Sunday, October 3, 2010

Twilight made me do it


It seems as though everyone survived the trip to FOOOORRRKKS! I’m using the word “survived” in the loosest form possible. All the whores ladies are still carbon-based lifeforms exchanging oxygen for carbon dioxide. That is a mother humping success.


Jenny Jerkface asked me to write tonight’s post because she is still hungover very, very tired. In exchange, she promised me… a picture of herself. I think. I’m unclear on the details.


We’ve talked before about some of the crazy things we’ve done since we’ve found Twilight. I’m sure you all remember when Snarkier Than You went to the Brazil that doesn’t require a passport or customs declarations.


This wouldn’t fit in my carryon anyway.


Those of you who read Going Down? know I wrote an Alice with a trucker fetish. Why, you ask. Why did I find a half-eaten Skittle in my bra last night? Fuck if I know. Sometimes shit just happens and you roll with it. And eat the Skittle. Don’t judge me.


How you likin’ da rainbow now, Arizona?


Last month, someone (I can’t remember who due to the thick coating of vodka resin on my brain) sent me this link to Letters to Rob. Beardy Rob got a profile on a singles website for truckers and people with trucker fetishes. How did I not know about this site?!


It was clear what had to be done. Alice needed a profile. Immediately. I have to commend the fine folks at Trucker Passions. They are thorough. It took me forever to fill out all the questions. Why do they need to know about Alice’s digestive issues? Does she believe in zombies? She’s modeled after a fictional vampire, so I guess that would be hypocritical for her to snub other undead union members. Does she like clowns? What kind of asinine question is that, Trucker Passions? Now I’m going to have nightmares, you sadists.


I’d like you all to meet Alice Brandon of Going Down?


Click to view her full profile. You better come back.


Yes, Alice has received a few "smooches." Two of the suitors appear fairly normal. The other looks like he just walked off the set of Deliverance. I've always thought Alice had a right pretty mouth.


What’s the craziest thing you’ve done because of Twilight or in the name of Twilight? Please share your stories or JJ might not give me that picture of herself.

21 comments:

  1. So this is my first comment on the blog, though I've read for a while. Love this place, good job ladies!

    Craziest thing I've done for Twilight? Well, it may seem lame to some, but if you have to understand... before Twilight I had no clue about the online worlds that exist. I didn't know about fanfiction and all the communities people meet in and the thought of a convention seemed crazy to me.

    Well, I not only had a wonderful friend I met fly out from the UK to meet me but we got in my car, drove the 4 1/2 hours to Boston, MA from NJ and went to the Twilight Convention up there. I paid hundreds of dollars to oogle the male cast of Twilight (that was there, OHAI ALEX AND CHASKE!), to stand in photos with Daniel, Charlie and Kellan (SEXY MOFO's) and look ridiculously like a fangirl, and to hang out with some of the coolest people I have ever met.

    Seems silly... but I think that would be the craziest thing I have ever done. The closest thing that compares? Flying to Dallas from NJ with my MA girl to see Jackson Rathbone and his band 100 Monkey's at the VIP party.

    Wow, this stuff is seen in a while new light as I openly admit it was because of Twilight. No worries though, I won't judge myself. ahah

    ReplyDelete
  2. LMFAO @ Alice's profile! That is so messed up, @TK, I don't even know where to begin.

    Everything Twi-related is crazy, amn't it? The fact that I'm typing a comment on a Twilight blog is crazy to me. I'm a grown fuckin' woman, for Crust's sake!

    I'm so far in the Twi-closet that the craziest Twi thing I've ever done is go to the midnight showing of NM. Yep, I like to live on the edge.

    wv: pooker - Spanksper schtupped Edward in the pooker and he liked it (just read "Raw & Rosy" - hottest fanfic EVER!)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your Alice listing on Trucker Passions is a classic. Who knew she was into mime?
    To top it all off, laugh til you cry-wise: down at the bottom of the page is the site's wish/warning:
    "Help us keep Trucker Passions free of spam and fake profiles."

    ReplyDelete
  4. I cannot top (er, or bottom) @getinthecar 's comment. TK - your Alice profile is now legend, as is pooping, Brazilians (I'm still smarting from the TMI smackdown), LKW 's admision that she is in the closet, then outed "sort of" by her cousin. on and on and on and on and on...

    Twitarded, et.al. has made me laugh till I cry, and cry till I laugh.

    Craziest thing I do: I am still in the closet. This whole Twi thing is a secret from my RL. That may not last long, though. Today, I said "Fuck" in front of my MIL. I blame you. <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. Who only eats half a Skittle? Does TK stand for Tinkerbell and you're actually 10" tall, or was there a Skittle shortage in the Lonestar State that caused you to ration them?

    I'd have to say that the wildest thing I've done is to take a plane, ferry, and automobile to a city the size of my backyard to hang out with 130 people I don't (didn't!) know, to take photos of a small-town high school and police station, and to search the woods for a certain *fictional* sparkly vampire. My only regret is that we didn't go for the group tatt - then THAT could have topped my list.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Craziest thing I've done as a result of Twilight? Given texaskatherine my phone number. Questions? Yeah, I didn't think so.

    ReplyDelete
  7. lets see...crazy things for twilight...1)started a blog called twilight made me do it, lol...ps like your post title :)
    2)sent a 3 page real physical snail mail letter to Rob thanking him for his awesomeness
    3) sent an e mail to Stephanie Ritz his agent asking if she knew if he was allergic to acrylic fibers or wool becasue I wanted to knit him a new beanie.
    and 4) the most recent and stupidest of all......semt my info and photo to Deborah Zane the casting director for BD all but begging for an unpaid role as an extra.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm with @myaftercar The craziest thing I've ever done because of Twilight (to date that is) is definitely fly across the f-ing country to hang with a bunch of twats in Forks. And OME was it worth the current state of my brain, all the aches, the massive hangover I still have some 24 hours later, getting heckled by the cops, not to mention I'm not home yet!

    So same weekend next year for Twitard Con 2011?

    ReplyDelete
  9. @suzspetals--Fuck you. I'm an amazing stalker.

    ReplyDelete
  10. A big "me too" on driving four hours with a stranger I picked up at the airport to some godforsaken small town with one streetlight, setting up my "Edward shrine" in the motel room, doing vanilla vodka shots (ok, just one, but still . . .), and dancing my ass off with some of the hottest twatwaffles out there. I'm having serious twitard withdrawal now. But it's making me brave - I've targeted several local friends am waging a guerrilla campaign to bring them over to Twilight (just try the first book . . . it's like P&P and Romeo and Juliet . . .).
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  11. That's a big DIDO for me @Myaftercar (especially the part about the skittles..WTF!!!!). And BTW thanks again for the bracelet, its awesome.

    Going to FFFOOORRRKKKSSS, drinking more in the last 4 days than I have in the last 5 years and meeting the most amazing women ever was crazy but also the best idea I've ever had! Thanks everyone for being there and here, cause you all ROCK!! :)

    @TK - I was sooooo sad that you didn't get to come to Forks - I wanted to meet both of my fav fanfic writers. :( You're hilarious, maybe you'll make it to Twitardedcon 2011!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. the funny thing is that you said you hadn't been eating skittles that day - lol! btw - new word for tk's nips/boobs = "skipples". yummy.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love reading your posts ladies and all the comments!

    My life has been nothing but crazy since Twilight came into it.

    I have traveled to various cities and a different State to meet up with my Twilight friends. I have become obsessed with reading Twilight fanfiction and have tried my hand at writing it as well. I started a Twilight social networking website with my DCC.

    I was in the closet with my Twilight obsession for a long time until I was outed on national TV when I asked Rob about the Stoli shirt.

    In 45 days I will be flying half-way across the country to meet up with my Twilight friends, which I am super excited about.

    Early next year I hope to make a trip to Seattle, New York or Boston to hang out with @Kitty_Elvis & @MissTejota!

    ReplyDelete
  14. @queenshonda

    craziest thing I've done....get a twilight tattoo. Oh yeah, I'm totally hard core. And it's on my wrist, no less!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. The craziest thing. Hmmmm. Besides meeting other Twilight fans who I met through an online fan site? I mean it seems perfectly sane to go & meet perfect strangers you met on the internet, right?

    ReplyDelete
  16. I role play Twilight characters on Twitter. It is a great release and fun as hell.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Flew to Forks WA to meet all my fellow Twitards.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I love reading your posts ladies and all the comments!

    My life has been nothing but crazy since Twilight came into it.

    I have traveled to various cities and a different State to meet up with my Twilight friends. I have become obsessed with reading Twilight fanfiction and have tried my hand at writing it as well. I started a Twilight social networking website with my DCC.

    I was in the closet with my Twilight obsession for a long time until I was outed on national TV when I asked Rob about the Stoli shirt.

    In 45 days I will be flying half-way across the country to meet up with my Twilight friends, which I am super excited about.

    Early next year I hope to make a trip to Seattle, New York or Boston to hang out with @Kitty_Elvis & @MissTejota!

    ReplyDelete
  19. @suzspetals--Fuck you. I'm an amazing stalker.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Your Alice listing on Trucker Passions is a classic. Who knew she was into mime?
    To top it all off, laugh til you cry-wise: down at the bottom of the page is the site's wish/warning:
    "Help us keep Trucker Passions free of spam and fake profiles."

    ReplyDelete
  21. LMFAO @ Alice's profile! That is so messed up, @TK, I don't even know where to begin.

    Everything Twi-related is crazy, amn't it? The fact that I'm typing a comment on a Twilight blog is crazy to me. I'm a grown fuckin' woman, for Crust's sake!

    I'm so far in the Twi-closet that the craziest Twi thing I've ever done is go to the midnight showing of NM. Yep, I like to live on the edge.

    wv: pooker - Spanksper schtupped Edward in the pooker and he liked it (just read "Raw & Rosy" - hottest fanfic EVER!)

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!