Monday, November 15, 2010

Breaking Dawn Spoilers: It's On!

Spoilers.

First of all, I have to say that it's hard to follow Latchkey Wife FINALLY getting Rob to jump her bones and anything related to Jumping Rob in general, but I'm going to try to soldier on here... It won't be easy, but I'll try my best.

We've had a love-hate relationship with spoilers since we discovered Twilight back in the day. Like a lot of slippery slopes, the first steps were pretty easy and relatively painless. We discovered Twilight a month or so before it came out in the theater, and neither Jenny Jerkface nor myself knew anything about the existence of Twilight blogs at the time (for that matter, I didn't know anything about blogs, period). We just knew that if we watched the trailer at least once daily or possibly three times in a row or long enough to make us late for work several weeks running, we'd make it to the movie theater.



This still give me chills and I won't miss an opportunity to repost it.
Plus I miss the bouffant.

But Twilight was like our gateway drug - it led to the hard stuff before we even knew what had happened to us. One moment we were pseudo-functional adults, and the next we were desperately pre-ordering New Moon tickets with DT-worthy shaky hands.

And somewhere along that sordid path, we had to make some hard choices. When they started filming New Moon, it didn't immediately occur to us that we would have to make a decision one way or another to either open wide and take every inch bit of footage we could get our greedy cooters little hands on or be a little more closed-legged and save ourselves for The Big Night. Because it seemed kinda ludicrous on some level to be a spoiler-free Twilight blogger (not that I am knocking anyone who managed it!) and because we had multi-blogger options, we decided that I would go all virginal and JJ would slut it up. You know, because blog imitated life, or something like that...

Really, I was full-on slut until they leaked the break-up scene, and then like 85% of the rest of the Twidom, I had a nervous breakdown and swore off any future spoilers. It was the spoiler equivalent of the pinkie surprise, and I just wasn't ready to go there. In hindsight [bah-dum-dum!], I was bummed that I kept myself from participating in "The SQUEEEEEE!!! Heard 'Round the Universe!" the first day they filmed RPatts shirtless in Italy. It ended up proving impossible for me to avoid seeing that image pre-movie, but whatevs - I made my [lonely, solitary, Edward-free] bed, and I stayed in it with the blankets up over my head.

Six-Packward. Nom nom nom...
[note: where was the six-pack make-up artist last week, hmmm???
do they not make waterproof contouring make-up or what?]

When Eclipse got rolling, we stuck with our "Slutty JJ/Virginal STY" formula. You know, because it was natural and it worked for us despite JJ being the self-professed worst spoiler-whore 'round these parts. I saw almost no Eclipse spoilers, and it was...good. But Breaking Dawn? Breaking Dawn is...different. We aren't big on rules here at Twitarded, but whatever small modicum of decorum we may have had here in the past is out the fucking window when it comes to Breaking Dawn spoilers (don't say we didn't warn you!).

Consider this: all three of the existing Twilight movies came out in about the same amount of time that we are all going to have to wait until Breaking Dawn Part 1 {{{sigh}}} comes out in November 2011. Then another year for Part 2 [excuse me while I go have a little fit of hysterical crying... OK thanks...]. And honestly, there is NO. Fucking. Way. that I can hold out that long. What do I want to be - the Twilighty equivalent of the Forty Year Old Virgin? No. No I do not.


Granted, we will never be anyone's #1 go-to for Twilight news (unless you are really REALLY busy and really REALLY like us a LOT), but we're going to try to do our best to bring you as much spoilery goodness as our bigger, better, more-bloggerlicious site can manage in the next two years [please hold me while I break down and sob again please... thanks...]. Aaaand you can expect that there will be a decent amount of non-Twilighty content up in these parts to help us pass the time. Last week was a fucking HOOT, but there are going to be some cold, lonely nights coming up. We'll be there to give you a back rub and maybe a blowie or something and tell you it will all be alright. Which it will. Probably.

So what are YOUR plans for BD spoilers??? Do you have it in you to spend the next TWO YEARS regrowing your twymen (that thing should be relatively impermeable to all but super-powered vampire dick come late 2011), or are you going to acknowledge that a girl has needs and resign yourself to the fact that you're going to want a lil' faux sparkle-peen action between now and then???

37 comments:

  1. Screw the twymen. I have NEVER ever even considered staying spoiler-free. These movies are fun, it won't last forever, and I'm STILL always surprised at everything despite having sought out ever photo there is. Movies are magic and so much is changed & edited. It's fun to see the photos of filming & then the "ah-ha" moments once you see the finished product (oh so Rob crouching over K in a forest w/a wolf watching on was a strange weird dream-sequence that got deleted...okay!)

    Obsessions like this don't come along often, I plan on soaking it in as much as possible.

    xo

    PS I miss the bouffant too.

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  2. I'm gonna drink up the spoilers like they are the only water in the desert!!! Bring them on...I now consider you my spoiler dealers and expect you to keep up with my dirty little (hopefully, its not so little!-the sparkly peen that is) habit!!!

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  3. Somebody let the spoiler folks know that I go all whore-alicious with the spoilers, so keep them coming!!! It's like, I'm gonna watch the movie like 487 times anyway, so what the hell does it matter if I self-love with some fab spoiler pics before hand? There's not way I'm gonna deny myself for TWO FRIKKIN' YEARS!!!

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  4. Spoil me!

    I think leaping Rob is going to keep us amused for a while...that boy is everywhere!

    And, really, is Summit nuts? It is going to be really hard to keep the MO going that long. Strike while the iron is hot--or before your audience(and your actors) move on to bigger and better things!

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  5. I plan on seeing so many BD spoliers that by the time the movie comes out, I won't actually have to go see the movie to have seen it. But, of course, I will go to the midnight premiere like the good little twihoor that I am and pay my $9.50 to drool over seeing the precious on the big screen. And seeing the SEX on the big screen! YUM!

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  6. Daily Twimes = 104 year old virgin locked in a chasti-twi belt

    Cat = DIRTY DIRTY WHORE! =D

    (meaning, please send me any and all jumping Rob and co. spoilerish pics and posts)

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  7. OMFG the Twilight trailer gave me chills! I cannot believe I used to see the beginning on my cable previews and grab the remote to switch it off as fast as humanly possible?! Gaaah, am I going to hell for that???

    I may or may not have mentioned this before, but I didn't read the saga until NM was finished filming. Wait I think that's right...I started reading Twilight in early August of 09'. I may be off a bit, but all I know is I watched as many NM trailers as I could...I was like a starved crack h00r.

    Then when Eclipse was filming I was on it like white on rice....I had no shame, and I still don't. Give it to me...and give it to me deep... damnit! I am going to try and get my hands on as much BD shit as possible. I'll be so deep in BD shit it will be coming out my ears ;)

    Just sayin'

    xo J

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  8. I'm terrible. I have ruined all three movies for myself...and any other movie I have been anxious to see. I also open my Xmas gifts ahead of time and rewrap them. I'm like six.

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  9. You know, before you ladies, I would never in a million years consider myself as a hOOr. Now, it's just second nature to me. Oh, wait. We were talking about spoilers. right.

    Bring it on I say. Two years? No friggin way!
    I do have a hangup at stolen goods though. i.e. NM breakup and the latest Isle Esme videotaping. They're all leaked sure but I don't think I want to support B&E. That's me though. I feel robbed. (heehee, I wish!)

    So, does that make me a rigid hOOr?
    Ack. Ok..that's it. Where's my hubby...

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  10. My Twymen has been obliterated...and it felt gooooood! I was essentially just like STY for New Moon and Eclipse and I, too, am going full hoor ahead for these movies. Honestly my expectations are low for BD...well for BD2 when Renesmee comes into play. Sooooo, I just want to lessen the blow if you know what I mean. I am in ladies....balls deep.

    Oh and the Twilight trailer still gives me goosebumps...and how much do I love that it came out on my birthday? I squeeeeeed like a tweener when they announced that they were switching the release date way back when....and that was before I had all of you to share it with. I, too, miss the bouffant...and the original contacts. Sigh.

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  11. hOOOOOOOOOOOOOr alert!

    Hell yes I am going to spolier alert my happy little ass off!

    Between you ladies and Twired Jen, I will have all the information I need. No need to Google anything!


    Ps.. thank you for the Twilight tralier! :)

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  12. Spoiler h00rs R us!

    I was a little late to this partay and missed the twi-bloggy delciousness until January of this year... so, never really knew much about the spoiler h00ring world back then!

    You betcha bottom dollar I am in like jumping Rob, baby!

    And if anyone wants to share my BD spoiler h00r avi, just help yourselves xxx

    W/V - ristise: My right ristie might get a little tired with all this Robp0rn floating around... unless I find a sparkle peen to help me out meantime! j/s.

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  13. Dude, I totes miss the bouffant too *sob* and, although I can't really avoid spoilers, I've learned how to use the "after the jump" thingy so you need not be afraid :)

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  14. This is an obsession and I'm gonna feed it. I will come to you guys for all the spoiler action I can get..nothing wrong with a little dry humping before the big day,right??
    There is no way in hell that I can stay BD free for that long...if I even think of being Twilight free for that long I start to hyperventilate. Like "Wide Awake" shit, seriously. Everything goes black, I get tunnel hearing, and then I heear blood curdling screaming (from me)and my husband has to be my Edward, sitting down with me in his lap,rocking me back and forth.

    So I said fuck it, I'm going all out and reading all the fanfic I can get my hands on, and finding every spoiler pic or vid I can and I can only pray to all that is holy that just maybe it will be enough to hold me over.
    That being said...anyone have any good fanfic you would recommend??
    hOOr's unite!!

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  15. I think STY and I must have watched the Twilight trailer over a hundred times. I remember the two of us standing over my computer, coats on because we were supposed to be going somewhere, and just watching it and sighing. Again and again.

    That being said, I sucked as a spoiler for Eclipse. STY, the virgin, would often email me and say "hellooooo, even I heard about XX pictures. LOOK AT THEM, YOU WHORE. LOOK AT THEM!!!"

    Or something like that.

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  16. I have never been one to avoid spoilery, ESPECIALLY of the sparklepeen variety. I can't take the suspense of waiting, and if I already know what's generally going to happen, it doesn't count, right? This is the equivalent to taking it in the ass so you still count as a virgin, but I can pretend. Give me more delicious spoilery! And please, call me a whore while you do it? I love that!

    PS, I'm so late to the party because I JUST discovered your blog! I love it! It's so good to find a Twi-blog with a sense of humor...too many of them are too serious. "How dare you say KStew isn't the best actress on the planet?! There's no way Taylor Lautner's gay! No naughty words, I'm only 12!" Keep doing what you're doing, ladies. ;)

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  17. I guess I'm a spoiler h00r as well, so BRING IT ON ladies!!! There's no way in hell I'm waiting a year or two.

    The Twilight trailer gave me chills too. Like alot of you, I miss the bouffant!! I love Twilight Edward best, with NM Edward a close second, especially during the Volterra scenes, yuuuummmm.

    Thanks for keeping me updated & entertained! xoxo

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  18. I'm going full h00r (sorry Mom) for this movie as I have for the others. Nothing - I mean NOTHING - can ruin them for me, so why not read scripts/look at leaked clips/right-click-and-save every picture I can?

    And OME, that Twilight trailer. I discovered Twilight RIGHT before the first movie came out - I saw the trailer on TV and thought to myself, "oh hey, it's that guy from Harry Potter." The trailer said it was a "worldwide phenomenon," and I didn't want to be left out, so I ordered the book... which then sat there for three weeks until I got around to reading it. Cue insanity. I then rediscovered the trailer, shrieked out loud, and made Mr. XKR watch it with me at least 5x in a row.

    Where was I? Oh right, bring on the spoilers!

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  19. That sparkle peen is going to be so far up my cooter, my tonsils will feel it!

    BRING.ON.THE.SPOILERS.

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  20. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I won't search for the spoilers but if they are posted, I will watch/read about them. I didn't get on the Twibus until earlier this year (February 10) so this is really the first time I've had to wait this long for one of the movies to come out.

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  21. I'm a sucker for spoilers. I can't look away... it's like a train wreck, I'm telling you. And I haven't seen the Twilight trailer in so long... it brings me back to when I was just discovering this whole world a few months after that movie came out. I watched it over and over and over. Definitely before I found blogs... and Twitarded. Wow, my life was so empty back then.

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  22. Hmmm...well lets just see here...considering I totally cut myself off from blogs cold turkey months ago (and saved my job and my marriage -- yeah me)...but just jumped right back in today when I realized "What...they are filming BD already??"

    Yeah...THAT is how far removed I had become...I didn't even KNOW until today...

    And then I jumped right back into blogger...I would have to say yeah...I am all about the spoiler...now pardon me while I go and track down all the pics I have surely been missing out on...

    Nice to be back, ladies...hope you are all well...

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  23. I look at it like this. We only have 2 more years of this awesomeness, so I am going to milk it for everything it's worth. I am a spoiler whore & proud of it. I'll take anything I can get (that's what she said).

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  24. Isn't it funny how the Twilight trailer can still make us all shiver??! I've been a total spoil h00r from the beginning and don't plan to change my ways anytime soon. I have no idea how Scummit is going to keep the momentum going all the way through 2012, but it appears they're off to a fine start. Eventually they'll realize that it's all about Rob and it doesn't take much to get us all hot and bothered :)

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  25. @latchkeywife - you mean your life was like a moonless night before us???

    @fanficzombie - welcome back! hope that your break took (saved marriage AND job - go you!) but nice to see you back in the swing of things (and i don't think you started missing much until very recently so well played!

    : )

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  26. OMG, STY, I miss the bouffant too! Something fierce!

    And I forgot to comment yesterday, but I love the pic of him jumping with you all on the beach...but he... has... no.... shadow!!! Gah! Is that vampiric? No shadow? Awesomeness.

    As for the BD spoilers? Bring them on biotches. Bring it. As it turns out, I do in fact get a lot of info from this here blog. I don't do twittah much anymore and don't go to gossip sites as I try hard to avoid paps photos of them. Thanks for unwittingly being my filters!

    And for the non-Twi posts? They've been great. Love. In it for the long haul here. This twat-waffle just won't freakin leave. Kisses!

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  27. I have to admit, I didn't see Twilight till it was out on DVD, But I saw almost all of NM before it hit theaters!! I went totally spioler free for Eclipse, but BD...I will soak up every drop I can get!!!! A girls gotta get it when the gettin' is good!!

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  28. This sums up my life: "But Twilight was like our gateway drug - it led to the hard stuff before we even knew what had happened to us. One moment we were pseudo-functional adults, and the next we were desperately pre-ordering New Moon tickets with DT-worthy shaky hands."

    Thank you.

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  29. You are the #1 twilight news site for me! I love all the shit you guys post. I intend to take in all the spoilers I can get!

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  30. I the dirty naughty things I will do for spoilers.....even my v/w is squit

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  31. You are the #1 twilight news site for me! I love all the shit you guys post. I intend to take in all the spoilers I can get!

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  32. I have to admit, I didn't see Twilight till it was out on DVD, But I saw almost all of NM before it hit theaters!! I went totally spioler free for Eclipse, but BD...I will soak up every drop I can get!!!! A girls gotta get it when the gettin' is good!!

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  33. This sums up my life: "But Twilight was like our gateway drug - it led to the hard stuff before we even knew what had happened to us. One moment we were pseudo-functional adults, and the next we were desperately pre-ordering New Moon tickets with DT-worthy shaky hands."

    Thank you.

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  34. OMG, STY, I miss the bouffant too! Something fierce!

    And I forgot to comment yesterday, but I love the pic of him jumping with you all on the beach...but he... has... no.... shadow!!! Gah! Is that vampiric? No shadow? Awesomeness.

    As for the BD spoilers? Bring them on biotches. Bring it. As it turns out, I do in fact get a lot of info from this here blog. I don't do twittah much anymore and don't go to gossip sites as I try hard to avoid paps photos of them. Thanks for unwittingly being my filters!

    And for the non-Twi posts? They've been great. Love. In it for the long haul here. This twat-waffle just won't freakin leave. Kisses!

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  35. My Twymen has been obliterated...and it felt gooooood! I was essentially just like STY for New Moon and Eclipse and I, too, am going full hoor ahead for these movies. Honestly my expectations are low for BD...well for BD2 when Renesmee comes into play. Sooooo, I just want to lessen the blow if you know what I mean. I am in ladies....balls deep.

    Oh and the Twilight trailer still gives me goosebumps...and how much do I love that it came out on my birthday? I squeeeeeed like a tweener when they announced that they were switching the release date way back when....and that was before I had all of you to share it with. I, too, miss the bouffant...and the original contacts. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete

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