Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Very Twitarded Holiday Give-Away

Like this, only more tawdry with a pinch of slut.

Yes, yes, we have seen lots of blogs doing very well-organized give-aways of random Twilighty things to celebrate the holidays. True to form, we are jumping in a little late here. But hey, it's not even January or anything, so we're doing pretty damn good (by our admittedly low standards), if you ask me.

It's come to my attention as I clean up for the impending onslaught of family holiday visits that we have amassed quite a collection of stuff that we intend to give away. Someday. When we get our acts together, find time to put together a contest, come up with a plan for said contest and said prizes, yadda-yadda-yadda. Well you know what? The chances of our getting our collective acts together any time in the near future are slim to none (ok, Latchkey Wife still has a slight chance, but only if she quits the blog and disassociates herself from us completely).

So in that spirit, welcome to the first (and probably last) annual OMFG-Get-This-Shit-Outta-Here/I-Can't-In-Good-Conscience-Entertain-My-Family-Knowing-There-Are-Multiple-Sex-Toy-Gift-Bags-Lurking-Around Twitarded Give-Away. You'll be glad you came!

Back when we were planning for Forks, Jenny Jerkface and I wanted to see if we could get some stuff to give away to people while we were there. Inspired and with a heightened level of entitlement for free swag post-BlogHer, we started sending emails. I'm not going to name names, but some companies didn't pull through, some sent something other than what they'd committed to and we didn't know what to do with it, and then my whole family situation went kaflooey and I had other things on my mind. Except that JJ was persistent in asking the folks at Eden Fantasys for a little sumpthin-sumpthin to share with our readers. And they promised what we ultimately came to call "The Giant Box of Dildos" because we had no idea what they were sending us, only that we had to get our hands on it - and keep the wrong hands from opening it - before we made it to Forks.

Unfortunately, The Giant Box of Dildos arrived at VitaminR70's house when we were already piled into her car and several hours away from her home, where it was almost opened by her two adorable, young children, who could have potentially been scarred for life had they rooted through the contents (that was a close one!). Desperate, we sent out the Twi-Signal and took to Twitter, hoping against hope that we might be able to scare up someone who might be heading to Forks in that direction and willing to transport The Giant Box of Dildos to us. To no avail, sadly. TGBoD never made it to the Twilighty Promised Land. [hangs head]

But the GOOD news is that we have four awesome goodie bags from Eden Fantasys to give away now (lest my nieces and nephews find them at Christmas, and that wouldn't be good for anyone). This is a NICE assortment of goodies--we were thisclose to keeping this stuff for ourselves, but decided to pay it forward... Each Eden Fantasy black canvas tote (reusable and reasonably discreet logo-wise!) comes with a Sin Five "intimate massager," a Kissa glass vibrator, a Tantric Natural Soy Massage Oil Candle, Ultra Lube, and an assortment of samples and stickers.
Naughty or Nice?

So have you been especially nice - or naughty - this year??? Is there maybe something that you would like but were afraid to go and sit on Santa's lap and ask for? We were going to ask everyone who wanted to be in on this contest to email us a story giving us the sordid details of your prior sex-toy mishaps (or epic wins!)--and you can still do that!--but all you have to do to be entered is leave a comment before midnight on Tuesday December 14th, and we will pick four random winners from the comments. Please check back in the comments on Wednesday night for winners (and to provide an email or address if necessary). Unless I have done a body shot off of you in Forks, please be prepared to prove that you are over the age of eighteen (I love this blog, but I'm not going to spend Christmas in jail for contributing to the delinquency of a minor).

Want to leave a comment but don't want to enter the contest? Just start your comment with "No Contest" and we promise not to mail you anything that goes "BUZZZZZZZ!!!"

Here's a little inspiration for all you lucky wanna-be winners...

207 comments:

  1. I threw my dildo away they day I moved in with my s/o....gawd bless him, but What The Fuck Was I Thinking?!?

    xo J

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  2. Agh loverly, some more goodies for my good "shovel buddy" to carry out the house. I'm in, I'm random, so pick me!!!

    X

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  3. Oh, hells yea! Count me in. Always been a stalker, but I guess it took free buzzing things to get me commenting!

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  4. Want to hear something crazy?! I've never had a sex toy. Ever. Been married for almost 20 years, and, well, now that I've read enough fan fic to make my head and libido spin out of control, I think it's time I get something... Wouldn't it be awesome if you guys were to pop my sex toy cherry? ;)

    Love you crazy girls.

    Dana

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  5. Ooh dildos r'us? Awesome!

    I'll even understand if you're not down with postage costs to NZ... I'll come pick up my prize in person, y'know :)

    Love your work, laideees. You rock.

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  6. Me too, please and thank you!:)

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  7. OOOooo...lovely..but I think I'll pass.

    Apparently TGBoD wasn't the only thing the could have scarred VitR's Children. Apparently the chocolate penis mold was also nearly opened in front of them too!

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  9. I've never owned a sex toy. And I've never had sex period. I am one of those "I swear not to have sex until my wedding night" peeps.

    But the naughtiest thing I ever did was downing two body shots at a friends Halloween party this year. The funny thing was, the guy I did the body shots on was dressed up as a male stripper (thong and all!) and I was the Bride Witch from Left 4 Dead 2.

    Oh well, there's a first time for everything, yes?

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  10. A contest where you win sex toys? Consider me entered.

    Me: *bats eyelashes and looks innocent* I don't know hon, I was just randomly selected on this Twilight blog. Well, we may as well get some use out of it since it was free and all.

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  11. Yes, please! I <3 things that go buzz.

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  12. Free sex toys? As if I would miss a chance at that!

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  13. What the hell I'll throw my hat in the ring. Too bad I don't have a funny epic fail moment to share, bc I totally would.

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  14. I'm a total virgin ..and I'd like to try it..does it come with instructions??? I mean, I'm a little nervous and all..But , yeah...count me in..mkaythnksby

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  15. You guys know I'm in, right? I'm so in I may as well BE a dildo.


    So wait, do I email you after this comment is posted? Or do I come back to leave my "Holy shit, Linds. That is FUCKED.UP." story here?

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  16. I SO need a prize that goes BUZZZZZ!

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  17. I'd like a naughty bag! Ho! Ho! Ho!

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  18. Like donkey in Shrek, I'm jumping up and down in the background shrieking: "pick me! pick me!" I mean, OMFG, a goodie bag of smexing accessories? What self love indulging, mad ff consuming Twitard wouldn't want in on this kind of booty? Dude, seriously. If I were brazen enough to sit on Santa Rob's lap, this is what I'd settle for (cause I know The Stew isn't going to let me borrow Rob's real junk!)

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  19. Nobody needs new sex toys more than I do. I tend to wear mine out rather quick.

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  20. Um, yes please! I could use a little naughty in my life right now!

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  21. You're all making me feel pretty h))rish because I have, like, 8 funny dildo stories I could share. Those babies have a mind of their own sometimes! I almost feel like I SHOULDN'T win because all you sex toy virgins out there need to see what you've been missing!
    When I was in college my then-boyfriend and I had been abusing my "Silver Bullet" in the mroning. Sheets got tangled, we moved on to actual flesh and blood penises and, suffice it to say, forgot about the Bullet. My roommate stopped in later and looked horrified midway through a conversation about some mundane roommatey thing like vaccuums or something. After she left we noticed Old Silver hanging out in the middle of the floor. I don't know how we missed it. My poor roommate...

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  22. best twi-christmas contest ever! LOL You guys rock :)

    anna

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  23. Pick me...because as Laxplays' "shovel buddy", I'll eventually have to deal with anything she owns anyway, so I'd like to keep my responsibilites to a minimum. ;D

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  24. my kind of give away ;) shoewhore and I were talking about my need to upgrade in this department lol.

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  25. If you knew how I old I am, and still able to achieve orgasm, you would be shocked. Er, well, maybe you are shock proof. That is, until I show you my picture!

    I would love to poke around with a toy or two.

    How about my contribution to your Twi trip? Or my undying devotion? Still not good enough?

    You started me on the road to Hell. Without Twitarded, I'd never found FF.

    I should probably send you 4 a gift. xxxx

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  26. @AGirlintheSouth OK i *think* i know what "shovel buddy" means but please DO tell! (if it's what i think, everyone should have one - lol)

    : )

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  27. Actually, I just want my "Twitarded Goes to Forks" button that I was supposed to win for the TGTF banner contest. Actually I was supposed to win a free Twilight tour, but I wasn't in Forks, so I just wanted a button. *snort*

    dildos are good too.

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  28. I've only told one person this story.
    The family dog found my sparkle Vamp dildo under my bed and proceeded to use it as a chew toy. I hadn't realized this was happening until I walked into my bedroom and saw little chunks of chewed up rubber leading from said room to where my son and mother in law were watching a movie. I immediately ran in there and started searching for it but could not find it, when I looked at my M-i-L she handed me a balled up shirt and had a disgusted look on her face; my new favorite toy was inside the shirt and mangled beyond recognition. I found out later that my son was the one to find the dog with it and asked my M-i-L what it was, she just told him it was for the dogs. Needless to say I shunned Fido for the rest of the day...

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  29. Pretty please with Ultra Lube on top?

    XO

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  30. in keeping with the spirit of the holiday.....put me on that naughty list and gimme some buzzin' lurve!!!!! MOTU II still has alot of chappies to go and imma need something new get me through them, i just know it!!! Whoop Whoop!!!

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  31. No contest for me. *sigh* My mom is staying with us for a few months and she is SO nosy. She's in her 60's, divorced, and (by choice) hasn't had sex in about 14 years. She's here alone during the day and she just might have a heart attack if she opened a goodie bag like this. Lucky for me I know where the local adult toy store is and so does my hubby!

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  32. My toy drawer runneth over.....but FUCK YEAH I want some more...lay it on me.

    OMH --Mr. Z will just lose his shit if I win this....

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  33. Back when my son was about 4 or 5 (he's almost 17 now), I got careless with one of my pocket rockets and instead of putting it away in it's proper place, I guess I kinda slipped it between the couch cushions after a rather randy evening and forgot about it. Well, guess who found it the next day? He comes into the room with it in his little hand and says "what's this, Mommy? I coulda fucking died. I think I kinda stammered "oh nothing" and changed the subject. Thank God no one else was there at the time!

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  34. Ooo yes plz!
    The prop box I had was tossed before moving in with the now husband, almost 4 years ago. Not sure why I was so embarrassed. However, we are creating new "inventory" together. FanFic has also inspired me to be bold and a bit forward. Santa is leaving a love swing under the tree. So this goodie bag would make a fanfuckingtastic stocking/poon stuffer.

    My poor shovel buddy will be pissing on my grave after the shit she has to sort out. CheeeezeUs.

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  35. No contest for me, I don't really need it since I live in Hong Kong where there's practically a whole district for sex toys and other kinkyfuckery you probably never heard of (hentai tentacle anyone). And speaking of dildos, I still say that Mrs. P's pen looks like an odd shaped dildo with weird design.

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  36. I wonder if my husband would FINALLY appreciate my love for Twitarded if I won a bag o' vibrating goodies!? He might reap the benefits but he will NEVER read this blog. Sad, cuz you ladies are the bees-knees, motherfuckin', shiznit!
    :)Jen

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  37. Oh, pick me, pick me!!! My hubs is deployed and I am left with only toys to keep me company:( I promise they woulde be put to good use!

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  38. oh pick me pick me!
    when i first moved out of my parents house, i left a bunch of my belongings in my old room figuring they would be fine until i managed to move them out. well, my mom ended up going through my stuff aka "organizing things" and found my super innocent little dolphin bullet buzzy guy. i'm pretty sure she was more mortified than i was. good times.

    happy christmahanakwanzika!

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  39. When I was in elementary school, I was looking for clear nail polish in my mom's room. Instead I found a crusty dildo, lube and vibrator. Traumatized.

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  40. Ooooh pick me, pick me! I've got no idea what that weird thing that looks like a fig leaf is.. do you cover your modesty with it while it does unmentionable things on the other side? hope so. Kate (btw - must in all honesty mention like the NZ person above, that I'm in Australia. Just to plead my case though, we non-Americans miss out on Foooorks, can't go movie set-stalking (even if we wanted to) and everything opens/is released later here... so we miss out on a lot of twilighty goodness. Just sayin..) Kate

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  41. @Uber Vamp---my pen is highly insulted and has spent absolutely no time in my vagina. My pen has served me well and now it has entered me in a contest. It's a winning pen. I know it.

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  42. what a great gift idea! never tried toys before so...there's always a first time!

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  43. Kate - we should definitely talk! We could discuss our lack of merchandise, lack of set-stalking abilities, etc...

    Are you on twitter? I'm @I_heart_Fifty; or email iheartfifty@gmail.com.

    :)

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  44. Ok h00rs, I'm in. I'm also a little disappointed that I missed out on the body shots with @snarkierthanyou. :(

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  45. I'm in!!!! Goody bags are awesome...even better when it's a guaranteed good time inside!!!!

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  46. ROFL! It's fun reading some of these comments.
    Well, I highly doubt you'll pick me because I live in Serbia, and you'd have to write what's inside the package. I can just see it, the word "vibrator" on the envelope.

    Anyhow, thus far, my favourite toy is a Durex vibrating ring. Man, it's really REALLY good. I highly recommend it to everyone

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  47. This happened to a friend of mine (I swear it was a friend, and not me!)....her young son came out of her bedroom with her small pink vibrator pressed to his voicebox saying, "I am a robot"......I about peed myself listening to that story....and made sure to hide my very same little accessory a little deeper in my drawer to avoid the same mortification.

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  48. Does the inspirational picture come with the goodie bag?

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  49. Dear Santa aka STY,
    This year I have been a good(ish) girl, with a VERY naughty mind. I don't own any toys (I know, ridiculous) and methinks I am in desperate need of this type of goodie bag!
    Smitten xo

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  50. I haven't commented in forever. Leave it to me to start commenting again for a pervy giveaway.

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  51. Ooo Ooo Ooo!! Pick me! I don't have the balls to enter a sex toy store so this would be purrfect if I could win it : ) Happy Holidays Twitardia!

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  52. LMAO epic giveaway! And the pic is all kinds of win!
    mytwilife@gmail.com

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  53. Heeeeey is this one of those contests that you can't enter if you work for the company? If not, I want in. LOL! Or maybe I'll enter under a secret name...

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  54. Erm, can I come too? *snigger*

    Never had a toy before.... but after reading so much fanfic I'm now seriously intrigued (and needy!).

    I'll even help with the shipping costs ;-)

    CC x

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  55. Oh, love this! Can't wait to go back and read through the sordid stories in the comments.

    Here's one for ya! I kid you not, this September, I kind of, um... sleptwithmylandlord. Ahem. But basically, things were getting... fun, and I tried to suavely reach into the top drawer of my nightstand for a condom (safe sex, y'all!). I was rooting around in there and lo and behold, a loud, unmistakable buzzing begins to emanate from the drawer!

    He actually found it pretty hilarious, and we moved on to the sexytimes, but holy crap, I laughed so hard. Oh don't worry, that's just my gigantic purple Rabbit vibrator!

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  56. I have never owned a toy sadly :( I have been into quite a few shops and browsed. but never bought anything lol. I am always thinking the cashier at the front will be thinking Oo why does she want that. or what is she planning on doing. Especially this one store had this big,tattooed,cut off sleeves guy at the front. he looked like at any moment he would go on a killing spree. or that he had spend many many years in jail. probably both. But I have always wanted some fun and even my husband has been talking about ordering some fun stuff online. but he hasn't come through on that.

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  57. I can't believe you aren't making us share this contest for an entry ;)
    BuZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

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  58. Woo hoo! Fun stuff!
    Merry Christmas Ladies!
    Love ya all!
    xoxo

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  59. I can't remember the last time I asked for something for Christmas. This year that changes, because I want that bag of goodies. Happy Christmas, Twitardia!

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  60. Of course I'm gonna try to win one of these awesome bags!!! After all a girl can have too many sex toys right???

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  61. Holy vibrators! I'm in for this!

    PS my word verification is reefor. :)

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  62. So I love me some items that go buzz. Here is a little story that is well know with some of my friends and work buddies. A few years back my husband hurt his back and after taking massive amounts of pain pills and heating his back he decided he needed something more. He thought a little massage would help. So he goes into the toy area in our headboard and grabs the first vibe he can get his hands on. He ends up with my favorite vibe and turns it on full blast and lays on it. All night long! In his mind this was gonna work but all it did was burn out my favorite vibe, it did not help his freakin back! I had no idea he did this and wanted to kill him because lets face it ladies, some of these vibes are pricey. So every once in a while this story comes up at work and the girls have a nice laugh on my husband who thought a vibe would help his back. So needless to say i could use a package that goes buzz!

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  63. this is my first comment on twitarded, but i love love love you guys, er um girls. :) please please randomly pick me bc i would loove to see my husband's face when he opened the box bwahaha

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  64. Ooh, this is my kind of contest!!! The hubs is out of town Mon - Thurs every week, so you know this goodie bag would get some use around my house. I would love a little buzzy Christmas present.

    Merry Christmas Santah00rs!
    Jen

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  65. Awesome contest ladies :) Happy Holidays!!!

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  66. @Cat - d'oh!! I will mail you a button - SEVERAL buttons! sorry - i totally spaced on that one...

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  67. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  68. When I clicked to comment there were 69 comments, that's a sign right? The bubs has always wanted me to get a toy so he could watch (I love my perv) but I've never had one. Now maybe his dreams can come true. I'm just in it for the assorment of stickers. LOL

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  69. and @firestarter - O.M.GGGGG.

    wow, things must have been chilly around the dinner table THAT night! yikes... (ok and thanks for totally cracking me up - i needed that!)

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  70. Hoe Hoe Hoe! Count me in! I need a stocking stuffer for my sisters stocking at our family Christmas party!

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  71. So So need this..Been with out a toy for WAY too long..Do we get that last picture too..? If not that's alright I do have an eye candy folder I can add that too ;)

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  72. MyHeartGoesPitterPattinsonDecember 13, 2010 at 11:11 AM

    This is a nice Monday morning surprise after a commute that left me screaming that just b/c it snowed 2" on Saturday, it did not mean we had to drive 30mph on the highways today. Yes, there's snow on the sides of the roads, it's not the devil's piss frozen over, you don't have to be frightened of it anymore, it can't hurt you.

    I once threw away a neon green dildo that I received on my 21st birthday b/c it came in packaging that could be opened and re-sealed and you wouldn't know the difference. If ever there needed to be "Fresh if seal is not broken" packaging on an item, it would be a dildo. I guess it's the thought that counts.

    My verification word is surpreg. Edward's sperm is considered surpreg. Sure to impregnate.

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  73. COME THE FUCK ON!!!

    You h00rs HAD to know I would be all up in this buzzness.

    And just so you know, you could ship an entire box of dildos to my house, and if Little Cougar opened it by accident, her face would light up and I can hear her now, fist pumping and saying "SCORE!" Son Cougar would get totally red faced, but I know that little shit would slip one in his coat pocket for his girlf. And Baby Cougar...oh GAWD, I can hear it now.

    ***Phone call to my office***

    Baby(nonchalantly): "Mom...you got a box of buzzing penises in the mail."

    Me: "Yeah, just stick 'em in my closet."

    Baby: "Ok, but can I have that yellow one for the knot in my neck?"

    Me: "Knock yerself out, kid."

    I have totally fucked my kids up, I know.

    MC

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  74. I want in on this. I was going to comment that I'm probably the only twitard that doesn't own anything that goes buzz... But apparently that is not the case. I don't know whether I should be proud or disappointed...

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  75. Only on this blog...LOL! I think that's why I love you so much!

    Good idea ladies!

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  76. I had a BOB, but my husband decided to try an experiment with it.

    PLEASE TO BE SENDING ME A NEW ONE!

    Thanks,
    Needs to get off!

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  77. Oh, I am so in! I'm always looking for a new fun toy to surprise the hubby with!
    Love you twat-waffles hard!

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  78. Free sex toys you say??! Um...yes please ;)

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  79. I'm in! and I'm so not sharing any toy story's gone awry!! :)

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  80. I had pithy comments for almost all of the previous commentors, but you had me at The Giant box of Dildos.

    If I win nothing else in life, please let it be this...


    Also, my word verification says "rad" it's a sign.

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  81. I am in it to win it baby!!! bring it on!!

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  82. I'm totally in. I'm a poor broke student and my good vibe went and died a month ago. Plus the hubby might not roll his eyes every time he sees me reading this blog if he reaps some benefits from it.

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  83. UT infection from a sake bottle 2 years ago. Entering this contest for my health.

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  84. Me- "guess what dh? I just won a BOD's from Twitarded"

    DH- "God Bless Us EVERYONE!"

    What a great Monday treat!

    Dot :)

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  85. Ooooh Ooooh Oh Yes, ME ME ME, yes yes yes!(sorry, got distracted looking at the christmas yummy Rob)

    Worst experience with a toy. Was meeting the boyfriend's parents(whose father happened to be a pastor of a church). I brought my vibrator(because stupid boyfriend asked me to. We had my bags in the backseat with us and my vibrator started going off(to this day, I don't know why, except maybe God was punishing me), it started buzzing and bf's father started freaking out that somehting was wrong with the car. He pulls over and starts trying to find the source of the buzzing, while I am trying desperately to find it in my bag and turn it off. He narrows his search down to my bag and I try to convince him it is my toothbrush. The drive continues and when we get to the house, he asks to see my toothbrush because he "needs one of those electrical toothbrushes and mine sounds like it is really strong". We spent the rest of the night trying to distract his father from asking about my toothbrush again.

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  86. You know how when you are the Mom, and you never really get what you want for Christmas unless you pick it out yourself. Well, this is something I would pick out but can not put under the tree. My teenagers would die right there and that is not what I want in their obit - died of mortification by mother on Christmas. So, I will give you my work address!

    Pick Me - Shopper LM

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  87. Oh please, pick me! I came out of lurkdom to throw my hat in the ring (he he he).

    Got no funny awkward story cause I got not toy, nor a toy boy, nor a SO, nor hubs. Involuntary celibacy = no fun. I've been a good h00r, giving so many toys to friends I have none left for me!

    Giant box of dildos ftmfw!

    Unequivocally, the top of my Christmas wish list.

    Btw, my word was whisla. Yeah, I'm a whistler for sure. It must be fate! ;-D

    Who do I need to suck, bribe, or do body shots with to win?

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  88. Um, gee, let me think about this for a minute.

    I'm in, I'm in, I'm in!

    I would totally share a story but I'm posting from work. My luck, this will be the time someone checks my recent online activity and I find myself in the bread line.

    I'll just say that I'm single. Very single. And it's been a long time. Like, a reeeeeeeeeeally long time. If I can't have RPattz under my tree, this would definitely be the next best thing :)

    So come on universe, throw me a boner... erm, a bone!!

    w/v: pophop I'll be pophop-ing all over the place if I win one of these goodie bags!

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  89. I'd love to enter your lovely contest. Count me in!

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  90. Seriously!! Best contest EVER!!!! Love Love Love you guys..Keep up the amazing work!!

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  91. I have had several really good bullets. However, they don't last long because I over use them. They're all I've got. I do have a "life-saver" vibe in my car for use in traffic, but that's really all I have. It's very disappointing. I'd love to be able to win this contest! I'm glad I happened to stumble upon your blog this morning!

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  92. That is a hilarious gift idea! Its the gift that keeps on giving.

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  93. Oh hell yes, put me on the naughty list!

    Last night I went to use the dvd remote and was pissed there were not batteries in it. I yelled "Who the F*** took the batteries?" My s/o said it was him. I yell more. "WTF did you do that for?" He just stared at me and then looked at our son. "What?" I stupidly questioned. He gave me the look, "Last night?", he said. Me: "Oh. Uhm, Ok." Nice.

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  94. um, i'd like to be put on that naughty list! Puh-lease?!

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  95. Pick me pick me! My rabbit just gave up. I'll pay the extra postage!

    Hmm, I don't think I can top Firestarter's dog-chewing-the-sparkle-peen story, but my recently-expired rabbit did shock me before it gave up. I guess it short circuited or something. At least it only shocked my hand...*shudder*

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  96. @danni a vibe in the car? For traffic??? I have never masturbated in a traffic jam. I tried once on the highway because I had a friend mention it's a good way to kill time on long road trips, but it did nothing for me...

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  97. My boyfriend has been telling me as long as we've been together that he's going to get me a card and a dildo for Christmas, bday, etc. If I don't like the card I can go fuck myself. He's never come through on that though...

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  98. All I have to say is that kids discovering mommy's stash makes for comedy gold!

    rsbryswrrl at gmail dot com

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  99. Oooooh toys!!! Do they come w/Rob too? That would be the best Christmas ever! Of course, then again if Rob was in the box-I'm pretty sure I wouldn't need the toys. Maybe for him? :)

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  100. *Raises hands* Pick me! Love the Rob picture. Hot!

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  101. My nineteenth birthday is on Christmas, I would like to send off the last of my teenage years with a buzz!

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  102. I need my own toys under the tree this year!

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  103. It's like a Christmas miracle! Count me in! (I've never commented before now either...just takes the proper motivation I guess)

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  104. I so want in on this!!! Does anything sparkle? If not, oh well, still sounds like fun!

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  105. still looking for my vampDecember 13, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    I am so in on this one....

    Nothing says lovin' like the sound of buzzin'!

    You girls rock!

    ReplyDelete
  106. I had this expensive one that felt like real skin. My bedroom in my old house got so hot during the day that the damn thing started to melt. WTF! I've been too poor to replace it, so yes please, send me some goodies!
    Luv you girls!

    ReplyDelete
  107. I broke my hubby's penis in a bought of middle-of-the-night-wake-up-in-the-middle sex last month so he cut me off until he's feeling better. Of course, that would be the month I'm hornier than a mountain goat so I turned to my trusty vibe. Damn if I didn't break that too. Please ladies! I could USE this bag!

    Don't leave a fellow twi-wife hangin'!

    ReplyDelete
  108. This is a great (and hilarious) give-away. You ladies are awesome!

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  109. I'd never walk away form a free giveaway for things that go "bzzzz!" Count me in, please?

    ReplyDelete
  110. yes please! i've never had a sex toy. have pity on me :) i've always felt that if you brought a dildo as a present to any yankee swap (like a work or family christmas party) it would be the most wanted present there. looking at all these posts, i guess i was right!

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  111. oh, hell yeas. I need a buzz in the very worse way. J/s. So, (sounding like a whiny Sally Fields) Pick me! Pick me!
    Your best fan & pal,
    @SunnySnark

    ReplyDelete
  112. Ha! You ladies are great! Nice give away. Gotta say, I would love to win this. I'll share a story but it doesn't involve any toys...

    So my mom got me into the Twilight books, she didn't know what she was getting into and she is my Twilight Partner in crime. So when the Edward cut outs came out she HAD to get me one, as kind of a "hey it's for a laugh, kind of, sort of, no really." So there Edward was chillen in my bedroom just creepin in the corner, no harm, no foul.

    Until... one summer night when I was out at a party and had someone accompany me home. Three sheets to the wind and I forgot about the creepy vampire cut out lurking in the corner of my bedroom. I go to the bathroom to freshen up and return to my, uh.. friend and start taking my jewelry off. My friend walks up behind me, and whispers in my ear, "I turned your friend around so he couldn't see us."

    Yup. I was so busted. Embarrassed and unsure of how to respond. Thankfully my friend just ignored and we had a great night. Edward, unfortunately did not have front seats to the show.

    He is now joined by Jasper and Emmett in my closet. That is my story...

    ReplyDelete
  113. there seem to be a lot of people hoping for the best xmas gift ever... *grins*

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  114. Dammit! 121 comments already. WHORES!!

    Count me in please! Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  115. 3rd times a charm for leaving a comment here. Sigh. I must say though this would be well worth the effort put in. JS. This will be my Twitarded virginity that I am leaving here in the comment box. All in hopes of that slutty goody bag. :) Cheers.

    99neeuqpmats@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  116. The fact that I have shared my stash with the Twitarded Community here --- >

    TWITARDED: Twitarded Little Secrets: Where Do You Hide Yours?

    http://twitarded.blogspot.com/2010/02/twitarded-little-secrets-where-do-you.html

    And that said BOBs have since met their demise because of burned out motors caused by overuse. oops.

    And that I obviously need something because I am so hard up that I have actually worn my poor babies out. This is why I desparetly need something.

    Like a fat kid loves cake.
    Like Tom Hanks loves World War II
    Like a Twitard loves to diddle her skittle.

    I need to have a new theraputic back massager. Preferebly, one that is shaped like a cock.

    I thank you for your consideration.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Bzzzzz. posted earlier. but I was looking at edenfantasys.com and i have a wish list worth over $500....and i could still add to it.that bad isn't it? lol

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  118. i love your website so much. im always viewing it but hardly comment. that changes today

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  119. LOVE this giveaway!!!! I'd really like to win this!!! Pick me, Pick me :)

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  120. Oh please...I can really use something like this about now! My baby ferret is dying of heart disease (about a month left), I just had a huge kidney stone removed and my company is being sold (with my job going to India). Merry Fucking Christmas! I so need to relax!

    ReplyDelete
  121. Best give-away ever! Count me in!

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  122. Oh Oh Oh I want stuff that goes Buzz Buzz Buzz!!!!!! You gals rock!!!!!!

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  123. I'm in...reminds me of the time my sister asked (in front of my parents) why a personal massager came in a 7inch and a 10inch.

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  124. oooh Pick Me!! can always use new buzzing toys to go with my Twilight....

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  125. @STY - don't sweat it baby! I just had to give you all a little poke in the butt about it ;)

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  126. all these h00rs cuming *ahem* out of the woodworks for some buzzy goodness....u all should be ashamed. with that being said....

    COUNT ME IN!!!! hahaha

    My funny little story is not really funny...but a tragedy rather! lol NO, a boyfriend (no ex) and myself used to use my vibrator quite a bit...so much i just started leaving it at his house because..really...who wants to tote a vibrator around in their purse all the time? welll...now that i think about it..thats not a bad idea! hahaha Anywhooo...he apparently got the vibrator in the break-up because he wouldnt ever give it back. *UHHHHH EWWWWWW* i think i was more upset about losing the vibrator than losing the boyfriend!! haha BUT I NEED A NEW ONE!!!!!!!! :))) love yall!!!

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  127. I LOOOVE PENIS!

    (I just wanted my comment to relate to how much I want to win this contest.)

    ReplyDelete
  128. Oh,please!There is nothing worse than TWI fanfiction and no s/o to play with.

    ReplyDelete
  129. My vibrator is in the process of breaking... reading too much fanfic: MoTU specifically... Didn't even have a toy until that little gem came into my life... ahh memories!

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  130. Have yourself a buzzy little Christmas...

    This contest is a total WIN!

    My first BOB got left at my ex's house...glad I'm not the only one.

    My second only made it through two uses. That's okay, it wasn't all that great anyway.

    I am in desperate need of new tools, and winning some would go over better than buying them...loved the innocent 'batting eyelashes' comment above!

    BTW - does anyone else hear the song 'Raise Your Glass' and immediately think of Twitarded? Just saying...we're wrong in all the right ways!

    ReplyDelete
  131. Looove the giveaway! I so want to win this! So my epic fail - stayed at my mom's for 2 months while house hunting. Moved and left one of my "friends" in the nightstand in the guest room. So a couple months later when my mom wanted to turn it into a craft room, she asked me to come over and help her clean it out. Needless to say, when I got to her house, she came out of her guest room with freakin' rubber DISHWASHING GLOVES on carrying my vibrator and says "so... do you want this back or should I just throw it away?" I. died.
    Please never stop this blog, I love it and it is totally the highlight of my day! And sorry it took free sex toys to get me to write :)

    ReplyDelete
  132. PICK ME!!!!!! I own several lovely toys and have a great shovel buddy that is already horrified at the collection. The recession has hit my toy buying pretty hard. (Poor, poor me) I sadly do not have any embarrassing or crazy toy story to share, so I will share hoe I was first exposed.... I live in the south and us southerners love to have parties to sale anything- bags, jewelry, tupperware, cards, childrens clothes, etc, etc, etc. In my freshman year in college, I was invited to a "fun party" Sounded fun to me and being the good southerner that I am, I went. I was a shy thing back then and was HORRIFIED to find out that this was a sex toy party!!!! I spent the entire night red faced.... but I left with a bag full of goodies and it has gone down hill for the last 15 years. FF has helped this along as well!

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  133. Okay so here goes *cringe*...I love my husband and we are super open, but my worst story was actually about my husband catching me masturbating. I have no shame most of the time, in fact frequently at family dinners in my household there is talk of sex and kinkyfuckery. For whatever reason this just embarrassed the shit out of me.

    One day I got off work early and came home and was reading some kick ass fanfic (I'm lookin at you MOTU), and proceeded to get all hot and bothered. I decided to take care of my self thinking my husband wouldn't be home for a while. Low and behold mid fucking stroke with my loudest vibrator, I hear our front door open. I rush to hide said vibrator and husband comes through the bedroom door moments later to my flushed splotchy almost o face and our toy drawer open. He had lunch in his hands for the both of us. He was having a bad day, so with out missing a beat he says, "You couldn't even fucking wait for me?!" and throws my fav sandwich from a local place on the bed and stomps out. I think I was more upset I hurt his male pride, I made up for it later but still even now I cringe thinking about it.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Oh, hell yeah, I'm in. And I thought you had to be single to use those things. I only recently learned otherwise and now I know what I've been missing. Sign me up!

    ReplyDelete
  135. Loooove the Santa pic, by the way.

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  136. NO CONTEST! Holy shit 144 comments! Where have I been? I would just like to add here that I thought I sent you 5 gifts bags of dildos....I think someone made off with one. It was hard to part with that box o' dildos after all the anticipation of its arrival and the middle of the night sneaking it out into my car so that the Secret Service didn't find it in my house...ahem. Though admittedly a small party of me wanted to leave it there to see if they would have been able to keep a straight face around me. Heh-heh. I can't wait to see who wins!!!!!

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  137. I love things that go buzzzzzzzz!
    My favorite kind of mail offerings!

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  138. Oooh! Stocking stuff-hers. I want in.

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  139. Hubby has a job where he is gone for 3 months at a time. Reading lots of fanfic to pass the time. So, do I need to say anymore?

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  140. if I won you would have to remove all batteries before postage! I can just imagine Aus Post going in to meltdown thinking it was a bomb threat

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  141. Wow great contest. I have a little story for you.
    I went to a sex toy party and I bought this little tounge that fits on your fingertip and vibrates I cant remember what it was called. It was really cheap - that should have been a warning. Anyway I was testing it out, it wasnt even on for a minute and it burnt me. It left me out of action for a couple of days.
    I think I need something a bit 'safer'.

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  142. Oh, dear god... I could sooo appreciate this since Eclipse came out on DVD!!! LEEEEEEG HIIIIITCH!!!!!!!!!

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  143. :-) you ladies are so fun!
    I really wish I had been on that Forks trip.
    XOXO

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  144. I'm so in for this contest...

    So this is gonna be TMI in a big way - but you're big girls, you can handle it. I have quite the assortment of toys at home, actually. If I'm to mentally go through our toy box (can't go check cause I'm at work now) I'd say we have 2 dildos (one huge thing and one double penetrating one), two vibrating dildos (one rabbit and one plain metal), two g-spot vibrators, one remote controlled egg, and one set of silicone balls on a thread (don't know what they're called in english). I probably forgot some...

    I might need to add that my christmas gift to hubby this year is a MotU-box ('cause he's into that fic as well...) consisting of one grey-striped tie, one paddle, and one suede flogger. No need to buy ropes. We already have that.

    So yeah. If you're giving out sex-toys, I'm in! I might not need more, but what the hell - I have to buy a bigger toy box anyway, might as well get something more to fill it with!

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  145. As someone who only just THIS YEAR discovered the joys of the Big O, at the tender age of older-than-you...I have been sloooowwwly building up my smexy appliance arsenal :) I just consider it my "hobby" these days. Everyone needs a hobby. Yeah...having more sexy toys to "try out" would be a nice way to spend my day, ummm..."learning about myself". Not that Fan Fiction has had anything to do with it or anything...;p

    ReplyDelete
  146. OOOOHHHHHH!!! Me me me!!!!!
    I would love some new stuff to play with. Husband deployed, help.

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  147. I like naughty buzzy things.

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  148. Bwah ha ha, all the giveaways I've entered have been for homemade crafty stuff finally one my husband wouldn't mind if I drug it home...and if I do win contact info is mmcgowan at zoomtown dot com

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  149. My toy is so awesome the batteries fall out everytime. All 6 of them. My hubby says I should duct tape it closed.

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  150. I want in!!
    I read this wonderful blog a lot but have never posted, someone today said I am a lurker?!
    No one needs a sex toy goodie bag like I do...My husband travels for work and has been gone the past 3 weeks. While he's been gone it's been very slow in the action department (even self action b/c my toys have all broken) and I think he knows this because I jump on him every time he returns. I've been meaning to purchase some "items" and then I found this! It has gotten so bad that when my husband returned recently and found my electric tooth brush in our bedroom he asked me if I had tried it out?! No comment!

    Bethy BlowFish

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  151. Well, this is definitely a give-away I want "in" on! I can definitely use some new toys: being single with no one to "scratch that itch" (which reading fanfic obsessively doesn't help!) and my horrible track record with my toy purchases lately. I tried buy a new one from Amazon which I've had to return 3 times since it did not work! I purchased a couple of others and they are just NOT doin' it for me, so I decided to give up for a while and be content with my Magic Wand...

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  152. i really expect nothing less than a box of dildos from twitarded. Could you imagine if the box had been whipped out at the wedding upstairs in Forks? HA! oh man, Twitarded: spreading holiday cheer one vagina at a time.

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  153. Best Christmas giveaway ever! I would love a nice quiet new toy or two. Especially after my large "massager" that plugs in came on some how when I wasn't home and my mom had to heard it and had to turn it off!

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  154. TGBoD!! LMFAO that is the best acronym ever! Merry Christmas Twitarded!

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  155. I am guilty of lurking, but I don't miss. Mainly I don't post because I can never remember my effing Google Name and password. I just wanna talk to the chick with the Sparkly Vampire B.O.B.
    Oh, and hubby feels if he has to use a toy to get me off, he's not doing his job. I am THE BEST FAKER EVER! My boy, Pinky, and I just hit the showers when he's not home. God forbid DH should be getting those testosterone shots for nothing! I'm in.

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  156. Newbie here. First time commenting.

    I was getting out of the bath when I heard a familiar buzzing sound coming from my room. I burst in the room and see my boys (4 & 5) "racing" my vibe against one of their toys. After my vibe won the race, they asked what the vibe was for.

    That's for helping mommy get to sleep.

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  157. Ladies, ladies, ladies! You definitely know how to get rid of the Bah humbugs! I am in *desperate* need of some new smexy toys, so do a girl a favor and send some holiday cheer my way ;)

    Anyone ever accidentally brought a vibe on an airplane, in your purse, AFTER 9/11???!!!! *i did* Totally forgot it was in there with all the holy-fuckballs-I'm-gonna-miss-the-plane rushing around... airport security never mentioned it so that was a load of embarrassment I didn't have to deal with lmao


    w/v indogi
    If I were regularly indogi position, I wouldn't need new toys, alas I am not...

    ReplyDelete
  158. I was just dumped via text message, and could use something to cheer me up. Please and thank you! :)

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  159. I have been extra naughty girls lol and these are just the kind of gifts a girl wants. Love you guys and keep up the awesome blog. I almost pee my pants daily when i read the blog. FANTASTIC!!!!

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  160. And I thought I'd missed out on all the fun by not making it to Forks! LOL

    My word verification is "nicating" Doesn't that sound like something that goes with this giveaway? lol

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  161. I'm going to assume the whole reason I didn't make it to Forks is because I was meant to win this contest which wouldn't have happened if the bitches who DID make it there had received the bounty. Pleeeeaaaase enter me in the contest and I'll try not to moan too loud if I win;)

    ReplyDelete
  162. I'm in!!

    Okay I'm late to the train, I hope I make it. Pardon the typos as I whip this out...

    Awkward moment 1: Mom was helping me move and all of the sudden she found a vibrating cock ring under my bed... "what is this?!!" All I could do was laugh and tell her the truth!!

    Awkward moment 2: Mom helping me unpack from said move, and she was going through my box of books. I have NUMEROUS BDSM How-To's, Fiction, Anecdote-type books. I heard her open the box, then she was silent for 5 minutes. I was just waiting in the living room waiting for her to say something, she didn't, bless her heart, but I think she knows a little more about our "lifestyle" and about the "pretty necklace I wear around my neck!

    Awkward moment 3: I had a riding crop between my mattress and box spring. I gave the bed away and forgot it was there. As this demure father/son combo comes over to pick up the bed, they lift the mattress and see the crop! I was mortified! Needless to say, they were just as embarrassed as I was!! EEEEKK!!

    Well, there are a few stories, I have a ton more with non-vanilla related humor/embarrassment!

    Oh yeah, and the hubs is on deployments for 6-7 months at a time, I freakin wear out those motherfuckers like you wouldn't believe! lol!!

    Love you h00rs, hope I win!! :D

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  163. Help! I need sex toys to have mishaps with, please. Merry Holidays and Praise Rob! (Sorry so anonymous-I can never login to this thing), AprylRansom

    ReplyDelete
  164. @Charla - 11:59 FTMFW lol!!

    love you bb!

    : )

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  165. I know it's after midnight, but I had to post.

    When I was a kid my grandmother pulled a muscle in her upper inner thigh (there's probably a real name for this part, I just don't know it) and had to go to physical therapy. As part of her rehab she was given a vibrating massager to use on her leg. Well, I guess it worked because she couldn't stop talking about her 'vibrator' to all of us! She didn't seem to understand why were laughing when she would talk about it...

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  166. @Charla - I'm in love with you right now! Be sure to bring those books if you ever come visit me in Sweden... LOL

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  167. Hope I'm not to late!!!!

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  168. Free fun stuff! ooooooh I am so in, you guys didn't pick a winner yet? I hope not,

    Seeing as I am new to the idea of toys I don't really have a funny story about them, yet anyways.......


    My favorite story is not told too often but it is pretty interesting if i say so myself.

    My bf at the time (my husband now)
    were traveling back home after a night out I was feeling a little frisky and climbed up to give him a little lovin' while he was driving down the freeway. Always brings a smile to my face. I'm just damn glad we didn't get caught!

    ReplyDelete
  169. The winners of the Eden Fantasys goodie-bags -

    1. Dot
    2. mostly a lurker
    3. leidyinca
    4. theRugbymom

    Congratulations! Please email me your address (to SnarkierThanYou@gmail.com) in the next 48 hours so I can get this stuff outta my house! Dot and leidyinca, do something to prove to me that you are not a minor, m'kay? mostly a lurker, we're good. I have my methods.

    ReplyDelete
  170. Dot! Where are you, Dot??? Going to have to pick another name shortly... You're cute but the idea was to get this stuff out of my house - lol...

    Sorry if you miss out...

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  171. I want in!!
    I read this wonderful blog a lot but have never posted, someone today said I am a lurker?!
    No one needs a sex toy goodie bag like I do...My husband travels for work and has been gone the past 3 weeks. While he's been gone it's been very slow in the action department (even self action b/c my toys have all broken) and I think he knows this because I jump on him every time he returns. I've been meaning to purchase some "items" and then I found this! It has gotten so bad that when my husband returned recently and found my electric tooth brush in our bedroom he asked me if I had tried it out?! No comment!

    Bethy BlowFish

    ReplyDelete
  172. Well, this is definitely a give-away I want "in" on! I can definitely use some new toys: being single with no one to "scratch that itch" (which reading fanfic obsessively doesn't help!) and my horrible track record with my toy purchases lately. I tried buy a new one from Amazon which I've had to return 3 times since it did not work! I purchased a couple of others and they are just NOT doin' it for me, so I decided to give up for a while and be content with my Magic Wand...

    ReplyDelete
  173. Loooove the Santa pic, by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  174. I so want in on this!!! Does anything sparkle? If not, oh well, still sounds like fun!

    ReplyDelete
  175. PICK ME!!!!!! I own several lovely toys and have a great shovel buddy that is already horrified at the collection. The recession has hit my toy buying pretty hard. (Poor, poor me) I sadly do not have any embarrassing or crazy toy story to share, so I will share hoe I was first exposed.... I live in the south and us southerners love to have parties to sale anything- bags, jewelry, tupperware, cards, childrens clothes, etc, etc, etc. In my freshman year in college, I was invited to a "fun party" Sounded fun to me and being the good southerner that I am, I went. I was a shy thing back then and was HORRIFIED to find out that this was a sex toy party!!!! I spent the entire night red faced.... but I left with a bag full of goodies and it has gone down hill for the last 15 years. FF has helped this along as well!

    ReplyDelete
  176. *Raises hands* Pick me! Love the Rob picture. Hot!

    ReplyDelete
  177. Oooooh toys!!! Do they come w/Rob too? That would be the best Christmas ever! Of course, then again if Rob was in the box-I'm pretty sure I wouldn't need the toys. Maybe for him? :)

    ReplyDelete
  178. My boyfriend has been telling me as long as we've been together that he's going to get me a card and a dildo for Christmas, bday, etc. If I don't like the card I can go fuck myself. He's never come through on that though...

    ReplyDelete
  179. @danni a vibe in the car? For traffic??? I have never masturbated in a traffic jam. I tried once on the highway because I had a friend mention it's a good way to kill time on long road trips, but it did nothing for me...

    ReplyDelete
  180. um, i'd like to be put on that naughty list! Puh-lease?!

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  181. That is a hilarious gift idea! Its the gift that keeps on giving.

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  182. Seriously!! Best contest EVER!!!! Love Love Love you guys..Keep up the amazing work!!

    ReplyDelete
  183. Um, gee, let me think about this for a minute.

    I'm in, I'm in, I'm in!

    I would totally share a story but I'm posting from work. My luck, this will be the time someone checks my recent online activity and I find myself in the bread line.

    I'll just say that I'm single. Very single. And it's been a long time. Like, a reeeeeeeeeeally long time. If I can't have RPattz under my tree, this would definitely be the next best thing :)

    So come on universe, throw me a boner... erm, a bone!!

    w/v: pophop I'll be pophop-ing all over the place if I win one of these goodie bags!

    ReplyDelete
  184. Ooooh Ooooh Oh Yes, ME ME ME, yes yes yes!(sorry, got distracted looking at the christmas yummy Rob)

    Worst experience with a toy. Was meeting the boyfriend's parents(whose father happened to be a pastor of a church). I brought my vibrator(because stupid boyfriend asked me to. We had my bags in the backseat with us and my vibrator started going off(to this day, I don't know why, except maybe God was punishing me), it started buzzing and bf's father started freaking out that somehting was wrong with the car. He pulls over and starts trying to find the source of the buzzing, while I am trying desperately to find it in my bag and turn it off. He narrows his search down to my bag and I try to convince him it is my toothbrush. The drive continues and when we get to the house, he asks to see my toothbrush because he "needs one of those electrical toothbrushes and mine sounds like it is really strong". We spent the rest of the night trying to distract his father from asking about my toothbrush again.

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  185. COME THE FUCK ON!!!

    You h00rs HAD to know I would be all up in this buzzness.

    And just so you know, you could ship an entire box of dildos to my house, and if Little Cougar opened it by accident, her face would light up and I can hear her now, fist pumping and saying "SCORE!" Son Cougar would get totally red faced, but I know that little shit would slip one in his coat pocket for his girlf. And Baby Cougar...oh GAWD, I can hear it now.

    ***Phone call to my office***

    Baby(nonchalantly): "Mom...you got a box of buzzing penises in the mail."

    Me: "Yeah, just stick 'em in my closet."

    Baby: "Ok, but can I have that yellow one for the knot in my neck?"

    Me: "Knock yerself out, kid."

    I have totally fucked my kids up, I know.

    MC

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  186. So So need this..Been with out a toy for WAY too long..Do we get that last picture too..? If not that's alright I do have an eye candy folder I can add that too ;)

    ReplyDelete
  187. and @firestarter - O.M.GGGGG.

    wow, things must have been chilly around the dinner table THAT night! yikes... (ok and thanks for totally cracking me up - i needed that!)

    ReplyDelete

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