Monday, November 8, 2010

Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart's Honeymoon. Er, Sort Of...

**Spoilers ahead** Turn back now if you want to keep your Breaking Dawn twymens intact.

I pride myself on being a mature(ish), dignified woman defiantly beating back my rapidly approaching middle age. [I can hear you laughing, assholes.] I took a billy club to my dignity in the last couple of days because ZOMG! RPATTZ AND KSTEW ARE FILMING THE BREAKING DAWN HONEYMOON SCENES!

This is me, only less excited.

I'm not proud, but pride is overrated anyway. I'm thinking of quitting my job, hopping a plane to Brazil and screaming "Sparkle peen!!!!" in everyone's face until they direct me to the set. I can hold the boom mic for the ocean scenes. Or, I can hold Rob's uh, boom mic. I'm not picky. I just like to be helpful.

Because I am going full spoiler whore for these last two movies after abstaining for so long, I am the proverbial preacher's daughter in Las Vegas. I'm drunk, topless and dancing on the spoiler table. This round's on me, folks!

This video kills me. Edward and Bella are on the boat headed to Atlantis/Isle Esme. Didn't they have several weeks of training to fight newborn vampires for Eclipse? So, can someone explain to me why they had extensive training on fake fighting of fictional characters and yet they just toss Rob the keys to a fucking speedboat with no pretense? Pay close attention to the end where Kristen appears to help Rob drive. Male drivers are all the same.

There's pretty much no point in putting any text in this post. No one is going to read it. I could tell you about how Jenny Jerkface is a post op transsexual with a ten inch cock and everyone will just skip right over it. Let's get to the good stuff.

Freshly showered (aka recently naked). Mostly unbuttoned. What were we talking about?

Visual smelling salts.

Hand porn. Edward, where's your damn ring?

Shoe porn. I need those. I also need my ass to look like that.

If they release pictures of the ocean foreplay, I'm calling in ded to work.

I'm calling bullshit right here. How is Bella's dress still freshly pressed after a long plane ride when I can't ride down the street without my dress looking like I tumbled down a hill? She can't have eternal youth, an insanely hot husband and perpetually ironed clothes. That's just wrong on so many levels.

I leave you with this. It's a video of Rob picking Kristen's face like a mama monkey. It almost looks like he's picking her nose, which would just make me love him more. Thanks to Donnersun for finding this. Oh, you might want to watch this on mute. This woman's voice sounds like an Orca swallowed a dog whistle.

What kind of a hit did your productivity take today? Were you licking your screen or browsing in moderation? If you still want more, click here for a very...thorough rehashing of events. You better come back here and leave a comment though, dammit!


  1. hahaha u r so funny i'll def come back here


  2. girl, I kept saying I was going to go to bed last night. That happened about 27 times. Honestly, as I was laying there trying to sleep I kept thinking, I can just reach over and my droid is right there! I'll just jump on twitter REAL quick!
    I'm so blinded by love in all this right now I can't pick out anything bad (even the pressed dress)

  3. I love being a spoiler whore now. So much fun! Although I'm having a hard time not initially going "eep! a spoiler. Oh right I'm doing the whore thing this time around."
    Unfortunately Monday kicked my ass at work - so I couldn't be distracted.
    Thanks for the videos, I'm a lazy spoiler whore and never would have found them.

  4. The problem with being a spoiler h00r dear TK, is that you will find yourself immensely behind in your day to day duties.

    I have been a h00r all along and oh man, it's ruined me. However, it didn't ruin the movies...only got me more excited.

    When all of these pics were surfacing yesterday I was neglecting my family on our oh-so-important bloody mary Sunday. AND last night, my s/o slept on the couch through all of my squeeeeeing.

    My only fear is that with my new job, stuff will surface while I'm at work...and being a new job and all, I don't want to get in trouble...EH, it's worth the risk.

    xo J

  5. I thought I was the only one who noticed he's not wearing his ring. Whaz up with that?

    Of course I got all excited about these pics until I remembered the damn movie is still A YEAR away!!! Wahhhhh!

  6. Raise your hand if your a spoiler h00r...*puts both hands in the air*

    @TK LMFAO @JJ has a 10" crack me up. I only wish my job wasn't being a cocblocking uptight denmother right now so I could endulge a little during the day. So thanks for providing the goods! MWAH

  7. gah! love these pics sfm! they just look so damn happy! think it's really going to come through in the movie... i get a doofy grin looking at all this stuff... sure i have a lot of questions, and yeah i could go a little snarky on some little things, but right now i just want to back in their so freaking awesome glow! i mean how warm & fuzzy is this making everyone feel??? because i am melllllting over this - and other things...


  8. My NaNoWroMo story is already limping along so last night it took a direct hit. I think I wrote a few hundred words between 100 breathless updates. It was Italy all over again, but at least I got a good couple hours of work done today at my job thingy. Just when I think I'm falling gently into a Twilight lull, it sucks me back in... with shiny silver speed boats, no less.

    Oh, and seeing TexasKatherine come undone in emails was the cherry on top;)

  9. Oh how I loved the visual smelling salts!
    No ring, no cuff for Edward? Maybe the plan is to add them with CGI later, but why?

  10. The drought is over and pics of the Pretty are falling like manna from Heaven ... you know, the heaven for naughty girls who ogle pics of precious specimens like our Robward.

    I pretty much might as well put life on hold for as long as this movie is filming and we're getting peeks.

  11. BAH!!!

    Is it possible to play "just the tip" when I am around you ladies here at Twitarded and on Twitter? I'm finding my resolve is failing me. Temptation is becoming too much to resist! And RPattz is just too fucking delicious to avoid!

    I'm so torn!

    vw: bedism. Heh Heh Heh!

  12. It's so fucking great to be a spoiler whore.


  13. Full hoor ahead!!!! WEeeeeee doggie!!!!! I noticed immediately that his wedding ring is missing....WTF?! They should have listened and hired me dammit. Just think of the pain and whinging I could have prevented.

    On a more positive note...SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I am so happy that I am going full hoor on thes two movies. It is so much easier just to embrace my true self. I will take him however I can get him...even holding her hand. Allright I admit it they look really cute and happy together. Can't I just be a little cranky about it? And the fact that it will never be me? Fuck.

    Bring is Brazil...I want more! I want it all! My Twymen is no more.

  14. Even though Charla already said it my first reaction was BAH! so I'm gonna say it. BAH!!!

    I accidentally saw some pics for the first time earlier this evening but somehow managed not to watch the vids. I was pretty sure I didn't care about anything Breaking Dawn related just yet but like a Twitard to a sparkle peen I found myself drawn to the photos. I'm still not watching the vids though. Can't make me. ;)

    P.S. Glad you're all over this shit though in case I change my mind and wanna peek... which I will... eventually... or, like right fucking now... maybe...


  15. i'm pretty sure millions of panties exploded when these vids and pictures hit. i know mine did. srsly, i've been jizzing mah pantz all frackin day. my twilight mojo has been gone for a while now, but this has got my heart all pitter-patter fuzzy rainbows and sparkle unicorns squee! *thud*

    i effing love being a spoiler whore. the end.

  16. HMFHF!! I Love being a spoiler hoor! I want to see pretty much all of it,I don't care. If the movies were coming out sooner maybe I wouldn't look at as much but I needs them now! I also noticed Edward's ring and cuff seem to be missing. In 1 photo I saw it looked like he might have it on but most of them look like it's off so I'm wondering..WTF??

  17. H00rs unite!

    I've never been a spoiler h00r before so I too am the proverbial preacher's daughter on this one.

    The draught is over laideeeees!!

    p.s. And what the FUCK is up with lack of wedding ring? Don't care so much about the cuff... I would not tolerate a husband without a ring, j/s. the world needs to know he's mine! (....or, Bella's, I guess. Damn).

  18. I just can't take it!

    wv: stestop

    Please stestop! Stestop it right now!

  19. Someone sent me a pic of him eating a granola bar (which was strangely erotic) & he was wearing the cuff. I think some of those pictures were just scene blocking & not filming. Maybe? IDK.

    @Twired Jen--We are both going to get fired from our new jobs. I'll see you in the bread line.

  20. Productivity? I daydreamed about Robward and replaced KStew with myself. That's productive, right?

    Loves it TK!!

  21. L-O-V-I-N-G your work TK!

    I did read all and big up JJ with the 10-incher!

    I am so forking excited about BD even if it's going to be shit

    Meeeeep meeeep

    veriword - forniz. I'm thinking some combo of fornication and showbiz.

    "Oooh yeah the Robsten Forniz is HAAAAWT this week" etc.

  22. now that all this footage has been, ahem, released, i feel better, more relaxed. like all is right with the world.

    can the brazil bloggers move to louisiana? for serious.

    and kstew looks fab in that dress, so elegant. her clothes don't wrinkle and soon neither will her face!? no fair. lol.
    i say she has to undergo the worst c-section in the history of the world for her punishment!

  23. Ahhhhh...the nose picking. Why do I find that oddly hot? Meh. Whatever. We're still looking for a picture of him peeing if anybody has one. ;-)

  24. P.S. @TK...was the granola bar pic from BD filming or from some other time? Someone just tweeted me the hotlink. I have no idea where it came from. Whatever. Rob putting shit in his mouth=WIN.

  25. I don't understand. We're getting Twi-news in the same 24-hour-period that it breaks... from Twitarded? Do they know you broke the always-a-month-behind rules? Applause, TK, applause!

    WHERE is his wedding ring??? I have been waiting for TWO YEARS (yes, my two-year Twianniversary is but two weeks away) to see a ring on Rob's finger. Are they seriously denying us that? @casch and I had this conversation when I called her at 8:37AM yesterday, screaming into the phone about the pictures (she literally said "slow down, I can't understand what you're saying.") She pointed out that in the book, Bella's engagement ring is the only ring mentioned. I checked - she's right. Still, I want Rob in a ring. RTFN.

    These pictures/videos make me SOOOOO happy!!!

  26. Hey guys. I am, usually a lurker but I just have to post. The past year have been a difficult for me as I lived through the breakdown of my 7 year marriage. ( amicable one, we fell out of love ) The Twiworld and especially you guys in this blog have given me a happy escape and I cannot thank thank thank you enough. I am okay now but not yet there you know ....

    2 nights ago when I first saw this pics on E/B and R/K leaked I felt a flutter in my heart that I haven't felt in a while. They look so fucking inlove, glowing and happy ( IMO, it's R/K mostly than E/B ). Those looks and the affectionate touches wow. These pics and videos they have given me hope that yep ... love is still out there. I am a 29 y/o woman ( married my first love) and not a teenager but these pics and have made me so giddy. It has awaken me somewhat that I can have that too when I am ready to seek it. But for now, I will live through R/K or E/B to get that lovin feelin....

    I dont make sense right now and I Hate to be a downer but I had to let it out there and thanks for giving the laughs... As I tell my RL friends .... I will be ready soon


  27. *ded*
    How crazy am I to be my age twenty three *cough* 46 *cough* and fangirling over every pic and video for a movie that is not coming out for a year!
    I feel bad for myself. Can't imagine what friends and family feel...
    At least I'm not alone. I think the Rob drought has left us all thirsty and we are drinking anything we can get our hands on.
    Considering quiting job/chucking family and heading down to NOLA for a new profession.

  28. I'll just bet that if Rob and Kristen really do tie the knot, he WILL wear a ring. He is so smitten, it's adorable. That lucky woman!!!!

  29. Mother fucking SQUEEE!! The drought is ovah! So proud to be a spoiler hoor : ) Lovin the new vids/pics.. The nose picking one made me giggle uncontrollably! I MUST see the pic w/Rob eating a granola bar... just thinking about it makes me drool. I will now be thoroughly distracted at work today *le sigh* thank you TK!! xoxo

  30. "Orca swallowed a dog whistle"...BWAHAHAHAHAAA. I'm definitely using that one.

    This was great.

    Keep the spoilers coming. I want to have seen the ENTIRE movie by the time it comes out in the theater!

  31. YAAAAAY!!! We love spoilers. Spoilers are our friends!

    Someone could have taken 10 minutes to show RPattz how to drive that fucking boat, though. I've driven a boat drunk once and I did better than that.

    Not sure if I've ever mentioned this before but HOLY SHIT is that man hot. Smooookin' hot...

  32. Holy fucking shitballs, is all I have to say. Holy fucking shitballs. I said this over on RAoR, but, for reals, my age just decreased about 25 years. And if that's not what Twilight's all about, then I know nothing.

    Holy fucking shitballs.

  33. Also, is it weird that for the first video, I knew within two seconds that the shadowy, tall dude was NOT in fact Rob, but his body double? Knew it without question.

  34. I saw these on a Google alert this morning and come running over here as I had a hunch there be a post about it. And of course, and you did NOT disappoint!

    I sighed... multiple times, audibly. They look gorgeous and I am loving her dress. May we finally be getting a movie without a hideous wardrobe?!? A girl can dream.

    More spoilers, more spoilers!! Bring 'em on. This has only just wet my appetite... and other things too.

  35. Damnit TK, Now all I am gonna so all day is search the internet for more Rob porn. Once I get started its hard to stop. At least the dry spell is over. I hope a flood is coming soon :)

  36. i hate to be a negative nancy here (ok, not really), but is anyone else not digging kristen's hair? it's limp and, well, limp (not a dick joke...this time). i'm assuming they are using extensions? rich people wear them all the time, and they certainly don't look that...smooshed down?

    on the other hand, rob looks HOT. the end.

  37. I LOVE being a spoiler H00R as well this time around! How could you not?

  38. Wow. All I can say is wow. For those of us lucky enough to be on twitter at 2amEst Sunday night -- watching all this unfold 'real time' was honestly what I would call a religous f-ing experience.

    I have not had that much fun since I was 12 at an NKOTB concert. My twitter feed was scrolling so fast I couldn't keep up... full of Rosbten delicious porn and *cough* grown women sqeeing in SHOUTY CAPITALS!!!

    So I went to bed at 2am. Got up 4 hours later and managed to put the wrong contact solution in my eye - and basically chemical burned my retina. So I walked around all day yesterday with a swollen eye and glasses that I detest... but it was sooooo worth it. Why???? Because I stayed up and got to see THE BEST PIC OF THE NIGHT: The mother fucking ASSGRAB!!!! (For those who haven't had the pleasure:

    I am SOOOO with you ladies in this spoiler h00ring. And this pic might just be enough to last me the 365+ days we have till opening night!

    And seriously someone give @BlogTwiBrasil a fandom award for best person EVER and a visa so she can get on a plane to BRLA!!!

    And @Norcaltwitard - can we come watch the Lapa videos on your big screen!!!!!!

  39. So here's the problem these photos and videos are causing for me... every time I log on to the interwebs to do something work related, I end up taking a quick stroll through blogs and twitter and such to see what's been posted. And then I totally fucking forget the reason why I was there in the first place. Not good for work productivity. Not good at all. But ask me if I give a shit. Because I don't.

    @TK and TwiredJen - See you bitches in the bread line.

  40. Good lawd, enough grammatical errors in my earlier post?!?

    @Twopeas, thank you, thank you, thank you for that one! That'll last me awhile.

  41. Awesome post!! I love it!! You bring the funny!! Love me some Rob and Kristen sorry guys! But the chemistry on screen is amazing!!

  42. FYI: Twitarded to me is much like a copy of Playboy. I read it for the articles, not just the pretty pictures.

  43. OMG!!!! I puffy heart you gals... I need the humor, and crave the laughs in domestic hell. I wish I could have survived Forks with you all, but it was not happening. Mushy hugs... Trapped housewife.

  44. Well, as I am the only one in the fucking world not on the Twittah- I don't have those fast 'connections.' But was trying, best I could, to sneak a peek and h00r it up @ work, yesterday. Anyway yay! So glad y'all are going to be spoilerh00ringh00rs this time 'round!

    I could tell you about how Jenny Jerkface is a post op transsexual with a ten inch cock <--- bwha ha!
    See, I DO read this shit! I get to ogle the sexy AND PMSL :D

    Srsly, if I get so giddy just by seeing this, can't imagine what the ocean/bedroom scene will do to me! ..That is if they don't fade to goddamn black.
    *repeats mantra*
    Please no fade to black, please no fade to black!
    ..Let's save the fade to black shit for the cesarean! Thankyouverymuch.

  45. I was a complete Twigin for all the movies and am trying pretty damn hard to keep the ole' Twymen intact for these next 2 but it's becoming increasingly harder! The previous Rob-drought did not help matters any and as I've caught glimpses of some new photos, Rob is looking hotter than ever!

    AND then there are all you twitter h00rs flashing pics, describing scenes and making me itch to see what y'all are talking about - a year to keep these knees together is beginning to seem impossible.

    We'll see how long my resolve lasts - I stopped reading the post before the pics and didn't watch the video so my iron panties are still on....until one of you beotches finds a pic of RPattz's "O" face and then I'm pretty sure I'll be on my back begging for it all!

  46. I was worried that they could not make Robs shorter hair Edwardish but they did!! shoon!
    and I LOVE Kristens extentions. 100% fucking better than that ugly ass wig they put on her in Eclipse.

    Great video, great link. thanks for making my my-kids-are-taking-a-nap-mommys-surfing-the-web time a success!

  47. First of all... beautiful dress. The wardrobe person must be new. I love the peep toe pumps in picture number three, but the damn Vans in the video have to go.

    Second of all... from now on all Rob Porn must be stills only. I don't know what happens when that man stands behind the camera, but it's magic. Any raw footage of him is just disapointing. I mean, come on... Kristen is teaching him how to drive the boat??? He's such a dork!

    On the other hand... him kissing her is SO CUTE!!!

  48. Like I told my fellow ATL twitard this morning....

    After seeing these pictures I went a little Krisbian....seriously....those legs!!!!!!!!!!! And I love the Audreyesque dress and the SHOES!!!!!!! Seriously, those three things together almost (stress on the almost here) made me forget Rob was in the pictures. this film seriously a year away???

  49. @Lila: Yes he is a dork. All the more reason to perv on his adorkable ass:) Reason#516

  50. Spoiler h00r? Me? Why yes, yes I am - and proud of it!

    They can't get any cuter. GAWD!
    Makes me all happy inside! I can't really view this stuff at work cause it's blocked. PFFF!

  51. "This woman's voice sounds like an Orca swallowed a dog whistle."

    So fkg funny!

    love the dress - finally bella is looking more sophisticated...

    i wished i could look at this stuff at work, but the school district where i work probably taps the computers and shit. i had to wait til i got home to look at the latest.

  52. It's only because I was unawares that I accomplished ANY work today. I've been functioning as an almost-normal member of society for the last 2 weeks. But this is all so very tasty, that I'm pretty sure I'll be obsessively checking twitter n' Google for updates from now on. And back to ignoring my kid while I ransack all the blogs in the evenings. Dangit.! Oh well.
    Yum. Yum! I just can't get enough of this cuddly joy!

  53. Oh yeah, forgot to mention...
    Hi-LARRY-uS post TK!!! Awesomesauce!

  54. bahaha R/K honeymoon....i love that i know ur joking with that heading....

    IDRC about the KSpew (sorry KS lovers) i just want the fuckhawtness of Robward......

  55. This video terrifies me.... Rob can barely drive a car let alone a speed boat!!!

    However, I want Kristen's shoes. Like I didn't have enough reasons to hate her(!) now I have shoe envy. Tsk tsk...!!!

  56. bahaha R/K honeymoon....i love that i know ur joking with that heading....

    IDRC about the KSpew (sorry KS lovers) i just want the fuckhawtness of Robward......

  57. "This woman's voice sounds like an Orca swallowed a dog whistle."

    So fkg funny!

    love the dress - finally bella is looking more sophisticated...

    i wished i could look at this stuff at work, but the school district where i work probably taps the computers and shit. i had to wait til i got home to look at the latest.

  58. i hate to be a negative nancy here (ok, not really), but is anyone else not digging kristen's hair? it's limp and, well, limp (not a dick joke...this time). i'm assuming they are using extensions? rich people wear them all the time, and they certainly don't look that...smooshed down?

    on the other hand, rob looks HOT. the end.


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