Tuesday, December 7, 2010

When Your S/O Starts to Accept Your Twitarded Friends.

For the past year plus, Mr. Latchkey Wife has kept himself as faaaaaar away from Twitarededland as humanly possible. If it wasn't for the fact I had to tell him about it in order to get to Forks, he may have gone his whole life without ever hearing the word Twitarded and we both would've been ok with that. Luckily he's never expressed any interest in actually reading the blog because I kinda think he'd totally figure out who I was in that sick little arrangement. If you're married to me, you don't have to be a fucking CSI expert to figure shit like that out. I have been known to use him as blog fodder.

Not much skill needed to figure out who's writing this shit!

I remember when I first brought up Forks to him and I sputtered on about how there was this whole group of completely awesome women making the trek out to the birthplace of Twilight and OMFG I want to go so badly and oh yeah, it was in Washington state. I expected eyerolling. I expected a resounding "Are you fucking nuts?" I expected him to call the men with the funny white coats immediately. But alas, he surprised me. His only question - was I sure these women weren't a bunch of psychos? Relieved, I told him if anything, they were all somewhat afraid of me with the guns and the freezer and the acres of unchartered land for body burying. He thought that was a good thing. He's kinda sick like that.

Now that is a fucking HOT group of ladies - and I use that word veeeeery loosely! I fucking miss you guys!

In the nine months leading up to Forks, Mr. LKW never had any interest in talking about Forks, meeting any of the girls I was going with, or sadly, watching Twilight to find out all the fuss was about - no matter how many blowjobs I promised him if he did. And every time I mentioned someone's name, he'd look at me blankly like it was the first time he'd ever heard this name in his life. I'd say "you know... she's one of my Twilight friends." I think he figured these "friends" would disappear after a while. Fat chance, asshole. These girls are here for life, suckah!

Maybe he thought I thought these were my Twilight friends? But they are...right?

I'm not sure why it surprised me because in general, the hubs doesn't remember anyone's name. If he doesn't see someone on a regular basis, he's all blank stare, with no idea who that person is. People I've worked for years and years, I can say their name and 99.9% of the time he'll ask, "Who?" So he started giving people nicknames. I work with a woman who's husband is a cop. Her nickname is... can you guess? "Cop's wife." Yup, he's real fucking creative when it comes to the handles. I work with two girls with the same first name - one has nice tits so she's "Top Half" and one has a nice ass so she's "Bottom Half." Like I said, real fucking innovative.

This past weekend, I was down in NYC with my mother-in-law, and JJ and STY met me for lunch. I was very excited to see them and for Jenny to actually agree to come into the city on a day she's not working is fucking huge. I almost felt like I needed to offer to lick her twat or something for making the trip [note from STY: What am I, chopped liver??? Where's MY lmt offer???]. Even though we didn't get to spends loads of time together, it was still so great to see them both and give hugs and smooches and all that stuff. And I find it quite hysterical that both my MIL and SIL got to meet them before Mr. Latchkey!

THIS was my sandwich on Sunday at Carnegie Deli. STY sat across from me staring at it in awe.

When we got home, he asked if we had fun in the City... what did we see... how was lunch... the usual happy horseshit. And then he asked if "Dress Girl" was there. I looked at him in astonishment, my mouth agape. I couldn't believe my ears! This proves that he actually does listen to me - if only sporadically. He remembered that Jenny Jerkface only wears dresses and even told his mom that. And then he told her she never wears pants and that he liked that... he thought it was nice. [Um, don't get any fucking ideas dude... I'm the anti-Jenny, the bizarro-Jenny... the dress hater!]

Jenny... that's a pretty dress. I can almost see your vagina. Maybe that's why Mr. LKW thinks it's nice... Oh hai Hot Mess! *mwah*

I actually did a little a squeeeey happy dance in my head. Mr. Latchkey, the I-have-no-interest-in-anything-vampire-related-and-I-think-you're-weird-for-making-friends-online guy, has actually accepted my Twilighty friends as my REAL friends. It's about fucking time! I know some of you out there are lucky enough to have a S/O who accepts your obsession and even participates (or at least actively enables...) and a part of me is insanely jealous of you. But for those of you who's S/O is anti-Twilight like mine, has he shown even just a wee bit of growth (er, or regression down to your level) since your obsession started? Or has he become even more annoyed? Inquiring minds want to know!


  1. Wow. You have just summed up my life. My husband has never watched or read (and probably never will) the object of my obsession. He is familiar with the existence of Jackson Rathbone, but recently asked me who Robert Pattinson was. He doesn't know the names of my real life friends, let alone the names of online friends or celebrities.

    As for my friends. It has been a long road to acceptance for him when it comes to my online Twilight friends. At first he was a little freaked out. Then he became very freaked out. He could not understand why I would spend so much time talking to people I had never met in real life. Hello? Because my real life friends think I have gone off the deep end & these people actually understand my Twilight obsession.

    I am attending a TwiCon in March with some fantastic friends I met online. The shock of my life came when my husband seemed to be ok with this idea.

    I mean what could possibly go wrong with hopping on a plane and spending a weekend at a hotel with people I met over the internet? Seems fool proof to me!

    Once he saw how much it meant to me and how much these women mean to me, I think he started to come around. I think he has really come to terms with the fact I am going to hop on a plane with the British Girl and The One You Met At The Zoo to squee about Twilight for one long weekend.

  2. I was also in NYC Sunday, and as I was riding the subway, I thought about JJ's commuting horror stories. I'm not gonna lie, I thought about what I would say if I ran into one of you guys while I was there. It turns out all 3 of you were there! i was one of the douchebags wandering aimlessly, eyes on my map, blocking the sidewalk, trying to figure out how to get from times square to rockefeller center, my mouth agape at all the magical christmas decorations. i love that shit.

    my hubs spends as much time on the opie and anthony blog as i do on this one, and he thinks they're his bff's, so he can't complain about my online friends.

  3. My kids think I've gone off the deep end with my Twilight obsession so I do try to restrain myself from talking about it too much. I give them the highlights of Twitarded though - you're all so clever and entertaining - I have to share it with them. I sent them the link to the twilight brain with a note that "this says it all". Although my S/O knows I have a huge crush on RP, and that I'm up half the night reading fanfic, he's in denial of it.

  4. Dear Latchkey Wife - you are in SO much trouble for that pic. Please tell Mr. Latchkey that Dress Girl fully plans on kicking your ass the next time she sees you. ;) And I will do it in a dress. Maybe even kneesocks...

  5. My husband is still clueless. He thinks I took our daughter to SEATTLE last fall to see the space needle, I guess!

    However, I just finished watching Eclipse with TheRugbyboy, and the hubs didn't leave the room. He just ignored it and kept on playing poker online. What a dumbass!

  6. Oh mai LOOOOORD those pics make me miss Fooorks! Ok, well the deli/sandwich pic just makes me hungry for bacon. Moving on...I think it's sweet that Mr LKW remembered "dress girl." Oddly enough, every time I talk about a bloggy peep or a twitter friend my s/o immediately says "Snarkier Than you" or "Jenny Jerkface?" Even though I have tons of other Twi friends, that's all he can remember...I give him props for remembering anything.

    My s/o is not thrilled about watching Eclipse, but since I made him watch Twi & NM, I expect he watches Eclipse with me...I'm not disillusioned enough to think he'll actually really like it, I just have control issues and want to see him watch it. Yeah, I'm weird.

    xo J

  7. Yeah, you're dead. Or maybe there won't be any chocolate penises for you next time.

    So I did a pop quiz with Mr CC. He knows who JJ and STY are. But he thought STY was the one that looked like Velma. LKW, bad news, he had no idea who you were (even though I'm quite sure I've mentioned your name)

  8. Way to go, Mr LKW!! My husband said to me the other day that if my obsession with Twilight was my "thing" that he had to put up with, that was okay (this was in response to him apologizing for being out of the house so much and talking about his classes a lot or something, and I had said, "That's okay, you put up with my Twilight thing."). He also suffers through the movies like a champ, although he openly prefers the rifftrax. (I can't blame him. That shit is funn-ee.)

    He was well aware of our trip to Forks and got the full blow-by-blow when I got home (although he never did ask to see the 12,000 pictures I took), and he seems to take it all in stride. But, then again, he has friends on Disney fan blogs, so he can't really give me too much grief about you guys.

    I'm with Jen, btw - those pics made me all nostalgic.

  9. Sorry for writing this anonymously---- I am too lazy to register right now ---but this conversation really spoke to me. I am a late bloomer---just discovered Twilight at the end of this past June when Eclipse came out & my daughter was invited to an Eclipse birthday party. I had heard the name "Twilight" but really had no idea. The mother of the birthday girl gave me the whole rundown, I started reading the first book & a few days later I realized that not a dish had been washed, not a load of laundry had been done, & I had forgotton to go to work! (just kidding about the work part) Have since read all 4 books many many times, & keep watching the movies over & over. I am so hooked that not a day has gone by since without my checking the internet for news about the filming. I don't know what happenned to me, but it really changed me. Discovered Twitarded about 2 months ago & had to buy a pack of Depends! My husband has been making more and more cracks insinuating that there is something wrong with me. He can't understand why I would rather watch Edward say: "You are everything" & "you are my life now" over and over.

  10. Just gotta say in response to @Redilocks that I love the fact that I am known to someone as "The one you met at the zoo". And guess what? I wasn't even behind the bars with the other monkeys!
    But yeah, mine is kinda the same way. He doesn't want to know, he doesn't ask. He knows I'm going to Nashville for twicon in March with other crazy women. The nicest thing he ever did was send me some crap that made fun of Twilight and that I love him for :)

  11. Well, The Bentist is tolerant. He funded my Forks trip, supported my awesome times, and doesn't make me take my Barbie Edward off of the dresser, where he stands and watches over us during the night. I've even seen him fix Edward's hair and turn his head at times. I like to think that he's keeping my mini-E pretty, but he's probably just fucking with me to see if I'll notice the movements. ...I do. And he knows the names of some of my dearest Twitard loves, which makes me so happy. Before Forks, y'all were just potential murderers and rapists. Now you're just my "twi-chicks."

    He knew not to buy me Eclipse because he'd probably grab the dvd that doesn't match the set for the sake of a better deal...Smart man. And he is on board with my return Forks trip depending on the date. Our wedding is 9.10.11, so we'll be kind of strapped for cash around that time, JS.

  12. I hear ya LKW! When I first started dating the BF, I fully planned on hiding my Twi-nerdy-ness from him... he doesn't have to know right?? But after seeing my shrine to all things Twilight, I think he may have discovered my secret. Last week he offerend to have a Twilight Marathon when Eclipse came out... I nearly fell off the fucking couch... WHAT??? A Man willing to sit through not one, not two but THREE Twilight movies???


  13. Mr. VitR has a love/hate relationship with my Twitardedness. He met the Twitarded royalty in Seattle...I heard no complaints. :P My motto: Who the fuck cares...it makes me happy and it harms no one...I mean there hasn't really been guns shot and dead bodies stuffed into chest freezers...yet. XO

    PS--That is one hot pic of CC/'Hot Mess' and JJ...damn I miss you ladies.

  14. Mr. TwiTwat recently left me a letter in the seat of my car that not only made mention of me not putting out enough, but, and I quote, "that Twilight Shit" had a blurb which set me off more that the two pages FRONT AND BACK that he wrote me.
    He has never watched the movies and is super jealous of it all. But I told him he can just suck it.

  15. Jenny never wears pants? Really? Awesome!!

    I'm so happy for you LKW. Eventually, your hubs will learn to accept much more than you ever thought. As I type, my mini E (previously unwelcome) is sitting in our living room, with his Twitarded t shirt on. And, get this, my hubs said he really, really liked the t-shirt! Ha!

    p.s. just in case you're wondering, it was Dangrdafne who sent my Edward the Twitarded tee.

  16. I am quite lucky I guess that Mr EeeGee is very understanding, knows all about it - just sat down to watch Eclipse with me last night and lets me go gallivanting off whenever as long as it doesn't affect home life too much.

    He even called me recently whilst out shopping to ask if I wanted a couple more Twilight posters for my Twilight room? *died on floor*

    I am the British Girl from @Redilocks 1st comment (squeeeee!) and I am traipsing across the world on my own to meet a whole heck of a lot of my Twitarded friends, which is okay by him, but I'm a little nervous of Redilocks' DH now!!! LMAO!! (just kidding sweetie!)

    Oh and here's one for ya - he even knows your names!!!!!!!

    *brag brag* Shit. I think needs a bloody medal doesn't he??? Or at least more sex than he currently gets.

  17. Dear Dress Girl - Maybe when you said I should throw a Forks pic in my post, you should have maybe specifically mentioned not to use the one where you nearly show your vagina. Love Me :)

  18. points for Mr. LKW!! Mr. NotSmitten just prefers to ignore it. No fun there.

    I've now seen two pictures from your lunch and HOLY SHIZ those plates of food are MASSIVE!! (insert dirty comment about size of LKW's mouth here)

  19. My hubby's always been amazingly tolerant of my obsessions, and looked at Twilight with detached amusement . . . until I found Twitarded and, thanks to you guys, fanfiction. Once I found new inspiration to jump his bones waaaaay more often, he became a really big fan. He reads the blog regularly -- he'll even say, "did you see Twitarded today" (which annoys me a smidge, since YOU'RE MINE (as 50 would say), but I get over it). He's a huge metrosexual by the way -- loves shopping, clothes, and is helpful with the housework -- so maybe that explains it. He loves you dishy gals. And, as I said, our bedroom life has so spiced up in the past nine months, what's not to like? For Hannukah he got me my very first little vibrator (a pink bunny). Now I understand all y'alls' comments about running out of batteries!! xoxo

  20. Wow. Mr. Latchkey finally knows about all of this? You know it's only a matter of time until he stumbles onto the blog. Then are YOU in trouble.

    Mr. XKR is, and I mean this literally, the most patient man on earth. I love that man. I wouldn't say that he encourages my obsession in any way, but he doesn't make fun of it or try to stop it at all. He rolls his eyes at me sometimes, but with a grin. He gave me no trouble about the Forks trip and I've even got him searching for words for me to use for DML. He puts up with FSE and repeated movie viewings, and even has a basic working knowledge of Twilight facts (apparently he *does* listen!). I will say that he doesn't exactly get to see the full extent of my Twitarded-ness, but I think he'd love me even if I did show him the full-on crazy. But, y'know, I'm clinging to that last shred of dignity with both hands.

  21. No husband or SO but my dog is totally supportive of my Twi obsession. She's cool like that.

    w/v: pubme. Pub. Me. Yep, that's where I wish I was right about now.

  22. I'll call my husband Mr Ed *giggles to self*.

    The first time I saw Twilight we watched it together, he fell asleep! - I hadn't read the books yet, just had the movie recommended. Mr Ed asked how it ended and I casually suggested we watch it again so he could see for himself, and I could get another eyeful of Robalicious. I asked what he thought he said "It's OK!".

    I went to NM midnight double feature a few weeks later, (having read all four books and bought Twilight DVD) and he rolled his eyes. But when the DVD arrived he asked to see it, I asked what he thought he said "It's OK!".

    When I announced a triple feature midnight screening for Eclipse he rolled his eyes, but said if I was "in the mood" when I got home to wake him, I was in the mood alright I was as moist as a dish rag, but too tired @ 3am!

    He surprised me 2 weeks later announcing that he wanted to see Eclipse on the big screen - he obviously overheard me rabbiting on about the fight scene with Cullens and wolves. I went to see it with him (my 5th time) I asked what he thought he said; "It's OK, is there another one!"

    He knows I read a blog - he doesn't know that one year down the track I'm faithfully reading several blogs I even comment occasionally, he doesn't know I scan the internet regularly for all things Twilighty, he doesn't know I have a nice little collection of Robporn that I'm desperate to use as my screensaver and/or wallpaper so I can see it every day, but don't for fear of being completely found out, he doesn't know that I think his new silver work car looks like Edward's volvlo and he definately doesn't know that the new his 'n hers lube I got us makes my vag feel cold and tingly and is easier to imagine Edward's sparkly peen is pleasuring me!!!

    It's like @VitR says who cares, it's not harming anybody, he ain't getting hurt in fact he's getting plenty


  23. @Twi-Twat Rot - He wrote you a letter? And left it on your car seat? Huh. I've never heard that one before. If he watched Twilight maybe he would have known to make it a love letter & then perhaps you'd "put out" more??

    As for the question here today...I have no S/O but I surround myself with good friends that don't harass me about the Twilight thing. In fact a lot of them I have converted to Twitards. LOL! If I could figure out how to make a Twitard oufit / t-shirt of some sort for my horse, I'd take pics & use them for my yearly Christmas cards! Let your freak flags fly my friends! Everyone's got one!

  24. @Twi-Twat Rot...i think you and I are "not putting out enough" for the same damn man....my hubs hates my obsession with The Precious, tolerates my love for the movies and rolls his eyes at my re-reading of the books...the eye-rolling thing definitely gives me a twitchy palm..laters!

  25. I read this part of the post to my husband:

    "I work with two girls with the same first name - one has nice tits so she's "Top Half" and one has a nice ass so she's "Bottom Half."

    He found that quite humorous. He and Mr. LKW seem to have so much in common, such as their "fucking innovativeness" when it comes to remembering anything about my life that doesn't involve him, their love for killing large game animals, etc.

    My hubs puts up with my Twi, Rob and FF addiction because I try to keep it on the DL. VitaminR said it best: who fucking cares, I'm not hurting anyone.

  26. My husband tolerates my addiction and hell he's even contributed with an Edward pillow for gift once. He refuses to watch any of the movies with me after I dragged him to see Eclipse and he exclaimed it to be the worst movie he's ever seen. Yah, divorce papers were almost filed. With intense counseling we came to an agreement. I get to lust after RPattz and he's allowed Rachel McAdams. Everyone wins. Except maybe poor Rob and Rachel! lol

  27. I pretty much told my husband that I'm not apologizing for my Twilight obsession because it's not hurting anything...except his ego.
    Perhaps if he encouraged my obsession like he first did he might get more lovin'.
    He was fairly supportive when I was first reading the books and didn't give me much grief when I went to the L.A. Twi-Con but of course he doesn't know I went alone!
    But these past few months he has been a whiney baby about sex and blames a lot of it on me lovin' The Precious. He was gettin' it more when I was first reading the books but ever since the pouting and his reluctance to dress and look like Edward I'm not tickling the vampsickle like I used to.

  28. Mr TK still hasn't cone to terms with this mania. I frequently hear him mumbling "longest phase ever." I've assured him this is not a phase & you bitches are here to stay (unless LKW kills us all), but he's in denial.

    @LKW--Mr TK refers to you as "your main[e] girl." I want a nickname before end of business today, dammit.

  29. My husband hates Twilight, he is insanely jealous of Rob and doesn't understand my attraction to Edward at all. He has gone with me to the premieres, but I think it's to keep an eye on me. He confuses me sometimes because he'll start talking shit about how hairy Rob is or how gay Edward is, but then he'll ask questions about the plot of the books and I'm like, I thought you hated this shit. I'm a stay at home mom so he's my enabler and even though he bitches and gets pissy when I buy Twilighty stuff he still hands over the dough. Anytime I get mad at him and go on of my Pms rants he says, " shut up and go call Rob" and I just laugh cause I think it's hilarious how jealous he is. Honestly I think that's what it all comes down to, I don't think he hates Twilight per se seeing as how he does show an interest at times, I think he's just jealous. I just don't understand why.....

  30. I forgot to mention that whenever I watch one of the Twi-movies Mr. Cat holds out sex on me for a week. *snort* right.

  31. Awww, LKW, you're slowly but surely coming out of the closet! ;)

    I love that you have nicknames for your friends because your hubs can't remember names. Mine is the same way. I don't so much give them nicknames, but always immediately follow a name with a brief description like "chick you met at the party who you thought was pretty and liked your joke" or something really random like that. Just enough for him to know who I'm talking about. It's kinda funny.

    My hubs and I met online and we've always had "online" friends or people who we've met online in the past, so the notion of "online friends" isn't too foreign to us. I'm super thankful for that. He does, however, get a good laugh out of the way that I mostly address people by their handles.


  32. AHAHAHA My hubby makes up nicknames too: Alien Dave, Kathy with husband, Kathy without husband, etc.

    BUT he also accepts my twi friends without question. He even makes sure I don't accidentally send @17foreverlisa any wh*le stuff but always points it out to me about her. LOL!!!

    He has met Living with Edward and her hubby and really enjoyed meeting them. He looked at the Forks pictures and liked the stories. But the biggest coup was he let Mocha come to Forks to meet Chimpsten and all the Twitards. I knew you were all in then!!! LOL!!

  33. I am sooo disapointed LKW. Thought you liked being in the closet with me.

    I know better than to share anything with Hub.I won't give him that power.

  34. My niece was watching Eclipse again while I was at work...My husband texted me:

    "I saw 2 min of twatlight and there r 2 dudes sleeping together in a tent... "

  35. I know I'm so late to this party I might as well nit bother, but today is the first day in more than a week that I've had time to read/comment and damn if I'm not gonna. So here goes...thus post and all the comments about supportive SOs actually made me cry. At first hubs was good with my twilight obsession, then when I said I wanted to go to Forks he said "You're fucking crazy." Now, hubs and I are actually seeing a marriage counselor because of the "emotional affair" he says I am having with, wait for it, Edward/Rob.(@JJ- u thought I was kidding about moving into your basement didn't you? Not so much.) So, yeah, to say I am jealous of everyone here with a supportive and/or oblivious/tolerant SO is the understatement of the century.


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