I came across this first one and it kind of just stopped me in my tracks...That's right: it's the Twilight Vampire Nipple Tassel Kit! Now you can twirl your bedazzled tatas just like Bella did for Edward on their honeymoon! Better get these now before they movie comes out, because everyone is going to want to get in on that act once they get a load of that number. What, you forgot about the room with stripper pole? Did you even read Breaking Dawn? Sheesh...how quickly they forget...
This next one would normally fall into the category of "shit that is so far off-base Twilight-wise that it pisses me off" but honestly the item description (below) is so damn charming that I loved it a teeny little bit... I feel a pressing need to convert this person to the Twi-side, actually.
I’m going to be very upfront about something here: I haven’t read the Twilight books and I haven’t seen the Twilight movie. I can’t, really, because everyone I know who’s read them becomes immediately enraptured and enthralled and infatuated (you know it’s true) and unfortunately my mental obsession portfolio is still full of all the V C Andrews I read in high school. When it comes to avant-garde romantic fiction, I’m at max capacity.OK, she REALLY needs to read Twilight. One of us...one of us... Moving on!
But I can still appreciate a good unconventional hero. Allow me to introduce Edward Cullen the Sock Zombie Puppet.
How do you make America’s sexiest protagonist even sexier? Well, you make him even more dangerous, obviously! I mean, if being a vampire is hot, then being a vampire AND a zombie is infinitely hotter. Now there are THREE ways Edward Cullen can kill you: 1) drink your blood, 2) eat your brains, and 3) overwhelm you with sexual tension.
Much like the actual Edward Cullen, Edward the Sock Zombie Puppet can’t be bothered to worry much about his madcap bronze hair—he’s much too busy valiantly fighting baser urges and falling profoundly in love. His eyes are the golden color of the sated so your blood (and brains) are temporarily safe. Edward’s trademark pea coat is handmade from wool felt and is conveniently sleeveless so your thumb and pinky can get down to business.
His outfit is completely removable, meaning you can gaze at him naked to your heart’s content. Which you’ll want to do outside, obviously, since Edward the Sock Zombie Puppet sparkles in the sunlight.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some Flowers in the Attic fan-fic that needs editing.
Lots of people make one-of-a-kind Cullen dolls - but how many Cullen family rubber ducky sets have you seen out there? None, right? Me too--until today!
If I still had a huge collection of kitchy stuff laying around, I would totally buy these. The details - like Bella's dress and the necklaces on Ducky Alice and Ducky Rose? Full of win!
Twitarded doesn't currently have an address (the UPS Store box that we had been using is no more, so please don't send anything there!), but when we sort that out, I think we need to get these address labels -
Speaking of stuff that I saw that I really liked...
Scrabble tiles are everywhere on Etsy - someone figured out how to shellac stuff to the back of a Scrabble tile, and the world hasn't been the same since... I'm ok with that, because I kinda would wear this one. Under my shirt, nestled in my cleavage where Fifty Shades belongs -
Yeah I'm a lip biter - so what are you gonna do about it?! Oh. Oh! OOOOOOOOO!
It's also possible that I found Jenny Jerkface's...Valentine's Day present today! We don't normally exchange sweetheart gifts, but I might have to make an exception this year...
Well, it's between that and this -
JJ and ML just painted their bedroom recently, and this would make a nice addition to the decor, I think. Maybe strategically placed so that Edward is staring RIGHT. AT. ML. Constantly. I think ML has gotten too comfortable with the ahhhh-mie of Edward standees at their place, and this should smack the fear of Twilight right back into him.
And of course, no stroll through Etsy would be complete without a little M-rated Sparkle-Peen action! I actually found these gems over at Rob's Closet -
Oh you ladies are SO lucky that I didn't find this before the Christmas trees came down...