Thursday, December 23, 2010

Why Does Edward Cullen Always Leave?

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.* There's been a catastrophe of epic proportions in the TK household. I'm like a moon without a planet right now, lost and adrift in the infinite universe. There's really no other way to say it.

Edward Cullen left me.

I've filed missing person reports. I've retraced my steps. I scream his name in the dead of night. I've finally come to realize he may never return. It's like a hole has been punched through my heart. The last time I saw him he was writing a school tuition check for me. God, he was so helpful. He was hard and solid, the perfect weight; he never skipped. It was always easy to see his pale face shining like a lighthouse in the bottom of my purse. Now he's gone. For good, I fear.

Edward Cullen pen, you...don't...want me?

I have to keep moving. If I stop looking for him, it is over. Love, life, meaning… over.Because there is just one thing that I have to believe to be able to live—I have to know that he existed. That is all. Everything else I can endure. So long as he existed.

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it's a hard line to walk. Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted… but he is out there, somewhere. I have to believe that. I've asked everyone for help locate him. I need him. The Target that sold him into indentured servitude with me is 5 hours away. I can't find another one anywhere. Besides, I want MY Edward back. I'll stop at nothing.

"You know where he is! Tell me! Tell me, or I'll style your hair!"

Bella, can you get off your ass & help me find my pen? Wash your hands first.

It never made sense for him to love me. I always knew that. I just didn't think he would leave me. I thought I'd still be writing with him until I was old and grey. I truly believed my age would never matter to him. I pictured him in my wrinkly hand, drawing clean lines into perpetuity. Now, it's ended before we had even really begun.

"He left you here all alone. Without a writing instrument."

When I initially realized he was missing, I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I was dreaming. I was more careful with that pen than I was my car keys. (Has anyone seen those, by the way?) How could this happen? I have everyone on the hunt for it. I want no stone unturned.

Thanks a heap, Sam. Now did you happen to see my fucking PEN while you were in wolf mode?

I hope there's some granola bars in that backpack because you can't come home without my damn pen.

I've never been to Italy, Bella, but I appreciate the initiative.

"I haven't found your pen yet, TK, but I'll keep looking. It's down here somewhere."

Edward pen, if you read this—come home.

*This post is riddled with quotes from New Moon. I don't claim ownership in any way. I can't even claim ownership of a damn Edward pen anymore. Please don't sue me, SM. I need all my money to buy a replacement pen and 99 backup replacement pens.


  1. Awwwww bb! So sorry Edward walked out on you but maybe he just thought it was better for you if he never existed. I lose shit all the time, even things I'm overly careful my forks necklace :(

    Once when my best friend's little sis was a kid, she took things from around the house and wrapped them for us then put under the tree to give as gifts. And it happened to be things people in her family had been looking for for weeks. Maybe someone did that for you.

    In case you're looking for another one, I found this online for you.

    I'm sorry you're sad but I laughed hard at this post

  2. Woah! So sorry this has happened to you - especially at such a difficult time of year under the best of circumstances! Maybe you were using it to write names on gift tags while you were wrapping presents?

    I sure hope it turns up by the time all the Christmas stuff gets packed away.

    I went to our work luncheon today and my intern brought a package to me that was delivered a few minutes after I left the office!!!! I had to sit on it for three hours before I could rush home and see what was inside!. A few of my co-workers knew who it was from and they kept a close watch on me to make sure I didn't take it into the bathroom and get busy. [Um. No. I was wearing spanks! No way I could get those off - or even down - in some tiny bathroom stall! I even had to limit my drinking because I couldn't pee until I got home!]

    Anyway, if you want the deets about what exactly was in my GBoD, hop over to theTwitter and check it out. I don't think you have to follow me or anything. Just look for TheRugbymom.

    Of course, I'm pretty Twitter-stupid [glad I read this now after posting it three times!], so I could be wrong. Anyway - the details were shared this afternoon. SWEET!

    Thanks sooooo much Snarky, Jenny, Latchkey Wife, and Texas Katherine! Merry Christmas!


  3. Oh TK, my heart goes out to ya. Sucks to loose shit. I went online and found the "Be Safe" sticker for my new van, and right after it arrived I lost it. Tore the house up and haven't found it yet. Have yet to break down and replace it.

    But here's the link to your replacement pen on Amazon, it can be yours for $10 plus another $5 for shipping. I checked around, I think it's the best deal you'll find.

  4. Did you look on top of the fridge? I just found a lost pair of keys up there.....they had been missing almost two months. It might have helped if Mr VitR and I were tall enough to see on top of the fridge.

    Did you ask the boy? My kids always know where everything is...probably because they 'borrow' it from me.

    Just for the record if I EVER lose my Mini E there will be a Missing Persons report filed....what? Action figures are people too. Ahem, yep, something like that. I am going to go slip back into my straight jacket now.

    Love the comment under the fetal Bella photo. Godspeed TK...I wish you all the luck in the must have your Edward pen.

  5. Ahahaha! Gawd my side hurts so much from laughing. Thank you, TK. I needed that (with my SO's parents visiting over the weekend , I think that will be the last laughter from me for the whole week).
    You should ask Mrs. P where's her butt plug/dildo pen. I bet the two of them have a hawt pen to pen relationship unbeknown to you and Mrs. P. They probably eloped to Isle Esme :)

  6. Poor Poor TK..What's going on?? I sent you a beautiful Edward Christmas card and it came back to me?? And now your missing your Edward pen.. I'm begining to think that Jupitar is not in alinement with Mars..Re-send me your Mailing info please late or not it will cheer you up. I do hope you find your lost love soon..I know my Renabug sent me a pen that I covet, and i would be sad to loose it. As always you make me laugh with your witfulness (my new word). Merry Christmas..

  7. What?!? Fuck there's an Edward pen! Where the hell have I been.
    You'll find your pen, probably in the least likely spot.

  8. Awww TK, I hope Edward returns to you.

  9. Cheer up TK. I've given this some serious thought and come to the conclusion that this isn't the worst thing that could happen.

    What if . . . instead of losing Edward's pen . . . you lost Edward's peen? Huh? Huh? IKR?

  10. I'm with Red_Bella - how come I don't have a pen like that? Mine are all drug promo models.

  11. Cheer up, TK, you know in New Moon, Edward comes back!!

  12. My sincere condolences to you, darling.
    My mini Edward was tragically Left Behind on a family vacation to Branson.It was discovered upon unpacking my 3y old's Lightning McQueen roller suitcase the night we got home.
    Bella doll. Check. Jacob doll. Check. Edward doll. Edward doll? EDWARD DOLL?!!! Fahhhhhhck!!!

    I only guilted my kid a teency bit. But suspicions are high, considering his history of sending Edward "on a trip" when we played, so that Jacob & Bella could play alone. I kid you not. Little Team Jacob brat.

    And my replacement doll does not look right AT ALL. The hair, the face, it's all wrong.
    I do often wonder if the person who found him was like:
    A. WOW A fucking Edward Cullen doll! Saweeeeeet!
    B. THAT right there is the ugliest, pastiest, brittle old man doll I have ever seen. Put it oustside. Now.

    I'm pretty sure Edward hates Branson.

    Hey. Why is my WV cornily?

  13. Oh man, what crappy timing Edward has! Dude, it's the holidays... now is not the time to go off galavanting around town. Besides, you won't find a warmer and homier place to be than inside TK... err, TK's purse.

    Merry Christmas Eve everyone!!

    I'm working today. Who else is feeling my misery?!?

  14. For a second I thought I was at the wrong blog... Mrs. P as TwiBite was always losing her Edward Pen. Perhaps yours went to visit her. I am so sorry. Perhaps Santa will either find it or bring you a new one :)

  15. My New Moon Edward pen has left me more than it's been with me...and now if it comes back I'm tossing it into the sunlight...DD bought me an Eclipse pen and although it's a little clingy, it has never failed me. ;-)

  16. bahaha! love it (not the fact that EC pen is missing, but the post itself).
    Hope you find it soon, TK!

  17. Just who the hell do you think you are, to just up and leave TK?! That is just inconsiderate. It's the fucking HOLIDAYS, Edward. Don't be a douche. Get your ass back to her ASAP.

  18. @tankergirl--LOL! One question--you let your kid play with a Jacob doll? I'm calling the authorities.

  19. Wow, incredible timing. Mysterious even.
    Was just hangin in the apartment reading all morning in yesterday's clothes and avoiding going to see my brother and my nephews who are at my folks' when I heard my trusty txt alert go off. It's pavlovian by now. So I walk over to see no txt icon on the screen. hm. So I look in the txts folder and everything but a handful of txts are gone. Yes, into thin air gone.
    The bitch is that most of those txts were sweet sweet words with a special someone. I had even started to type them in manually to this computer to save them. Now they've upped n gone too.

    Then I meandered to our trusty blog and found me a smirk and some empathy. Mmmmuah!
    I'm sorry TK. I too just hope I never forget they were real. And very poetic the way you put it.
    At least we can still taste the sweetness.

    Ciao txts.
    Ciao pen.

    ps. lurrrrrrvd the "style your hair" line

  20. This.



    I haven't chuckled this hard since... the last Twitarded post. :) TK, I SINCERELY hope you find your darling Edward pen... I"m sure that without it, your life is like a moonless night.

    And Edward, stop being a douche, and get back here!

  21. Oh no TK!!!! Hopefully Edward will return soon. I swear if you'd like I could get you a whole cannister of them from my Toys R Us... I know it's not the same but I should probably get them just in case my Edward pen decides to run away. He helped me pen a fic longhand bc my laptop is 'under the weather'. I'd be lost without him!

    Just remember Edward always comes back, even for Bella. So there is always hope!

  22. Maybe you could use a Jacob pen in the meantime? You know, to make the hole in your body close up a little while Edward is away? It's actually kind of beautiful.
    (PS- check an old purse. I change purses all the time and find good stuff when I change back!)


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