Ladies, you have all probably heard of the "Cami-Secret"/Boob Apron by now... You know - the lazy-person's cami? The tit dickey? That little kleenex-sized piece of fabric that you attach to your bra and stick in your cleavage to cover up your bosom and pretend you're all respectable-like? The thing that was invented by someone who spends their time inventing hokey gadgets instead of writing a Twilight blog and who is now laughing all the way to the bank? No? Well just in case you need reminding... [Note: this video parody is not suitable for young ears.]
Depending on how you look at it, the titkerchief is either a blessing or a curse. Do you sometimes look in the mirror and say "erm, that's a lotta tit for daytime..." before going and finding something else to wear? BLESSING! Are you the kinda gal who likes showing off the gifts that she was endowed with??? CURSE!
I noted during our pilgrimage to Forks that us Twitards are something of a busty lot... OK, mostly JJ likes to show off her girls and I am somewhere in between her and LKW. I mean modesty-wise, not in between their actual racks - although there was a lot of warm-hearted girly groping during that trip (I'm looking at you, too, Myg and VitaminR70! I'm not sure about TK; I have to spend some quality drinky time with her and see what's what...).
But I digress! Somewhere in her spare time between making multi-hued chocolate penis pops (the white ones sparkled!), lobbing pebbles at motel room windows, and drinking her weight in the finest local spirits available, Cullenary Curser and I discussed the pros and cons of the titkerchief. I threatened to send her one. She threatened to send me one [note: she needs one more than me]. And then I kinda forgot about it... Definitely didn't forget about CC, though - she made a lasting impression on me in Forks!
But I kinda forgot about the cleavage cover-ups... Until the other day when THIS belated birthday present showed up in the Twitarded mailbox!
Hold on to your Twitard-y hats, people, because these are no ordinary boob aprons! Nope. Not for me... These are s-p-e-c-i-a-l. Veeery special... Customized just for me... Here's the reverse -
That's right - I got the super-special one-of-a-kind Robert Pattinson version! Cullenary Curser's dirty little mind + Red Bella's mad garment-making skillz = the best belated birthday present EVER!!!
And the icing on the boob-apron cake??? Mr. Snarky LOVES the idea of the titkerchief!!! No shit. I'll be wearing these spruced-up fun-bag napkins with his blessing! Totally not kidding. Mr. Snarky's like 50 Shades only without the billions of dollars and Red Room of Pain... He's working the attitude, people - that whole "Mine!" thing - what's his is HIS and he ain't much of a sharer in that department. So now we have a compromise that works for both of us! I get to have RPatts nestled against my [ahem] clavicle, and he is happy in his knowledge that my lady prizes are for his eyes alone. Win-win! [Note: Mr. Snarky does not drink white wine.]
Thanks to the combined efforts of Cullenary Curser and Red Bella for making me laugh until it hurt! You ladies are the waffle to my twat. The whore to my flap. Or something like that. Mwah!
P.S. I am seriously considering wearing these. Like to work and stuff. But I just KNOW that somehow I would land in the ER and would end up flat-lining on a gurney while the staff all laughed hysterically over my wardrobe secret...