Monday, December 27, 2010

Mother Nature Takes a Dump on the East Coast and My Eclipse Plans are Thwarted

So, yesterday and early this morning, Mother Nature decided to be a total cunt and beat the shit out of us by dumping about 28 inches of snow on New Jersey.

Also, it was death snow.

Snowflakes are not unique and beautiful. They're actually mini skulls of death and despair.

Anyway, ML and I were all excited because we react to shit like this just like every other adult - we get drunk and throw snowballs at each other. In the house. Plus, as we watched the snow getting deeper and deeper, we both knew there wasn't a chance in hell either of was going into the office today. Thanks, Mother Nature!!

ML's car last night.

There is something warm and cuddly about being snowbound. Warm coffee, grilled cheese sandwiches and forced interactions are what snow days are all about. So last night I grabbed my Edward blankie and hunted ML down.

Me - "Let's watch the Eclipse video you got me for Christmas."
ML - "Um, no."
Me - "C'mon, please?"
ML - "I'd rather gnaw on broken glass. No."
Me - "We can watch it with the commentary. Robert Pattinson says "boobs" in it."
ML - "Why don't I just say boobs in a British accent and call it a day?"
Me - "C'mooooooooooon!!! Please?"
ML - "Actually, how about you show me your boobs?"
Me - "Will you watch Eclipse with me if I do?"
ML - "Nope."
Me - "You suck. Drink a bowl of herpes."

Then me and my blankie sulked our way down to my office, where we finished watching Season five of Weeds and plotted our revenge on ML.

Don't piss off the Edward blanket. You don't want to see him angry. It's... ugly.

I actually like watching the movies with ML, mainly because it's like having my own personal Rifftrax commentary. A few weeks ago I forced him watch New Moon with me. I even made him cuddle under the Edward blankie and ignored the long suffering sighs that followed shortly thereafter. ML was in full agreement that Edward should kill himself throughout the entire movie, thought Bella was short for "bellowed" after he watched the whole "I'm-screaming-in-my-sleep-but-actually-making-a-really-inhuman-sound" scenes.

This is actually somewhat similar to how I get ML to watch the Twilight movies with me.

And he wanted to know why no one thought it was weird that a bunch of dudes wandered around the Olympic Peninsula shirtless, regardless of the weather.

So it's really ML's fault that I make him watch the movies. If he actually enjoyed them, I probably wouldn't even ask him to watch them.

Because I'm a nice girlfriend like that.

Edward: Bella, Eclipse was so hot I want to leg hitch you for all of eternity. Or until we get married, anyway. Then I want to have wicked vampy sex and possibly stick my icy cold peen in your pooper.

Did any of you spend your holiday/blizzard watching anything Twilighty? Did you have an S/O (or kid or unwitting neighbor) that watched with you? Maybe more importantly, how do you get your unwilling movie-viewing partner to sit through 124-ish minutes of a Twilight movie? Blow jobs? Blackmail? Roofies? Inquiring minds want to know. Unless it was really graphic and/or involved medical instruments. Oh, who am I kidding? We probably want to hear about it anyway.


  1. My husband watches Twilight with me all the time. He is even pretty good at the board game...He woke up Friday morning and said wth!?! Now I'M dreaming of vampires...he total had a dream that he was in outer space chasing vampires! I laughed so hard, had I been drinking stuff would have come out of my nose.

  2. I was stuck in a house with 2 dogs that I had to take out into the blizzard every 4 hours to do their business. Yea, it was/is great.

    No blizzard twilight saga for me and not for the hubby either.

  3. We sympathize with/envy you on the east coast. Typical winter day of pouring rain in Seattle. Of course, if we had that much snow here,life as we know it would end. We'd be eating each other after the stores run out of food.

    I snicker at your futile efforts with ML. "Why don't I just say boobs in a British accent and call it a day?" priceless!

    Now I want to go watch the Eclipse commentary. But have to get a hair cut instead.:(

  4. Here is California we had our extreme weather a couple of days before Christmas. We watched mud roll down the hill into our back yard. Luckily most of it went into the neighbor's yard and my hubby spent most of his 4 days off shoveling our mud into the neighbor's yard (I hope he doesn't read this).

    Other than that we spent the rest of the time fucking like rabbits. The only thing holding us back is our 9&10 year old who probably wonder why we spend so much time in the bedroom with the door locked... or maybe they're getting old enough to catch on. IDK... I was just really glad that our door was locked at one point when he had my ankles above his head and was pounding into me and one of them tried to open the door. Whew, that would've scared them for life.

  5. BTW - maybe if you offer to watch it with the Rifftrax you can talk him into watching. I have to admit that Twilight and NM are greatly enhanced by the Rifftrax commentary. I bought it already for Eclipse, but I haven't had the time to watch my DVD even once. It's sitting here on my desk and Edward taunts me every day asking why I haven't taken the time to watch him and listen to him say "boobs" in the commentary, but I haven't yet found the time to watch.

  6. He'll only watch it if riftrax is playing. So, that means he's only watched Twilight once because I haven't got the New Moon one, and *coughihaven'tboughteclipseyetcough*

  7. I am totally an idiot... I watched Eclipse with DangrMomma on Christmas Eve. Not sure where my brain is.

  8. No luck with getting the hubby to agree to watch Eclipse yet. But a few months ago, we did come to the agreement that he would get a blow job every time he listened to a few chapters of the books - that only lasted about three days.

  9. my grandmother's running commentary of eclipse was ridiculous while we were stuck in the blizzard. my highlights include: @ the wolf pack: "look at all of these boys in no shirts, are they supposed to be indians? what is this?" and of course the raging steroid debate over jacob. they are clearly team edward but don't admit it... then my mom said eclipse was boring, how are we related?

  10. DG has watched both Twilight and New Moon with me, after a bit of begging. I'm hoping to get him to watch Eclipse with the promise of a BJ...jk, he'll watch it eventually.

    As for the was in the high 60's Christmas Day and then rained that night. I had a super relaxing day with my family just chillin' in my pj's and drinking Mimosa's. Eventually I moved on to wine and ended up forcing myself to puke at 1am cause the room was spinning. Sweet.

    Snow days sound kind of fun btw. I have only seen snow about 4 times in my entire life...

    XO J

  11. I just wait until hes asleep then I quietly put on the DVD, he usually stirs but doesnt wake up, I wait about ten minutes for him to fall back into a deep sleep and then I ram by ice cold feet into his side.
    When he wakes up I say "opps sorry I didnt mean to wake you, I couldnt sleeo, do you want to finish watching Twilight with me? its almost over"
    Then I cuddle him but keep moving around and asking him questions so he cant fall asleep.
    The only problem is that after a few times he knows whats happening in the movie and its not almost over.

  12. Damn! I Can't get my hubs to watch any Twilight with me either. The man won't even look at my Twilight blog which I curse him for daily. I did however trick him into reading your post with the titkerchief and he loved it. ;)

    Most of my friends convince their twi-hater hubs to listen to the books and/or watch the movies every night in bed...I WISH!

    Funny enough, it was about 5 hours ago when I told my hubs that he will be watching the movies with me eventually. he groaned and argued otherwise of course.

    *back to scheming*

    PS <3

  13. HA, hilarious....I'm totally stealing "Drink a bowl of herpes."

    My mom finished reading Twilight at work today and when she came home said..I'm ready to watch the movie.
    So I got all squeeish and we sat down and watched soon as the credits rolled she looks at me and says..."The books are 100% better. That girl can't act her way out of a paper bag, and Carlisle is hot."
    I love my mom.

  14. Holy crap, Edward blanket really IS scary. :D

    Even we in Serbia had lots of snow... granted, not as much as your east coast.

    As for your question, I don't pressure Marko, my hubs, into watching Twilight movies with me, but he did see all three. He even watched Twilight entirely on his own, and this was waaay before I even fell down this rabbit hole. Now, that he knows how much this community means to me, he doesn't object one single bit to my obsession, and although he thinks the movies suck, I'm proud to say that he's not a hater anymore.

  15. With Twilight, I totes told a lie and promiced there will be action and killing and ripping of heads. With NM I made him come as a punishment - he got drunk with his buds the day befor.
    We actually watched Eclipse during Xmases at my parents house. Rents are old-er-ish, they go to bed early, plus my brother was there with his 2 year old twin girls, and everyone on the first floor had to be quiet, so he came up with me... and well since it was my puter with us... he just had to watch it with me :D we got drunk and laughed our asses of. It was fun. For me.

  16. @ Lila: Wow, I totally need to get fucked right now. ;)

    While I didn't watch any Twilight during the blizzard (I'm in central NJ), my hubs will watch any of the movies with me anytime. He hearts Alice.

  17. No Twilighty movie for us...but speaking of Ruffies, we watched The Hangover...and laughed our asses off!

  18. My hub went with me to theatre for Twilight - twice... and to New Moon opening weekend (I'd seen it twice that weekend beforehe came the third time - willingly) and for Eclipse, I saw it a few weeks early at an LA screening and he skipped the giant marathon we hosted at a local theatre but he DID come the following weekend to see IMAX - willingly... and i'd appreciate it if y'all didnt' write about trading BJs and such to watch - I don't need him getting any ideas ;) ha ha

  19. I tried to get the hubs to watch it while we were snowbound yesterday.. but all I got was a laugh and an eye roll *sigh* It's probably better that he doesn't want to watch them because then he doesn't have to witness me drooling, squee-ing, and giggling at the Precious.

  20. A few weeks ago, my SO found my stash of movies while looking for something to watch on his xbox. He started watching new moon first. By the time I came in the living room he was hooked. I told him there's an order to this, if you're going to do it, do it right. So I started twilight for him and promptly went to our room to do my hair so he could mess it up when he finished watching all 3 movies! (I will add that I am a Black 30-something woman, closeted twitard. So you know how I am about my hair!) I will take one for the team. As long as it's Team Edward!

  21. I totally watched all three Twilight movies with Mr NotSmitten this past week. We watched Eclipse for the first time on Sunday, just as the snow started. His verdict was as I expected "Well, it was better than the last one!" He actually LOL'd like 10 times, hardest for Emmett "trying to chew gum and walk at the same time again, Bella."

    Surprisingly watching Eclipse was his idea, though I did force him to watch the other two first, since it'd been so long since I'd watched them. I didn't even have to convince him with the promise of extra bj's... Though I suppose he should get some sort of reward for watching and not complaining... Or better yet, use as a bribe to get him to watch Remember Me.

  22. I spent my holiday (or the day after rather) waiting...watching...HOPING that we'd get this snow too... Some how it went south east of Baltimore and DC and THEN shot up the east coast... WHAT. THE. FUCK.

    You know you really hate your job when the prospect of shoveling 2+feet of snow is more appealing than going into the office. Plus I got new snow boots from Santa and I really want to put them to good use.

    Long story short I did not watch eclipse.

  23. On X-Mas my Mom and Brother watched with me, and we were trashed. Then last night while stuck in the house "Thanks for the day off work Mother Nature"! I watched again alone :)

  24. My husband is totally supportive of my Twilight obsession. He puts up with me buying stuff, and putting it in a cabinet. All the boxes from the moves and ect. My mom also watches the movies, and she is supportive as well. I have the cover of Twilight signed by Peter Facinelli, and I am hoping to stalk two more into signing the one for New Moon, and Eclipse. Twilight convention here I come. Some day.

  25. He's probably seen Twilight several times from all my repeated viewings. I couldn't give a shit if he likes these movies or not though. But I did make him watch Remember Me. The only comment he made was after the wall-sex scene - "That was hot".

    I watched the Eclipse commentary one more time before I let my friend borrow the DVD last week. I'm already missing Rob. He just cracks my shit up.

    Cardboard New Moon Edward is wearing a Santa Hat. He scared the crap out of me though because I moved him to a new location.

  26. @Kintail - The stores get pretty crazy when a big storm is coming. I always go for the booze first. Priorities and all.

    @Lila - Okay, mud sounds waaaaay messier than snow. You might win. Oh, and if I was your neighbor and caught you shoveling mud into my yard I'd kill ya. P.S. - We've totally shoveled our snow/leaves etc., in our neighbors yards before.

    @Mrs. P - The Hangover was fucking hysterical!!

    @Team Six Pack - I feel your pain. There are definitely times when shoveling two feet of snow is much more preferable than actually going to work.

    I can't believe how many of your S/O's are totally cool with Twilight!! That's awesome.

    ML and I stuck home again today and I may have to kill him. Death by Eclipse. Muhwawawa...

  27. Even though my hubby acts like he's completely put off by the whole thing, he offered to watch Eclipse with me Christmas night. He even quoted the "doesn't he own a shirt" line when Edward drops Bella off with Jacob because he remembered it from the promo commercials. Greatness! He asked some questions but my answers always resulted in an eye roll but that's okay.

    He even bought me the special set of books with the white covers for Christmas. They are gorgeous!!! And when he accidentally spilled something on the pristine, white Twilight cover (in less than 24hrs of me opening them), he promptly ordered another one. He's pretty good like that.

  28. The S/O bought me Eclipse for Christmas, after he rented it for us to watch on dvd. He loved the fight scenes, lord he is going to be SO disappointed in the BD climax killer fight that never happens. He hates Bella and thinks she is a slut, and for some reason thinks she will end up picking Jacob. I don't have the heart to tell him that Jacob ends up wanting to fade to black with Bella's spawn.

  29. Awww good ol ML, gotta love him! :)

    I didn't watch anything Twi-related, but I did play Apples to Apples with my friends! When it was my turn to choose the best fitting answer to the adjective/noun, someone threw in vampires just cause they knew I would pick it. And I did. They all gave me the "OMG" look, but fuck it, I was true to Twitardia!!

  30. We have a lot of rainy days, so if I'm not working, I'm watching ANY movie or reading. If I had a hubby (and I don't have a bf, either), I would TOTALLY get down on the couch while watching TW! I hope to find a man who will roll with it! Is that unrealistic??

    BTW, ML needs to know that if it's 50 degrees and sunny in Western WA, then there will be shirts off outside. NO JOKE! However, they're mostly white guys and you may need sunglasses to stare at them.

  31. We here in the Chicagoland area had a few inches of snow on xmas eve and then lake effect on xmas day. It's supposed to be 45 or 50 degrees on NYE and rain. Talking flooding! I'll take the snow!!!
    I guilted my hubby into taking me to Twilight in the theaters. Then he watched it with me when I got the DVD, sat through it again with me and my mom cuz he nothin better to do and then lost a freakin' bet to me and had to watch again!!!! He unwillingly watched New Moon once when I got the DVD and then I guilted him and my son into watching Eclipse. "I always watch your craptastic movies!! How many times do I have to watch Total Drama World tour with you two???" Worked like a charm! They actually liked Eclipse somewhat.

  32. We weren't snowed in here, fucking funny considering where I live (some of you know where, and that should scare me.)

    We have free HBO for a month. Hub is flipping through the selections, clicks on Twilight, and asks (readyforit)

    "Hey, you saw this, right?"

    Er, yes, a few thousand times. That's what I get for keeping my Twi life a complete secret.

    We watched.I cringed at his questions. He didn't make fun.

    Should I tell him I have all three movies hidden in my closet?

  33. My office was closed on Monday for the holiday. No watching of the movies for me, but I did read fan fiction the entire day. Except for when I was SHOVELING SNOW!!!

    My idiot husband rolled his truck down the driveway and went to work. W.T.F? Um, hello? State of Emergency in Jersey, dude?

    Of course, he calls and says TheRugbyboy & I have to clear the driveway, so he can get back up when he comes home! What a bitch! He signed the divorce papers already. When is he going to move out? If I didn't have to go to work today, I might have left the driveway covered so he couldn't come home yesterday!

    But no. He does not watch the movies. Never has; never will.

  34. The standard comment at our house following a twilight related request is "am I gonna get a hummer after?". You have to hold out on those til it really benefits you!! :)
    I made an executive decision that after 5 years I only had to give my husband hummers on birthdays & Christmas. Seriously. It's like gold at my house. We're coming up on our 15th yr of marriage and the promise of a hummer can get me almost anything. He even offers me cash every once in awhile. Hundred bucks. Sounds hookerish I know, but I'm ok with that. Shit works! :)

  35. Somehow I've turned my 67-year-old alien (Canadian) uncle into a massive Twitard! He's a widower, has a minimum education/reading level, so loves to watch ANY movie, so one Sunday way back in early 2009 I had him over for dinner and showed him my Twilight dvd, and the rest is history! I've actually taken him to the theater to see NM and Eclipse. Apparently he's Team Jacob--"I like that Indian kid" he says. Too funny.

  36. While my girlfriends make fun of my Twilight obsession, my husband (smart man)has watched all three movies two times at theatre and sometimes on DVD including Eclipse premiere in Las Vegas VOLUNTARILY without begging. Once he figured out that our sex life got hotter P.T. (post Twilight), he was ALL over it. He often uses catch phrases, like since I am always cold, he says "come over here, you know I am hotter than Edward" and he IS very warm. He also went with me to Forks a 4hour road trip for us, and while our 17 yr old rolled his eyes most the time, he gladly ran around snapping photos of all the sights from the movie...marriage isn't always a bed of roses, but in this I guess I lucked out...OR it's a master manipulation, either way IT's a WIN WIN for us both!! Work it girls...

  37. Yeah, my hubs aka, the Unicorn, is cool with my Twiobsession and will even fall asleep to Eclipse with me as long as I keep him away from PrettySparklies' damned hubby. One evening of them being together making fun of us and now hubs threatens to burn my books :P

    Before that, giving him lots of sex from being wound up from watching the movies certainly didn't hurt his willingness to watch with me.

  38. I'm sorry..what is this 'snow day' your referring to? I live in Alberta Canada and I can honestly say in all the time I've lived here(34 years) I have NEVER had a snow day where things stopped because of the weather. Growing up I thought that snow days were just something on t.v. Ha..snow days..that's about as mythical to me get the picture ;P
    I've never had a problem with Mr.Ct watching any of the movies. He saw Twilight in the theatre with me 3 times,New Moon 4 times and Eclipse 4 times(twice on opening night). All 3 movies he even stood in line with me to see them opening night. He's even read all of the books(except Bree Tanner) before any of the movies had even been released to find out what the hell I was so obsessed with..and he liked them. He doesn't even have a problem watching the movies on dvd. He's even bought me Twilight presents.
    Yeah,I've got it pretty damn lucky when it comes to my Twilight obsession..I think I'll keep him.
    I'm going to stop now...or start ducking for cover when you guys start throwing things at me..even though I don't think you can reach my Canadian ass to hit ;D

  39. My hubby says the snowflakes are fake.... :( boo on him.


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