Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Lip Gloss... And Its Many Uses.

I was rifling through the bag of goodies I scored at my mother-in-law's house over Christmas...making sure nothing of value was being overlooked, when I came across a tube of pink bubble gum flavored lip gloss. Um, ok, I'm 40, not 7. I've never been a big lip gloss fan. ChapStick - yes, lip gloss - no. Sure I love the way it makes my lips look all shimmery and kissable (you hear that RPattz... KISSable!) but what bothers me about the whole thing is the flavor. Anything flavored on my lips is gonna get licked off within seconds of application. And that spells chapped lips, which ain't attractive or comfortable. Especially when it's like 20 degrees out.

Yup... kissable, lickable, fuckable... pretty much just awesome. And my lips would never look like this with all the lip gloss in the world!

So it got me to thinking, maybe Mr. Latchkey Wife would like my bubble gum flavored lips and maybe he'd want to kiss me more. If there's one thing we don't do a lot of, it's make out. He actually told me he's not a big fan of kissing... what the WHAT? That's just preposterous if you ask me! No joke, I actually scolded him more than once, telling him to "kiss me like he fucking likes me." I'm wondering if bubble gum flavored lips might make him change his tune? Although it could backfire on me and I won't be able to keep him off me. Dude, I'm trying to watch television...Geez.

Kiss me like this dammit. Oh, and can you look like him too?

And then I saw a new hot fucking outtake of Robert Pattinson and wondered if he likes bubble gum flavored lips? Because when you get right down to it, isn't that more important? If I could just lure him in with my shiny, lickable lips, he'd really have no chance at escaping my clutches. Could bubble gum lip gloss be the new RPattz bait? You know I'll definitely take one for the team to prove this theory to be true. Someone's got to do it.

He loves me... he really, really loves me! Sorry ladies.

I'm willing to experiment with the bubble gum flavored lip gloss if he wants. I mean, seriously... does it have to be just for lips, er, well, the lips on my face anyway? Why can't it be nip gloss, or clit gloss? Honestly, if the guy wants to lick it off any part of my body, I'll be rapidly applying. I may need to buy stock in Rimmel Royal Gloss in Bubble Blush because chances are, I'm going to blow through this little tube in about 17 seconds if Rob is licking it off my body. I may have to write to Rimmel and ask them to just deliver a swimming pool full of the stuff so I can just immerse myself and let the licking commence.

Like this, only picture the jello as bubble gummy, gooey lip stuff.

Did Santa bring you any little item you think may be the answer to your Rob-luring prayers? Maybe Hot Pocket scented shampoo? Or Heineken flavored body lotion? I only pray that the Preh-tay loves bubble gum because this shit has got to be good for something!

20 comments:

  1. Unfortunately, I am in the "hubs that doesn't kiss" boat. It sucks there. Especially when ff is so lemony fuckawesome...

    Nothing good for Christmas since my fam doesn't really do a lot of big holiday spending. Wow. This makes my life sound extraordinarily sad. Hey! There was lots of Robporn on twitter today, and we have a new Twitarded post! Score! Love you ladies! It's the most action I get some weeks...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Was the lip gloss made by Philosophy? If so that stuff rocks! Hubby loves all the different flavors, I got Cinnamon buns, Peppermint bark, Pink Bubbly, Candy cane, Red licorice, Bubble gum blow out and Caramel apple. You will not be disappointed.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmm I got the Twilight card game, so maybe Rob would want to play with me ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. LKW- I knew this was you right away you lil h00r.

    Let's see, I got MAC lipsheen in "Partial to Pink" from ES. It's my new fave this year. Maaaaaybe it will lure in Rob...though my lips don't look nearly as pouty as KStew...so maybe not.

    I'm with you on the flavored lip gloss...don't like it. Flavored chapstick..sweet. BUT I prefer the look of gloss. It's really the only girly thing about me.

    Peace out.

    xo J

    ReplyDelete
  5. I must be the best kisser in the world..was told by more than guy ..But I love lip gloss..I own over 30 different lipsticks and glosses..you can say I'm a lipstick h00r..Of course you do eat a lot of whatever it is on your lips...but I love leaving lip gloss smears on hubs..what can I say..Altho hubs is not the best kisser I've ever had..(I don't like the stash)..but..hey he makes up for it..Now gimme that bubblegum gloss, I don't have that flavor..

    ReplyDelete
  6. I haven't worn lip gloss since I was a teenager - a looong time ago - but maybe it's time to rediscover...why the hell not??

    ReplyDelete
  7. If clit gloss doesn't exist someone needs to invent it now.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hmmm, glad to hear mine isn't the only husband who isn't into kissing. I know we've been together for eons, and relationships change blah blah blah, but a make-out session on occassion would be nice. And hot... At least it is in fanfic!

    I love gloss. But not the uber-shiny/sparkly kind, I'm too old for that. I got several shades for Christmas, most of which are terrible on me. And my sister, whom I love to death and normally gets me great stuff, sent me black gloss... WTF?! I don't get it. I figure I'll keep it for Halloween.

    But, like you, I'd slather lipgloss (or anything else) anywhere if RPattz wanted me to. Mr. NotSmitten may not be so lucky, but I have no hard limits when it comes to Robert Pattinson!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. My son, Thing1, bought me a huge tub of Shea Butter Body Butter from the Body Shop - together with an ickle tub of Shea Butter lip balm. I reckon Rpattz would be into that big time - all ethically sourced, sweet smelling and supposedly organic.

    Yeah, he'd be into it alright, but probably only if it were smeared all over KStew :-(

    Lip gloss? I haven't used any in ages. But my Secret Santa did get me a little four-pack of SATC-themed ones... Now which one should I wear next...?

    Lip gloss. RPattz lips. Nom nom nom :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I used to have this blackberry flavored lip gloss that I loved SO much, until one day a cute guy in my class told me I looked retarded because I licked my lips constantly. Asshole.

    I'm more of a chapstick girl but I would have no problem bathing in whatever scented product if it meant that RPattz would pay attention to my lady bits...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ah, LKW...fortunately for me, my hubby does like to kiss. A lot. ULNESS I am wearing lip gloss or chap stick. Then he tells me to "wipe that shit off your mouth so I can kiss you right."

    PS...I'm absolutely positive that Mr. TW is a better kisser than RPattz. He's got more I-can't-wait-to-get-you-naked-groan and less I-need-to-poop-but-can't-face. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I hate lip gloss bc it's always windy here and my hair gets stuck in it and that's just icky. I don't really like chapstick either it just doesn't feel right, but I guess I'm lucky and don't get chapped lips often.

    I bet Rob is a guy that loves to make out, I just have this feeling about him that says he'd enjoy nothing more than making out with a girl for long periods of time only stopping for a little smoke break here and there, but I bet any guy would if they thought it would lead anywhere. I don't know about other gals out there but I love to make out with guys... only they don't know it wont lead anywhere bc I'm like whorelite not quite a whore but close enough lol.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm goin to invent KStew flavored gloss so Rob will confuse us and make out with me.

    I love lipgloss, chapstick, lipstick basically anything that will make me look better. Even if it's in my head LOL

    I draw the line at lots o sparkles though, I'm not 12 and lipsmackers hasn't been in since '89. Don't get me wrong I love you '89.

    ReplyDelete
  14. In high school our code name for pot was "lip gloss". "Do you have any "lip gloss"? Great can I go borrow some behind the school?" Personally I love the stuff...especially if it tastes allright. Bonnie Bell baby...Bonnie Bell.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I got some DKNY perfume and body lotion, Be Delicious. It's actaully in a green apple looking bottle. So maybe the apple scent will make him think I might be as juicy and tasty as a green apple. >:) hehe!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I can't say I'm a huge fan of flavored lip gloss, either. Mostly because it nauseates me and that's definitely not sexy. :)

    I did get a UV lite toothbrush sanitizer. Rob likes a clean mouth and sparkly teeth, right?!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Once again, I'm way late on this, but I'm greatly amused that I have Rimmel Royal Gloss in Bubble Blush... I bought it because I was dressing up as a princess for princess bunco. No lie. But I do love it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm goin to invent KStew flavored gloss so Rob will confuse us and make out with me.

    I love lipgloss, chapstick, lipstick basically anything that will make me look better. Even if it's in my head LOL

    I draw the line at lots o sparkles though, I'm not 12 and lipsmackers hasn't been in since '89. Don't get me wrong I love you '89.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ah, LKW...fortunately for me, my hubby does like to kiss. A lot. ULNESS I am wearing lip gloss or chap stick. Then he tells me to "wipe that shit off your mouth so I can kiss you right."

    PS...I'm absolutely positive that Mr. TW is a better kisser than RPattz. He's got more I-can't-wait-to-get-you-naked-groan and less I-need-to-poop-but-can't-face. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Unfortunately, I am in the "hubs that doesn't kiss" boat. It sucks there. Especially when ff is so lemony fuckawesome...

    Nothing good for Christmas since my fam doesn't really do a lot of big holiday spending. Wow. This makes my life sound extraordinarily sad. Hey! There was lots of Robporn on twitter today, and we have a new Twitarded post! Score! Love you ladies! It's the most action I get some weeks...

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!