Friday, November 26, 2010

I am not photogenic. Or a photographer.

Let's cut right to the chase here: I am not photogenic. It is a rare thing when I actually look good in a picture and usually that's because the only part of me that is showing is my eye or something like that. I believe it's called the "myspace" angle.

You're doing it wrong, asshole.

I've never taken a good picture--not even when I was a kid--though that had less to do with my physical attributes and more with my mental. Plus, I'm really pale. Seriously, people could tan off me on the beach (not that I would actually go to the beach in the first place) and, at a family gathering, Daddy (not a)Jerkface got all annoyed and shit because the flash kept reflecting off my skin and he finally yelled, "Goddammit Jenny! Get a tan!"

I'm not entirely sure why my mother was surprised I turned out the way I did...

So yeah, there are some people who look great in pictures, all the time.

I am not one of them.

The other day, I was going through some photos from Fooooorks (and yes, I know we owe y'all the pictures. They are coming, promise. One of us volunteered for the task of compiling the photographs and then she went and signed up for NaNoWriMo, the stupid twat) and noticed a couple of things, one of them being that I don't take good photographs. As in, I literally do not take good photographs and I don't look good in photographs taken of me. Whatever, you know what I mean.

Case in point-- photos pulled from my camera:

My chest

Someone else's chest

Mrs. P TwiBite's teefs. She has the prettiest smile. Too bad I didn't capture it because I suck at taking pictures.

All I need is some glitter and then I would pass for a fucking Cullen. Daddy (not a)Jerkface is right. I need a tan.

Let's just say it's a good thing Gus was there.

Anyway, I was going through a bunch of pictures the other day and I began to see a pattern emerging...

That pattern was "Everyone looks awesome but Jenny Jerkface looks like a fucking asshole in 80% of the pictures." Now, this is through no fault of photographers, don't get me wrong. I own this one, all the way. It's like the moment I even think there is a camera around, I do stupid or asshole-y things.

Or, more likely, I just act like a stupid fucking jerk all the time so it was inevitable that there were going to be many pictures of me.. well, being me.

Look how happy these lovely ladies are!

I'm apparently confused. Or I possibly crapped myself.

These two are taking a break from defiling their Edwards. You know, normal every day stuff.

Yup. Normal, every day stuff...

Awww, I want to hug these two so hard right now.

But first I have to shit in my pants.

How cute. Everyone's a comedian. I do love these two ladies something fierce.

I am such a dickhead.

And then there is this:

Yay for me! I'm not smirking or giving that creepy I'm-thinking-about-doing-something-awful-to-you smile, doing weird body contortions, flipping someone off, giving someone rabbit ears AND my eyes are fucking open. For the win! I'm just going to chalk it up to being so overwhelmed by all the awesome-sauce women I was getting my picture with that I actually behaved like a fucking adult for once.

Maybe by the time Forks rolls around again next year, I'll behave myself and try not to act like a total fucking douche the entire time.

But probably not.


  1. Oh JJ if you looked normal in a picture I wouldn't be able to identify you LOL!!!!

    We love you no matter what :)

  2. Cullenary Curser (blogger is being a douche)November 26, 2010 at 9:27 PM

    Horseshit. You're cute. I have some good pics of you to prove it. You just have a knack for being caught on camera looking a bit like an asshole. As for the pale thing, meh so am I.

  3. Ah, I actually have 2 great pics of you JJ... I will email them.

  4. I can tell you why you don't look like a complete asshole in that group's because you're standing next to ME ;)

    PS...are we going to see the vid soon? I seriously CANNOT wait to see what pops up on that.

    Hope you had a great Turkey Day.

    xo J

  5. Stunning picture! The one of the two delightful ladies in the Velma t-shirts. I sure would love to meet them, they look like fun, sophisticated, sexy women who now how to have a good time.


  6. First of all, I totally had those pom-poms, same colors and everything. And yes, I too liked to wear them on my head. Didn't we all do that?! Yes??... No? Whatever.

    Second of all, you're so cute I want to put you in my pocket and carry you around. Don't worry, I won't.

    No one ever thinks they look good in pictures. But from the eyes of this beholder, I see a lot of beauty in all those photos - middle fingers and stick penises (peni??) aside.

    Have a great weekend ladies!

  7. Turpentine?! Hahaha....The Submissive? That's awesome..

  8. Everytime I see the Forks pics I get super jealeous! It looks like you guys had so much fun. How could you not? All of you look like a fun bunch, ya know, like "lets have a few drinks & raise some hell" kinda fun! And what better place than Forks to do it??!!

  9. Another hilariously fuckawesome post coming from the one and only JJ (thank God). I really needed that since I'm going to attend my HS reunion party this weekend. When I get bored (or my Stoli induced haze fades)I'll just imagine I'm in Forks with the twitarts. I may start flipping someone (lots) off, but I can always says "Jenny Jerkface made me do it."

  10. @JJ--That childhood pic made me melt a little. You've always been cute, even when wearing a strap-on made of driftwood.

    Re: the ladies *cough*whores*cough* in the Velma shirts: I hear they're real bitches & they like the C word a lot.

  11. so maybe I agree that you might not be the best option for photographer, though Mrs. P's teeth do look nice... I'm the same, drives Mr. NotSmitten crazy.

    But at least are showing some personality in the pictures of you! That should count for something! That driftwood strap-on is HIlarious!!!

  12. Hey shit head! I'm pretty sure I am less photogenic then you. I'm always shiny and no matter what position I hold my head, I always seem to sport the double chin! Errrrr... And you took one of my favorite pictures at La Push. So there! Love all you beautiful bitches!

  13. @JJ-You are so freakin cute...especially when flipping people off. I think everyone who isn't a super model feels the same way you do, I know I do. :)

    These pics make me miss FFFOOOORRRKKKSS!

  14. Huh. Yeah, you's one white bitch. But I love you for it. Every time I stand next to you, I look like I just got of the plane from fuckin Oaxaca, Mexico.

    But fuck you with your unphotogenicability (that's right, I made up a word). You look great, even when you look R-tarded. I like to call it "endearing." Besides, how the fuck would I explain you if you looked perfect in every photo?

    PS I didn't defile my Edward. Not once. You want to talk defiling? Toey's Barbie Jacob (who she knitted a sweater for!!) almost got lost to sea at LaPush because they wanted a shot with the waves rolling in. So she literally DOVE IN to save A DOLL.

    The only defiling I did was to my liver. And we have no regrets. We're ready for round 2.

  15. First of all, every one of those pictures of you is perfect in capturing a certain, shall we say, jerkface essence. And? You are totally fucking adorbs, in pics and in the flesh. And why do I look so high in that pic with MamaC? I must have been hitting hard off the awesome she was emitting that night.

    I miss this trip hardcore.


  16. JJ- I didn't make the trip to Fooooorks, but I wish I had!! You are awesome and I totally would have hung around you, whether you wanted me to or not (please don't bruise my fragile ego!!) You are so funny and I so would have battled you with my beach stick thing lol!!!

  17. jj- you weren't the only one playing with "wood" at the beach!I'll send a pic of the awesome "dickwood" we found at Rialto.

    And you are so cute you look good even pooping and flipping people off.

  18. JJ all those great pics are the reason we all love you....not a lot of us can get away with being so cute and vulgar at the same time!!!! Oh and being one of those lovely ladies in the photo.....I now feel a little like a celebrity!!!! Thanks!!!!

  19. Woah, JJ... You look like Velma!

  20. LMAO!!! It's like outtakes from Forks.

    Human nature, I guess, to feel that way about ourselves in pictures, but let me tell you are fucking adorable!!!

    Damn it those days in Forks went too fast. I didn't think you girlz were going to make it to the tour bus on time that day. We started the trip off with a bang, didn't we?

    Miss you!


  21. I was looking at Amazon because let's face it, there's not a chance in hell that I'm going near a mall any time between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I haven't even thought about what to buy for Chanukkah for the family, which begins on December 1st (I'm so fucked). While searching Amazon, I came across this interesting deal...Full Size Edwards for 38% off...and thought that I'd post it here in case someone wanted to buy a gift for their loved ones (or themselves).

  22. fuck, jj.


    the bestest pictures are the ones where someone craps their pants dontcha know.

    please please tell me you crap them on the fucking vidi...

  23. Well I must be pretty hot because you are sporting some mighty long and hard wood with me in that last pic.

    STFU Jerkface! You are fucking adorable. Actually these photos are making me a bit weepy because I miss you so much. All of yous. Oh to have you threatening to fuck me with driftwood on the beach at Kalaloch again........a girl can dream.

  24. It's ok JJ, I reflect the sun like a mirror too. I try to make it work for me though LOL

    I love when you guys throw in pics from Forks here and there. I wish I could have gone. Maybe next year *sigh*


Comments are our life now. Leave one!