Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Welcome to the Rileys - It Ain't Robsten, But It'll Do

So, rumor had it that Welcome to the Rileys had its theatrical release last Friday, November 5th and I was totally fucking excited about this when I found out yesterday because I really, really want to see this movie.

I think this sign says something about November 10th but it's some kind of funky English I don't read.

Also, I apparently don't understand what "theatrical release" means. In case you don't either, "theatrical release" actually means "not coming to a theater that is a reasonable distance from your house and wouldn't require any extensive travel".

So, yeah. This movie is only being played in super-cool cities right now. And before you go there, just because I travel to one of these super cool-cities everyday for work is a moot point. The feature is dead, Angela. Don't bring it up again.

Eric Yorkie is such a dick sometimes.

Wanna know who else is a dickhead? The person who gave him that haircut. It looks like a foreskin.

Anyhoo, despite the fact that I'm honestly lazy enough to NOT want to schlep my ass into the city to see this movie on a day that I am not obligated to commute... I still really want to see it.

In case it isn't blaringly obvious, in general I'm not all about "happily ever after" when it comes to my entertainment. Just ask my Netflix account. If I had a therapist, he or she would probably have a field day with the movies it recommends to me.

I'm still waiting for "How to Successfully Hide a Body" to come in but some donkey-dinghole in Maine has had it, forever (click to enlarge)... [Note from LKW: Bite me. I need no instruction... we learn that shit at birth.]

Granted, this flick has a 98% chance of ending with people singing in rolling fields and holding hands but whatever, I'm holding out for the other 2%, which probably involves drug use and emotional devastation. What can I say, sometimes rainbows and unicorns just don't do it for me. Strippers with shitty lives, on the other hand, do.

Wait. That sounded bad.

See? He's all fatherly-huggy with her but there's that murderous glint in his eye. See it?!?

Admittedly, there is another reason why I can't wait to see this movie--I want see Kristen Stewart in a roll that is NOT Bella Swan. Watching her play Joan Jett gave me hope that KStew could actually be a good actress.

Kristen Stewart looks like cracked out stripper in this picture and she's STILL hotter than me. So unfair.

Look, I know we tend to rake ol' KStew over the coals for her acting. We're not trying to be dicks about it. We just tell like it is. I don't care how much you love her, you can't deny the fact that she's a tad...twitchy in the Twilight saga.

The thing is, I WANT KStew to do an awesome job in this film. I hope she nails that character as hard as she's probably nailing RPattz.

Judging from the trailer and NSFW excerpt below, I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, she can pull it off. I've got my fingers crossed.

Let us know your thoughts! Are you interested in WttR or are you going to say suck it because it has the one half of Robsten you don't want to see half naked?

P.S. - There is another reason I want to see this movie - I kind of have a thang for James Gandolfini. DON'T JUDGE ME, YOU TWATS. Or I'll have Tony Soprano come and break your kneecaps.

P.P.S. - The last sentence above was a test to see how many people actually continue reading after watching videos.

P.P.P.S. - It's also a true statement. LMT.


  1. yeah, you're a bitch cuz I'm jealous you get to see it in a theater NEAR you, not 1,240 miles away.

  2. I'd really like to see KStew do something remarkable outside of the twitchville that is Twilight.

    so far... haven't really seen that yet, but i think with time we may see it.

    The clearer question is will she get the chance or will she end up on the SyFy channel with Richard Grieco or Lou diamond Phillips.

    She's young though.. so maybe she will get the chance.

    To be truthful, i loved her in Speak... of course she didn't speak much.. and the twitching worked for the character....

    I have to hope the twitch and blink was failure by directors to tell her to stop twtiching...

    but who knows...

    sadly welcome to the Rileys, while it opened in very limited houses has only managed to make about 60k.... not even close to paying for the porta potties they rented on set.


    so if you love KStew.. and well, live remotely close... maybe show her some love.. or at least James G. cuz yeah.. i kinda have a bad daddy thang for him too...

    see i skipped past the videos....

  3. yeah, she's def not the half of Robsten I want to see on thier knees offering , er, "services". anyway, i'll wait and Netflix this one. She IS way too twitchy and I can't deal with the mouth-breathing.

  4. This is the first preview I've looks pretty good. But, I'll definitely be waiting for it to come out on DVD cuz if its not playing near @JJ its not coming anywhere near my middle of bumfuck nowhere town.

    And Im with you @JJ... James Gandolfini is hot in a I-put-a-horse-head-in-your-bed -so-Im-dangerous kind of way.

  5. @Cat - where the fuck do you live? The moon? Great, now I feel bad for not going to see the movie. Thank Cat, thanks. ;)

    @Norcaltwitard - dude, you took the JG love just a little too far. :P Plus, you're mixing up your Godfather vs. Sopranos references. There were no horse heads in the Sopranos. Just dead strippers. Among other things.

    But thank fucking LAWD I'm not the only one who has a thang for him.

    Unless you're being sarcastic, of course. Asshole.

  6. Yup I pretty much am dying to see this movie. KStew's acting skillz are going to can tell from the trailer. Yup, I said that...and yup, I believe it. Take that h00rs.

    Anyhoo it is playing in LA, and Demanda and I were going to try and find a time to meet there. I can't this invitation was so sweet. It might even be in San Diego...haven't checked in a week or so...

    xo J

  7. I really want to see it too!!! It's playing NO where near Atlanta!! WTF??? Might have to wait til netflix :( I watched Cake Eaters and while I still have no clue what the point of it was, I thought she was pretty good in it! I'm becoming a fan of hers, although I disapprove of Twitchy McGee...

  8. First off, I'd do James Gandolfini and hard. Like one of those strippers he played porked on "The Sopranos."

    And I SO want to see this film, but haven't even bothered to because I figured someone would have been naughty and (redact). Don't want to get myself in trouble.

    Back to point, reasons why I want to see this film: James Gandolfini and Melissa Leo. I adore them both and they are so frakkin' superb Kristen could drool her way through the film and I wouldn't notice. However even with that being written I do think she will perform well in this role. She tends to do well in roles that require her to smoke pot, cuss, flip people off - you know the good stuff. And I'm not hatin' on her, it's the truth (to me).

    The one role I think Stew (that's my name for her, cute isn't it? She loves it, she told me so when we were doing shots together in my mind) killed is her role in Speak. One of my favorite films and she slays me in it. So I can love her too.

    What was I writing? Who knows, I'm babbling tonight. Just know I want to see this movie and will try to actually get that accomplished the legal way.

  9. truthfully, all the clips that they keep releasing are a BIG FUCKING, COCKBLOCKING TEASE!!!!
    If you are going to release a fucking movie release it!
    GAH! I have had this date on my calendar for months- and the local indy theater here "thinks" they may play it in December-
    at least there is hope.
    Yeah, Kstew looks amazing in the traliers/ clips I have seen- and yes, I am one of those that loves her, I think she's amazeballs

  10. I cannot WAIT to see this movie! I have to drive about 3 hours to see it bit I hope/know it will be worth it!

    JJ you HAVE to go! You're one of the lucky ones who lives "close" enough to go! I watched an interview with KStew and she said the movie didn't end on a positive note and pretty much all three of their lives (her, JG, and his wife in the film)were not fixed or healed.. but a little more tolerable.

    Does anyone know if this movie will be released to DVD?

    @Twired Jen - You pick the date and I'm there BB! :)

  11. @JJ-Who you callin an asshole, asshole!?! And sarcastic, me, why I have never been so insulted *puts hand over heart to look appalled*! Oh, who am I trying to kid, I'm a snarky bitch and I'm proud of it and you wouldn't want me any other eay. But, I was being serious, JG is hot. And I think all good mobsters are equally capable of stripper killing and horse decapatation. Godfather/Soprano line be damned! Oh and I luv u JJ *MWAH*

  12. Huh...Yeah, I want to see this movie something hard. But I won't be in Portland for a long ass time. SO! I'll just do what I normally do. Wait a couple weeks and watch it online. All the sneak clips and trailers...Kristen has a mutha fuckin' SWEET ASS! No wonder Rob is tappin' that. I would, too! DAMN!

    And JJ...Gandolfini? Really? This must be some sort of Jersey thing. All of my Jersey friends flove The Soprano's. I swear to Edward, yous guys must have HBO for free or something, cuz I never saw that show. Evah.

    Hey @HoldmeRansom - The clearer question is will she get the chance or will she end up on the SyFy channel with Richard Grieco or Lou diamond Phillips. HOLY FUCKING YES! I totally hope she doesn't end up like Deborah Gibson...Although I love those Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus movies! They're so good when you're drunk.

  13. *sigh*.....Jimmy G...Miss Tejota, I am SO with you on him and do him HARD! Amen. Something about him, something about Tony's character...was so HOT...his perfection lay in the fact that he was a very flawed and imperfect, immoral, selfish man...the power factor and the danger about him was a complete turn on. JJ, that Tony pic with the suit and dark glasses....yeah, spontaneous panty combustion up in heah!!! LOVE THIS SITE, just came in on it recently, verrrry late to the party, but better late than never. I enjoy every damn thing on here. You girls ROCK!

  14. I definitely want to see it. This role is so far removed from Bella. I think there was some sneak preview at my local theatre & I fucking missed it! Figures...

    P.S. I loved KStew in The Runaways & her performance in Adventureland was decent.

  15. @JJ-can I poach your Netflix account? I've always wanted to see Battle of Algiers.

    @Lindsay Rae - I'm so lame I watch the SciFi movies sober. They are just so bad you can't not watch - sorta like KStew's twitching.

    SPOILER ALERT: She didn't look twitchy in the speedboat scene. Maybe "marriage" has cured Bella. Or banging RPattz on a steady basis has cured KStew.

  16. *cough*Imayhavereadthescript*cough* I'm on the fence with this one. I dunnooooooo. Maybe now that the ending is different I can handle it... we'll see.

  17. I am intrigued by this movie, but too cheap to pay to see it. Also, so far I'm not sold on her acting abilities. I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but the reality is that I am probably not the most objective judge of because I am so ridiculously jealous of her!

  18. My Twitarded loves, it's been forever since I've commented - I've missed you so! Real Life has been kicking my ass pretty hard lately, so excuse my absence!!

    In any case, I WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE SO FREAKIN BAD. I heard it's doing abysmally poorly, but I think it actually looks really good. I just haven't seen it yet because I have trouble dragging myself to sob fests - I tend to like movies where it ends all shiny happy dancing in the streets.


  19. I definitely want to see this in a bad way. It's playing at a theater about an hour away but I think I'll be waiting for netflix. I rarely see movies at the local theater lately so I can't see myself driving an hour away to see one... damn you RL. I have hope for Twitchy McTwitchson... I think she has the potential to be a great actress (I haven't seen Runaways yet but hopefully soon). By the looks of the WttR Trailer, this may be her shining moment.

  20. I love JG.. as an actor.. but no, I don't have a 'thing' for him.. JJ, gurl, he's all yours! So far.. looks like him and Stew played well off of each other. Yes, I am one of those Kstew fans.. go ahead.. roll your eyes!!! JJ, I can appreciate that you want our girl to succeed.. I never doubted that :D

    When it comes to the fan fic.. I HAVE to have an HEA. But movies.. well I'm game for whatever.. tragic, Shakespearean ending? ..Fine, bring it! I honestly don't know why that is.

    Anyway, I stumbled onto 2 other YT WttR vids ..(apparently I am just a big spoilerh00r all around). Both clips made me a little uncomfortable. But not in the way you think.. like in a good, raw kinda way.. like KS's critics might actually be like- okay yeh she can act! One of the clips was her telling JG's character that she um.. "doesn't do anal" O.O. And the other one unabashedly has the Stewbutt on full display.
    This is def NSFW!

  21. I love independent films and Sad to say the market is very bad for R-18 Independent films right now. I saw this at the Philly Filmfest and it's a brilliant character driven film. KStew did a very good job considering she was only 18 when she shot this. (before the release of twilight)She held her own againts 2 veteran actors. I admit I like her but she is doesn't show what she is capable of in the Twilight films. Watch Into the Wild, Adventureland and Runaways and you'll see she's got some chops. And that Ass ... no wonder Rob grabs it when he has a chance heheh

    I have a lot respect for her cause she can easily command millions to do stupid films instead she does small things like this a get paid an actors minimum of $655/day. People, blogs and small critics can say whatever hateful things about her but the big critics that matter loves her, Veteran members of the Academy likes her and Directors want her. That's all that matters. She's 20 and she has worked with Foster, De Niro, Penn, Kinner and etc and now the great Walter Salles and Copolla.
    I heard Tim Burton soon ...... we'll see. She is an interesting actress to watch. If she fails she's got millions to start a production company. ( $12 million last year, $24 million plus shares on BD which might add to $40million)

    By the way go see BLUE VALENTINE if you are lucky enough to have it in your area. The best film of the year.

  22. Um, can I just say how happy I am that I'm not the only one who has the hots for James Gandolfini? Yay!

    @Lindsay Rae - I think the Sopranos love is a Jersey thing. I didn't even own a TV for the two seasons. We had to go to the local dive bar and watch it.


    Gah. Guess I'm making the 16-hour drive to Austin (sadly, wouldn't be the first time). Orrr I could wait for OnDemand. OR! We could go to Forks sooner than next year - not like we're the most patient bunch anyway - and see WTTR when we road-trip to Portland to see the movie sights. There. Done. Solved. Someone give me a freaking gold star already.

  24. As much as I would love the see KStew do great she still looks super twitchy to me. That scene when she asks if they have any kids, total Bella Swan Twitch!

  25. I'm with you JJ, I'd like to see it. Despite the stufferytwitchfest that has been her performance in all the Twlight films so far, I'm a big KStew fan. I've seen many of her other flicks - The Cake Eaters, Speak, Adventureland, The Runaways, In the Land of Women - she's good. Plus I just think she's a bad ass chick. I don't care if she flips of the paparazzi, I'd probably flip them off too. I think she has a long career in front of her if she wants one.

    But I don't get the Gandolfini thang ;) Perhaps I'd get it if I'd ever seen an episode of the Sopranos. I know, I know, I swear I don't live under a rock.

  26. I ALWAYS KEEP READING AFTER YOU SLUTS POST THE VIDEOS!! JUST IN CASE. LOL! Plus I like to read everyone's comments. :-)

  27. My fiance has a major thing for KStew which I encourage to keep him willing to watch all things Twilight with me. As a italian guy from Jersey he also has major thing for the Sopranos. In fact when I met his parents for the first time, his father handed me a copy of the Sopranos season 1 so I could "know what I'm getting into." Hard to figure out the right way to react to that! I'm reasonable certain there are no 'waste management' connections in his family at least! We'll definitely be watching this movie at some point, even if it's just when it gets to Netflix.

  28. I love Tony...I mean James...too. I don't know what it is. I would like to see this movie. As far as I can tell it is not even showing in Seattle..not that is strange. I hope KStew does all looks better than I hoped for from the trailer. Could it be that I have become immune to her twitchy ways? Personally I think she needs a happy role....when she is smiling a lot she is way less twitchy. Go Kstew!

  29. Jumping on the JG boning bandwagon here. Specifically Tony, I guess. That first season. The UST between him and the therapist was superhot.

    My one beef with the trailers is his accent. I guess maybe he's trying something different, but I cannot stand fake southern accents. Why I don't watch True Blood. True story.

    And I'm with Miss Tejota, Melissa Leo fucking rocks. I should see if it's near me. Ahh, who am I kidding. Netflix. *sigh* <3 you guys.

  30. I was lucky enough to see this at a film festival about a month ago. Kristen was amazing in it. Very, very impressive. You will not be disappointed in her performance.

    And SPOILER ALERT...the ending is... ambiguous. Not a skipping through the daisies hand in hand ending.

  31. I want to see this SO bad! I am about to see if it is playing near me or if I will have to hop a plane to see it

  32. Shit... there is a reason I am posting this comment anonymous. Before I say anything else, I always liked Kristen and all her work, and that was it.
    I saw those you tube clips yesterday showing off Kristen's ass and caught myself staring at her really intrigued...what?!?! This is scaring the shit out of me! Didn't this happen to anyone else? For god's sake I am definitely not into girls and I have even met Kristen in person and I know she's just a normal 20-year-old girl (and just happened not to like me at all). And here I am drooling over her ass...this is so disturbing! Am I alone with this scary new feeling???

  33. It seriously isn't playing in ATL. We always get good movies! DAMN

  34. HA! No, I have a huge girl crush on Kstew, perferably Joan Jett or rough looking Kstew, not Bella.

  35. I won't be seeing this movie. Although some folks think if you love Rob ya gotta love Kristen ... I'm not one of them. I think she's a terrible actress. I know some of Hollywood's heavyweights go on and on about how great she is. And that just baffles me.


Comments are our life now. Leave one!