Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Winter Driving: It's Not Rocket Science!

Um ya... sorry, you're not getting any naked pictures of my ass! Especially since my "fat jeans" are feeling a little snug these days...

We've had a ton of snow up in my parts the past couple of weeks. Add bitter cold temperatures to the mix, and it's made for an interesting January. I don't mind snow. I don't even mind the cold that much. I'd rather have it cold than stifling hot - you can always add more layers. It's hard to take off your skin when it's fucking smoldering outside or inside if you're looking at some RPattz eye candy. But this week I think Mother Nature has gone too far and she was thisclose to getting a karate chop to the trachea for the weather.

This was not funny on a Monday morning. At all. My car nearly said "fuck you, I ain't moving!"

So the weather idiots say it was going to warm up on Tuesday. Um ya, when they say "warm," what they really mean is "still freeze-your-tits-off cold, just not in the single digits like Monday." It actually made it to the teens. Today is supposed to hit 30. I'll believe it when I see it... but then again, it usually does warm up a bit before that fickle bitch Ma Nature throttles us with more snow.

Tuesday morning it was snowing. Again. I'm not sure what it is about those white little flakes but for some reason they make people totally fucking useless. Just a light dusting, not supposed to amount to much, but for some reason, my fellow commuters turned completely stooopid. Sure, there wasn't much snow on the ground, but when the Maine Turnpike Authority reduces the speed to 45 mph, you should assume they kinda know what they're taking about. It's slippery people. Stop driving like a bunch of fucking morons. Like this person, who believes that just because she drives an SUV, she can defy the laws of physics:

How's that four-wheel drive working out now???
[Not to worry... no bad drivers were injured in this accident.]


And this dope, well, he was just a dope.
[Sorry for the blurriness... I was trying to keep from ending up like him!]


It's mornings like yesterday I wish Edward Cullen was my commuting companion. Actually I wish he was my copilot every morning but fuck, I'd never make it to work on time...if ever... iykwim! I would really prefer that I have an ahhhmy of Edwards to create a barrier around my vehicle so I don't fall victim to the asstardedness that surrounds me on these types of days.


Save me Edward... I'm surrounded by Tylers!

I'd like to think of myself as a real Mainer - and by that I mean, I can drive in the fucking snow (oh ya, and I was born here so I am a real Mainer!) Yes, I have 4-wheel drive, but it doesn't make me act like an indestructible asshole. I know when to be cautious. And how fast I can safely go in winter driving conditions. So how about it readers? Are you experienced snow drivers? Or do you crawl back into bed when you see the white stuff on the ground and wait for it to melt?

44 comments:

  1. I am a speech therapist in a school, so when the weather is bad, we have 2 hour delays or cancelations... which is a good thing because driving in snow scares the crap out of me. Hell, I am nervouse about drivng in Forks in September! (BUT SO EXCITED TO GO) I am not a fan of driving in general, so I am definately one of those people who want to go back to bed when it snows:)

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  2. Grew up in Eastern Ontario, which means lotsa snow!

    I LOVE driving in the snow. It's the other asstards that scare me. Ice on the other hand scares the bejebus out of me.

    We live near the end of a court and in order to back in our driveway I usually turn around in the court. Our street doesn't usually get ploughed i.e. shitloads of snow still on the road. Therefore, I spin out on purpose as I'm turning around. I'm sure the neighbours think I'm an ass.

    I'm currently dying for a MASSIVE snow storm so I have the excuse of not going to work the next day....

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  3. I grew up in the south. We had snow, but it never stayed around for days. (Meaning: I never had to shovel before moving here.) Anyway, when I went to college in the mountains of NC, we had loads of snow and it never slowed us down a bit - young, drunk, invincible, and stupid!

    I'm glad I'm driving what Edward drives now. But I wanted to shoot those other idiots on the road this morning! You scratch or smash my new Volvo and I'll hafta cutabitch!

    Imma work from home tomorrow. (Meaning: read fanfiction!)

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  4. Living in PA we get our fair share of snow. I will dare to go out in it if I am feeling it but today I made the decision to just stay home and thank goodness I did. As I watched 4 wheel SUV after another not get up the hill that goes to our house I was so happy to be warm and toasty in my house. I doubt that I would have made it and probably would have ended up abandoning my car and walking home. Brrrr

    Everyone be safe.

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  5. PA baby, born and raised! Snow is a part of winter. My birthday is in Aug, so when that wonderful change requiring a learner's permit for 6 months by time to get my license was Feb, FML. My parents live in Bumblefuck, PA, otherwise known as Northampton County. I learned to drive on tiny back roads that were snow covered. I can drive in the f-in snow.
    I can't tell you how much I can relate to this post today LKW. Just this morning my normal 20 min commute became over an hour thanks to dipshits like those you showed. I had one idiot stop in front of me going up a hill! FML again. I only have a little Saturn Ion, with front wheel drive. But I know I can drive up a hill if I have enough speed. But if you f-in stop on the hill infront of me I'm dead!! Thank god for good Samaritans with sand in their trunks.

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  6. We're int he middle of summer here in Australia - just to make you jealous of your weather at the moment, we're expecting a balmy 24*C (75.2F) and a steamy 28*C (100.4*F) on Sunday!!! Gorgeous weather here :) To be honest I've never lived anywhere that snows so have no comparison with your experiences... Even in Tasmania (where I recently moved from) which is Australia's coldest state we still don't have the cold extremes as you seem to experience (especially not snow like this) I've always pictured snow to be fun, but not sure now!!!

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  7. Yes I'm an experienced snow driver. I had to be right from the get-go. I was 18 and commuting to school and it was a bitch of a winter at that time. Had no choice but to learn how to drive on Northern NJ roads and highways in a car that had no power steering, no power brakes and I believe just AM radio. Yeah, I'm old enough to have driven a piece of crap like that. What ya gonna do when your Dad gives you his old used car to get to school for free? After I started my first adult job in East Orange, I bought a new car. But I had to drive Rt.287 and Rt. 280 to get there. For those of you not from this area, those roads are dangerous in snow. Also, the State Police calls the area on Rt 280 between West Orange and East Orange 'Death Valley' for a reason. It sucks balls in the winter. Two huge hills and you learn very quickly how to handle them in all kinds of weather. I did it for over 6 years. Thankfully, my mom gave me some excellent driving tips and have never had any real problems (knock on wood).

    We already received 4 inches of snow this morning and are in the middle of a major storm tonight. Where I live, they're predicting another 6-12 inches on top of the 4, which is on top of the 6 we got last week, which is on top of the 5 we got a few days before that. NJ sucks sometimes like that. Oh, and we have thunder snow at the moment too! Nothing like having thunder and lightening during a snow storm.

    I no longer have my 4 wheel drive SUV. I have a feeling I'm going to miss it tomorrow morning when I try to get my ass into work in my front wheel drive sedan. Hopefully, mom's tips still work.

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  8. I've lived in Wisconsin my entire life, therefore I drive in snow 4-6 months of the year. It sucks. I hate it. I have a 30 mile commute one-way to work that involves 15 miles on the interstate. The 18 wheelers love passing me during blizzards doing 70mph and causing a white-out of snow in their wake.

    Hubs and I went to Vegas one year and it snowed 3 fucking inches. It was hilarious watching the people who actually attempted to drive!

    I have a rear-wheel drive car. WTF was I thinking when I bought that?

    @Dd - Don't worry about the drive to Forks, it's beautiful. A bit curvy around Lake Crescent and don't speed or Charlie will pull your ass over. Also, watch out for the raccoons. You'll have to ask Double_Dippin about that.

    @IGiveUp - I love thunder snow!!

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  9. @IGiveUp - Currently drowning under the same storm as you apparently.

    I hated driving in snow. It was horrible. People drove like total maniacs even though they should know better. As much as I bitch about taking public transportation, it sure beats driving in snow.

    Remind me I said that when I'm stuck on a train for 3 hours tomorrow morning because of this shitty weather, okay?

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  10. Living about 100 miles North of Forks across the Canadian border, we rarely get snow. When it does snow here all the asstard who still have their bald summer tires on still are trying to drive as though there is no snow on the ground. If it wasn't so dangerous it would be funny, watching these people floor it to try and get through an intersection or up a hill. On our commute you can usually count about three or four SUV's off in the ditch or abandond on the side of the road. Oh and our commute is over a small mountain range, so we make sure we actually put on winter tires and when the white stuff hits I make hubs do all the driving. No fucking way I want to brave the crazies on the road when it snows.

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  11. Midwestern born and raised in North West Indiana outside of Chicago and still there, We have winter about about 6 months out of the year and I mean old man winter with lake effect snow flying. I live in the "snow belt" of the US so each and every morning you wear the Michelin Tire man outfit and head to work. This year was no exception...major storms every few weeks so I am used to it even if I don't like it!

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  12. I'm a great snow driver it's people that don't understand being cautious that end up in wrecks.. I live in the suburbs of Chicago and they are very efficient at plowing the roads here. Like tonight we're supposed to get snow and I'll just bet there will be nothing on the streets when I'm out driving in the morning.

    Mother nature is pretty good to us here, well except for when we get all four seasons in one day +high winds +humidity those days suck but it usually isn't so bad.

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  13. I grew up in Buffalo snow capital, so I am def a seasoned snow driver. In fact I'm pretty sure that is the only season that Buffalo has. Our seasons consist of light snow, snow, holy shit wheres the house snow, and fuck get the tank out I need to get to work snow. I hear you on the 4 wheel drive drivers, they get their "muscles" on and love to ride your ass when you're little sports car is not going fast enough. Although that doesn't bother me that much anymore as I honk my horn and wave as I pass them in the ditch up the road!

    Keep warm!!!

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  14. I lived in MD for 14 years before I moved to FL in 2004 (before all the hurricanes) So I have many years experience driving in the snow. We left because of the cold and before the down turn in the housing market.

    Its nice here, we have been getting some extreme weather for FL -- 40 nights / 70 days but nothing like whats all over the news.

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  15. OK so I know you'll all throw snowballs at me for this, but I don't give a fuck.

    We. Don't. Get. Snow. Here. Ever.

    In the South Island, and some parts of the Lower North Island, sure. But Auckland, hell no.

    The coldest it gets here in winter is about -2oC on a really bad day. I had to get my handy iPhone app that converts units to tell me that means about 30oF or so.

    Put it this way, in winter, I get shitty if I have to de-ice my windscreen before I go to work.

    OK, back to the lovely summer sunshine I go. I know you'll remind me of this in July when it's winter here, but meantime, suck it, bitches.

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  16. I used to be fairly competent driving in snow for skiing purposes. Generally,skiers know what they are doing and we all do fine.

    Now I am a cautious old lady and at the sign of the first snow flake I hole up inside the house and don't go out until it is gone. Why? Because the asstards in Seattle couldn't drive in the snow to save their lives. Now, we do have a lot of hills and they are truly impossible to scale when under snow. But people here manage to put themselves in the ditch on the flatest surface.

    Case in point - the pre-Thanksgiving snow. It was about an inch deep when I got up in the morning so I called it a work at home day,knowing that it would soon be the height of insanity out there. Sure enough, the city came to a grinding halt, it was taking people 5-6 hours to drive 20 miles, and the next day maybe 10% of offices were even open.

    I have long suggested that people out here need to have a "snow" endorsement on their driver's license,and will not be allowed to drive in any depth of snow without it.

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  17. PPS. I want to add that I really feel sorry for you east-coasters with the hellacious winter you are experiencing. It looks pretty on TV but I cannot imagine having to deal with it. I

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  18. I live in central NJ & the roads were a MESS this morning. I was quite surprised that fellow commuters were taking it slow & I made it to work without seeing or being involved in an accident.

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  19. I, too, was born in Maine (Mainiacs ftw:) but now live near San Antonio Tx, where everything shuts down if there's even a hint of a flurry...Plus, folx around here can barely drive in rain:( I learned to drive on icy roads in Michigan and on slick coral roads on Guam, so I'm pretty cautious (tho' not as brave as then;) Bless yall's hearts up in the NE... I'd rather hibernate in winter!

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  20. Upstate NY here...and I mean upstate by Lake Ontario...not an hour outside of NYC. Rochester to be exact.
    Snow...you can't scare me with snow. I respect it and there fore do not fear it. It's those damned other fucktards that scare the willies out of me.

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  21. San Diego does have snow, contrary to popular belief. However our snow is about 2 hours East. It's still San Diego county. I have maybe been to the snow about 4 times in my entire life. It's "neat." Never driven in it...and not sure I EVER want to.

    My s/o is from Minnesota originally, so one of these winters I'm bound to experience the brutal-ness that is anything below 55 ;) In all seriousness folks, I have only been there in the Summer & do want to see it in the winter. I'm sure it's bound to be an experience, to say the least.

    Anyhoo I hate it when it's really hot too...that's why San Diego is a comfortable place to live...um, is someone going to pay me for this endorsement?

    PS -11, that is INSANE.

    xo J

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  22. @Dd- I drove from SeaTac to Forks...the non-ferry route by myself. I made it in under 4 hours. Email me if you want to chat!

    -J

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  23. Snow? You mean that's a real thing that falls out of the sky other places besides the North Pole at Christmas? ;)

    Here in San Diego, people drive like lunatics when it drizzles, so I can only imagine what you guys are going through. Hang in there!

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  24. @Sara Matthews LOL, I know how it feels. I live in Michigan and winter seems to go on and on and on. It's so nice to be able to cross the days off on the calendar and think "one day closer to spring". Spring usually hits here around May 20th. ***sigh***

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  25. I hate other drivers in general, but snow and ice make it waaaaay worse.

    I'm well experienced in snow driving, but I hate to do it. I'll only drive if I absolutely have to. Plus Mr. NotSmitten is a driver, and a terrible passenger, so I only have to drive when I'm heading out alone.

    You being pelted with freezing rain today like we are LKW? I'm expecting a brutal commute home later.

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  26. We have winter here for about 5 months. We have armies of plows keeping the roads safe. Snow tires are mandatory here. What drives me crazy are the idiots who don't clean their cars and drive with a little 4 x 4 inch square of visibility. If you drive behind them, you are getting a mini blizzard in your face or a hunk of ice through your window.

    A few years ago, we got 12 feet of snow one winter (total). This year, all the storms are stopping at the border. Another storm is missing us today. I miss those snow days.

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  27. I would be one of the stupid idiots you refer to... *if* I didn't know better than to stay indoors when it snows. Growing up in Florida, snow was only something I saw on vacation. It's still a novelty - when it snows here (maybe 1x/year), I still drag Jersey-raised Mr. XKR to the window, squeeing in delight. Needless to say, he's not impressed by the maybe 1/2 inch that we might be getting*. I do know better than to attempt to drive in it. Luckily, one light dusting of snow or one freezing rain and the entire state shuts down - there isn't even any conversation about work being closed, people just don't go. It's awesome.

    *However, this month we got SIX INCHES that stayed on the ground for over a week. This is unheard of. In ten years here, I've never seen half that. 8 snow plows for a city of ~5 million people + 6" of snow = solid week of vacation! Living in The South FTW.

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  28. I grew up in the North East of England, but also spent my teens in Germany, so I know about snow :-(

    Normally, here in the South of the UK, the snow doesn't really settle for long, but these past couple of winters we've ended up having 'snow days' (which basically means that the area comes to a complete standstill - schools are closed, supermarkets run out of produce, I attempt to work from home). The Brits aren't great at dealing with extreme weather...

    Last year, I bought myself an XC90 [the model up from Edward's - I've a family to ferry around ;-)], so my boss now expects me to be able to drive in to work in all weathers, cuz I'm driving the "safest car in it's class". You wanna know what I think of that? I'll give you three guesses...

    I hate driving in the snow. Cuz, like you LKW, I hate the ineptness of fellow commuters. Grrrrrr!

    CC x

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  29. Snow I can handle. Ice, on the other hand... We get snow here in parts of TX, but it likes to melt & refreeze into a 2 inch sheet of ice. That's when the fun starts. Oh winter driving, how I hate thee.

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  30. Haha! I love that some of you aren't afraid to admit you climb back into bed when you see snow on the ground! And I had another greasy drive in this morning but no morons off the road. I guess they learned their lesson! At least it's not enough to snowblow... unlike you poor saps in NJ!

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  31. I am currently the only person in the office right now. Factory workers are here but anyone who has to dress up 4 days a week...missing! We live in New England people, there will be snow! Get over it!

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  32. I live in Ohio, we get our fair amount of snow too. Ok, I think we get way too much snow personally. The only day I need to see snow is Christmas. Before and after that, the snow can piss off. I'm confident I'm surrounded by idiots on the roads about 99.9% of the time, no matter what the weather is, but they do come out in spades when the weather is crappy. They can't even get the basics down, like, oh I don't know, TURNING ON YOUR LIGHTS perhaps?!? It's a good thing my commute is rather short, I don't think I could contain my rage much longer than it takes me to leave the office and pull into my driveway. Road rage. I has it.

    Be safety out there!

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  33. @Dd - Do the drive to Forks. It's a breathtaking trip. And getting on the ferry is pretty cool, too.

    I admit it -- I hate driving in general (which is why I haven't in 4+ years) and driving in the snow scares the shit out of me.

    Oh, and speaking of snow... SNOW DAY, BITCHES!!! WOOOT!!! 14 inches of snow makes it tricky to commute to the city!!

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  34. I'm a fellow New Englander so I definitely feel your pain, LKW. I've grown up driving in it and can handle it no problem. Although, I do admit that I steal the hubby's 4 wheel drive explorer when it snows (Hey, I have a longer commute than he does!). People tend to drive ok here in MA when it snows but you do get the occasional fucktard who rides your ass or passes you doing 70 *shakes head* THAT pisses me off to no end. Anywhoo, I'm loving all the snow lately, it's been getting me plenty of snow days from school/work!

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  35. @kintail - I LOVE your idea of a snow endorsement! That is awesome. I live in northern Montana, and we get lots of people who move here from warmer places who have never seen snow in their lives. Which of course means they have no idea how to drive in the snow. I get a little stabby when my normal 10 minute commute (yes, I know I'm spoiled) takes more than 30 minutes.

    I am so jealous of the snow days you East Coasters get. However, I don't want the amounts of snow you get in order to cause those snow days, so I guess I can't complain! I would like some sunshine though. I can handle the cold and the snow, but it's cloudy, grey and dreary from November til about March. Denver gets 300 days of sunshine a year, we get the other 65. :(

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  36. HELL yes snow driving! Born and raised in west Michigan (Lake Effect Snow is a real thing, people. Respect it.), then off to Philly for university...I know what to do in the snow. Shit, I had never driven 4WD until I bought my Jeep last year, and now I live in Eugene, OR. We got 3/4 an inch of snow this year and they shut.the.town.down. Fucking 'tards.

    I'm perfectly happy without snow driving, but I'm kind of afraid of the "if you don't use it, you'll lose it" factor. I don't want to end up moving back to a snowy winter and become a douche-twat in the snow...Maybe I should start driving out to the mountains just to practice.

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  37. I'm not gonna say anything about the "S" word cause for now ours is melted and I don't want it coming back anytime soon.

    Be Safe! Hmm, where have I heard that one before? ;-)

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  38. It doesn't snow often in Seattle, but when it does it shuts the damn city down. Sadly, even though it rains non-stup here drivers still can't manage to figure out how to drive in that either.

    I learned how to drive in mid-November in Provo, Utah. So driving in the snow is not an issue for me, I rather enjoy it. It's all the assfucks around me that makes me want to crawl back into bed.

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  39. I love driving in the snow! Of course, I have a big ass truck so it don't scare me none! I am constantly slamming my brakes on to see if I can slide... ya know, being the safe driver that I am. My road rage is pretty bad on a good day, so add snow to the mix and my black out rage fits appear. One time I was so annoying/pissed off, that I rolled my window down and as I passed the slow mofo, I chucked my half full plastic water bottle at their drivers side window and screamed obscenities.
    Not too proud of that, but at least I didn't get shot.
    So yeah, snow makes me happy slash angry all at the same time.
    haha :)

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  40. Driving in the snow is not an issue for me...I live in WI. Unfortunately for me today, one of those morons (this is me being nice) who felt they could just plow through anything, had a run in with my nice, little car. I always trust my driving - it's too bad you can't control all the a-holes out there...I forgot to mention - this particular one happened to be driving with a suspended license as well. Just my luck. Here's hoping the insurance is valid!

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  41. Living on Long Island all my life I have become very experienced. I also drive an SUV with 4WD and know not to drive like I'm indestructible. I also know which roads to take and which to avoid on my daily commute because of steep hills and the what not.

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  42. I grew up in Buffalo snow capital, so I am def a seasoned snow driver. In fact I'm pretty sure that is the only season that Buffalo has. Our seasons consist of light snow, snow, holy shit wheres the house snow, and fuck get the tank out I need to get to work snow. I hear you on the 4 wheel drive drivers, they get their "muscles" on and love to ride your ass when you're little sports car is not going fast enough. Although that doesn't bother me that much anymore as I honk my horn and wave as I pass them in the ditch up the road!

    Keep warm!!!

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  43. We're int he middle of summer here in Australia - just to make you jealous of your weather at the moment, we're expecting a balmy 24*C (75.2F) and a steamy 28*C (100.4*F) on Sunday!!! Gorgeous weather here :) To be honest I've never lived anywhere that snows so have no comparison with your experiences... Even in Tasmania (where I recently moved from) which is Australia's coldest state we still don't have the cold extremes as you seem to experience (especially not snow like this) I've always pictured snow to be fun, but not sure now!!!

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  44. I am a speech therapist in a school, so when the weather is bad, we have 2 hour delays or cancelations... which is a good thing because driving in snow scares the crap out of me. Hell, I am nervouse about drivng in Forks in September! (BUT SO EXCITED TO GO) I am not a fan of driving in general, so I am definately one of those people who want to go back to bed when it snows:)

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