Monday, September 13, 2010

Do You Google Yourself?

I often wonder if celebrities sit at their computers and Google themselves on a regular basis. If I were famous, I would do it every day. I would have to know what people were saying about me [Note from JJ: Dude, you're fucking NUTS. I wouldn't even want to hear whispers of rumors, much less actual shit-talking, lol]. Even though I'm not famous, I still like to Google myself every now and then. Just to make sure no nasty sex videos turn up online, ya know. Normally the only person that comes up is some woman's college basketball coach with a mullet. Ya, that's not me...definitely. Even though I may or may not had a mullet in high school. (It was fucking 1986, back off!)

I didn't smoke in high school. And yellow has never been my color.

Anyway, because I was getting such a kick out of it (not to mention Googling one's self is a great time suck when you don't feel like doing, say, your actual job) I thought how much fucking fun it would it be if I Googled Jenny Jerkface and Snarkier Than You too! Ah ma gahd, it's going to be sooooooo fun!

Let's start with our bloggy names - it's pretty safe to say that we'll get mostly bloggy-type stuff coming up.

Google: Latchkey Wife, Jenny Jerkface, Snarkier Than You

The web results are are all bloggy-related... nothing too secretive comes up. No dirty pictures (um, well, not of us anyways), no scandalous videos (unless you count the stunning dance-off video from BlogHer), and definitely nothing connecting us to our real life identities... phew!

The image searches are pretty comical... mostly hot pictures of RPattz (uh, ya, of course), STY's famous devil cat avi, and a few of Jerkface's mug because she's really the only one who is stupid enough has the balls to post actual pictures of herself. And a bunch of random shit that is just too weird to even spend any time on its origination. Like a mannequin baby sucking a mannequin woman's teet. Seriously.


What totally cracked me up was when I Googled Latchkey Wife, one of my earliest Twilight projects came up and it made me squeeeee. I worked tirelessly one night on the Twilight Brain and it makes me happy to see it pop up from time to time in the bloggy world.

I can honestly say nothing has changed in the past 16 months!

However when I get to Googling our real life names, things start to take a turn for the worse. Let me just give you an overview of the types of shit that comes up...

LKW: Evidently I have a television show on personal finance, I design jewelry, I won a fucking beauty paegent in Utah (holy fuck!), I coach woman's college basketball (I think I may have mentioned that already), and oh, I'm an awesome dentist who offers Invisalign... metal braces are so passe.

If you're an adult, this look is not a good one. I should know, I'm an expert in Invisalign. Just sayin'.

Shit, sounds like I'm really busy. But not as busy as Jenny Jerkface who is apparently a Jack of All Spade (and a master, too)...

JJ: Jenny manufactures high end furniture, she creates caricatures, she's a make up artist, and best of all -- Jenny Jerkface stars in Bondage films. And when I say "bondage", I ain't talking about Bond, James Bond. Nooooo... I'm talking about gettin' tied up and shit. I'm starting to understand the whole recent visit to the BDSM meeting. I think our Jenny is keeping secrets.

Jenny? Do you have something you'd like to share with the class?

STY: In real life, she is a famous singer of Christian songs. I may have spewed coffee all over my computer when I read this! Aaaaand she sings in a Barbershop Quartet. Holy crap, I had no idea how musically inclined she is. Just about every random search result had something to do with singing. STY, are you keeping secrets too? Yours just aren't as dungeon dirty as JJ's....

Could one of these fine ladies be our own Snarkier Than You in disguise?

I imagine RPattz doesn't get a chance to Google himself online very often. I mean, does he even own a computer? Or maybe he sneaks into the officey-type computer rooms in hotels late at night to get his fix of himself.

Do you regularly Google yourself? What totally random shit comes up when you search your real life name?


  1. My full name is ridiculously common, so all sorts of shit comes up. I've been incarcerated for murder, I've won jump roping contests, I've even been a porn star...the list is endless.


    xo J

  2. Gah-I feel so vain right now :) My Google search produced my Twitter page, my family blog, and different race results that I've participated in. Whew. I didn't check the image results though...Maybe I should just to make sure those pictures have stayed under wraps ;)

  3. I actually do google myself at times but that's because of my line of work. I have to make sure people aren't misquoting me. (I manage commercial property and when we evict a tenant, things can get ugly in the paper.)

    I'm still laughing at your guys finds under your name. So random. I love it!

  4. I have googled myself and really dumb things come up, but mostly football players stats and images because we share the same name.

    And RPattz does Google himself. He's admitted it or the Stew outed him. It's weird that I know this because I'm not a big RPattz drooler, but I remember because it was something about him I actually found interesting.

    And I look awesome with my metal mouth, so when I junk punch you that is the reason why.

    Watch your cooter, lady!

  5. I'm not that interesting, although I did 'like' "Never Give a Crackhead Money" on facebook. And I'm an awesome squash player.

  6. Oh, and did anyone else try Googling their bloggy commenter name and get a result for First result for me: "MyAfterCarIsAnXKR is an avid fanfiction reader and an active particpant in the world of fandom." Uh, not really... but now I REALLY can't let my secret identity get out!

  7. As much shit as I Google on a daily basis, I have never Googled my own name. Naturally, I just did after reading your post.

    Who knew that I stunned Simon Cowell when I auditioned for The X-Factor and then got punched in the face by another contestant?

    Who knew that I was a production coordinator with 13 motion picture credits on IMDb, including Braveheart. (Maybe that explains Mel going off his rocker.)

    Who knew I was a pulmonologist in NC, a dentist in MO, and a pediatrician in IL.

    Who knew I should be f*cking rich?


  8. Well I just google myself the interesting thing is that it came back with anthropologist, real state agent, an opera, a feminist, a Spanish t.v. program, a psychologist and a pharmaceutical. Funny thing is I'm studying one of those things. In the images really random stuff except for my old facebook profile picture.

  9. uhm.... well, besides google telling the world I'm a massage therapist? It goes on and on and on...and on about what a freakin' Twihard I am, Robsessed, Jackaholic....oh dear... I apologize to future employers....

  10. evidentally I'm quite the intellectual~earned the M.S. and Ph.D. degrees from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) in 1984 and 1987, respectively {he not bad for being 4 and 7...respectively} ~joined the University of Illinois in 1987, is a Professor in the Department of Industrial and Enterprise Systems Engineering ~is the Dir Quality of InfraReDx.~and I'm a marathon runner....and that's just with my married name. Me with my maiden named died in april...disturbing

  11. My married name is no fun, but I do often google my maiden name and I am a business consultant in Seattle (and of course I mapquested that shit! Only 3 hours and 35 minutes/140.43 miles/$17.12 in gas money from FORKS!). OHHH - and I was also murdered in 2008. Bummer.

    BUT I am on a mission...I have to deviate from the planned topic here to say Happy Birthday to Bella, and to suggest that a petition be started to release the first Breaking Dawn on September 10th 2011 because HELLO! that would be SO perfect (and two months early would be such a bonus!).

    I honestly LOVE twitarded and look forward to it everyday! Thanks so much for all of it!

  12. Here's the issue. My last name is a verb. A common one and it's spelt the same way for the past tense. Needless to say google pulls up every item with said verb. So I can get 16.2 million results. Beat that folks!

    I threw some quotes around it got 8 thousand. Most of them still useless. Anywho, apparently I'm an advanced angel therapist and medium. Advanced angel therapist??? WTF is THAT??? Jeebus there are a lot of crazies out there. Oh and there's a video of me on youtube doing said therapy (didn't watch it jftr). I just like to thank Jeebus that chick hypenates her name.

    I got a few more results when I used my first name (I'm one of those people that goes by their middle names). So, I'm a PhD Nurse in Boston, a real estate agent, and painter. Booorrrinngg.

  13. I google myself all the freaking time. I am afraid of finding dirty things about my real self online (although I have nothing to be worried about, I think).

    With my full name Kathleen I never find anything good. My school accomplishments are listed then a whole bunch of nothing :(

    My nickname however Kassie I find the usual fb, myspace, twitter, twilighted, blogger. NOTHING EXTRA NOT AT ALL grrrr

    This sucks why can't I be mistaken for someone rich??? WTF I can't even catch a break from google!

  14. I don't Google myself because I don't want those search engines to have my name! Maybe if I just keep quiet, I can stay under the radar! Sounds like a good plan? I know, right?

  15. I didn't go any further than finding this: "I am a clumsy ninja. I fall through the ceiling, but hot DAMN, I gots a kick-ass ninja school."

  16. Okay, was heading off to bed because I REALLY need to sleep but I have a few comments to make. Later.

    For now - @Dangrdafne - You fucking win. Hands down. You mother fucking win. That is so absolutely random and hysterical. I'M JEALOUS.

    Oh,and sorry to everyone who is apparently dead/murdered/etc. Yeah, that weird.

  17. ROFLMAO!!! JJ that is hilarious. I won something - woo hoo. Imagine my shock when I saw it - it was the second item under my name. Tooooo funny.

  18. That was useful as I found the white pages link to me with my home address, phone and map to my house. Nice!

    Other than that, it was all me (either for my books or my links on all the professional sites as I am job hunting)except for some lady on facebook whose maiden name must have been the same as mine. Her new last name is Beer. Gotta love it!

    Funny Google story - we were hiring techies and the guys of course Googled all the candidates. The one female in the bunch had the same name as a porn actress. They thought that was hilarious - they would have interviewed her anyway, but it sure got their attention! We run a pretty un-pc office so she was referred to as the porn star for a long time.

    Even crazier (small world here)- just found out today that this person is good friends with VitaminR! Who we ran into on a coffee run at work.

  19. In some strange, alternate universe, I got fired from my radio DJ job after 19 years of servitude, after which I decided to get a job as a teacher while moonlighting as a member of the USA National Bikini Team. Then I became an actress, a model, and finally, a freelance writer.

    Oh, and some dude in Massachusets named his boat after moi.

  20. Well well well, quite a lot came up about me. You kind of want to find some butt ugly person or something bad so you can be like, "yup, so much more awesome then that person with the same name...poor schmuck" Buuuut no. Some super hot chick comes up...a lot!! But she does have brown skin and dark hair like me. Maybe if people from grade school try to look me up they'll think its me. NOT!!!!!!

  21. Fuck yes, I google myself! I'm a vain, self-indulgant chick without the looks or smarts to deserve such narcissism. There's just something hella satisfying about knowing I am not only a city, but the name of the newspaper is my first name AND last name! HELL YES! I feel like a queen when I check out the news.

    Speaking of queen...There's a Lindsay (Lohan) page with my first and last name on it, and it's actually a pretty hot picture. And it says "Queen Lindsay"...That's me.

    And if I put in my bloggy name "Lindsay Rae," I'm a pretty good musician over on MySpace. I dig my sound. I'll have to get some of my shit. I'm also a model. A 5'9", size 4 (maybe my calves...), and my measurements are 33/24/34 ..::Pretty sure that was my locker combo in 6th grade::..

    *sigh*...I love googling myself. Except when the real me shows up. Then it's all "shit, someone's gonna see this!"

  22. You know what really pisses me off? When I google myself and some fucking DUDE has my name! What the fuck??! That just ain't cool. Ain't cool at all...

  23. I am 5' 8", 126 lbs and an olympic synchronized swimmer from Great Britain.
    I was murdered in 1896 at the age of 16.

  24. My maiden name is way more interesting than my married name... Maiden Name: I'm a lawyer in DE, a PhD student studying sexual development (lol maybe fanfiction related?), or a pro softball pitcher from Atlanta.
    Married Name: I'm a freelance writer, nerd/vegetarian, and a soccer player.
    Not as exciting as I thought I would be. I'm slightly creeped out that when I google myself a website comes up with where I live and everyone I'm related to... weird. Also, I'm thankful I'm not dead.

  25. lol, my real name pops up that I am a youth minister (folks, hide your children unless you want em spouting off 4 letter explatives and taking off their closthes before their 12th birthday), I'm an author, a founder of an international family transition firm, and then suprisingly enough, there are a few entries that actually ARE me.

    Now, when Googling images of SmuttierThanYou, pics of me from high school pop up. *facepalm* but then the next pic is a very naked Peter Facinelli ass. Om nom nom nom....

  26. WOW - I suck! Nothing comes up with my RL name except stuff about little ole' me! Apparently no one else has my stunning name combo!

    However, because I've been on the marriage-go-round a few times (shut up, I don't want to hear it) I googled my maiden name and my other married name and the results were....

    BUPKIS! Because I've had some pretty effed up last names, including the maiden one, there is nothing exciting out there about me except the year I graduated, my linkedlin account, the results of road races I've run in and my facebook page, my marriage announcement in the paper....thanks for the self esteem lift today LKW!!

  27. LMAO at all of your discoveries! My name is not common, so last I checked all that came up was facebook and my work's org chart. yeehaw. I'd google myself again, but don't want the IT nazis here at work laughing at me.

    LKW, you made the Twilight Brain? I LOVE IT!!! Makes me LOL every time. And it's so true - My domesticity and my tolerance for non-Twilighty things has been drastically reduced.

  28. Bwahahahaha!! This is SO funny!! I'm at work and only had time for a quick google (that's what she said) and apparently I'm wanted by the law in New York & Louisiana and currently behind bars in West Virginia. Not to worry, though, cause I'm an attorney in Florida and I think I can win this case. Oh, and my facebook status says that I have a headache :) Can't wait to google my images!

  29. I AM SO BORING. My married name gave 6400 results; I am a dental assistant, an administrative support specialist, found my dad's obituary, and where I placed in some 5ks.

    I am much more exciting when I use my maiden mane, with 288,000 hits and I become an author, a painter, a designer, and an R&B singer!!!!

    Hmmm, maybe I should change my name...

  30. I just did this, and I'm a little freaked because there is a site with my name, job, and town listed under "Buy the Full Executive Profile" for 10$ to anybody who wants it. Now I want to know what the hell it says about me!

  31. There are only 4 people with my name on the internet and they are pretty dull types so I google my kids to see what they are up to online!

  32. I've totally done this before! Charla is a conjugated form of the Spanish verb Charlar... to converse. So, needless to say, lots comes up that's not English. Other than that, it's my facebook and myspace.

    Apparently there are 8 people in the United States with my name!...that are listed anyways.

    @Latchkey Wife- I had no idea you made the Twilight Brain! :) I totally have that jpeg saved on my computer because of it's awesomeness! You go, girlie! :)

  33. I'm boring too. I have a weird last name - but I did come up with an article about fake degrees from pakistan, random right.

    @LKW - Where did you get a picture of my brain?!

    @Brandijo - every time I see your avatar, a few more of my brain cells move over to the sex part of my brain. LOOOOVE IT!!!! Now if only I could find a pic of Rob showing that much scmexy V! :)

  34. That woman with the mullet is like the "Anti-Rob".

  35. Ha.
    Google RPatts and Invisalign and maybe find the lament that Summit or somebody made him wear one with a horrible result.

    I do not Google myself since I find insults from strangers about the real me. And a site that says I slept with the Taliban...when actually he was never a Talib.

  36. The only stuff that came up when I googled myself was my Facebook page, something about myself on, some woman from the 1800's that was killed by a train while driving a horse & buggy (LOL!!!) and of course the typical Amelia Earhart. As far as the of me from my facebook page. :-) Apparently there hasn't been many people with the same first & last name as me.

  37. LOL! I knew that when I googled my married name I would find me listed for a few reports I worked on that were pubished. I also found the usuals: river guide, copy editor, biotechnician, attorney, doctor, author, college professor.

    When I googled my maiden name, I found this: "Public Labyrinth Locator". ROFL! I never new such an occupation existed!

  38. @Rob's Bitch - LMFAO!!!

    I have an uncommon surname so not a lot came up. There is someone on Facebook with my name though and she likes the saying "when life hands you lemons... demand tequila and salt." LOL! I'm might have to ask her to be my FB friend 'cause we're obvie a lot alike.

    Oddly when I do an image search there are a lot of photos of tombstones, airplanes and old dudes. None of the tombstones have my surname. What's that about, Google? Plus there's a photo of some guy and the text under the photo says "Why do people see the Virgin Mary on cheese sandwiches?" Whaa?

  39. I never knew it but I'm a racecar driver and an associate professor at Harvard. As if I've ever been to Harvard...please...I live in New Mexico! I only speed on freeways; not interested in going 200 mph while turning left for 200 laps.

  40. Having a unique name means Googling ones self is pretty damned boring. Just about everything on page one and two of my name search is me. And though I'm not embarrassed about my Twilight obsession, it's kind of concerning that any of you can just search my display name and get any info you want on me. Except where I live currently...I've managed to fool the interweb in that department.

    I'm off to see if I can't figure out some real names based on the overabundance of info provided by LKW. MUAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!! Ugh, I need a life.

  41. Apparently I am a serial killer in American Psycho 2....

    Geez... I'm in a shitty sequel with William Shatner!! If I'm gonna be a serial killer can't I at least make out with Christian Bale? ARGH!

    wv: gersmspu *gags*

  42. Not much for me since I have an unusual name....kind of boring actually.

    @LKW--I think you need to put that design on CafePress STAT....I love it so..and it is truly perfect. I would so love to see Rob's reaction to that. Ha!

  43. Well I tried all 3 of my surnames and very little was listed. Pretty much boring as bat shit!

    I'm a director of a company, owner of an enterprise, an attorney, freelance graphic designer,and a top property tax payer...WTF???

    Anyway, nothing remotely exciting like an exotic dancer,billionaire, or Robs secret squeeze....if only!


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