Sunday, September 19, 2010

"Things I'm Scared Of" by Latchkey Wife

As I get older, I realize that I'm fucking scared shitless of a lot of things. I never thought of myself as a fraidy cat, but lately I've realized that I've got a list of phobias a gazillion miles long. Oh and I might be little bit of a hypochondriac too. Not full blown, but I'm teetering on the edge for sure. I promise I won't bore you with my entire list.

First and foremost, I hate bugs - especially slimy, gross ones and spiders and stinkbugs. Ladybugs and butterflies aren't bad, but if you're a big, scary bug, I'm squashing your ass. That is your only warning. I'm sorry to all you insect lovers out there, I know this sounds really mean, but that's how I roll. This is the reason I don't enjoy summer. Too many fucking bugs. And the heat too, but mostly the bugs. Bugs + Heat = Crankypants LKW.

If you're not familiar with the Stink Bug - this is it and they are my fucking nemesis! Bleck!

I'm also deathly afraid of small spaces. My claustrophobia is strong! I can't stand to be in enclosed spaces or in big, smushy crowds of people. I think it's because I'm short and I usually end up with my nose pressed in someone's armpit and that's just disgusting. I don't even like it when my husband jokingly pulls the covers over my head. Can't... breathe... help me!!! Although, I will say, if Robert Pattinson was waiting for me in a shoe box, I'd find a way to stuff myself in there and deal with the hyperventilating. Maybe I could just pass it off as panting. Because I would probably be doing that, too. For a ride on his disco stick.

I'm waiting in this little tiny space for you Latchkey Wife... come and get your ride!

Now that I'm 40, I'm also scared of every little pain I feel. Headache... most certainly a brain tumor. Green poop... fuck, colon cancer (which, by the way, may be my #1 fear... especially with my whole "exit only" rule for that hole. The idea of getting a colonoscopy literally scares the fucking shit right out of me.) Oh shit, is that a new mole? Better call the dermatologist! Mr. Latchkey Wife thinks I'm a lunatic. And WebMD has greatly aided and abetted me in helping me become one. Fucking internet--it's nothing but trouble.

WebMD = the Devil's work. Ask Jenny Jerkface, she'll tell you it's a baaaaaaad place.

As excited as I am to go to Forks in 10 days [!!!!!!], I'm also scared to death. For one, I am petrified of flying. It's mostly the take-off. I never think the damn pilot is going fast enough to lift off when he does so I just grip the arm rests really tight and squeeze my eyes shut until the seat belt sign goes off. And I have to take Dramamine for the take off and the landing or I may fucking vomit all over the seat next to me [note from STY: er, who are you sitting closer to again???]. I really wish I could sleep on planes but when I do nod off, I usually nap-jerk myself awake to find I've drooled down the front of myself. Now that's fucking awesome. And sexy.

Um, ya... I'm totally like the lady in the ugly dress but with lots of drool.

I've said before how much I love meeting new people, and generally you have to be a complete asshole for me not to like you (still not sure why the fuck I like Jenny Jerkface, but that may be another whole post...), but my fear is what if you all think I'm a fucking tool? What if I'm not as funny in person as I think I am? What if my voice is sooooo bad that you all walk out while I'm singing karaoke [please bring earplugs, I couldn't handle a mass exodus]? What if I get constipated in Forks and can't shit for four days? Oh wait, I guess no one will really hate me for that... except my roomie VitaminR if I (a) hog the shitter, or (b) stink it up so bad she can't use it...

I'm not shitting you... I Googled "bad karaoke singer" and this picture of Heidi Montag came up. Bwaaaaahaha!

So Twitards, what scares the shit out of you these days? Do you find yourself increasingly more scared of stuff the older you get? Please make me feel like I'm not completely alone with all my phobias!

53 comments:

  1. I hear ya on the WebMD issue... I feel a small ting or pain or headache or cramp and it's off to Web MD to see what terrible disease I might be getting!! In fact, I had a muscle spasm once in my back and I thought either I was having a stroke (my biggest fear) or a blood clot and I was sure to die! Either way, you aren't the only one who gets freaked out by WebMD... Oh yeah... and bugs are fucking scary as shit!! Move to Alberta, the cold here kills the little fuckers!

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  2. Oh, LKW, you completely read my mind tonight. As we were driving home from my MIL's birthday dinner I was thinking about how many times a day I think of ways I might die soon. SERIOUSLY, 30 minutes ago...respiratory? the shits? fever? All terminal. AUGH. I really need help. :(
    I'm scared of it all. Oh and I also HATE bugs. I can't even think about them. In fact, I almost vomited earlier because my MIL mentioned she saw a centipede the other day...oh shit *bllllaaaaargh*

    WV: I SHIT you not, my word verification is "terefigh"

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  3. I've apparently been watching too much NCIS and Criminal Minds, because my fears are totally freaking psycho. Like what if someone faked their identity and comes to Forks to kill us all? I know, crazy.

    Oh, and I consult Dr. Google too much. I'm pretty sure I have like 74 different kinds of cancer. :-P

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  4. I am so paranoid about flying,I could make Skully nervous(the guy who landed in the Hudson).

    LKW, you don't have to be funny. or shit daily. or even sing well. Hypochondria is nothing compared to other hang-ups previously confessed here.

    We love you anyway (not speaking for JJ right now, though)

    For the 1000th time, I wonder why I am not going to FOOOORKS. I remember now. I'm afraid I'll never come back.

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  5. I'm scared of having to chose between eating a hot dog and starving to death. It would be a close call. And since I'm certain whatever shit is used to make hot dogs would kill me, it probably doesn't matter anyway.
    I also share the I-hope-they-like- me fear of meeting everyone in Forks too.

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  6. I never thought of you as short - for some reason I always pictured you as like 6' tall and a redhead. Maybe because I'd be intimidated by that and I'm definitely going to be intimidated by you.

    Hmm, my fears. Never used to hate flying but it's getting worse as I age. Oh, and aging. And my husband trading me in when I age... or when he finally realizes how awful/lazy/mean/stupid I am (you'd think a decade would be long enough for him to really know me, but I'm still scared that one day he's going to go - "Oh, THAT'S who you really are. Yup, not interested, bye."). That's probably my #1 fear. I may have a self-esteem issue.

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  7. Bed bugs. Bed bugs scare the ever-loving-shit outta me. I dread staying in a hotel, cuz I just know they're gonna crawl outta the woodwork and eat me during the night. *shudders*

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  8. @PurpleCupcake I second your hot dog fears. They look like freakin fingers. Gross.

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  9. @PurpleCupcake @Rachael1042 - I fucking looooove hot dogs. They're like tasty, salty god-knows-what. Yummay in my tummay.

    @LatchkeyWife - Where the fuck are you sitting on this flight, again? Because if you puke on me, I'll fucking hurt you. And then throw up on my seat mate, who is STY.

    And way to insinuate that I'm an asshole. Asshole. ;)

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  10. @LKW- I hate take off for the same reason you do. I also hate the landing because I feel like the plane is going to tip fwd. Try flying to Vegas, the turbulence had people really puking. It's a miracle that I didn't.

    I am also afraid of having to go poo..like soft diarrhea poo when there is not bathroom in site...it would be just my luck...

    In all honesty, I think our combined fears are a good thing...we can help each other out.

    PS Wanna skype before we go, that way I can decide if I think your a douche bag and I hate your voice?!

    xo J

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  11. I'm terrified of the dark, needles, the ocean and stupid stuff like that. My roomate is completely and utterly terrified of flying. It's not the taking off or landing that scares her. It's the actual flight. And we're flying to Forks in 10 days. Anyone have any advice for her? (I plan on slipping her a valium before we leave....hooooope it helps!)

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  12. You're talking to someone with a bit of OCD (minus the compulsion part, it's complicated). So I'm sure you'll seem normal compaired to me. No worries. LOL.

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  13. LKW we all have phobias, whether we think we've got some life threatening disease, we're scared of bugs or touching our belly buttons (that's my BFF) or even having a spider crawl into your mouth when you're sleeping - that was one of mine when I was younger. I also used to check under my bed for snakes but now my biggest fear is never seeing my children again-thus my reluctance to fly. Even letting them holiday a few hours away without me is difficult. I find it hard to let them go and when I do, I start thinking the worst possible scenarios and become a blubbering mess. Eventually I snap out of my doom and gloom, tell myself how stupid I've been and then I'm OK. Pretty normal eh?!

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  14. I'm not saying what I am afraid of until after FFOOOORRRKKKSS!!! xD

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  15. @Rottymama -- You're a smart chicky. Cuz' I'm takin' notes. Just sayin'.

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  16. @jaymes805 - hypnotherapy is my suggestion for your roommate and for anyone else out there afraid of flying. Now it worked for me and I really think it can help. It is more about relaxation techniques and since I did it 5 years ago I have not had any issues. This is who I worked with and she might do phone consultations: http://www.4change.com/presentations.html Other than that I just make sure I read, talk and watch the movie - and pretend I am on a bus - turbulence is just bumps in the road.

    Good luck

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  17. @JJ, LMAO, you know I was gonna list some stuff, then I thought, I dont' want any "unexpected" not that anyone would, LOL, things happening in Forks.

    {{{note to self, ssshhhh}}}

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  18. I'm a self appointed Bug Slayer. I don't think butterflies and lady bugs should be counted as bugs. If you're a bug I'm going to kill you no matter how long it takes. I do think I've scared them off since it has been bug light this summer and I hope it stays that way.

    I wouldn't be surprised if I did have a brain tumor with all those headaches I get. I'm just waiting for the way that my head explodes. Also I probably watch way too much cop shows which can lead to major paranoia. I'm thinking about naming the mole that may or may not have gotten bigger. Hell I don't even remember the thing being there until recently but it's not like I obsessively check my back although I kind of do now.

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  19. I sound like a loser admitting this, but I play, well played, Animal Crossing and up there with the bugs you sounded just like the owl from the museum and I was rolling thinking about it.

    I do the mole and headache thing too. And, god, I can't believe I'm admitting this too, but I'm still to this day afraid of the damn dark. I catch myself running through a dark room to switch a light on or something, with my eyes closed the whole time. Cause I know, just fucking know, the one time I open my eyes, that creeping ass witch lady from Darkness Falls will be right there. And I'm 22. Yea, I'm def a scaredy-cat too.

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  20. I have plane crash phobia. I love going to the airport, getting on the plane, it's the whole part from taking off to landing that I fear. Flying alone is easier than flying with the hubs because I know if my plane crashes my kids will still have a parent. I have Xanax for the flight.
    I'm scared of ghosts so the Forks Motel better not be haunted. I can't sleep with any part of my body hanging off the bed because the monster that lives under the bed might grab me.
    You hypochondriacs should never seek medical advice from the internet, it's like throwing gas on a fire.

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  21. I am scared to walk on the grates in the sidewalk, I'm afraid they will collapse and I will fall in and be stuck forever. I will go out of my way to avoid stepping on them.

    I'm also scared of sharks. We went to Hawaii and while we were there I started my period. I wouldn't go anywhere near the water because I didn't want a shark to eat me.

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  22. still looking for my vampSeptember 20, 2010 at 12:03 AM

    Breast cancer. I just had a scare that put me in that fucking MRI machine, but thankfully, everything is just fine in my boobies. They will continue to hang low and wobble to and fro, etc etc.

    Other than that, the thing that will turn my bowels to water and my blood run cold is thinking about my son becoming sick and/or dying. That is my biggest fear.

    I am convinced Web MD is run by Satan himself. Or at the very least a really mean vampire. Going there with a hangnail is a bad idea. According to them, you will be dead in two months.

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  23. Sharks and other ocean creatures that could eat me and/or drag me under the water to drown me... and then eat me. Terrifying.

    Bugs - mainly spiders and centipedes or any other bug that can move quickly. The only way I can even kill a bug like that is from a distance with a gallon of bug spray. I have to maintain at least a 3-4 foot radius because I'm pretty sure most bugs can jump pretty far and if given the opportunity they'll jump in my direction. My sis-in-law saved me recently. We both screamed as a spider crawled under my chair in the dining room but she found the courage to stomp on it (with her bare foot which made me want to vomit, btw). When my dad asked what the screaming was about she proudly said, "I saved Franki from a spider." Is she awesome or what?

    I'm also quite claustrophobic.

    My fears tend to change over time. The only thing that has stayed constant since I was a child is my fear of sharks. I used to think they were in my bathtub and under my bed with the other monsters and ghosts.

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  24. All I have to say is...don't let your fears get in the way of something that could really be wrong! I am 24 and was daignosed with breast cancer 2 weeks ago! Do your at home breast exams ladies!! I dont care if you breast fed 7 kids or have no family history! Im fricken 24 years old, 16 weeks pregnant with my 4th child, 0 family history of breast cancer. If you dont wanna touch your own boobies Im sure your special other wont mind :)

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  25. Note to self:
    1) Buy bathroom spray
    2) Get extra key to JJ/STY's/Myg's room in case LKW is hogging the bathroom.
    3)Buy extra bottle of bathroom spray to take with me to JJ/STY/Myg's room...I am super polite like that.

    I am not scared of much except bugs, psychopaths, heights, and baby corn. It will all be fine.

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  26. My fear of flying is why I felt relieved that I couldn't afford to take this pilgrimage to Forks. I would've had to fly for literally two days, and the thought alone was scaring the living shit out of me.

    I am also deathly afraid of deep water, so much so, that I become nauseated even when I see it on television.

    I'm scared senseless of the sharks as well. I blame Spielberg for this one.

    I try not to let these phobias rule my life, and I defy them every chance I get.

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  27. Girls, I'm terrified to fly, but have made the round trip to the East Coast (DC and NYC) from Seattle twice in the past year. I have one word for you: XANAX!!! What a life-saver!! Before these trips, I hadn't flown for 30 years (older than some of you are!) And, with Xanax, you can also take your regularly prescribed Paxil (which I'm sure some of you freaking-out moms are on). It literally caused enjoyment during the flight. Just make sure you take enough with you to redose if the flight is delayed. It lasts about 4 hours (a .5mg tablet) And to those of you who don't like bugs, be prepared for SLUGS (slimy, love the rain, and are all over the rainforest). They are gentle (just big, dumb shell-less snails) but can be about 7 ' long, and leave a trail of goo behind them (hard to get it off your hands if you pick them up, so don't pick them up!) Some are spotted (banana slugs), most are greenish. Oh yeah - they can climb. But they are absolutely HARMLESS, so step over them and love them (Edward probably does).
    Have a great trip -- I'll be sitting here on the opposite side of the Olympic Peninsula thinking about you. PS- as far as i know, there are no ghosts in Forks. Too fucking wet!

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  28. Since having kids I've had moments when I suddenly realize that driving is essentially hurdling down the highway in a metal box whilst trying to avoid other idiots in their own metal box weapons of destruction.

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  29. @JJ - No worries, I'm sitting next to STY... but for her, I'll make sure not to puke in flight.

    And I'm also deathly afraid to swim in the lake when I can't touch bottom because you never know what kind of slimy plants or monsters are going to touch your feet. Yeesh... I hate that!

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  30. I find it amazing how much more you are scared of the older you get. When I was younger, I would do anything just to prove I could, now..fuck that - you do it ya chicken shit!

    I am scared of:
    *flying bugs - if it crawls, I can handle it but it that fucka has wings and can come at me, I'm done - especially June Bugs, there are many times I've locked myself in the bathroom because hubby thought it was a riot to scare me with it.
    *the woods at night - the dark doesn't bother me but the woods in the dark?? Every little snap is something horrible, like that wolf thing from "the never-ending story" just waiting to peel the flesh from my bones.
    *and of course, WebMD - I have a number of maladies at any given time - usually something that will kill me in 6 months.

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  31. Nicole (aka twopeas1pod)September 20, 2010 at 10:12 AM

    Shit. I wasn't scared of anything till I read all these comments and now I'm scared of bugs, moles, airplanes, hot dogs, metal boxes on highways and stinky bathrooms.

    And I'm really really afraid that I'm late to this party and am going to miss a damn fine time in Forks... (minus the stinky bathroom).

    But I will say that I am also not afraid at all of being inside that shoebox... that sounds damn fine too. I'd even find a way in it if it had the stink bugs inside too...

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  32. GREAT post!
    My fears aren't as bad as they used to be. I am currently afraid of Cockroaches & heights but am working on overcoming those.
    I used to be a complete flying phobic - panic attacks, anti-anxiety meds, alcohol & all, but I cured myself!
    As I've mentioned before, I'm a counselor, so I am actually pretty good at helping others & myself get over fears, so LKW, if you're ever in Virginia, look me up & I will help you work on your 'ahem' issues.
    BTW, I recently had to have a colonoscopy & it was NOTHING - they could not even have done anything or they could have shoved a bowling ball up my ass & I wouldn't have known the difference - I was OUT! It's the prep that sucks balls.
    So, since there's probably not enough time for you to conquer your fear of flying before Foooorrrrrks, as your doctor for some Lorazapam - works like a charm!

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  33. This probs won't shock anybody, but I'm not skerd of much and I'm shameless as hell.

    I'll shit in front of anyone and I'll lay a bet that both @LivingWithEdward and @TatooMickey will have to physically walk by and shut the bathroom door to keep from witnessing me relaxin' on the loo.

    Medical stuff? Nada. I've caught my child's esophogeal lining in my hand, so pretty much anything else is cool in my book. Boogers, barf, you name it. Whatevs.

    Not skerd of flying. Not skerd of meat. Not skerd of dogs or snakes or feet.

    I agree with @LatchKeyWife on the bug stuff though. Mosquitoes, house flies, moths....meh. But if a fucking bug is big enough to make a noise when it's stepped on, I'm mortified by it's existence, ALIVE OR DEAD. GROCE GROCE GROCE. (And yes, I know I misspelled gross, I just like the way it looks.)

    Oh....one last thing. I'm afraid of @VitaminR's bewbs. Because they are large, and appear to have the ability to smother me.

    MC

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  34. Okay, my biggest fear right now is getting/being pregnant. Terrifies the shit out of me, like to the point where if I'm a day late I'm worried or even worse if I have a really light period and sore boobs I think is implantation bleeding and the beginning of the end of my existence! I'm so paranoid I'm actually planning on taking a pregnancy test before I go to Forks so I know I'm in the clear to drink to my hearts content.

    @VitaminR - Baby corn, really??!!!
    @JJ - I'm with you on the hot dogs, love me some hot doggy goodness! mmmmmmm hot dogs *cue homer doughnut sounds and drool*.

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  35. @VitaminR70 - no stinky sprays in our bathroom! i swear i would rather smell poop than most air freshener... although i am sure you would pick out something classy and i won't worry... i'll bring something to deal with JJ's stink-butt. i mean "all of our needs in this area."

    : )

    p.s. i am afraid of deep water that i can't see into (only when i am in it), the boogey man, and i have "an eye thing" - i'm always afraid something will happen to my eyes. i am afraid of some other things but i'm not tellin'. and no throwing me in lake crescent unless it REALLY is crystal clear, ok???

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  36. Oh, and one more thing:

    I totally admit it
    http://hothotjapanhot.tumblr.com/tagged/the_basement_trot

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  37. Wow... so don't pick on me cause I'm new around these parts -- but @norcaltwitard just made me realize I do have a completely terrifying fear of getting pregnant as well. I have twins who starts kindergarten last week and that light I'd been seeing at the end of the tunnel for 6 years -- yeah - I've been basking in the f=ing glow of it for 6 days! And the *thought* of starting over again right now sends me into the dry heaves... I'm doner than done with the baby stage!

    And my kids came home from school with library books - one of which is 'The Pigeon Finds A Hot Dog' (a true classic) - and I started rolling laughing reading the book thinking about how this little tale would def. freak some people out!

    So sad that I've only had my 6 days in the 'glow' cause if I'd found you ladies sooner I would SO be down for a lil trip to Forks. =(

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  38. First, where did you find that pic of RPattz -- holy schmoly! I'm scared of bad things happening to my kids and big crowds of people. (Be gentle with me in Fooooorks.) I hear you on the colonoscopy -- I had my first this year after turning the big 5-0. Turned out the procedure itself was no biggie since they doped me up so much I couldn't remember the ride home. The bad part was the truly horrible stuff they make you drink the day before -- something like really thick salty orange soda -- gallons of it. I made it through by reading chapters from The List while sipping -- took my mind off more than most anything would have. But it was worth it because they found some things to take out and want me back next year. Have to find a new great fanfic for that!
    xoxo

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  39. @Olypeninsulagal - You are so right - Xanex is the only way to fly. I sorta had a nervous breakdown on a flight 10 years ago. I've flown since - uncomfortably, even on drugs. But last year I went to DC from Seattle with my cousin and it was cool and I flew back ALL BY MYSELF. So as long as some stupic mechanic doesn't forget to tighten a bolt or something...

    I also have the "any symptom is the worst thing possible" syndrome. And I have access to the online medical info the doctors use, which is WAY worse than using WEB MD.

    My current biggest fear: After 10 years in the warm cocoon of my current workplace, I am starting a FABULOUS new job next week and I am shared shitless I will screw up or just plain look stupid and get fired after they realize I really don't know anything. (The imposter syndrome) I go in for one day to get oriented than I'm off to FOOOOORRRRKKKKKKSSSS with all you hoors so I'll be in REAL good shape when I return the following Monday.

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  40. @STY--Does natural vanilla or citrus work for you? I mean all natural...nothing artificial. I only buy the natural stuff. Honestly a good ole fashioned blown out match works pretty damn good too....and the price is right. That's what we use at our cabin...it covers up Mr. VitR's stank..and that is saying something. I bet JJ will have matches. :P

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  41. LKW I had a severe panic attack out of the blue on a plane when I was 23, I had never even had a panic attack before that. After that I took something to knock me out. Valium was the worst for me. I stayed awake and was lucid enough to know that my reflexes were slow and my brain was cloudy. Basically, I felt that if anything happen I would just die stupid. Xanax, way better, but at this point, I've gone through enough therapy that the panic attacks stopped and I do lots of flying now without anything. Except maybe a drink.

    Also, I'm a terrible singer and love karaoke, so you will be in good company.

    As far as my own fears, I'm not a bug fan, but they're ok as long as they don't touch me. Slugs gross me out more, and there are a ton here in the PNW. When I'm hiking or walking around here I obsessively watch the ground for them. Post Traumatic Stress from stepping on one barefoot as a kid.

    @VitminR You can use the potty in my room if you need to. Or use my matches - whichever.

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  42. @kittyelvis- i share your disgust for slugs. i stepped on one barefoot last year and still haven't recovered from it. disgusting. i hate leeches even more. fuck. me. went to a place in Australia and those fuckers were falling on us from the trees!

    like most parents, my biggest fear is something happening to my daughter. i think about horrible things constantly! sometimes on the drive to work i'll start crying because of some made-up scenario like her getting kidnapped or something. i need help.

    i'm also totally disgusted by other peoples hair. it skeeves me out ever since i had to test a bunch of kids hair samples for arsenic. i don't know how hairdressers do it. that pile of swept up hair *gag*

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  43. Bugs.

    Stairs.

    Getting old.

    [Today is my birthday, but I will be enjoying my present in TEN EFFING DAAYS!!!!!!] It's gonna' be EPIC!

    FFFOOORRRKKKSSSSS!!!!!!

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  44. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RUGBYMOM!!! I can't wait to fucking meet you!!!


    I'm not afraid of much.

    Clowns with chainsaws in haunted mazes (I WILL pee myself. It's been done).

    Childbirth. It grosses me out to the Nth degree. "A Baby Story" is like sitting a 5 year old down and watching The Exorcist. In 3D IMAX.

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  45. *whispers*
    Actually that Montag chick is following me on twitter. I had no clue who she was until she started doing that and I saw her "verified" button, got curious and googled her... lol

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  46. Good lord, I am suddenly in the mood for some really bad karaoke.

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  47. @thecoldshower - gtfo! that's too funny! maybe you help her itch her crush-on-rpatts scratch, too???

    : )

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  48. *whispers*
    Actually that Montag chick is following me on twitter. I had no clue who she was until she started doing that and I saw her "verified" button, got curious and googled her... lol

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  49. Wow... so don't pick on me cause I'm new around these parts -- but @norcaltwitard just made me realize I do have a completely terrifying fear of getting pregnant as well. I have twins who starts kindergarten last week and that light I'd been seeing at the end of the tunnel for 6 years -- yeah - I've been basking in the f=ing glow of it for 6 days! And the *thought* of starting over again right now sends me into the dry heaves... I'm doner than done with the baby stage!

    And my kids came home from school with library books - one of which is 'The Pigeon Finds A Hot Dog' (a true classic) - and I started rolling laughing reading the book thinking about how this little tale would def. freak some people out!

    So sad that I've only had my 6 days in the 'glow' cause if I'd found you ladies sooner I would SO be down for a lil trip to Forks. =(

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  50. Nicole (aka twopeas1pod)April 29, 2011 at 10:15 AM

    Shit. I wasn't scared of anything till I read all these comments and now I'm scared of bugs, moles, airplanes, hot dogs, metal boxes on highways and stinky bathrooms.

    And I'm really really afraid that I'm late to this party and am going to miss a damn fine time in Forks... (minus the stinky bathroom).

    But I will say that I am also not afraid at all of being inside that shoebox... that sounds damn fine too. I'd even find a way in it if it had the stink bugs inside too...

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  51. Since having kids I've had moments when I suddenly realize that driving is essentially hurdling down the highway in a metal box whilst trying to avoid other idiots in their own metal box weapons of destruction.

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  52. Girls, I'm terrified to fly, but have made the round trip to the East Coast (DC and NYC) from Seattle twice in the past year. I have one word for you: XANAX!!! What a life-saver!! Before these trips, I hadn't flown for 30 years (older than some of you are!) And, with Xanax, you can also take your regularly prescribed Paxil (which I'm sure some of you freaking-out moms are on). It literally caused enjoyment during the flight. Just make sure you take enough with you to redose if the flight is delayed. It lasts about 4 hours (a .5mg tablet) And to those of you who don't like bugs, be prepared for SLUGS (slimy, love the rain, and are all over the rainforest). They are gentle (just big, dumb shell-less snails) but can be about 7 ' long, and leave a trail of goo behind them (hard to get it off your hands if you pick them up, so don't pick them up!) Some are spotted (banana slugs), most are greenish. Oh yeah - they can climb. But they are absolutely HARMLESS, so step over them and love them (Edward probably does).
    Have a great trip -- I'll be sitting here on the opposite side of the Olympic Peninsula thinking about you. PS- as far as i know, there are no ghosts in Forks. Too fucking wet!

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