Thursday, September 23, 2010

Some Dude Sounds Off On The Eclipse Tent Scene

The other day I kept seeing a strange name popping up on Twitter - James Franco. Unfortunately, I was kind of busy at work so I didn't have a chance to find out who he is (I should point out that Snarkier Than You was apparently appalled I didn't know -- STY LOVES him in "Freaks and Geeks" which, according to her since I'm clueless, is one of the best and most underrated, shouldn't-have-been-canceled tv shows EVAH.).

Eat me.

But I did wonder--who the fuck is this guy? Maybe he's been cast in Breaking Dawn. For all I know, he could be playing Renesmee.

Alas, I was wrong. James Franco is, according to this article, a budding "renaissance man."

Whatever. That's not important. Unless he's planning on inviting both me and RPattz over for a drink at the same time, I don't give a rat's vagina who this guy is. What IS important is what he says about the infamous "tent scene" in Eclipse.
"There will be a scene where the go-to guys, Taylor and Rob, are in the tent, it's almost like a 'Brokeback Mountain' scene, where the two guys are talking in a tent and the girl is asleep, and they're having, like, this romantic moment almost through her, in a way. One of them says, 'Well, I'm hotter than you,' and it's almost like they're winking at the fans, like to the Team Jacob or the Team Edwards."
Naturally, this totally fucking cracked me up because the more I thought about it with that slant, the more I realized he kind of had a point.


Admittedly, there was something a little gay about that scene (and I don't mean that in a derogatory manner, jftr). Maybe it's Jacob's proclamation that he's "hotter" than Edward (pshaw, as if!), or maybe it's the fact that he's half fucking naked.

God, Jacob's abs are so hot. I want to lick them through his shirt. nom-nom-nom.

Or maybe it's the fact that Edward looks like he's trying to express his undying love for Jacob. Or Bella. Or maybe he drank a bad deer and it wasn't sitting well with him. Because Edward did kind of look a little gassy and in pain in that scene.

Please, Jacob, don't leave. It's just... I can't throw her out in the snow. She'll die. She's asleep. As long as we're quiet it will be all right. Trust me, Jacob. You are my life now. Now gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy.

Actually, what's really perplexing is the fact that this James guy is even reading the books in the first place. Regardless, he's clearly a smarter guy than I am because it appears he didn't finish Breaking Dawn. And I'm not a guy.
"I read a part of it. I think I got to the sex scene, but it was so brief, I didn't even know if it was the actual sex scene," he admitted. "It was kind of a letdown after all that buildup."
You're preaching to the choir, my man. Preaching to the fan fiction addicted, RPattz lusting choir.

Huh, perhaps someone should introduce Mr. Franco to fanfic. I wonder how he'd like the Red Room of Pain.

50 comments:

  1. Personally, I think Franco needs to be casted as Garrett, but Renesmee will do too! I mean GET on with the casting already!
    And I refuse to admit the tent scene was gay. I just can't do it!

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  2. "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolfboy."

    OMG, best line ever. I never check to see who the post is written by and try to see if I can guess before I get to the end.

    I was siding toward LKW when I read that photo caption, but it's JJ for the win!

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  3. Imma gonna second imh22 in saying that "gargle my icy nuts wolfboy" Might just be one of the funniest things I have ever read....ever...and you've said some damn funny shit woman.


    oh...and...FOOOORRKKKSS!!!

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  4. JJ you slay me every time.
    I'm still laughing over the "gargle my icy nuts" line! bwahahahahha

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  5. "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy."

    PISSING.
    MY.
    SELF.

    psomg i love jamesfrancooooooo

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  6. Oh My Gawd this is even more hilarious than normal and that's saying something.

    JJ- have you ever seen the Spiderman movies. This James guy is Peter Parker's best friend.

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  7. I agree with imh22, BEST. LINE. EVER!

    Great post-Loved IT!

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  8. "perhaps someone should introduce Mr. Franco to fanfic" I literally just said that the other day and I volunteered myself for that task!

    He is a very smart man and I love him more now that I know he likes Twilight I will shamelessly jump his bones and show him what the actual sex scene should have been.

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  9. I showed this post to my son (relax he's almost 17 and can handle a little Twitarded fuckery) to prove that I'm not some silly-assed Twi-mom going to FOOORKS with a bunch of chaste Twilight fanatics. He's a James Franco fan and he thought the Brokeback Vampire reference was hilarious. He realized quickly that I've found the right group of peers with which to share my Twi-love. Then he asked me, "What's the Red Room of Pain?" FUUUUCK!!

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  10. JJ, I know you saw Pineapple Express. He was the drug dealer stoner and he was awesome!!! I freaking love James Franco.

    Take what he says with a grain of salt. I think personally, James Franco could give a shit about Twilight but hey, if he does, that only makes me want to hump him more.

    #FFFOOOORKKKKS!

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  11. James Franco's character in Pineapple Express is seriously one of my favorite characters of all time. Absolutely a must see! I've had a crush on Mister Franco for a whiiiiile, but now that I know he's a Twilight fan, I fucking love him.

    @TheOnlyMrsCullen, Let's double-team him and show him how us Twitards REALLY get down!! ;)

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  12. Ugh, this is just like when Vanessa Hudgins or whatever her name is said she wanted to be in one of the Twi movies. Stop trying to attach your name to Twilight just because it's popular! These celebrities are such shallow sellouts, I swear.

    /End rant. Sorry, JF fans.

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  13. I literally had to imbd him before I realized he was Peter Parker's friend in Spiderman.

    I have never seen Pineapple Express. It's on my list. I keep watching fucking shitty Netflix streaming movies instead because I'm a lazy asshole. Or I read fan fic. Okay, I admit it. It's all about the fan fic.

    @Micki Martini - I actually DID spit out wine when I read your comment. I'm curious how explained the RRoP to the boy. Mayhaps over drinks in Forks? Because if it was me I would have been all "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!" which is probably why I don't have kids.

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  14. GargleMyIcyNutsWolfboySeptember 23, 2010 at 11:38 PM

    I want to change my sn.

    I love James Franco!! He left a successful career in the industry to go to college. Now he's doing a PhD... smart guys make me swoon so hard... Plus, he's a unicorn... who may or may not be spending too much time reading slash twifics... Just saying.

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  15. Damn! I can't stop laughing about the 'icy nut gargling' and I can't tell any of my family members what I'm guffawing about as they already think I'm certifiable and that would just cinch it. Thanks guys.

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  16. Hey w hats the red room of pain??? im still new to this fan fic story thing. Lol.

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  17. Now see -- I missed the gargle line the first time around cause I was still laughing over the drinking a bad deer...

    And after you ladies figure out how to explain the Red room of pain to a 17 yr old boy -- tell me how I explain it to my 36 yr old husband. *smirk*.

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  18. The only gay vibe I get from the tent scence is when I hope for a hot 3-way between Bella, Edward and Jake. There may be some sweaty man parts brushing up against each other in my dirty fantasies, as long as I-- I mean, Bella -- gets all of the penetration-- I mean, attention.
    Oh and Freaks and Geeks: Best. TV Show. Ever.
    xoxo

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  19. still PMSL @ 'gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy'

    @ Cianna - read MotU (Master of the Universe)and the RRoP will be explained. Fifty is deliciously shmexy!!!

    http://50shades.com/?p=62

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  20. Lurve "Freaks and Geeks", STY. Have it on dvd:) I swear, the best shows get canceled.

    "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL JJ, I. Love. You.
    Dude, if Jacob & Edward were actually a gay couple, Jacob would def bottom-- yeh um gay lingo right there. Broke my slash cherry recently. So everything's kinda homoerotic to me right now. But I only read Jasper/Edward.. Jacob just doesn't really exist in ff world for me..js.

    @Cianna: Lots of kinky fuckery be happening in there. Read it! MoTU.. is best ff of all time (imho) :D

    Kay, You all are not even in Forks yet and already I'm jealous.. Damn it.. family reunions suck ass!

    Lux

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  21. JJ...I loved this post! The icy nuts is killing me. (and @sty...loved freaks & geeks).

    I am on the fence a/b JF...I sometimes get a douche nozzle vibe from him....even though I really like his work. I love that he has been on some soap opera lately...check out his clips on YouTube...hilarious.

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  22. Oh, so that's who James Franco is. Who knew?

    Can't say I'm a fan, but I do agree with @My After Car Is An XKR here - sounds to me like he just wants a piece of the action *snigger*

    O.o @Micki_Martini - you got some balls girl! I have a 16 year old and am sure he couldn't handle any Twitarded fuckery. I embarrass him enough as it is (simply by existing!), I daren't imagine how he would feel about me being part of this 'community' :-o

    Class blog again JJ - I shall miss you all when you're in FFoooorrrrkkkkkssss!!!!!

    CC x

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  23. Oh, JJ. I was thinking the same thing about James and fanfic. In particular LolaShoes and Let Your Light Shine. He'd certainly be appreciative, right?

    And also? Several months ago (I don't know if someone already mentioned this, and btw this is going to be long, so sorry, and omg, twss) James Franco also commented on Twilight. He was talking with his brother, who's an aspiring actor (yea.) and who it turns out auditioned for Twilight. He talked about having to do the biology first convo scene. Or the very first class. I forget. But, so, James was all, "Yea, yea! And her blood is like special to him, so it's really hard because he wants to kill her but he's also attracted to her and he can't read her thoughts and everything...." And he went on.

    At that point, I was all "OMG, James Franco, firstly, has a fantastic memory. So, imo, smart. Then, it's possible that he actually read the books. Well, I don't know what that says about smarts, but, well, I think I love him. Not in the RPattz way, of course, but well, possibly in the James MacAvoy way." OK, those were my thoughts. And they were totally confirmed by his disappointment with the fade to black in BD.

    It's funny, but as I've previously said with Rob, I didn't think I could love James Franco any more than I had, but then what the fuck do I know. This whole Twilight thing has been so full of surprises for me from the get-go, that I really should no longer be surprised to be surprised by it. Makes no sense? I know! OK, I'll stop now.

    <3 you all!

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  24. "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy." BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You are brilliant JJ, bloody brilliant!

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  25. And also? Pineapple express is fantastic, JJ. Defs worth it. I love his character. I could freakin smell that guy through the screen. You'd have to see it to know what I mean.

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  26. James Franco: awesome in Pineapple Express, I want those pants. And also excellent in the episode of 30 Rock he was in where he "played" a man with a kink for Anime body pillows. Nailed that one a little too convincingly.

    JJ, I bow to your captions once again. I thought you had hit the top with your Cullen body guard post, but this one wins.

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  27. @JJ Jeebus woman- you are the best ever! "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolfboy."

    *shakes head*PMSL!!!

    i <3 u

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  28. Franco wasn't the first one to make that Brokeback reference. From Roger Ebert's Eclipse review: "Come on, big guy. The two of you are making eye contact. Edward’s been a confirmed bachelor for 109 years. Get in the brokeback spirit."

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  29. Oh, my god...I am dying over here. "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy." I love it! I usually read on the sly at work and have to try not to laugh out loud. However, I just busted out laughing over that. Totally awesome caption JJ!!! Even if everyone at the office is wondering what's so damn funny.

    I love me some James Franco, and now that he's outted himself as a unicorn, I think I like him more.

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  30. LMAO!

    I love Franco. He pops up everywhere! I would love to see him in BD, maybe as one of the rogue vamps.

    @STY, please schedule a 'Freaks and Geeks' marathon day with JJ after you return from Forks. I cannot imagine JJ not absolutely loving the humor of that show. Show opener to Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" is awesome, too.

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  31. I have a wide berth of "benefit of the doubt" when it comes to JFranc. I lovelovelove Freaks & Geeks, and he was awesome eye candy in Spiderman, but then it was all FML in Pineapple Express.

    And I am totes on board with the tent scene being just a little slash-y. It was completely ridiculous in the theater. Between laughing at "Farts" and seeing them get too close to kissing, I totally missed out on the camaraderie that was supposed to come through...


    You def need a F&G marathon, JJ. It's like.....madatory.

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  32. for the record, freaks and geeks is my favorite show. everyone should watch it. and if you don't like it, i worry about you.

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  33. That line....that line...the first real laugh I've had all day. Holy Cow woman, you are funny.

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  34. Ah haha haha, I love the icy nuts comment! I also love James Franco!!! I fell in love with him after I saw him in Tristan & Isolde, it's a great movie. Almost like Romeo and Juliet. Most people would prob know him as the rich son of the Green Goblin in Spider Man.

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  35. Funniest fucking thing you've every written. Period.

    Now gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy.

    Still... I don't like to think of Edward's ice nuts in anyone's mouth but mine.

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  36. I loved JJ's hilarious post even more after she inspired a Google search that found a New York mag article on Franco's exhibit in a NY gallery. It sounds like a room of pain, all right....but not the good red kind.

    "Much of the art is violent or explicitly obscene. A video called Masculinity and Me intersperses lurid monologues about rape and murder and diarrhea with close-up shots of a urinating penis and a defecating anus. [[ok, maybe for the trailer scene]]
    "Many of the speeches sound like comments from an undergrad queer-theory seminar: “Man and woman are impossible ideals,” one character says. “We’re all gender-fucked—we’re all something in between, floating like angels.”) Another short film, Dicknose in Paris, features Franco as the title character, with a big floppy prosthetic penis—complete with dangling testicles and a bush of pubic hair—hanging down from the middle of his face."

    GUSGUS, if you are mobbed in Forrrks, you can thank Dicknose for making you seem even more delish by comparison.

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  37. OMFG. Funniest. Thing. Ever. "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy." JJ, do phrases like this just float around in your head 24/7??? I love it!

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  38. I was a late-comer [heh-heh] to Freaks and Geeks but omfg SO good. if JJ ever watched tv, she would totally watch it. but if she starts watching tv, i have a REALLY long list of stuff i want her to watch so you all may never hear from her again. probably not a good idea.

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  39. OMG OMG...I fucking love the red room of pain...LMFAO...That is one of my Favs...I go cookoo for coa coa nuts when I get to read Fanfic BDSM...that is some hot shit...AHHHH if only!!!!

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  40. I'd like to gargle his nuts, just sayin ;) I can't promise to be quiet about it though cause if I had the chance, I'd film it and tell anyone who would listen that I got a taste of that schmexy man. NOM NOM NOM! I know... I'm whore. But in my defense, only Rob inspires these types of outlandishly whorish thoughts.

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  41. I just have to chime in to concur with STY that Freaks and Geeks was indeed the best show ever! It only lasted one season but you can get it on DVD...hilariously brilliant show with a bunch of actors who have gone on to do other stuff (Seth Rogen, Jason Segal, Franco...) and also has the most amazing soundtrack ever on a TV show. I highly recommend it to anyone who didn't like high school...which I think is everyone!

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  42. Thank you, JJ for a whooping loud laugh. I shared with the hubs and he whooped right along with me. He's generally over my Twilight obsession, and this, he enjoyed.

    James Franco was FANTASTIC in "Milk" as Sean Penn's lover. He was crazy good. A great film, also.

    Thanks for a wonderful, loud belly laugh!

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  43. What is this Red Room of Pain? If you love it I'm fairly certain that I would love it too. Please tell me where to find this.. hope is extra lip puckering with lemony goodnessss.

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  44. Oh, my god...I am dying over here. "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolf boy." I love it! I usually read on the sly at work and have to try not to laugh out loud. However, I just busted out laughing over that. Totally awesome caption JJ!!! Even if everyone at the office is wondering what's so damn funny.

    I love me some James Franco, and now that he's outted himself as a unicorn, I think I like him more.

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  45. Oh, JJ. I was thinking the same thing about James and fanfic. In particular LolaShoes and Let Your Light Shine. He'd certainly be appreciative, right?

    And also? Several months ago (I don't know if someone already mentioned this, and btw this is going to be long, so sorry, and omg, twss) James Franco also commented on Twilight. He was talking with his brother, who's an aspiring actor (yea.) and who it turns out auditioned for Twilight. He talked about having to do the biology first convo scene. Or the very first class. I forget. But, so, James was all, "Yea, yea! And her blood is like special to him, so it's really hard because he wants to kill her but he's also attracted to her and he can't read her thoughts and everything...." And he went on.

    At that point, I was all "OMG, James Franco, firstly, has a fantastic memory. So, imo, smart. Then, it's possible that he actually read the books. Well, I don't know what that says about smarts, but, well, I think I love him. Not in the RPattz way, of course, but well, possibly in the James MacAvoy way." OK, those were my thoughts. And they were totally confirmed by his disappointment with the fade to black in BD.

    It's funny, but as I've previously said with Rob, I didn't think I could love James Franco any more than I had, but then what the fuck do I know. This whole Twilight thing has been so full of surprises for me from the get-go, that I really should no longer be surprised to be surprised by it. Makes no sense? I know! OK, I'll stop now.

    <3 you all!

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  46. The only gay vibe I get from the tent scence is when I hope for a hot 3-way between Bella, Edward and Jake. There may be some sweaty man parts brushing up against each other in my dirty fantasies, as long as I-- I mean, Bella -- gets all of the penetration-- I mean, attention.
    Oh and Freaks and Geeks: Best. TV Show. Ever.
    xoxo

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  47. Hey w hats the red room of pain??? im still new to this fan fic story thing. Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  48. JJ you slay me every time.
    I'm still laughing over the "gargle my icy nuts" line! bwahahahahha

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  49. "Now gargle my icy nuts, wolfboy."

    OMG, best line ever. I never check to see who the post is written by and try to see if I can guess before I get to the end.

    I was siding toward LKW when I read that photo caption, but it's JJ for the win!

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  50. GargleMyIcyNutsWolfboyApril 29, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    I want to change my sn.

    I love James Franco!! He left a successful career in the industry to go to college. Now he's doing a PhD... smart guys make me swoon so hard... Plus, he's a unicorn... who may or may not be spending too much time reading slash twifics... Just saying.

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