will. I will tell you if it stinks, be aware.

    4 - I grew up in the PNW and will make fun of you for using an umbrella, most likely. It's rain, you're going to get wet - just live with that reality, mmmkay? But I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I'm just used to being a drowned rat and have accepted that inevitability.

    5 - I am a karaoke WHORE. I fucking love that shit, as does Mrs Fashion. I let my husband buy Rock Band specifically so I could just sing whenever we play, and I plan to sing as much as possible every time I go to a karaoke bar. From the other comments here, it sounds as though I will have competition in my whorey ways at the mic! Can't wait!!!

    I am seriously SO EXCITED to go to Forks and meet you all!!! Hooray hooray!!! I loved reading all your 5's, as well!!! MWAH!

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  78. 1. I'm shy, socially awkward, whatever you want to call it. Really, I am. Sounds like there can't possibly be enough corners for all of us to separate and hide in, so I guess I'm gonna have to lube up with some Stoli or Jack Daniels and converse with you Twat-waffles! I'm not stuck up. If you speak to me I will happily respond. I just probably won't be the one to start up a conversation.
    2. I don't want to fight anyone over this, but I'm pretty confident that I will be the oldest. If I'm not, then I'll be happy to hang out with whomever is the oldest - or the youngest. I'm not picky. If I am the oldest, then I guess I can do for you bitches like I do for TheRugbyboys . . . make sure everyone is fed, carry the first-aid kit, fix boo-boos, come get you out of jail, and just general "mom stuff" as needed. Thank God I don't have to buy your booze!
    3. I don't have any Twitarded friends in RL, so I'm bringing my 25-year-old daughter with me - and, of course, I have to pay her way, so this is costing me double - but it's gonna be worth it! E.P.I.C. I can't wait to share this adventure with all of you! BUT BEWARE! My biggest fear is that my employers will see me on the internet. If anyone publicly identifies me by my real name in a post during or after the trip, I will hunt you down and break both of your knee-caps! Just sayin' . . .
    4. Red meat: Yes please! Veggies: Mmmm, not so much. Music: All. Day. Long.
    5. I can't poop anywhere other than my bathroom at home. I don't sleep much when I travel, so I'll probably stay up all night reading FanFiction. I couldn't possibly be away from my stories for five days!

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  79. I'm going to Forks! Can't wait to meet everyone! From reading everyone's 5, it seems like we're all pretty similar!

    1. I, too, am a socially anxious person. I have been making strides to overcome this, so I'm curious as to how I'll react on this trip. I'm fine as long as you approach me, but don't be offended if I don't come to you!

    2. That said, once you start talking to me (especially if there is alcohol involved), I don't shut up. I'm a Gemini, I switch pretty quickly!

    3. I cannot function without coffee in the morning. Heather, we'll be fine rooming together - I'll help you search for coffee in the morning!

    4. I love to read. One wall of my living room is lined with bookshelves, and they are always being added to. I'll read just about anything, and it's rare to find me without a book in my purse - just in case.

    5. None of my RL friends are Twitarded, so I'm super excited to spend a few days all of you!

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  80. Cat, I know exactly what your mean about the not picking of the nose! I have my septum pierced and I try not to mess with it in public too much. Especially in the car, everyone has seen "that person", picking there nose in the car like they aren’t surrounded by windows.
    Anywho, pet pives hu? Well mine would be..
    1. People who are too serious! Cant stand it. I love sick, grose humor that includes poop, fart and other bodily malfunction talk/jokes. But I don't think this will be a problem with this awesome crowd

    2. I don't like shoes with no socks! fucking Nasty!Are you asking for fungis?! Did we all see that pic of His Royal Hotness looking a little bumish and with...Dun Dun Dun..NO SOCKS! That was the only time I looked at him and thught "grose"...But I'd still take him. Stank feet and all.

    3. Kind of an embarrassing one but when I'm excited about something sometimes I trip over my words. So don't make fun...but actually it's pretty funny so go ahead.

    4. I do not like when people hit your leg when you say that it is asleep. THAT FUCKING HURTS GOD DAMN IT!!!

    5. And last but not least I don't like when people are seriously (like not joking) mean to other people. Not cool and all I gota say to that is "What a Bitch", or maybe just think it to my self...and maybe whisper it to my neighbor.
    So I can't wait to meet all you snatches in Fooorrrkkksss!!! IM SO FREAKIN EXCITED

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  81. Oh hi, me again. Another thing about me...

    When it looks like I might be picking my nose, I actually AM picking my nose. Especially in my car, where no one can see me. LOL!

    This is the best list of lists I've seen in a long time. You guys all slay me.

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  82. @LKW- I pick my nose in my car too. Just sayin'.

    Oh, and I FUCKING LOVE poop & fart jokes. Fucking love them. I will PMSL if someone starts with those....

    xo J

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  83. 1. My friend told me about you twitards and its my daughters 23 b-day. So we are there with the friend who turned us onto it the trip.

    2. All of us Nor-Cal gals are crazy drunks and cant what to meet you drunk b-easterner's! Im sure we will have a blast.

    3. Im sad you are doing Kareoke on Sat because we are leaving that afternoon.

    4. We are totally looking forward to the bon-fire on Friday. Thats just bitchen and I havent done it for years.

    5. I Cant wait to humilate my daughter going crazy with you all bitches. She is so touchy-but a twitard at heart so I will try to be understanding. HA!!!!

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  84. still looking for my vampSeptember 7, 2010 at 10:26 PM

    Sadly, I am not going to Forks. And sadly, I am always late - seriously - my periods, posting on blogs I love, getting up in the morning, etc. etc.. So here we go...

    1. I am always late. You can tell me to be there a day early, and I may be on time. But it is doubtful.

    2. I am terribly shy. I would be the one hiding behind STY. Except I am 5'10, and really there is nowhere for me to hide.

    3. My shyness goes away with the more I drink. What a surprise. And I am a very happy drunk.

    4. I love to hike. I would consider giving up my left tit to go to Forks and hike in the woods there. Especially since it is being given an MRI for cancer this week.

    5. I have very few regrets. One of them is not making this Forks trip. This probably makes number 6, but WTF.... I have to agree with Twilove1_sue - I fucking hate clowns. They make me stabby.

    I hope you girls have so much fun, and you can coax STY out from behind JJ. Honey, I feel your pain. Just remember you are amongst your peeps.

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  85. you all will have fun in Forks! your post made me laugh a little and not feel so weird. I work for an organization that has little girls who sell cookies (not hard to figure out here) and I am the ONLY one in my office who hates sleeping outside the rest of them love to camp. Me not so much. One of my co-workers gave me "I love not camping" matches for my Birthday.

    Have fun in Forks!

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  86. Shit this post was fun. Lots of work for Myg to do on this trip, as most of you (us) have some really anoying symptoms (er, quirks).

    STY, JJ, LKW, if you don't get the videographer I'M going to cut someone.

    x

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  87. k, so i'm not going to forks and none of you probably even know who i am, but i'm sharing, damnit!

    1) i'm from arkansas, but i have basically no discernible accent. i mean, seriously. i refuse to say the fake contraction of "you all" and the even faker contraction "ain't".

    2) i'm not really shy, i just don't care to meet new people. people as a general rule suck, so i'm just very meh about it.

    3) i'm VERY ocd about handwashing/sanitizing. i have to before i eat, before i go to the bathroom, after the bathroom, after i get gas, and randomly throughout the day.

    4) i love music more than almost anything (except for my family and friends!) and live music is basically my drug. crafty things and reading take close seconds.

    5) i'm very defensive of people and things i love. i've lost friends defending other friends or things i love. and i hold grudges. for a very long time. maybe forever. ask me when i'm 80...bet i'll still remember that girl in elementary school who made fun of basically everyone i cared about because she was a heinous bitch.

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  88. (and APPARENTLY i am also ocd about having everything symmetrical and spaced JUST SO because HOLY SHIT it's bothering me that the space between 3 & 4 is two spaces)

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  89. So I leave for a weekend and look what happens. Better late than never...I need to jump on this bandwagon.

    1) I am actually really worried about how I am going to "label" my Mini E for this trip so that I don't lose him or mix him up with his many doppelgangers. He is very special to me....like seriously.

    2) I am a huge snorter when I laugh....and I laugh a lot. I may need to have a snort off with JJ.

    3) I fucking LOVE karoake! Like seriously love it. I have no fear when I get a mic in my hand and I see those words on that screen. AND I can't sing worth shit. I firmly believe karoake is made for those of us who can't sing but love to sing.

    4) I am not freaked out about leaving my children AT ALL. The longest I have been away from them is 5 days and I didn't even miss them. I know, I am the worst mother in the world. I love them dearly....really I do.

    5) I hate, hate, hate photos of myself unless I look hot in said photos which is NEVER. If you are going to take a photo of me it better be with my permission and from the neck up and I better have had time to "chin up and out". That or do it when I am really drunk and don't care. I still want veto power and the right to request the black bar across my eyes. This internet photo thing scares me a little.

    So...in a nutshell:

    I will be the one laughing, snorting, swearing, hugging, crying tears of joy, taking a hit off @Kitty_Elvis' hookah, consoling @Myg while spooning, crying tears of compassion (I am a weeper people), bewb grabbing @Mama_Cougar, skipping arm and arm with @JJ, @STY, and @LKW through the Ho, picking my nose with @LKW in my car (note to self: Bring handgel), and hogging the karoake machine. I get dibs on ABBA people. Heh-heh.

    FFFFOOORRRRRKKKKSSSSS!!!!!!

    V/W: 'deptuat'. Yes, after birthing two children I have a very deptuat.

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  90. @VitaminR - my sister JUST taught me "up and out" for pics - lol!! we have "Snarky Family Neck" and it needs help... I am still working on it - it can go awry if you go a lil' overboard, so I have found out...

    : )

    SQUEEEE!!!

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  91. COFFEE! Ladies - do you not realize where you'll BE??? This is the PNW - the birthplace of Starbucks! We have one in almost every grocery store. I promise - coffee will NOT be in short supply.

    Rest easy caffeine whores (like me) we WILL find the best places for coffee!

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  92. I'm not going to Forks because:

    1)You are all fucking crazy!

    2)I'm a voyeur.

    3)So keep being crazy to entertain me.

    4)I thought I was insane, but now it's clear I'm normal.

    5)This trip is going to provide a year's worth of posts.


    Have fun and be safe and take lots of photographic evidence.

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  93. Oh this is great fun!!

    1) I also tend to be pretty shy & anti-social. That is until I've had a couple of drinks. :-)

    2) I also snort when I laugh but I never deny the fact that I do it because it always makes people laugh even more.

    3) I am super nervous to meet all of you gals. LOL! We'll see if I actually go up & say hello once my friends & I get there Saturday night. It's almost how I feel about meeting famous people! I always think to myself "what if they're are complete ass-faces in real life?" Though I doubt any of you gals will be.

    4) I absolutely hate being late! I hate when I tell my friends to be somewhere at a certain time & they are late or vice versa & I am sitting around waiting on them.

    5) I HATE WHISTLING. I know this is strange and absurd but people that whistle all the time or sing out loud (even hum) it drives me crazy! A co-worker of mine always does this (Along with answering his phone with a mouthfull of food! UGH!) and I have to try very hard not to walk around his cubicle and stab him with a fork. LOL!

    Anyhoo...I am so excited!!!

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  94. Gosh reading these comments is so much fun!! I'm looking even more forward to meeting you all if that's even possible. I'm a day late to this party but that's typical for me. I have 6 things you all should know:

    1. I'm NOT shy. I talk and swear too much, this gets worse with alcohol. That being said, I'm non-confrontational, passive, and I'm not an in-your-face type person and I'm easily intimidated but try not to show it.

    2. Speaking of alcohol. I love vodka with just about anything, and often just with ice. Anything else will give me a hangover.

    3. I have irritable bowel syndrome and I'm not sure which direction it will go in FFOOORRKKKSS. This scares me.

    4. I go to bed late and wake up early. I can get by quite well on 4 hours of sleep.

    5. I love to sing. I sing in a band with 4 docs at my clinic. We get together and jam and play at benefit concerts for our HMO. That being said, I suffer from severe stagefright. Xanax and/or alcohol help tremendously!

    6. I was a very late bloomer physically. I didn't really need a bra until I was 16. Now I'm a 38DD (naturally) and love my big boobs. I'm hoping Mama Cougar and I will bond over our breasts.

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  96. I just thought you all would like to know that Blogger told me it ate my comment last night and I just re-wrote it and discovered it was actually there from last night so I deleted my second one that was subpar. Oh, and BTW, run-on sentences only bother me when other people write them.

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  97. I went out of town for Labor Day and thought I'd never survive almost 6 days without a Twitarded update! So, it made me giddy like Christmas morning to come back to 5 posts. Weeeee! Hence the late post but these are so fun so....

    1~ Totes a happy flirt! (even when I'm drunk too! HAHAHA) And lurve parties!! Love dancing and chatting it up with everyone, including all you shy girls, at said parties. So that would make me... NOT shy. Considering I met my hubs while I was in a cage at local club, this comes as no surprise to him. He does give me a wary glance though when I head out for girls night out since I can be convinced to do just about anything when drinking. (believe me, it doesn't take much)

    2~ I'm a GPS. Always seem to know my way back home, the direction we are going in new places, where the car was parked, etc. Comes in handy especially when trying to find the way back after night of drinking.

    3~ I have varying degrees of hatred of mornings, from the barely tolerable to homicidal thoughts of the first 50 people I see. Morning chipper bouncy people have NO business near me before 10am. Seriously. Don't think that b/c I'm awake and at work means that I'm out of my Hyde state.

    4~ This plus the fact that my sis and I are hyper-photosensitive means we are called vamp girls. I don't own a light bulb greater than 40watts in my house. Migraines suck hairy ball sacks.

    5~ Love to travel and meet new people, learn cultures. Used to live in UK and Italy. Usually try to blend in with locals. Except of course if I was going to Forks with Twitarded. I'd wear that tourist tour-group flag proud!

    Not able to go with you hOOrs since I went in June but I want vid and pics! Pretty please with Edward on top??

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  98. I am not going on this twat shin dig... all though I sure wish I was...But this was just to much fun to pass up...So I must share...

    5 things you should know about CrazyKate...

    1. I can out drink a pirate and I curse worse than a drunken sailor...I have no filter what-so-ever...I love beer and am a happy happy drunk...No drama from this hooker...

    2. I smoke like a fucking chimney when drinking, I respect all you non-smoking cum guzzlers, so respect me, its my favorite thing, and yes I know its disgusting, and yes I know its bad for my health...Don't care...However I hate the smell of it, so when time for bed, I take a shower, wash my hair two times, and put my clothes int he wash...weird I know...trust me I get it...

    3. I love to laugh...I love dirty jokes...and I love people who love to be silly, and ridiculous and just have fun...I don't like to hold back...its all about the memories...

    4. They only thing I can't stand is drama, take it somewhere else, and if you can't handle your liquor you better get the fuck away from me, I don't tolerate bullshit at all...I have no sympathy for someone who knows better...So fuck off...I won't help you...Cheers...

    5. I can get along with pretty much anyone...But don't be petty, there is no need...And there is no need, to try and one up people either...You aren't better than anyone else...Get over yourself...Just chill and have fun ya dig...Just let the good times Roll...HEEEYYYY!!!!

    P.S. Just some random thing about me...if you mention Hawaii I will go off on a tangent, it is my peace in the world, I lived there and I will die there...and will be going back there as soon as I can...One other tid bit, I am not a fan of marriage, even though I am married...it's complicated, I just happen to have a moral center, despite my need to say fuck, drink like a fish, and use the term cunt and cum guzzler whenever possible...Okee Dokee...

    You twatards have a blast in Forks...Wish I was there and drink one for me...and try to keep your panties on...and don't leave them in the woods...LOL...huggies and squishies!!!!

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  99. 5 things. hmmmm...

    1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FhEKAzSprE&ob=av3e

    2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc2Z7CL4Cv0

    3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxcei2eOCMo

    4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-wGMlSuX_c&ob=av2e

    5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AAKCZiIoB4&feature=related

    see you in forks...

    ~derrydown green x0x0

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  101. I read this post when it first went up but since I'm not going to be able to join all you wonderful twatwaffles on this epic trip, I wasn't going to comment. However...I have just spent the last hour or so reading every single comment and I love the honesty and the humor and the courage all of you have. So, cuz I love, love, love being part of this twitarded community, I am posting what I would like you to know about me.
    1. I am 64 years old, I have been married and divorced 4 times and have 1 daughter who is 40 and is the absolute light of my life (even tho she doesn't read books and therefore hasn't read any of the Twilight books, and I suspect she has considered some sort of intervention for my Twilight addiciton/obsession).

    2. I am not shy so I wish I was going with you to Forks - I would be the one approaching those of you who may be hiding in the corners. I hate people to be uncomfortable or unhappy and will try to alleviate this unless I realize they would prefer me to leave them the hell alone. I can respect that, too.

    3. I don't drink much these days, hate, hate, hate hangovers. Also, I seem to be more comfortable with who I am (at my age, I have gained some wisdom) and don't like the morning after trying to remember what the hell I did last night and being ashamed when I do remember. But I would be happy to hold your hair while you puke and commiserate with you next morning.

    4. I am easygoing, mostly happy, usually cheerful, love to meet ppl and would love to meet all of you. I, too, hate rudeness and mean-spirited ppl and don't allow them into my inner social circle. Life is too short.

    5. This may sound somewhat conceited, but I know that I have above average intelligence and cannot and do not suffer fools - at all. This is another reason why I feel so at home here at Twitarded.

    There is really only 1 thing that you absolutely would have to know about me if I were going to be joining you in Forks and that is: Do.Not.Bother.Me.Before.I.Have.Had.My.First.Cup.Of.Coffee. I can get up early or sleep in, but I must have coffee. If you really want the day to go well, bring me a cup of coffee - ppl in my life who have done this have been richly rewarded by my not killing them.

    So have a wonderful, glorious, scandalous, outrageous, epic time and bring back the pix and stories to share with the rest of us.

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  102. Okay guys, I've been without internet for DAYS so I'm just now getting to this!

    @LindsayRae, you had me at "beer"....

    1. Like Toey and JJ and VitaminR, I snort when I laugh. This has become something of a defining characteristic among my friends - I'm just the girl who snorts. For most of them, it stopped being weird around the sixth grade but I still get people who as me if I do it on purpose. WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD WOULD I LAUGH LIKE A PIG ON PURPOSE?!?!

    2. I have a naturally bubbly disposition. I do a lot of customer service over the phone (not THAT kind, you hookers) and I'm frequently told how "perky" I sound (again with the dirty minds!). I'm smiley and I kind of sound like a chipmunk, and I tend to laugh a lot, especially when nervous.

    3. When I'm nervous/excited/emotional at all I get huge bright red splotches all over my face and neck and back. This is hugely convenient on things like first dates and job interviews. So I will probably be a big red blotch the entire trip.

    4. I am a fun drunk! I tend to talk really loud and curse a lot, but that's not that different from my regular state of being. I try not to drink liquor because the hangover is just. not. worth it. I'm a beer girl! So if you see me sucking down a gin and tonic, take it away from me, okay? And Toey, what is this about you not holding my hair back? I thought we had a deal?

    5. SEPTEMBER 28TH IS MY 25TH BIRTHDAY, BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it is a) the first birthday I have ever spent away from home, b) the first birthday in my adult life when I have ever been single, and c) RIGHT BEFORE FOOOOORRRKKKSSSSS SO YOU BEST BELIEVE WE WILL BE CELEBRATIN!

    You guys, I can't freaking wait! Toey and I are going to have a huggy first-time meeting in the airport (GRAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW) and then we're going to get our drank on with Derry and Lindsay Rae, and then we're going to stalk JJ and LKW and STY and try not to freak them out to badly, and Myg said I could braid her hair! (Myg, I swear I'm not as creepy as I sound. I just really love your story. Really really. And I'll maybe want to show you mine. Toey will tell you it doesn't suck!)

    AAAAHHHH okay this comment is forever long but YAAAAYYYY!!!

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  103. I got sidetracked and forgot to check and so am also posting late. But reading these is making me excited about the trip all over again!!
    (1) I'm 50 and ok with that, but glad I'm not the only one over 35 coming to Forks.
    (2) I've been gray since I was about 28, but you can't tell -- thank goodness for good hairdressers!
    (3) I'm one of the shy ones, but magically become talkative after a couple of drinks. I like scotch and gin best (but not together).
    (4) My kids are teenagers and are excited to have a weekend without mom -- and, love them tho I do, I'm looking forward to getting away. No guilt here. I've decided teens becoming surly is nature's way of making us want to cut the apron strings.
    (5) Twitarded led me to fanfiction, which improved my sex life about 500%. The List really did a number on my marriage (in a good way), especially after my hubby read it! I'm just finishing MOTU and am trying to figure out what to read next!!
    Love you guys, can't wait for Fooooorrrrrkkss!!

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  104. I read this post when it first went up but since I'm not going to be able to join all you wonderful twatwaffles on this epic trip, I wasn't going to comment. However...I have just spent the last hour or so reading every single comment and I love the honesty and the humor and the courage all of you have. So, cuz I love, love, love being part of this twitarded community, I am posting what I would like you to know about me.
    1. I am 64 years old, I have been married and divorced 4 times and have 1 daughter who is 40 and is the absolute light of my life (even tho she doesn't read books and therefore hasn't read any of the Twilight books, and I suspect she has considered some sort of intervention for my Twilight addiciton/obsession).

    2. I am not shy so I wish I was going with you to Forks - I would be the one approaching those of you who may be hiding in the corners. I hate people to be uncomfortable or unhappy and will try to alleviate this unless I realize they would prefer me to leave them the hell alone. I can respect that, too.

    3. I don't drink much these days, hate, hate, hate hangovers. Also, I seem to be more comfortable with who I am (at my age, I have gained some wisdom) and don't like the morning after trying to remember what the hell I did last night and being ashamed when I do remember. But I would be happy to hold your hair while you puke and commiserate with you next morning.

    4. I am easygoing, mostly happy, usually cheerful, love to meet ppl and would love to meet all of you. I, too, hate rudeness and mean-spirited ppl and don't allow them into my inner social circle. Life is too short.

    5. This may sound somewhat conceited, but I know that I have above average intelligence and cannot and do not suffer fools - at all. This is another reason why I feel so at home here at Twitarded.

    There is really only 1 thing that you absolutely would have to know about me if I were going to be joining you in Forks and that is: Do.Not.Bother.Me.Before.I.Have.Had.My.First.Cup.Of.Coffee. I can get up early or sleep in, but I must have coffee. If you really want the day to go well, bring me a cup of coffee - ppl in my life who have done this have been richly rewarded by my not killing them.

    So have a wonderful, glorious, scandalous, outrageous, epic time and bring back the pix and stories to share with the rest of us.

    ReplyDelete
  105. I sooooo wish I was going to Forks with you all! I love the 5 random things (even though I normally gag at corporate ice breaker kinds of crap)considering most of us are nut jobs and are quite ok with it!

    So, my list...

    1) I am waving the shy card too....have been that way all my life and have just had to learn to push through it...ain't easy.

    2) I am taking the shy card away after a few drinks....I am a happy drunk too and usually don't know my limit. God, do I love my vodka drinks! Besides being happy when I drink I am also very mischeivous when under the influence....so good thing I am not going to Forks....would surely get arrested!

    3) I love a good discussion/debate and will analyze things to death....and my fave topic these days (or months)....FanFiction!

    4) I also have texture/food issues, although I am fairly adventurous with trying new food. But if it looks anything like a runny egg white, get it the fuck away from me (and yes, I am aware that this causes other challenges as well).

    5) I love music...any and all kinds, the louder the better. After an annoying day at work the only way I know how to relax is to blast the shit out of my car stereo speakers. And I can't sing, but I do anyway...so there!

    All you Forks pilgrims.......I hope you have a hella good time and I CAN'T wait to hear ALL the details - pictures, video, on the spot YouTube uploads...it's all good!

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  106. Well damn, I already really wish I was joining ya'll in Forks, but now I really wanna! I'll be there in exactly one week though (squeeeee!!) I'm going to try and find a way of leaving my "A Twitard Was Here!" mark somewhere in that damn town.

    Ok, here's my five:

    (And did anyone else find it hard to wittle your list down to 5??)

    1. I think cilantro and green peppers are vial and disgusting and have no business being on my plate.

    2. I can’t stand the “at” people. “Where’re you AT?”, Where’s it AT?”. Seriously, I worry one day I will cause bodily harm to a grammar offender.

    3. I don't have pierced ears (or any other body part) but I do have tattoos... figure that one out.

    4. I don't like the telephone. Don't call me just to chat, have a reason and get to it otherwise I get antsy and start to pace.

    5. I talk to myself. A lot. At work, at home, in the car. I talk to my dog too and no, I don't think she (always) understand me but she does cock her head to the side so I know she's listening.

    Someone once described me as sweet but twisted. I wasn't sure what he meant at first but now I do. I actually think that's me in a nutshell (help, I'm in a nutshell!).

    Ya'll are going to have so much fun in Forks! I'll be there in spirit! And perhaps underwear. I suddenly have the desire to run to Hot Topic and pick up a pair of Edward Panties to leave behind somewhere in my room at the Forks Motel.

    ReplyDelete

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