Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Just In Time for the Holidays - It's the Robert Pattinson Titkerchief!

Let me preface this by saying that this is not a mass-produced item and it won't be coming soon to a store near you!!! So settle down, you hear???

Ladies, you have all probably heard of the "Cami-Secret"/Boob Apron by now... You know - the lazy-person's cami? The tit dickey? That little kleenex-sized piece of fabric that you attach to your bra and stick in your cleavage to cover up your bosom and pretend you're all respectable-like? The thing that was invented by someone who spends their time inventing hokey gadgets instead of writing a Twilight blog and who is now laughing all the way to the bank? No? Well just in case you need reminding... [Note: this video parody is not suitable for young ears.]

THAT thing!

Depending on how you look at it, the titkerchief is either a blessing or a curse. Do you sometimes look in the mirror and say "erm, that's a lotta tit for daytime..." before going and finding something else to wear? BLESSING! Are you the kinda gal who likes showing off the gifts that she was endowed with??? CURSE!

Wardrobe-saver or boner-killer? Both???

I noted during our pilgrimage to Forks that us Twitards are something of a busty lot... OK, mostly JJ likes to show off her girls and I am somewhere in between her and LKW. I mean modesty-wise, not in between their actual racks - although there was a lot of warm-hearted girly groping during that trip (I'm looking at you, too, Myg and VitaminR70! I'm not sure about TK; I have to spend some quality drinky time with her and see what's what...).

But I digress! Somewhere in her spare time between making multi-hued chocolate penis pops (the white ones sparkled!), lobbing pebbles at motel room windows, and drinking her weight in the finest local spirits available, Cullenary Curser and I discussed the pros and cons of the titkerchief. I threatened to send her one. She threatened to send me one [note: she needs one more than me]. And then I kinda forgot about it... Definitely didn't forget about CC, though - she made a lasting impression on me in Forks!

Dr. Snarky Cullen checks Cullenary Curser's vitals... Prognosis: boobalicious!

But I kinda forgot about the cleavage cover-ups... Until the other day when THIS belated birthday present showed up in the Twitarded mailbox!

Yay! But wait - there's more!!!

Hold on to your Twitard-y hats, people, because these are no ordinary boob aprons! Nope. Not for me... These are s-p-e-c-i-a-l. Veeery special... Customized just for me... Here's the reverse -

That's right - I got the super-special one-of-a-kind Robert Pattinson version! Cullenary Curser's dirty little mind + Red Bella's mad garment-making skillz = the best belated birthday present EVER!!!

And the icing on the boob-apron cake??? Mr. Snarky LOVES the idea of the titkerchief!!! No shit. I'll be wearing these spruced-up fun-bag napkins with his blessing! Totally not kidding. Mr. Snarky's like 50 Shades only without the billions of dollars and Red Room of Pain... He's working the attitude, people - that whole "Mine!" thing - what's his is HIS and he ain't much of a sharer in that department. So now we have a compromise that works for both of us! I get to have RPatts nestled against my [ahem] clavicle, and he is happy in his knowledge that my lady prizes are for his eyes alone. Win-win! [Note: Mr. Snarky does not drink white wine.]

Thanks to the combined efforts of Cullenary Curser and Red Bella for making me laugh until it hurt! You ladies are the waffle to my twat. The whore to my flap. Or something like that. Mwah!

P.S. I am seriously considering wearing these. Like to work and stuff. But I just KNOW that somehow I would land in the ER and would end up flat-lining on a gurney while the staff all laughed hysterically over my wardrobe secret...


  1. OMG STY, CC & RB, those Titkerchiefs ROCK COCKS...er bewbs...you get the idea.

    Oh and your "Twitdicky" and "Us Forks ladies being a busty lot" part KILLLLLLLLED ME. You Snarky, witty thing you.

    Love you STY!

    Can't wait to see you guys in August at Blogher...assuming you're signed up already...right?!?!

    xo J

  2. That is freaking awesome and amazing. LOL!!!! There is just too much talent in this group. LOL!!!! LOVE IT!!! The faces are perfect!!

  3. @Twired Jen - TOTALLY signed up for blogher already! see you then!! can't wait!! : )

    and @Dangrdafne - I should have captioned that picture of the RPattskerchiefs - what would he be saying??? Hmmm... Probably naughty stuff...

  4. OMG, the boob-kerchiefs are fuckawesome! I want some -- waaaaahhh!!!! :)

  5. omg, those titkerchiefs are awesome. You ladies rock!

    @ STY - that part about being found out at the hospital, that would be just my luck!

  6. STY...This is the coolest thing since LKW's Granny Panties. Damn. Red_Bella can do NO wrong!! And just knowing that CC had a hand in this? Jesus. Fucking righteous. Don't get dressed in the dark, Snarky. You might accidentally put on your RPattskerchief on backwards. It's not the stares and questions from co-workers I'm worried about for you. It's just that...well...Rob won't be rubbin' up on your funbags.

    I still need to redeem my free custom Rob Panties......Guess I'd better get on that. Maybe I can get them for Christmas!

    This is amazing. And I miss all a y'all's bewbies.


  7. Oh my gosh, these are wonderful. Great idea CC and RB!! The Rpattz titkerchief. I have a feeling this will take off.

  8. You could die happy knowing that The Precious is snug against your lady love bags.

  9. I am so fucking jealous STY. My fun-bags are screaming for a Robtitkerchief. I might consider it more like a bib though...to catch my inevitable drool every time I would take a peak at my cleavage.

    @CullenaryCurser and I have had many laughs over that you parody. It has become my 'go to' video when I need a good laugh...it always fills me with joy. In fact it was a running them at a destination wedding I recently attended.

    @Red_Bella--You are a magical crafty goddess. I love you babe.

    I am going to go gander at my titkerchiefless fun-bags now...and imagine Rob somewhere in there.

  10. Another great milestone in sewing history!

    Back in the 18th century they were called "fichus" and were slightly bigger but designed for the same purpose. But they didn't have Rpattz's cheery face on them.

  11. Damn it the titkerchief not cool but the Robtitkerchief totally effing AWESOME.

    Girls that are jealous raise your hand *raises both hands*

    Very clever CC&RB

    "Nice white wine... dick." LMAO

  12. This makes me wanna buy a black one and wear it under a thin white shirt like the cousin on the movie Christmas Vacation.

  13. I'm sooooooooooo jealous. To have Rob's face plastered in my boobies, ahhhhhhhh. I waaaaaaaaaaaannnnnntttt it!

  14. What a fuckawesome gift!!! Thanks to the genius of the fandom, once again, we have created a product that some will mock, others will want, and nobody could ever properly imitate! Great job, ladies!!!

    The Robtitkerchief could be HUGE!!!

    Great post bb! mwah! xoxoxo

  15. You know what? I HATED the idea of titkerchiefs when I saw them advertised here in the UK. I'm PROUD OF MY PUPPIES and take great pleasure in letting everyone get a sneak peek at what lurks beneath my outerwear ;-)

    But I think you've now converted me STY.

    Just the thought of having those fantastic images of The Precious nestled between my bangers is enough to make me go moist....

    Why, oh why dont we have these talented people this side of the pond?

    Wear them with pride, girl. I know I would! ;-)

    CC x

  16. Oh, and as an aside..... can @red_bella make merkins too, I wonder?


  17. The Robtitkerchief is a win. It would put a smile on your face all day. That video is hilarious..."other ideas that make life less fun - like mouthwash that gives you poison ivy or french fries with herpes"

    I love you funny biotches.

  18. Can I just say: I've always considered myself a fairly busty lady. Sure, they're not gigantic or anything, but they hold their own as respectable C's. I've always enjoyed them - I like playing with them just as much as any guy! Hours of fun! (ps I think the guy that made that ad seeeeeriously underestimates just how much chicks like boobs.)

    But then: I went to FOOOORRRRKKSSS. I have NEVER felt so small-breasted in my life. ESPECIALLY sitting with Lindsay Rae, Derry, and my darling Toefunny, who could take an eye out with those things.

    STY, wear your Rob-ified titkerchiefs well! They're EXCELLENT, Red bella, and it reminds me - I need to cash in my prize, of custom panties!!!!

  19. LMAO, this is ah-mazing. That video cracked me up big time. Are there more As-Seen-On-TV rifftrax? If not - I nominate @TexasKatherine to create them. We need something to fill up the time until the WFE release anyway. Annnnd, go.

    Hats off to @CullenaryCurser and the amazingly talented @red_bella - you blow me away with your creativity. Huge amount of talent around here. I'm in constant awe.

    Also - @jaymes805, I know you're here somewhere - THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN! It's like it's following me. *shudder*

  20. There are tears streaming down my face. I believe it's a mixture of absolute hysterics and total jealously.

    A busty lot you say?...This may be a small understatement. I might need one for each funbag.

  21. LMAO those are GREAT!! The faces are perfect!

    And I totally think the RPattskerchiefs would be saying "nom nom nom nom"!

  22. Tit-kerchiefs. That has been cracking me up all day.

    There were certainly some busy ladies in Forks. Now, while I like my kids to get as much air as they need, I'm not exactly "busty". But there ain't nothing wrong with a handful. Or maybe a handful and a half.

  23. It was the ER comment that killed me. Hillarious!

  24. I'm still laughing over putting on the "Dr. Carlisle Cullen MD" lab coat - lol! I'll bet that would go nicely with a boobkerchief.

    : )

  25. I'm not sure what's making me laugh more, the post or the comments.

  26. you had me at titkerchief!

    I gots 'em, I flaunt 'em. But I'd totally be willing to cover the ladies if I could have the Precious snuggled right in there. So jealous!

    CC and RB, you ladies fucking rock! Brilliant!

  27. I guess I'm one of the few in this busty Twidom that could go shirtless and not turn any heads. Even so, I would love having Rob's face buried right in my nonexistent cleavage. And I would be smiling all day! Actually I think I'll wear just my RB Big Girl Panties and a RPattz Titkerchief and nothing else.

    Great post STY! I love you. Oh and please send me a picture of you modeling the tit hanky please.

  28. If I wore one of those I would constantly be doing two things. 1) sneaking a peek at Rob all day and 2) smooshing his face into the girls and making motorboating noises. Everyone would look at me and wonder what's up with the perv and her bewbies. Nice!!!

    @STY - those 'tards must lurve ya hard. That's the kewlest b-day gift I've heard about in a long time.

  29. STY -I'm soo jealous of your RPattz titkerchiefs!

  30. LMAO - OK, first, that commercial is HI-larious! I have been laughing at the original ad for a long time, and that made me cry.

    STY, I think we all need a pic of you modeling the titkerchief. Don't just send that to LKW. Share the RobLove!

  31. Those are awesome!

    And that's the perfect gift for you, STY. You can wear your RPatz Titkerchief with an I've-got-a-secret-smile and people will think you're not shy! Win-Win!

  32. LOL- Titkerchiefs ... didn't these used to be called 'dickies'? (Ahhhh- yes I see two references).. hilarious.

  33. Do you ever wonder if there will be Twitards Porntastic museum in 50 years or some shit???

    I am just imagining people reflecting on the era of the crazy horney housewifes running around in Rob Titkercheifs, panties and the like.... people trying to examine the phenomenom of hot marital sex and low divorce rates in the late 2000's and finally tracing it back to Rob, porn and extreme undergarments.

    Great post...

  34. I know. Late to the party...again. This made me miss FOOORRKKSSS somethin awful

    @STY-Your a titkercheif pimp! You told me about these in the Dungeon and said I had to watch the vid. Which I did, immediately. LMFAO!

    And your right about all the groping and large breasticles in Forks as well (especially @cullenarycurser...she has quite a rack and really knows how to snuggle a bewb).

    Like everyone else, I'm totes jealous of your new bewbie covers, but they couldn't have gone to a nicer h00r. ;)

  35. Do you ever wonder if there will be Twitards Porntastic museum in 50 years or some shit???

    I am just imagining people reflecting on the era of the crazy horney housewifes running around in Rob Titkercheifs, panties and the like.... people trying to examine the phenomenom of hot marital sex and low divorce rates in the late 2000's and finally tracing it back to Rob, porn and extreme undergarments.

    Great post...


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