Monday, February 7, 2011

Dear Edward. I'm a H00r. Also, Meet My New Fling...

I have a confession to make. I've been having an affair.

I can't believe you would do this to me, JJ!!!

I didn't really mean to! I swear I wasn't looking for anything else. I mean, I was more than content loving the brooding, sparkly goodness that is Edward Cullen. His protective almost-bordering-on-psychotic nature, his tousled I-just-had-the-best-sex-of-my-life bronze hair, that smirk, oh! That smirk.

It's all Neflix's fault. At first it just merely suggested I check out my new man and he would pop up every now and then again. Steadily, as I starred more and more movies and television shows, he began to show up more often, until eventually he was a permanent fixture on my Netflix homepage.

So I decided to give him a go. You know, maybe watch one episode, get to first base.

But he swept me off my feet and forty-eight hours later I was curled on my couch, glass of wine shaking in my chubby paw as I whimpered and gasped and watched my man in action in the last episode. I literally watched over thirteen hours of him this past weekend. We barely got out of bed off the couch to pee or drink.

That Thracian, Spartacus, stole my heart. And possibly my vagina as well.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand. (For some reason whenever I see this, I always read it as Spaaaaaaaarrrrrrttttaaaaaaaaacus and it must be spoken specifically in a deep announcer's voice)

It was glorious.

Seriously, Spartacus: Blood and Sand is a must-see series. It's thirteen episodes of man-chiseled godliness in loincloth. Sure, sure, it's got a shit-ton of blood and guts but that's only rivaled by fuck-like-bunnies-everywhere scenes, not to mention the naked dude-wrestling, naked-wine-drinking, naked... fuck it, according to Spartacus: Blood and Sand, the Romans were a bunch of debaucherous horndogs who liked to hump in the streets and show their tits to the winner of the arena. There is enough sex in this series that even Caligula would be proud.

More importantly, it has this dude in it:

He can impale me with his sword all he wants.

And lots of other hot dudes.

Uh, what was I saying?

And dudes fighting other dudes (who knew grown men in diapers was hot?)

Stay away from my toybox, asshole!!

Sorry, my vagina apparently managed to gain control of my brain there for a moment.

I can't recommend this series enough. It's got everything you could ever want - intrigue, betrayal, girl-on-girl, guy-on-girl, guy-on-guy, full-frontal, awesomely graphic bloody deaths and Lucy Lawless' nipples.

I now have intimate knowledge of Xena: Warrior Princess' areolas. Not sure I how I feel about that...

If you have Netflix, this is streaming for free! Or you can buy it on Amazon, er, or something like that. I didn't really do the research because I was too busy wiping drool off my laptop. Do it!! You know want to watch it. Not convinced? I'll leave you with a little teaser...



Go on, check it out. You know you want to. Don't worry, Edward will wait for you to come back to him. He's got all the time in the world...

Update from Snarkier Than You: Looks like Jenny isn't the only one cheating on Edward! AllTwiedUp has already documented her sordid fling with Spartacus over at Dirty, Hot and Nerdy - check it out!

26 comments:

  1. I watched it when it was on TV (for the naked men), but it just didn't do it for me. I know I'll probably be in the minority here, but I'm just sayin' . . .


    Maybe if I watched it ALONE in my bedroom . . . um . . .no. Not even.

    I'll shut up now.

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  2. Honestly, I suspect I might be in the minority but I was really, really proud that I could spell Thracian without using spellcheck...

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  3. Ok did you see Charla's post on dirtyhotandnerdy ? It eerily similar this post...she is head over heals with this guy and this show as a whole! So funny.

    I'll have to check it out!

    xo J

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  4. JJ how have we not talked about this? I have been watching this with Mr. VitR...it is great couple watching material...dare I say even better than True Blood when it comes to the sexy.

    I hate to rain on the parade but the star, Andy Whitfield, had to quit the series after Season 1 because he has non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Such a fucking tragedy for such a beautiful man. The series is now going back in time and doing a prequel as far as I know. Just another reason to want to kick cancer in the fucking ass.

    Great show...watch it.

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  5. This is so funny. While my son is away at college, we share a Netflix account (he can only watch Instant on his end). Anyway, he tells me to watch Spartacus and I tell him to watch The Tudors. At first I couldn’t handle the 300 effect to it but my son said it gets better by the third episode (I freaking hated 300). But funny enough, in the first episode I was like, OMG, I’ve counted four or five sex scenes. Then I thought, that little shit is watching soft porn on his end. LOL!

    Okay, so I’m only on episode two but if you also recommend it, then I’ll keep watching.

    But have you seen the Tudors?

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  6. Write yourself a cross-over fanfic; make all your fantasies come true ;o)

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  7. someone else also recommended this recently. I'll have to check it out. Nekkid, hot men, violence and sex? It's a winning combination!!

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  8. I immediately put this on my "watch instantly" queue and am looking forward to diving in... nothing like some naked gladiator goodness! Thanks for the rec JJ! *mwah*

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  9. My friend and her S/O watch this & told me it was really good. I'll have to go to Amazon & get it. I REALLY tend to like this kind of stuff. A LOT.

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  10. DONE AND DONE!! And only $23 with shipping! LOL!

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  11. Oh la la! A good way to warm up a cold winter night! It's got it all except I bet he doesn't sparkle.

    BTW The Tudors rocks....Henry Cavill....nuff said.

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  12. Oh man JJ will the h00rbaggery on this site never end? Apparently not thank god. Yes Spartacus is out there just waiting for me to get some alone time to indulge all my Blood and Sand fantasies. Hot men in scanty loincloths FTMFW! I'm so sorry the star of the show contracted cancer. That sucks huge monkey prick. I may love Edward but full frontal and boy-on-boy is hard to ignore. By the way I hear Cavill is going to be Theseus, another excellent Greek hero, I can't wait. I'm sure he'll fill out Superman's tight nicely, even though I can't stand the idea of him as Supes, but he'll definitely rock a loincloth. In the meantime stop subverting us from our devotion to the sparkly peen dammit. My ovaries prefer hot sweaty mens who look like the gang in 300. Ye gods I'm such a h00r. *sigh*

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  13. I watched this last year with hubs. Then I bought him the DVD for Christmas. (talk about ulterior motives...I got what i wanted disguised as a gift for him: SCORE). He is so thrilled that I like this series...i tell him that the action scenes are to die for...yeah right. two words: Andy fucking Whitfield...okay that was really three. so sue me.

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  14. i knew nothing about the show but after that trailer, i am sold! i think mr snarky would like this, too - woot!

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  15. OMG!! Yes this is awesome.. I was up till 3:30am watching season 1.. I am watching "Great and Unfortunate Things" episode 7.. I couldn't stop watching.. You can watch it online for free.. I strongly recommend this one..and yes thank you Charla for the recomend, at first I thought your were talking about the movie..I didn't realize it was a series.. SOOOO good... My favorite saying.."words fall from your mouth like shit from ass".. It's a much needed distraction in times like these (Robdrought). Off to watch more..carry on.

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  16. I'm watching this with the hubs as well...we both get a little enjoyment out of it during and after...if you know what I mean. Andy Whitifield....saddest story ever, I hope he recovers.

    We were also watching The Tudors via netflix and now have slowed down becuase Season 3 isn't available instantly, but between Jonathan Reyes Meyers and Henry Cavill...yeah I love that one as well, but the raw sex and naked men in Spartacus is better than anything!

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  17. @Violhaine -

    DUDE!!! All you had to say was Cavil! Oh my word I love him. I'll watch it for sure now! LOL!

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  18. He's fucking smokin hot, no question. However not even remotely close to my twitarded Robward obsession. I can't do it...

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  19. I don't know, JJ, I love me some sweaty, nekkid Greek god-like men, but I hate gore. I may have to give in and give this one a chance, just cuz it comes so highly recommended. I'll just hide my head under a pillow and come out for the various fuck-like-rabbits scenes--sounds like there are enough of them to get me through the icky parts.
    And oh yes, the Tudors...Henry Cavill can get all up in my petticoats any day. He's delicious.

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  20. Crazy coincidence. I just attempted to watch this show last night. I didn't make it past the first five minutes (although I was watching Spartacus: Gods of the Area, is there a difference?). All that gore does not agree with my already-iffy stomach. It reminded me a lot of Rome though - did anyone watch that before it got (*sniff*) canceled?

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  21. *runs off to Netflix queue*
    Thanks for the rec! TH might even want to watch (what a shock)!

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  22. The sad thing is they had to recast the lead for the second season. The original guy is fighting cancer for a second time. It is an awesome show though. I think my husband shouts, "Jupiter's cock!" daily. They say cock A LOT. They show cock A LOT. I want to look away but I just can't....

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  23. Ah JJ, birds of a feather, babe, birds of a feather. I <3 you.

    Andy owns me. SHhhhh don't tell the mister! :)

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  24. i knew nothing about the show but after that trailer, i am sold! i think mr snarky would like this, too - woot!

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  25. I'm watching this with the hubs as well...we both get a little enjoyment out of it during and after...if you know what I mean. Andy Whitifield....saddest story ever, I hope he recovers.

    We were also watching The Tudors via netflix and now have slowed down becuase Season 3 isn't available instantly, but between Jonathan Reyes Meyers and Henry Cavill...yeah I love that one as well, but the raw sex and naked men in Spartacus is better than anything!

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  26. JJ how have we not talked about this? I have been watching this with Mr. VitR...it is great couple watching material...dare I say even better than True Blood when it comes to the sexy.

    I hate to rain on the parade but the star, Andy Whitfield, had to quit the series after Season 1 because he has non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Such a fucking tragedy for such a beautiful man. The series is now going back in time and doing a prequel as far as I know. Just another reason to want to kick cancer in the fucking ass.

    Great show...watch it.

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