Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Words I Wish I Wasn't Writing

This is not a post about Twilight. It is not about Robert Pattinson. It is sad and it will probably make you cry and it is definitely not usual or appropriate fodder for a humorous, dirty, grown-up-chick Twilight blog. But you have all come to mean so much to me since we found each other here... And I have something to share because it's a huge deal in my life and quite a few of you will be meeting me in a couple of weeks and and and... Well, just stop reading now and come back tomorrow if you don't want to take an off-topic sad stroll with me, ok? I'll understand and no hard feelings. Pinkie swear.

Some of you may have noticed that lately I have not been around these parts much. I haven't posted anything, I haven't been on Twitter, I haven't read or returned any emails, and I haven't mailed anything out to the people I need to mail things out to (I have not forgotten you - promise). Here's why.

A little more than three weeks ago, I piled into Sister Snarky's minivan with her two lil' Snarks and we drove to Savannah to celebrate my mom's 65th birthday with her. I was kind of a surprise present of sorts; we didn't tell her that I was coming and she was overjoyed when we all walked in the door (I put a big bow and a ribbon on my head and everything). My laptop went kaflooey approximately thirty seconds into this trip and I was out of commission for that week. After we got back to New Jersey, I sent the computer off to Texas for repair and was relegated to sharing the desktop with Mr. Snarky rather than doing my usual, which is sitting on the sofa with one hand attached to the laptop every waking moment I am home.

Then a little more than a week ago--last Wednesday night, to be exact--my cell phone rang after ten p.m. It was my father. On a one-to-ten scale of not-good-things, this is an eleven. He'd never called me this late in my life. I knew before I picked up the phone that something was horribly wrong. My parents moved to Savannah five years ago to care for my father's parents. My grandmother passed away six months later and they continue to care for my 94-year-old grandfather. While his good health is remarkable for his age, I was pretty sure I knew what was going to be said when I answered.

I braced myself. And then had my world shattered into a million pieces when I heard these two words instead: Mom's dead. My mom. My mother who was fine when I had visited and hugged and kissed her only two weeks earlier. She had been watching TV and dozed off and had a heart attack. My father came home and thought she was sleeping. He said it looked like God had flipped her switch off. She was gone.

Five hours later my sister and I were hugging in the middle of Terminal A at Newark airport, on our way back to Savannah. The following days were a surreal blur. As we put together a collage of photos spanning my mother's life, it felt like we were planning a party for her. And in a way I guess the memorial service was a celebration of her life. The fact that she would not be there didn't seem real. It still doesn't.

After my father eulogized his best friend and wife of 45 years, my sister and I read this together:

Your Mother Is Always With You

Your mother is always with you...

She's the whisper of the leaves
as you walk down the street.

She's the smell of bleach in
your freshly laundered socks.

She's the cool hand on your
brow when you're not well.

Your mother lives inside
your laughter. She's crystallized
in every tear drop...

She's the place you came from,
your first home. She's the map you
follow with every step that you take.

She's your first love and your first heart
break...and nothing on earth can separate you.

Not time, not space...
Not even death
will ever separate you
from your mother...

You carry her inside of you...

- Sherry Martin

So now you know why I have been completely MIA lately. I'm still going to Forks. I might get extra teary along the way, but I am going.

I thought long and hard about whether I should write about this. And decided that you are all such a huge part of my life that I wanted and needed to share what had happened.

Tune back in tomorrow for your usual fix of snorteling and saucy hi-jinks (perhaps not written by me for a bit - baby steps... but then again, humor is strong medicine ). In the meantime, if you'll allow me a few more moments behind the pulpit...

Don't leave the house or go to bed mad. Be nice. Don't put off doing what makes you happy. No matter what your beliefs are on the afterlife, enjoy your time on Earth as much as possible. Manage your stress. Listen to your doctor. If you suspect something's wrong, don't stick your head in the sand. Make sure that your loved ones are taking care of themselves even if it means you have to go to the doctor's office with them and actively help them to change their habits. Tell the people around you that you love them. Frequently. Be safe.

13 years old...joyful...

17 years old. I love this picture. My mother is beautiful...

18 years old... Soon she would marry my dad...

40th birthday bash. I am my mother's daughter...

I love you, Mom. I'll miss you and your apples pies, too.

285 comments:

  1. I might not have it in me to comment a lot on this one but I will be here reading. Love you guys... xo

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  2. Oh darlin. I rarely comment but I just felt like I should let you know how sorry I am. Your mother was a beautiful lady and I'm so sorry she had to leave this world so early. ((((((Hugs))))))

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  3. I'm so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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  4. All I can say is that I am so sorry. So, incredibly sorry for your loss. This post did make me tear up, I think I'm going to go call my mom.

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  5. You have my deepest sympathies. I am so so sorry for you loss. And so so glad you got to spend time with her happy and joyous and full of all the wonderful things that made her your mom.

    Deciding to still go to forks must have been difficult for you. But know you will be surrounded (whether you want to be or not) by people who adore you and who will support you in any way you need.
    X0X0X0

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  6. Giant hugs hun. This has me all teary eyed. I know it's never easy losing a parent. My thoughts are with you
    Xx

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  7. Love you sweetie! Beautiful written words for your mom. You too are beautiful just like your mom. Take your time...we are here. Xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  8. I love you.

    I've deleted about seven different things I want to say to you, because nothing really captures it better than that.

    But I will say this. YOU are an amazing tribute to your mother. Your brand of awesome is rare in this world, and as sorry as I am that she died so young, she is very lucky to have you as her legacy. I never met her but I can already tell what kind of woman she must have been because I know what a strong, loving, fiercely intelligent and fucking funny woman you are.

    I am so very proud to call you my friend, and so terribly saddened that you are living this heartache right now.

    I'm going to cuddle you a lot in Forks. Consider yourself warned.

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  9. Sending you tons of internet hugs STY! Your mom sounds like one heck of a lady. I'm sure you'll have a stripper at your 40th too!

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  10. Oh sweetie. I've been wondering where you are and worrying that something had happened. I am so, so very sorry. Close your eyes and imagine that you are getting a big, big, choking hug right now because if I were there, I'd be hugging you hard. I know that there's nothing that anyone can say that can take this away, but hope you know that we all love you and are here for you and you've got lots of hugs waiting in Forks. I will be praying for your family - not that the grief passes quickly, because it won't, but that you find some peace in the good memories you have and in the life your Mom lived, and that you all find strength in each other. Hugs, HEARTFELT sympathy, and LOTS of love to you.

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  11. I know this means nothing, and will be said a thousand times, but I'm so very sorry.

    Your mother was absolutely gorgeous :)

    xx
    Jenny0719

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  12. i am sooo very sory love, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

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  13. I'm so very sorry for your loss (hugs). I hope you know that although we are here to share a laugh we also are a shoulder to cry on. Lean on us, we are your strength when you have none. Again, I'm so very sorry. Words cannot heal but they are all I have to offer in your time of grief.

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  14. My sincerest sympathies and prayers go out to you and your family. The poem was lovely, and your mom, beautiful.

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  15. What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain as if it were my own because my story is similar to yours. Take it easy, hold your memories close, and your family closer. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

    Blessings,

    Fangscape

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  16. I am so sorry for your loss, Snarky. I can't even imagine going through that. It scares the crap out of me to watch my parents get older and knowing that their time is getting shorter.

    I know none of us can make the situation ok, but I hope we can make it easier. Much love to you and your family.

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  17. Oh, sweet Snarky... ((hugs)) We love you and pray for you and your family. Your mom was beautiful and she raised a daughter (two, actually) that I'm sure she was proud of. I'm glad you shared with us– I know you'll feel overwhelming support from all of your readers.

    Love to you...

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  18. Oh this just took my breath away.....I am so sorry snarky. My heart just hurts for you.....I am so so so glad you went down to see her when you did though! Super Big hug to you!
    Kelly

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  19. I'm sorry for your loss. The line in the poem about "your first home" makes me want to go snuggle my baby. The pictures are wonderful, and you're right: your mother is beautiful.

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  20. Ohhh STY, I can't even begin to express how sorry I am to hear about your mother. My mom is my best friend and I can't imagine a world without her in it. I'm not the best at nurturing, but I'm sending lots of hugs and love your way. That was such a moving post, and I'm grateful that you shared it with us. I'm sure your mom was a fabulous woman, just look at you ;) Keep your head up, it will get better, I promise <3

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  21. So so so sooo incredibly sorry, STY. I'm so glad you have such fond memories of your beautiful mother. And thank you for sharing a little bit of her with us. What an honor.

    It was very courageous of you to post this. I hope that paying this wonderful tribute to your mom will help you heal.

    You and your family are in my thoughts and in my heart.

    *HUGE HUG*

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  22. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.I cried reading this. My mom is 65 and just visited me in the states a few months ago. I can only imagine the hurt and I am scared as hell of the day I get a phone call. I am so very sorry for your loss. You are blessed with great friends so I can hope you will be hugged enough in Forks. Hugs!

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  23. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it is like to lose your mother. I don't want to imagine it even though it will happen someday. That poem said it all. She is and always will be in everything you do. God bless you and keep you.

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  24. I got that call. 9 years ago. My Dad thought Mom was sleeping. Dead. Quick, painless (for her). Never sick a day in her life.
    You can get through.
    The best, best thing anyone did for me was a random co-worker came up to me and said he would hug me in 2 weeks because I would need it then, when everyone else had stopped...
    It worked. He did it. I needed it.
    I am sending you virtual hugs in 2 weeks.
    You have been, and always will be, a good daughter.
    I am so sorry for your loss.

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  25. I am so sorry for your loss. A close friend of mine died suddenly in october, and I understand how hard it is to make it through when things like these happen. I can't imagine what you must going through, on account of losing your mother. My thoughts are with you and your family. By the way, your mother is beautiful.

    (((Hugs)))

    -Janey

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  26. I am so very sorry. You are your mother's daughter and that is a wonderfully gorgeous legacy. What a fantastic tribute to a lovely woman. Thank you for allowing us into this most private and personal time. If there is any way at all that I can help you through this, please let me know.

    I will be forwarding this link to my mother, sister and best friends along with telling them how much I love them and how grateful I am to have them in my life.

    Your words of wisdom are exactly what we need to hear and I promise to honor your mother by living by your words.

    I love you, Snarky. Take care and may time heal you.

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  27. I am so sorry for your loss. Know that we are all here for you, in humor and in sorrow. Lots of hugs, and more to come in Forks.

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  28. Your mother was a beautiful, beautiful woman. Thank you so much for sharing a little piece of her with us - it's an honor, truly. I am so sorry for your loss - sending love and prayers your way. Glad you're still going on the trip and hope you're open to hugs when we get there (I'll just gloss right over the "painfully shy and socially awkward" thing from the Five Random Things post and bear-hug you if that's okay). Love, Jessica

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  29. So sorry STY. Know that your Twitarded friends love you and are sending you collective sympathy and hugs. Be good to yourself, your dad and sis. And remember your mom with love and light. She looks like she was a sweetheart. Loved the 40th b-day pic!

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  30. STY - I love you. You are brave and beautiful for putting this out there.
    I've always known you were a fantastic, amazing woman and it's clear your mother was too.

    She lives on in you, STY. And your sister and everyone she's touched.

    To the rest of you -- you are all so fucking amazing. Seriously. This rally of support just goes to show how absolutely amazing and wonderful this community is.

    Thank you.

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  31. Oh STY.....Mama Snarky was...IS so beautiful. I am so, so sorry.

    I am going to see my mom this weekend. She just turned 64. I am going to snuggle her extra tight and enjoy every minute we have together.

    Thank you for sharing your precious mom with us.

    (((HUG)))

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  32. I'm so sorry for you loss. I'm shedding tears here in Australia for your family due to the beautiful words you have written here. I know this blog is all about fun and all that, but behind the smiles and laughter we are all human - we all love and we all hurt - I'm so sorry that at the moment you are hurting so bad. There' not a lot one can do from this side of the monitor - but know that you're in my thoughts and even from way over here I'm feeling for you and do care xxx

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  33. oh STY, so very very sorry for your loss. your mother was a beautiful woman. thoughts and prayers with you and the rest of your family

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  34. So, so, so, sorry. My heart goes out to you and your whole family. I won't be in Forks, so I can't give you a real hug, but consider yourself cyber hugged (((((hug))))) from me. Hang in there, and do whatever you need to do to get through. We'll be here for you if you need us.

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  35. STY,

    I've been a long time lurker but never commented before. Had to this time.

    (((HUGS)))

    The poem was lovely. Am happy that you had your trip for her birthday.

    The pics show a lovely, beautiful woman. She will be with you always.

    (((HUGS)))

    xo
    Em (xoEMC on Twitter)

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  36. I haven't had time to check in on Twitarded for a while but I saw the tweet and felt like I needed to come read this post.

    I'm so sorry for your loss, and all that your family has gone through. The mom poem was beautiful.

    My mom has been dealing with breast cancer for two years and it is a punch to the gut losing (or thinking about losing) a parent. At least you were able to go home for her birthday and see her and celebrate with her and laugh with her. Big hugs to you.

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  37. We love you STY... You will be in my thoughts. *hugs*

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  38. (((((hugs)))))

    Thinking of you and your family.

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  39. STY I'm sorry for the loss you and your family have suffered with the passing of your mother. The poem is correct that she is within your heart. I'm happy that your mother (and you and your sister) got to have those bountiful blessings of happy moments when you all went to visit her.

    We are all hear for you. Whatever you need we have your back.

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  40. I'm so sorry. What a horrible shock. She was so young. My father died last year, he was 73 and admitted to the hospital with difficulty breathing and died there nearly two weeks later. It's hard. But it gets better. Although there are still days I cry like a baby.

    About two months later I was at the first family function he wasn't there for, and a cousin was talking about Twilight. I had read the book, watched the crappy movie and didn't get it. But here was Annie telling me she made her husband stand outside shitless during the winter so she could experience Edwards cold perfection.

    So I gave it another chance. And at the time when I was in pain, and regretting I didn't spend enough time with the man who loved me first I found a fantasy to distract me from it all.

    So that's why I love Twilight. It gave me an escape.

    And then I found you hilarious bitches ;-)


    Again

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  41. You are right, I cried. And I'm sure I wasn't the only one.
    I'm so so so so (I could go on forever) sorry, STY. I can't imagine what you are feeling, so I won't try.
    There has been a lot of loss in the last year or so in my world and loved ones. Thank you for reminding us again to take care of ourselves and our loved ones.
    Lots of love and hugs,
    Cat

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  42. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  43. So very hard to type through the tears, STY. My heart goes out to you, your sister, and your dad. Find strength in each other and know that your Twitarded family is here for you.

    Much love,

    Lisa

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  44. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I know it is really hard, I lost my dad two years ago he was 56. I would like to tell you that it gets better over time but over time it will just suck less than the day before.

    You and your family are in my thoughts.

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  45. ((((BIG HUGS)))) You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your life with us. The Twitarded family will always be here for you

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  46. I'm reading all across from Asia. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm a mother and I shed tears when I read the poem. It was powerful. Stay strong.

    Be healthy and happy everyone. Show and tell your family how much you love them.

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  47. Thank you for sharing your beautiful pictures and memories with us.

    We are supposed to be providing you with support and strength right now, and yet you have given to us with your wonderful words.

    My condolences to you and your family.

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  48. Dear STY, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    You are so incredibly brave for sharing this. The loss of a parent is, well there are no words adequate. I lost my father November 2008 and you do somehow get through, though things are never the same.

    It is so easy to know how wonderful your mother was- just look at you.

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  49. it's hard when people move around and you find yourself separated from your parents. I'm really glad that you had the recent happy visit with your mom before she was taken from you. That will be a great comfort to you as you go forward. I cherish the memories of my last visits with my parents.

    So sorry for your loss.

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  50. Oh Sty, I am so sorry for your loss honey. My heart goes out to you and your sister, your dad and all who loved your beautiful mom. I am super close with my mom and dread loosing her. I can only imagine how you feel. Please know you are loved and cared for deeply by so many.

    Wish I were going to Forks even more now, just to hug you (if your socially retarded self could stand that, of course) Love you baby...

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  51. Even though I know there are no words that could possibly alleviate your pain, I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.
    Your mother was beautiful. You are a beautiful extension of her.
    Thank you for sharing this with us.

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  52. STU, I wish I had greater more soothing words to express my hurt for you now, but I don't. All I have is an "I'm Sorry", and I am, I truly am. I wish we could all take a piece of your hurt so you did not need to bear it on your own.

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  53. STY- Reading this...I didn't just get teary eyed, I cried...a lot. My Mom is my world, my soulmate...so this hits close to home.

    You are so brave for sharing this with us, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we're honored to have been let in to your life. I wish it was under different circumstances though.

    As for the pictures, your Mom was a beautiful lady. Just gorgeous...like yourself. Please take care and know that we're all thinking of you. You claim to not be a hugger, but I'm sending you huge hugs anyways ;)

    Love you.

    Jen

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  54. Me again. I was sitting here, on my sofa, thinking about you and a few other people I know who have experienced a death in their families within the past 2 weeks. Then I saw a little scrap of paper shouting out to me from underneath a baby shower invitation and some bills on my coffee table. On it is written the most beautiful line from a movie I've ever heard and while the character is talking about the loss of a romantic love I think it's just as appropriate for a mother's love. I wanted to share.

    "Knowing love, I will allow all things to come and go, to be as supple as the wind and take everything that comes with great courage. Life is right in any case. My heart is as open as the sky."

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  55. What a wonderful, vibrant tribute to your mom, and a heartbreaking, realistic look at the sudden shock of grief. I lost my mom many years ago, and I still miss her every single day. The world will never look quite the same again, although in time it won't necessarily look worse; just different, with a layer of sadness mixed it.

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  56. Oh I'm so sorry. I'm terrible at this and I will admit I paced through the house before I settled down to type.
    There's no words I can type that don't fall flat on the page. None.
    She's with you forever...in your face...and your smile. I see it.
    Hugs and kisses.

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  57. STY- I am not a commenter... ever. I'm a "read silently in my room and laugh until I snort" kind of girl. But I had to take a bit of your advice and tell an important person how important she is. You (and JJ & LkW) are all such a great part of my day, and I look forward to reading your blog every day.

    With that being said, my mom and I have been extremely close my entire life. In 3 months, she is leaving the country, because she is retiring in Spain with some of my other family. I hate the idea that I won't be able to call her every day on my way home and bitch about my day or hear about hers. I know it's not the same, but I know how different my life will be, and I can't even imagine losing my mother.

    I do know one thing though- no matter what, she is with you... in you. I hope that you find peace and comfort in these difficult days. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Akilah

    P.S.- You look SO much like your mom.

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  58. I am so very sorry for your loss. That is my worst fear and I thank God every day that I get another moment with the people I love. I'm happy you got that time with her a couple weeks prior.

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  59. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Your post was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful lady. Thank you for sharing the pictures and the memories. And for reminding us that life is fragile and shouldn't be taken for granted. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  60. I'm so sorry for you loss babe. Word seem useless in times like these. I know where you are. I've been there myself. My mom died when I was 21, she was 49. Lots of love darling. If ever you need anything you know where to find me.

    -FP

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  61. I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with your entire family. The poem you and your sister read was an incredible tribute to not only your Mother but all Mothers who have left us. I don't comment often, but I wanted you to know that my heart knows what you are going through. I lost my Mother Nov. '09, same circumstances as your Mother, and three weeks later my Brother. You are so right in saying in short: live life to the fullest, tell the ones you love you love them and never take it for granted. Your Mother was a beautiful woman. I'm sure she's very proud of you and looking down on you from Heaven, smiling. I hope all our words have given you some comfort. Know that though you may not know us all personally, you are a part of our lives in this fandom and we care about you. Hugs to you.

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  62. We are so very, very sorry for your loss. Just from the pictures, it is obvious that your mother was a beautiful, vibrant woman who loved life--and raised her daughter to be the same. God bless you and be with your family. Your mother will always be alive IN YOU, and she would love for you to continue what you do to make other's lives a little more enjoyable. :)


    We love you,

    Andee and Grey--Welcome to Forks, Y'all

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  63. STY I'm so so sorry to read this. I will keep your mom and your family in my thoughts. It's so difficult to think of things to say at times like this but you wrote a very beautiful post and I really took to heart what you said. *sending you a huge e-hug* Your mom is lovely!

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  64. Aw, so so sorry! My dad would have called that a 'good death' tho. He prayed for one and got his fatal heart attack at age 60. My mom wasn't so 'lucky' she passed 3 years ago about a hideous fight w/colon cancer. I miss them each and every day. *hugs*

    Kelly (kelysuperficial on twitter)

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  65. sty... I am so sorry for your loss. I experienced the exact same thing 4 years ago with my father.

    Please know that you have our love and support.

    I truly admire your courage and strength.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    xoxo

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  66. Major lurker and giggle-snorting twat-waffle here...Today, I am a cryer, and after this, I will be calling my mom to tell her I love her, even though we just talked a few hours ago and we always end our calls with I love you...and I might wake her up!
    I had to let you know, along with the many before me and those to follow, that I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing such a big and beautiful part of your life. Know that you add to her beauty through your words and deeds and beautiful self. I don't know what else to say. Stay strong, and "Be Safe!" in FORKS!!

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  67. Oh, STY, I am so sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. The poem you posted was absolutely beautiful and it made me cry. Big ol alligator tears, as I'm such a momma's girl. I do believe it's true - nothing can ever separate you from your mother.

    Hugs to you.

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  68. I am in tears for you right now..
    Though we do not know each other.. I know what you are going through... my mother passed away one year ago this coming Sunday September 19. she was 69 and she and my dad were married almost 48 years. I understand what you are feeling, I know about the hurt and the feeling of loss.. I know ...

    I think it's good that you posted about your mom's passing... I did as well.. and it helped..
    My Heart and every positive thought I can send are headed your way.

    We don't know each other.. but if you need someone who has been there just to listen.. well I am an email and if need be a phone call away.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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  69. STY,
    I'm sorry to hear about the death of your mother. Looking at the pictures of her that you posted, I can tell that you are very much her daughter (and that she had an eye on good looking Kellan Lutz-lookalikes). I'll keep her in my prayers.

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  70. Dearest STY- We only have one mother and father in our lives to lose- I lost my dad last year and you never really get totally over it. With time, the pain lessens. The memories take over, but the void on Earth remains. You are so right- you will always carry her in your heart. I am thinking of you with extra love and sending you Twilighty hugs!Take your time and be gentle with yourself.

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  71. Dearest STY- We only have one mother and father in our lives to lose- I lost my dad last year and you never really get totally over it. With time, the pain lessens. The memories take over, but the void on Earth remains. You are so right- you will always carry her in your heart. I am thinking of you with extra love and sending you Twilighty hugs!Take your time and be gentle with yourself.

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  72. I'm not a regular, infact I'm a newbie to the Twilight fandom (well the beginning of the year) but I love your site. It always brings a hugh smile to my face and I get green w/ envy when I hear of the Forks trip.
    Today when I read this my heart was broken for you. I don't know you but anyone that deals with a loss like this my prayers go out to them.
    My mom and I are very close, too close. We are the real life Gilmore Girls so I make sure our relationship is like my marriage and I never go to bed angry with her.
    This post was just a reminder of how precious the moments are spent with your loved ones.
    Its a grey area sharing your RL w/ your blog/Twitter life but thanks for feeling like you could share this with us. And even though these words can't make the pain go away I am truly sorry for your loss!! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    God Bless,
    Casey (twigirl_world)

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  73. So sorry for your loss and pain. I found keeping a journal to "talk" to her everyday helped when my mom died at 63. That and time..

    Your profile pic made me think of something that I hope will give you just a moment of comic relief: http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com

    xoxoxoxoxox

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  74. STY-
    I hate this for you. I really do. My mom is my best friend. I know I don't tell her this enough, so tomorrow when I go see her, I think I will tell her exactly how much she means to me.

    I dread that moment like nothing else. Thank you for sharing your heart (and your mom) with us. She was beautiful, and my heart hurts for you. As so many have said before me, we're here for you. Much love,
    B

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  75. STY, I am so, so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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  76. My sister just asked if I was crying because you guys didn't say "twat waffle" enough today. And now she thinks I'm crazy because instead of throwing something at her I hugged her instead.
    I'm sorry for your loss STY. Major good thoughts, hugs, and prayers are being sent your way. I can't imagine how hard this was to put out there, though it was beautifully said. That's one of the reasons I love coming back here. You ladies keep it real. Sometimes body function laden, always profanity heavy, even heartbreaking at times. But always honest, open and real.

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  77. As many others I never commented on the posts before but this time...I couldn't not do it.
    I'm really sorry for ur loss :( xoxo

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  78. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know what you are going thru I lost my Dad when I was 21. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  79. My sympathies. I can only imagine the pain you're in right now. I'm very close to my mother too, and couldn't imagine losing her. Please stay strong and take comfort in the joy you obviously brought into her life.

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  80. Dear STY, although I've been a reader of Twitarded for a long time, I have never posted here before. Your post did make me cry because I also lost my mom six years ago. Nothing can take away the pain and heartache of losing your mom, but the poem that you posted is true - she will forever live in you. Every time you talk about her, she will live. Every time you think about her, she will live. Every time you look in the mirror, you will see parts of her reflected in your face. I hope that you will be surrounded with all the good memories you have of her and that that will help to heal your pain. Thinking of you and your family.

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  81. My dad passed away when I was 15 and I haven't cried about it in years. While reading your post, I cried for you and I cried for him. Thank you for sharing your kind words about your mother - they helped bring back memories I thought were long forgotten. thank you. remember, it's ok to be sad, and at least one round in Forks will be on me.

    much love
    Caitlin

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  82. i know there's absolutely nothing i can write to help make things better, but just know you and your fam & friends are in my thoughts and prayers. i'm so, so sorry for your loss, STY. we're definitely here for you if you need us. <3

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  83. Oh Snark. All my love and thoughts with you and your family. That was a beautiful post. And I am quite sure your mother was very very proud of you!

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  84. Snarkie I was wondering about you today and now I know. I am sorry to hear about your loss. We love you in the Twidom and you are in my thoughts.

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  85. That was a beautiful post. Keep her light in you and keep your head up. sending love and hugs your way.

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  86. STY - After a tough year I have come to value my Twitarded circle of friends more than I can express, so I understand and love that you could and would share your grief with us. I hope you know how much we all love and care for you, whether we've met or not. This post, in your time of loss, is just another reason we adore you. Take care, sweetheart, and let Sister Snarky know she's in our thoughts as well.
    - Suz

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  87. STY-my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My father died last week, quite suddenly and as much as it hurts and as sad as I am I realized after reading your post that when it is my mom I am going to break in two and never be the same. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Thanks for counting on us all as friends and sharing this with us-your words do so much for so many of us that I hope ours help hold you up now.

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  88. I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayer. Thank you for sharing your sorrow with us. It is really a wake-up call for me to call my parents more often. Hugs!

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  89. Im so so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. I hope sharing this with people who care helps a little. xoxo

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  90. Im so so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. I hope sharing this with people who care helps a little. xoxo

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  91. Snarky~ thank you so much for sharing this very personal side of your life with us. That takes a lot of courage to share such a vulnerable part of your heart. I am so sorry for your loss. Those words don't seem to encapsulate my sincerity, but I am truly sorry. Hopefully, knowing you were able to spend some time with her recently in laughter and love will give you some peace and joy at knowing she felt loved. Hugs and prayers to you and your family sweetie.

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  92. Snarky,

    I am so sorry for your loss. You are already doing such an important thing. Speak of your Mom with love and laughter as often as you can, and her presence will be felt by you and by those who hear your memories of her.

    Deep peace to you. I hope that you can feel some of the positive energy you've poured into cyberspace now pouring back to you.

    <3 Hypo Vag

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  93. Tina Kelleher (@tweetlighter... I'm a lurker)September 17, 2010 at 12:57 AM

    I'm bawling as I type this. I lost my mom (the only parent I'd ever known) around this time last year... I can identify with that chest-crushing sadness and grief, believe me. I'm so sorry to hear this, STY; it's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, let alone a snarky, witty, hilarious chickie like yourself who puts a smile on my face with every post (at the very least, it's typically snickers, giggles and outright guffaws). Just today I had to email my gaggle of twatwaffles to back out of the Forks trip I was so hoping to make happen (so perfect that it's the weekend following my birthday), but haven't been able to due to a hold up in the new job that would give me the $$ to pull it off (despite the fact that I'm in the Seattle area... flat broke sucks). Now I wish I could go just so I could give you a hug and tell you I know what you're going through. Okay, you've got enough comments to sort through here... I won't drag this out anymore. Again, I'm so sorry, but glad to know you've got JJ, Mr. STY and legions of rabid Twihards to lean on if you need us :-).

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  94. I read everyday and never comment but today I want to say how very sorry I am to hear about your mom. Take care.

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  95. It took me a while to read that blog through all the tears that were falling into my lap. I am so so unbelievably sorry for your loss and can't even imagine what you must be feeling. I know we haven't met yet (Foooorks!) but I feel like I know you a little based on all the blogs I've read. This truly saddens me....my mom and I are so close and to try to understand what you must be going through right now is so heartbreaking. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I don't even know what else to say because I know nothing anyone says will help... just know that we're all here for you and you make all of our lives brighter with your amazing sense of humor. Your mom must have been so proud to have such an amazing daughter and from what I've just read in this blog, you were equally as lucky to have such a beautiful and loving mom. Thank you for sharing this story with us. Lots of twi-love- Jamie

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  96. STY - I am so very sorry for your loss, and I know you and your family will miss her terribly. It is so fortunate that you and Sister Snarky were able to spend some time with her before it was her time to go. I'm sure you shared lots of laughs that you'll remember, and will give you the strength to go on. Dwell on the good times, and there is proof that there were many, just from that priceless picture of her on her 40th with Mr. Birthday. (((hugs)))

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  97. Oh my, I am so sorry D, for your loss. Thank you for deciding to share your pain with us.

    Thank you for the wonderful words of wisdom and advice that you passed on to us. What's more important, it seems that you lived your words, and I am sure your mother knew just how much you loved her.

    Your mother was such a beautiful woman, and you do look quite a bit like her.

    You have a tough road ahead of you, and I hope that our words here have brought at least a little comfort to you.

    You are a beautiful human being, STY.
    Hugs and kisses.

    Jelena (@ Twiholic)

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  98. Oh, Snarky. My heart is broken for you. I cannot imagine what you are going through or the sense of loss you feel. I am so glad you felt comfortable to share your story with us, we have all missed you terribly. Know that even though 99% of us have never met each other, you are loved and surrounded by support and virtual (((hugs))). I will be giving you a real one in 2 weeks, love. We are all here to help in whatever way we can. You are loved, please know that!

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  99. Snarky,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sad to hear about your loss and glad that you had a visit with your mom recently. Your words of reminder at the end of your post were poignant and I hope everyone heeds your advice.
    Looking forward to meeting you in Forks.

    Best wishes to your family,
    Jenny

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  100. STY-

    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom. I can't even begin to imagine what type of pain that must be. What a wonderful gift that you were able to spend that time together for her birthday! It was so nice to see the pictures of her through out the years, she was a beautiful woman. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. All of us Twitards love you and are here for you!

    -LMSE

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  101. So, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm glad you went back for her birthday and gave her such a wonderful surprise...
    Take care.

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  102. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear sweet mother! That poem you shared was just lovely! Your post here is a wonderful tribute!

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  103. I'm so very sorry for your loss

    May your mom grow beautiful wings and soar above us for eternity

    xxx

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  104. STY ((((HUGE HUGS)))). I'm so sorry for your loss, I was moved to tears by your post, not least because it's the second time in 12 hours that I've heard about somebody losing their 65 year old mother completely without warning in exactly the same way. My own mum is 66 and it's far to scary for me to comprehend.

    I'm glad you were able to share, your post was a lovely tribute xxx

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  106. *whispers* sorry, double post xx

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  107. So sorry for your loss STY. Loosing your Mum is heartbreaking. I lost my beautiful Mum when she was only 64 & it was agony. I miss her more everyday but it's the love of the people who care about you that get's you through. The worst thing about life is having to deal with death. Hugs to you & yours.
    Love Michelle XOXO.

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  108. Oh...I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Those pictures are beautiful! Your mom is beautiful, just like you!

    My mother-in-law died before my husband and I got married -- we still miss her every day, and we just had our 7th wedding anniversary last month.

    All I can say is, that I'm SO glad that you were able to see your mom and have a lovely family gathering with her...those are memories you will treasure forever.

    Take all the time you need -- your blog and Twilight, and most importantly, ROB, will be waiting for you. ;)

    Take care,

    xx
    noela

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  109. Oh Sty,I am so sorry for your loss.Sending you much love and big hugs.Take care and be safe xoxo

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  110. so sorry for your loss. i feel honored that you decided to share this with all of us, it is very special. i also had a death in my family this week that was very sudden and shocking and the funeral is tomorrow. not sure how i am going to deal with all of this, but reading your inspiring words have given me some faith that i will get thru this. i love hearing you talk all things Twilight...but this post is the most important one i will not forget...thank you!!

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  111. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs and love to you and your family.

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  112. STY. Thank you for your update. I've had you on my mind lately. It seems to me that you were meant to spend time w/ her before her farewell. You've been so blessed to have her all this time and in such good health. She is not suffering, she is in a much better place and is not in any pain. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take comfort in all the happiness her memories bring. We'll all be here for you w/ not-as-snarky comments as yours, when you're ready to return to the twi-bloggy realm.
    Hugs, Kissies & Laughter: Today and Always,

    ~~ ejsmama ~~

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  113. So sorry for your family's loss. I know this is a hard and devestating time right now, but I pray that God will give you peace and comfort during this difficult time.

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  114. My heart goes out to you and your family.I am so so sorry for your loss,I wish I was going to Forks so I could give you a hug in person.

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  115. So sorry to hear about your loss, STY. Your Mom has such a beautiful smile, and you look so much like her!
    Many many hugs. <3

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  116. Hugs from Texas xoxoxoxoxox

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  117. Oh, Snarky. I'm so sorry. I'm sure nothing I say will make you feel any better. Just know that you have hundreds of sisters from around the world who care about you. All I can offer is a cyber hug and wise words... your mom is still all around you, well aware of the impact you have made on our lives. It's true. Your blog helps me smile a little easier everyday. Hopefully we can do the same for you in your time of need. And by the way, from the looks of that picture your mom would want you to laugh again. It is the best medicine in the world.

    The poem was beautiful and said it all.

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  118. STY--

    I'm very sorry that you lost your mother, words are never enough in times like these. You need a good squeeze and a glass of wine (or whatever you prefer!)

    I think it's really great that you switched gears on the blog and let us know about your loss, about your family, about your heart. Communicating like this will help, maybe not today, but it will.

    From your beautiful words I can tell you are either coping well or faking it well. I think either is good. It will be ok again someday, it won't ever be the same, but will become tolerable. Losing a parent is the third worst I guess... I'm sorry you've joined that club, I'm a member too.

    I'm thinking of you and wishing you lots of love and happiness--oh, I almost forgot to say--watch funny movies, I know you don't wanna, but IT WILL HELP!!

    Big squeezes and smooches girl!!

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  119. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

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  120. I'm sitting here crying, reading your beautiful eulogy,remembering the day my own mother died. She was 75, and that seemed young. Now I am almost your mom's age, and I treasure each moment I spend with my daughter, age 26. I know your last visit with your mother was special for her in every way. I hope that knowledge gives you some comfort.

    Losing your mother is like losing the one source of unconditional love you could always count on. There is no greater hole in a person's existence when she is gone. My heart goes out to you.
    Take care. Be good to yourself. Fill your house with flowers every week -- it helps.

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  121. Thanks for sharing this with us. The pictures are just so great. Sending love to you...

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  122. Oh STY, my sincerest sympathies to you and your family. The loss of a parent is - although inevitable - such a huge blow. And especially the loss of a mother.

    You were so fortunate to have seen her so recently - particularly given that she lived some way away. Take strength from that - you gave her the most wonderful surprise birthday gift!

    I won't be seeing you in Fffffooooorrrrkkksss!!! or anytime soon, so please accept my virtual {{{HUGS}}}. Look after yourself. Take your time. Remember you are still loved.

    CC x

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  123. I'm so sorry for your loss.. Lots of hugs from Sweden

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  124. I'm glad you shared with us. Y'all have come to mean so much to me (and obviously many others). Wish I was going to Forks so I could give you a hug in person.

    I'm sorry you lost your mom so young and so unexpectedly. You will get thru this with your friends and things will get better. Please give yourself time to heal.

    Sending love and hugs your way.

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  125. I don't comment on here alot, but my heart shares your pain. I am so grateful for you all and this blog, it makes me laugh when I need it so desperately. And I feel like you guys are a member of my own family. So I am really glad you shared, even if it such a sad thing.

    I still have my mom, but I my father passed away 3 years ago. The pain lessens, but it never fully goes away. But God I love the memories that I can share with my kids and friends and family. He is alive and well in my heart and as long as I remember him he will never be really gone from me.

    I wish you happiness and joy in your memories and I hope you have a fantastic time in Forks, wish I could be there to give you a hug.
    Nichole

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  126. So so sorry. Good thoughts to you and your family. And thank you for sharing. The photos of your mom are so beautiful. What a smile.

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  127. No words can express how sorry I am for your loss. But, I was where you are 4 yrs ago, and I know what you are feeling, and your words bring all those feelings that will never go away back to the surface. If sharing sadness helps to ease it, then yours is definitely going to be eased, because so many of us love you.

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  128. Dear STY, so very sorry to hear your sad news. Your mom was so young to leave this world. I hope you have lots of wonderful memories to comfort you.

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  129. Oh STY, I am so sorry. I know there are no words that will help, but please know that we all love you and are here for you! I know that losing a parent is never easy, but I imagine the suddeness must make it that much more difficult and surreal. You and your family are in my thoughts. ((HUGS))

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  130. Snarky, I am so very sorry. I know that whatever anybody says doesn't really matter because it doesn't change a thing but I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that people really do care.

    My Dad passed away in March and it was the most awful experience. I could never imagine how I could get through it. Every day will be ups and downs. Some days will be ok and others, not so much. The littlest things can set me off. It just hits out of the blue.

    I'm so sorry this happened and whether it is sudden or long and drawn out, it hurts either way. I'm glad you got to spend time with her when things were good.

    You're in my thoughts.

    Lisa

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  131. STY, you are not alone, though you might feel that way for a while. It will get better, you'll never stop loving her, but the hurting won't hurt so much after time.

    I lost my mom in 2005--18 days before I gave birth to my firstborn. To say it was a difficult time is an understatement. I remember how you're feeling, and thank you for sharing--it's important.

    Cherish your memories and you'll find she's still with you, and you'll be pleasantly surprised just how much. Every little mommy idiom that escapes your mouth will be noticed, and soon it'll just make you smile.

    Words can't express my condolences... it's one of those things you wouldn't want to wish on your enemies, let alone see pushed on your friends.

    You ladies at Twitarded have brought me so many laughs and turned so many bad days good, here's hoping we can cheer you up a little, too, STY. ::hugs::

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  132. Thank you for trusting enough to post this. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet Mommy.

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  133. More good wishes from the land of Oz. I can't imagine losing my mum... I will be giving her an extra big hug when I see her next. Thank you for sharing, Snarky - it's brave of you, and looking at the comments it just goes to show how damn good it is to be brave. I am sure you're feeling the love from all of us from around the entire globe, and I reckon your mum will be feeling it to. Have fun in Forks and be kind to yourself.

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  134. I thought I'd be better able to write a coherent, thoughtful comment in the morning - but apparently the same things keep popping into my mind. So, I'll just type them.

    I am so sorry, STY, for you and your family's loss. It's pretty obvious that she was an amazing person.

    Please be kind to yourself for the next little bit, take it easy, and give yourself permission to have those shitty days.

    And for fuck's sake, let us know if you need anything. We're all here for you despite any distances.

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  135. What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs across the internet...

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  136. SNY, I'm so so sorry for your loss. That was a great tribute to your Mom ... One of my greatest fears in life is the day I lose my parents :*( Sending lots of hugs, sunshine, and sparkley thoughts your way. xoxo

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  137. Oh, Snarky.

    :(

    What is there to say? I am so, so, so sorry. Sending you some light and love.

    Please know that as terrible as this time is, you, with your amazing personality, hilarious wit, and all-around awesomeness have created a worldwide community chock full of people who are thinking of you and sending you love. Thank you for sharing a little bit of yourself with us - you bring so much life and laughter to all of us, and the least we can hope to do is send you a little more of the same.

    Hang in there, darling. One day, hell, one hour at a time. We'll all be here.

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  138. I am so sorry for your loss. Words can't heal your heart, but know that you are loved. *hugs*

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  139. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine a world without my mother. My heart breaks for you, and your family is in my prayers. Be kind to yourself. You are loved.

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  140. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Much Love...

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  141. Thank you for allowing us to share your pain and loss. Your mother was a beautiful woman and raised a two great daughters with a wonderful sense of humor.
    *hugs*

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  142. Dear STY, I am so sorry for you loss.
    Your posts have been so uplifting and given joy to your readers plenty of times in the past and I do hope we can pay back just a little bit of this happieness to you at this time.
    You and your family are in my thoughts.
    {{hugs}} f-bat.

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  143. What can I say that I haven't already... your mom was a beautiful woman and I'm sure she had an equally beautiful soul... and you will do her proud to carry on that beauty.

    I love you dearly and just warning you... you will be tackle hugged in the airport just 12 short days from now. (JJ's already been warned.)

    Please know you and your family are in my thoughts every day...

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  144. Oh Snarky, thank you for sharing. I am so glad you and your sister were able to spend a nice time with your mom before she was gone. Thank you for sharing with us, and know that we are all here for you.

    xo obava

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  145. It's so sad to hear about the passing of your mom. I would also miss her witty and funny comments/emails which you have shared here in this blog. My mom's coming to visit next weekend, I would definitely give her more love and affection during her month long stay here in oz. Thanks for inspiring us..

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  146. oh dear STY i am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. no one can be prepared to loose a parent- no matter where you are in your life. ((hugs)) i lost my father 13 years ago- and all i can say is it does get easier, eventually. remembering and sharing all the good times helps tremendously.

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  148. *hugs*
    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Tears for you abound. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  149. Sending you love and cuddles. Rest your head on my lap and I'll play with your hair.

    xx

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  150. Oh no, oh no... STY, I am so, so deeply sorry for your loss. Moms should not die. EVER. And to lose a mom so young... there are no words. I know. I lost my mom rather suddenly when she was 57... 3 years ago. I know, STY. I am so very sorry.

    I loved it when your posts would mention your mom and her funny anecdotes and messages to you. It was clear even in those small glimpses of her that she loved life, she lived life, and she loved you with all her heart. The photos you shared are beautiful- she is beautiful, inside and out. I hope you continue to include her in your posts here, if you feel comfortable, because we will all love reading about her and your love for her.

    Her love for you will live forever. It will buoy you up and help you as you grieve and navigate this new, wretched world. Her love will slowly make the world less wretched. This I know, firsthand, too.

    Here's a little quote that I found comfort in... I'll be sending love and comfort your way. And I know we don't know each other but if you ever need to talk, just send me an email.

    Rest assured that in her dying, in her flight through darkness toward a new light, she held you in her arms and carried your closeness with her. And when she arrived at God, your image was imprinted on her joy-filled soul.
    -- Molly Fumia

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  151. Dear Snarkier Than You,
    I don't know you in real life, but I feel like I know you from this blog. You have been a constant source of amusement and fun for me during a year when I needed it the most. Because my mother died too -- in January, of a heart attack, at age 60. The fact that you are writing this blog only a week after your mother's death shows just how strong you are. The most important thing I have learned in the last 8 months since my mother passed away is that the pain never goes away. It just becomes a part of who you are. And if you can learn to live with that, and make it a part of your life, then life can go on. I don't go a day without thinking about my mom. And you may not know me in real life, but know that your real friends as well as your internet friends, are always here for you! I found strength in my friends who also have lost parents. So don't be afraid to talk about it here! I'll listen if no one else will. Love to you and your family.
    --FreakyBella (Amy)

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  152. Dear STY,

    I read every day but rarely comment. Your post has moved me to tears. My heart aches for you and your sister and your dad. Your mom is beautiful and she lives on in you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Big hugs!

    Liz

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  153. I am truly sorry to hear about your mother and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your whole family at this time. I can't imagine what pain you are feeling and will not even try to put a silver lining on this cloud because nothing will help but time.

    The poem and the pictures of your mom are a great tribute and it's easy to see by the happiness on her face in every photograph that she must've brought the same happiness to everyone in her life.

    Even though it'll probably be a little harder in Forks at times, I'm sure being surrounded by your "people" will truly show you how we all care about you and maybe bring you a little comfort.

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  154. ((hugs))

    Those are the words we all need to hear and be reminded of. Your experiences are what shape you; thank you for sharing.

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  155. sty - I never comment but had to let you know like many others readers here I am so sorry for your loss. I love this blog and am sure your mom is very proud of you.

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  156. So sorry to hear about your mom. I've always been uncomfortable with the word "loss" because although we may not no longer have our loved ones in body, we will never lose them in spirit. She'll always always be with you. I've never been a religious person and this might seem a little trite bit this poem really gave me comfort when my granddad died.

    I Never Saw a Moor
    Emily Dickinson

    I never saw a moor,
    I never saw the sea;
    Yet know I how the heather looks,
    And what a wave must be.
    I never spoke with God,
    Nor visited in heaven;
    Yet certain am I of the spot
    As if the chart were given.

    Xoxoxo
    Laura

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  157. STY, I am sorry for what you and your family are going through. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Thank you for taking the time and having the courage to post this. You are a brave and beautiful girl. And remember, sorrow may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning...even if the morning is months or years away. I pray God comforts you, and you hold on to your memories of your beautiful Mommy.

    xoxo

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  158. Dear Snarky,
    I am so terribly sorry about your mama. I know it's not comparable but i lost my step-dad in january, it's hard to be anything but sad and angry right now, but i think you know that we are all here for you, so vent, cry, tell us all to go to hell b/c we don't understand, anything. it'll all help. ;-) it's been a rough road for my family, after his death my mom went into a depression, still is, and we can't even have a conversation anymore without it turning ugly. i haven't spoken to her in 2 months b/c I just don't know how to deal with it all. but reading your post...it really opened my eyes. i miss her so much and i don't want to let another day go by like this.

    thank you so much for sharing your story, it really means so much and i hope its helping you cope and find a way to continue being the ray of sunshine that you are(#sarcasm) ;-)

    we all do love you very very much. i wish i was going to FORKS!! so i could give you a big hug.
    this will have to suffice for now *HUGE HUGS*

    love,
    agirlreckoning

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  159. STY, So very sorry for your loss. As like many others here, I have been where you are. I lost my mom when I was 23, just 6 years ago. Losing your mom is the worst. Take care of yourself, and let your hubby and friends be extra kind to you. You, JJ, and LKW have come to mean so much to so many of us, and my heart breaks for you. ((Big Hugs))
    Kelly

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  160. Ohh STY! My heart is breaking for you! Like several others, I'm a long time lurker & have never commented before, but your heartwrenching post has moved me beyond words & into action! I'm so so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know that the words & tears of a complete stranger don't really have any significance right now, but I hope that the thought of one more expression of care, concern, & love being added to the river of consolation flowing your way, helps to lift you up, soothes your ravaged spirit, and surrounds you with some semblance of comfort.
    Thank you for sharing her with us, thank you for giving of yourself to us in your time of sorrow. This testament to her, shows what a truly remarkable & glorious woman she was - because you are the result. You, & we, honor her! My heartfelt prayes go out for you & your family!
    (((((( HUGS)))))))

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  161. I can't imagine how it feels to lose a mother. I feel like I should have something more to say than "I'm sorry" because it seems so insignificant, but that's the thing...there is nothing I can say or do that will be better. You and your family are in my thoughts. Take care & I'll see you soon. :-)

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  162. Ugh my heart is just breaking for you. Looks like you were also blessed with an amazing Momma. Thank you for sharing. I'm sure it was difficult. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  163. i have never posted a comment on here before, but my good friend and i read your blog EVERY day! and i wanted you to know even us lurkers care about you! i'm so sorry to hear of your loss, STY. thank you for sharing with us, and hoping that you'll be able to smile soon. thinking of you. :)

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  164. Had to emerge from my twi-closet to say I'm so sorry for yourloss.

    I too lost my mum suddenly 5 years ago, and each day means it gets slightly easier to live with.

    The new 'normal' of having to function without them takes some getting used to, so be gentle with yourself.
    Especially when out of nowhere a smell, thought or words suddenly reminds you that they have gone.

    I hope the outpouring of affection shown here from people you know (and those you don't) gives you some comfort. Know you are in all of our thoughts ((hugs))

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  165. Oh, my dear, friend! I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I had to walk away from the computer for a minute because I was crying so much I couldn't see, but my love, my fearless co-leader, we are with you! Every time you feel a pang, think of amazingly happy things. We can't take all of the pain away, but we are here and thinking of you, even when we aren't signed on.

    I can't imagine the loss, and I'm so sorry for the shock of it all. It was truly a beautiful thing that you went to visit your beautiful mommy. Thank you for posting this. You are so strong, and so beautiful for sharing this part of your life with us, and allowing us to lift you up!

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  166. STY, thank you for caring enough to share your real life with us. We're all in this together and you mean so much to all of us who meet here daily for fun, friendship and a little escape. I have no doubt that you were a joy in your Mom's life and that was very proud of you. She will most definitely live on through the love you have for her.

    Thank you for the reminder of what's important. As soon as I read this I called my mom to ask her to dinner and a movie tonight. Guess which movie? ;)

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  167. I read a lot over here, but rarely comment. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss and I pray for peach and comfort for you and your family. I lost someone very close to me recently and I've realized that each of us carry on a legacy...our loved ones live on through us.

    Sending cyber *hugs*.

    Tess♥

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  168. This is going to sound as corny as can be, but I just want everyone to know that all of your kind words and shared stories are a true comfort to me. I sat here reading until the wee hours last night, then again this morning I just pored over all of your amazing comments. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, condolences, prayers, and experiences with me and everyone else. It means the world right about now, and I am not alone in this place.

    I wish I could have a huge group hug with every one of you.

    xoxo

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  169. i've been pretty MIA myself here lately. feeling down, depressed, apathetic.
    i can't thank you enough for putting my self-involved moping into perspective.

    there are tons of comments (because we all care for you, even if we don't know you and will never meet you), but i still wanted to say how sorry i am. my mom's getting to the age where i worry that something will happen to her, and i can't even wrap my head around not having her here with me. my heart goes out to you.

    be strong and have fun in forks!

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  170. ((((Hugs))))
    Words are never enough at a time like this. We are never prepared for the loss of a loved one. Having gone through loosing my father-in-law this past May I can understand some of your greif. My heart goes out to you. Remember to take care of yourself and let your loved ones pamper you during this time and if there is anything I can do, please just ask.

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  171. STY - I'm so sorry for you loss. I hope that the memories you have of your beautiful mom help you through this time of loss. You are a testimate to what a wonderful lady she must have been. Thank you for sharing with us and please know that we are all here for you. I'm so glad you still coming to Forks and I say while we're there we raise a glass to your mom and all those we have loved and lost over the years. (((BIG HUGS)))

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  172. Snarky, I'm so sorry. I realize that it's not nearly enough, but it's all I have to offer. I had to leave my desk with tears in my eyes before I could respond to your post. I promise, I will call my mother and tell her I love her today.

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  173. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to lose a parent. My mother took her own life 6 months ago. May you be comforted in the times ahead. You are in my thoughts. Much love to you:)
    P.S. She was a beautiful woman:)

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  174. STY,
    Losing my parents has been a continual nightmare since I was little...just thinking about it can bring on the waterworks.
    Thank you for sharing your story, and pictures of your mom (quite the looker!). I don't know you in RL but from what I know you are one kick-ass chick with a beautiful sense of humor, she must be so proud. Hugs to you and your family.

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  175. I was saddened to read this, STY. Please know that I'm thinking about you and your family. I called my mom after reading this just to say hi. She's coming for a visit next month and I'm going to be sure to hug her extra hard and wishing you were able to do the same.

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  176. STY- So sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Sending you and your family many good thoughts and my condolences in this terrible time. A virtual hug from a faithful reader.

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  177. Oh I am so, so sorry. Your mother sounds like a wonderful person - I love the photos. What a beautiful poem from Sherry Martin. You're right; I cried.

    You get your butt to Forks and you laugh as hard as you possibly can. You know your mom wants you to.

    My deepest sympathies...
    Carol

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  178. Dear Snarky,
    I am so, so sorry for your loss.
    You are such a strong and admirable lady... thank you for sharing this with us!

    I know I rarely comment but I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and that I love you and what you are doing... my heart breaks for you!

    big (((HUGS))) from Germany

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  179. Snarky,

    I cannot even begin to imagine how much you're hurting. I wish there were words that would make your heart hurt less, but I know that isn't possible. I'm SO glad you were able to go and spend that time with her and celebrate her birthday.
    Thank you for reminding us all just how precious and fleeting life is. And thank you for helping us all laugh more.
    Sending tons of love and hugs your way,
    Amber

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  180. So sorry for your loss Snarky...

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  181. Dear STY- I'm so sorry. I lost my mom when I was 30, she was 50. When I feel sad that she died at such a young age I realize I could have lost her at 150 and it still would not have been enough years with her. {{shrugs}}. You look just like her. :) Oh, one other thing that made me feel better in a weird sort of way. There's really only two ways out of this world: you suffer this loss; or having outlived you, she would suffer the pain of losing you. And no parent should ever have to suffer the unbearable pain of losing their child. So you're bearing this burden for her. So that she doesn't have to. Just know that right now, everything reminds you of her and that hurts. But in time it's these same little reminders of her that will bring smile to your face instead of a tear.

    Lots of love
    Linda
    (Fkat)

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  182. I am so so sorry about your mom. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. Anything at all, just call me. Love you and I'm sending positive thoughts. (From Amy Wuelfing)

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  183. I have no words...but know that my heart aches for you and your family during this time. You are a living testament to what a great lady your mom was. Hugs to you...JudyBinWV

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  184. My thoughts and prayers go out to you-I am so sorry for you loss...Huge hugs coming to you from Tulsa, OK!

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  185. I have no words...but know that my heart aches for you and your family during this time. You are a living testament to what a great lady your mom was. Hugs to you...JudyBinWV

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  186. What a beautiful post. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  187. Oh STY I'm so so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I just wanted to send you some love and let you know I'm thinking of you. Your Mom sounds awesome, I love that 4th photo.

    Hugs, Laura x

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  188. Dear STY, you poor little thing. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and will keep you and yours in my prayers, hoping that happy memories of your mother will eventually wash away some of the sting of loss.
    Your picture tribute to your mother was so charming.
    Let all these comments -- more than 200 and counting -- be a tribute to your mother, too: for having raised a child like you, who has touched (sometimes inappropriately, yay!) so many people in the past with her twinsights and humor and, yes, snarkiness when needed, that they all want to reach out to her now.
    Even the lurkers are coming out of their lairs now to cyber hug you. And the lucky ones can do so for real in a few days......

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  189. STY, I read this yesterday on my phone but was having my migraine attack and couldn't get to my computer.

    I want to express how sorry I am for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

    You know when I read your story yesterday, it scared me as I looked at my tweens sitting on the couch. Life goes by too fast, and every day I pray that I am simply able to make it another day with my family.
    Just know in your heart, she is in a better place. May God healing your families broken heart.

    xoxoxo
    Suzie

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  190. Oh Snarky, we love you! What a beautiful reading you gave. Take care, virtual hugs xxxx

    W/V blesses - how appropriate.

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  191. May I send my sincere condolences both to you and your family.

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  192. STY, my condolences to you and your entire family. Like everyone said no words can take away the pain & heartache that comes when we lose a loved one. {{{HUGS}}} and know that she will be watching over you. Hang in there.
    ~Christine

    PS~you look like your mom--Beautiful!

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  193. Oh, Snarky! I read this post this morning and started tearing up, haven't stopped all day. Every time I read more comments it starts all over again. At least people at work are leaving me alone.

    Thank you to Momma Snarky for bringing into this world our wonderful STY. You are for sure your mother's daughter, and I thank every higher power out there for that.

    I am so terribly sorry to hear of your loss. She was so young and so full of beauty. She was here for a good time, if not a long time. I wish I could go to Forks with you and give you a hug.

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  194. I'm so sorry, STY. The light that shines out of your mom's eyes in every picture is so loving and bright. It is good that you made that surprise visit - small blessings. A big hug to you.

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  195. STY - Your mother is gorgeous! What a beautiful tribute to her life.

    There are never the right words to say when something like this happens . I want you know know that I am praying for you and your beautiful family. I hope that with each passing day this becomes a little bit easier for you. My sincere condolences are with you all.

    Much Love,
    Amanda Melby

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  196. I'm so sorry.
    I write from Poland. Twitarded has fans even here. You made me smile so many times so I cannot stay in silence now. And I do not care how many mistakes I did in this post. I'm not fluent in English. Be strong. And smile every day at least for minute. Due to your perfect twitarded blog you have friends all around world which cry with you in this moment. As me for example.

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  197. I'm so sorry.
    I write from Poland. Twitarded has fans even here. You made me smile so many times so I cannot stay in silence now. And I do not care how many mistakes I did in this post. I'm not fluent in English. Be strong. And smile every day at least for minute. Due to your perfect twitarded blog you have friends all around world which cry with you in this moment. As me for example.

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