I'm totally phoning it in today. Or whatever the phrase is for "I cannot come up with anything that doesn't make me want to punch myself in the tit and apparently I left my funny somewhere else so I'm totally taking the easy way out."
RPattz's face after he read the first three rough drafts of today's post. Either that or he is trying to shit in his pants. Same difference.
Seriously, I'm just not feeling it today. It's Sunday, which means I have to go back to my soul-raping commute and job tomorrow, not to mention that-- based on the price of my plane tickets--Austin, Texas is apparently located somewhere on Mars' outer ring. What do they use for fuel on planes these days? Diamonds and unicorns? I might have to sell my liver to get to SXSW this year. How much does a heavily abused liver go for these days, anyway?
Anyway, since I'm not feeling the funny today, I'm totally glomming onto someone else's funny shit and sharing it with you because I still intend to make you laugh somehow, dammit.
And trust me, the guy that writes Kristen Stewart Wants It is fucking high-larious. Sure, he doesn't write all things Twilight but he's definitely worth the read. Especially when he's ruminating about RPattz and KStew bobbing heads.
Also, he says something that literally made me blow coffee out of my nose the first time I read it - Robpenis-head. That's right, you know you need to read that shit rightthefucknow.
Now, I've linked to Kristen Stewart Wants It before and it's one of those sites that I read on a daily basis (or whenever he updates) but I never comment because I'm always afraid I'll say something totally stupid. Instead, I trick Snarkier Than You into going over there and embarrassing herself in the comments. Not that it matters because it only took her .02 seconds to toss my ass under the bus.
Still not amused? A) What the fuck is wrong with you? B) Watch this:
If you didn't at least chuckle a little at that, I suggest you check your pulse to see if you're still alive. In the meantime, I'm going to hole myself up in the bathroom and hope I can shit out some inspiration that way or, at the very least, try to figure out what the fuck crawled up my vagina today.