First and foremost, I hate bugs - especially slimy, gross ones and spiders and stinkbugs. Ladybugs and butterflies aren't bad, but if you're a big, scary bug, I'm squashing your ass. That is your only warning. I'm sorry to all you insect lovers out there, I know this sounds really mean, but that's how I roll. This is the reason I don't enjoy summer. Too many fucking bugs. And the heat too, but mostly the bugs. Bugs + Heat = Crankypants LKW.
I'm also deathly afraid of small spaces. My claustrophobia is strong! I can't stand to be in enclosed spaces or in big, smushy crowds of people. I think it's because I'm short and I usually end up with my nose pressed in someone's armpit and that's just disgusting. I don't even like it when my husband jokingly pulls the covers over my head. Can't... breathe... help me!!! Although, I will say, if Robert Pattinson was waiting for me in a shoe box, I'd find a way to stuff myself in there and deal with the hyperventilating. Maybe I could just pass it off as panting. Because I would probably be doing that, too. For a ride on his disco stick.
Now that I'm 40, I'm also scared of every little pain I feel. Headache... most certainly a brain tumor. Green poop... fuck, colon cancer (which, by the way, may be my #1 fear... especially with my whole "exit only" rule for that hole. The idea of getting a colonoscopy literally scares the fucking shit right out of me.) Oh shit, is that a new mole? Better call the dermatologist! Mr. Latchkey Wife thinks I'm a lunatic. And WebMD has greatly aided and abetted me in helping me become one. Fucking internet--it's nothing but trouble.
WebMD = the Devil's work. Ask Jenny Jerkface, she'll tell you it's a baaaaaaad place.
As excited as I am to go to Forks in 10 days [!!!!!!], I'm also scared to death. For one, I am petrified of flying. It's mostly the take-off. I never think the damn pilot is going fast enough to lift off when he does so I just grip the arm rests really tight and squeeze my eyes shut until the seat belt sign goes off. And I have to take Dramamine for the take off and the landing or I may fucking vomit all over the seat next to me [note from STY: er, who are you sitting closer to again???]. I really wish I could sleep on planes but when I do nod off, I usually nap-jerk myself awake to find I've drooled down the front of myself. Now that's fucking awesome. And sexy.
I've said before how much I love meeting new people, and generally you have to be a complete asshole for me not to like you (still not sure why the fuck I like Jenny Jerkface, but that may be another whole post...), but my fear is what if you all think I'm a fucking tool? What if I'm not as funny in person as I think I am? What if my voice is sooooo bad that you all walk out while I'm singing karaoke [please bring earplugs, I couldn't handle a mass exodus]? What if I get constipated in Forks and can't shit for four days? Oh wait, I guess no one will really hate me for that... except my roomie VitaminR if I (a) hog the shitter, or (b) stink it up so bad she can't use it...
I'm not shitting you... I Googled "bad karaoke singer" and this picture of Heidi Montag came up. Bwaaaaahaha!
So Twitards, what scares the shit out of you these days? Do you find yourself increasingly more scared of stuff the older you get? Please make me feel like I'm not completely alone with all my phobias!