Sunday, March 20, 2011

Autocorrect Meet Twilight. Twilight Meet Autocorrect.

It should come as no surprise that I like to procrastinate. A lot. The internet is the greatest procrastination tool ever created. It's pathetic how often I sit down at the computer and give myself thirty minutes to finish a super mega important task and spend the next forty-five minutes on LOLcats watching a feline chase a red dot. Damn those funny cats to hell!

If only hard work weren't so... hard.

I totally meant to spend only five minutes on SmartphOWNED the other day. Really, I did. I must have fallen into some kind of wormhole in the time-space continuum because there is no way I spent two hours on that site when I had planned to go grocery shopping. I've placed numerous calls to NASA to alert them to this living room wormhole, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. Their loss.

During my brief-ish perusal of this site, I noticed a few familiar names. STY swears the Twilight cast submits their texts to TFLN. I am in total agreement. That got me thinking (dangerous in and of itself), what if the Twilight characters texted each other? What would their unscripted thoughts look like?

I need to see Rosalie practice her fist pumps.

This has to be after Jasper left her with all the newborns. Men can be so insensitive.

"Your hair looks like two chickens fucking. I like it. I like it a lot."

I am totally picturing Lauren and Jessica here.

This is the worst kept secret in the Twidom. I think Tyler is the last one to know he's gay.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a dude."

Hey, Tyler, you misspelled Mike's name.

Seriously, Tyler. The jig is up.

Sometimes the line between character and actor blur. That's when things get a little dicey.

Wait! Rob is banging MILF's now?! How did I miss this memo? You can't see me, but I'm making the universal 'call me' gesture.


  1. Awesome!!! Pmsl....I even read this one to hubs. Totes the laugh I needed tonight. Once again I have to say thank you to the queens of twitarded, sty, jj, lkw & tk for bringing laughter back into my life. It wasn't too long ago that I didn't even know it was missing & now, because of you h00rs & this awesome community, I lmao every day! I will never be able to express how much better my life is because of all of, just...thanks.

  2. This whole Auto Correct Iphone thing makes me almost want to switch from my Blackberry to an Iphone...almost.

    Funny ass shit though! Always wondered what happened to Tyler between Twilight and New Moon...

  3. Chicken fuck? LMFAO! I absolutely hate auto correct! I was filling out a form on line for my sons doctor, his name is Liam Hennebury, and it auto corrected to Lima Hisenburg. The dr's office contacted me and asked if I meant Liam. I pissed myself laughing. Because, really, Lima Hisenburg sounds like a fucking jewish lawyer.

  4. Pfffft. Another reason for me NOT to get a fucking iPhone. The last thing I need is to send batshit crazy texts to my co-workers.

    I won't be able to look at chickens or Tyler the same way again. Well, the Tyler bit wasn't a stretch by any means, so that's no big deal. But the chickens. Oh man...That just ain't right.

  5. Love the new banner, but shouldn't there be four Twitards on there? Who got the axe? LOL.

  6. LOLcats gets me everytime. They just_did right now!

    so happy I don't have an iphone! Chicken fuck, LMAO! That's gonna be stuck in my head for a while

  7. Fuuuuck, TK, you are one hilarious chick. I should always make sure I put beverages down before I read your blogs. I'm sick cleaning down my screen . May need to start billing you.

  8. Awesome!

    I've been a fan of for a while, so it's great to know there's another site to check out as well.

    You're clearly feeling better, welcome back TK!

  9. Too funny. I love it when auto-correct suggests weird words to replace people's names at work.

  10. yeah. I should be getting ready for work right now, but I just had to check out last night's post. Then I had to read the comments.

    Then Imma have to look at the NSFW pictures that came up on my RSS feeds. Then I'll be late for work. Again.

  11. "banging with your mom" - love it. Auto correct only fixes about 2% of my errors correctly, otherwise it changes things I don't want changed. Another one of life's little annoyances.

  12. know you can turn off the autocorrect, right? LOL! I love that it learns words I use frequently. Like when I type in TK in an email, it capitalizes it for me.

    And ask Jenny Jerkface about the autocorrect on her Droid... it fucks her about 8 gazillion times a day! For some reason, it autocorrects something to "KY" - not sure if it means the jelly or the state.

    Damnyouautocorrect is one of my go to sites when I need a bit of a lift! So fucking funny!

  13. Bahahaha. Those sites are such a hilarious timesucker. Impossible not to LMAO!!

    PS-love the new springtime banner, but shouldn't there be 4 of you?


  14. As my very good friends on Twitter pointed out, this post combines two of my favourite things.... I have wasted MANY a day on but have never thought to imagine the Twilight saga being involved.

    I will now!! Friggin' hilarious!! Thank you!!

    Now... time to go to work... if I can only shut the site down.

  15. HOLY CRAP!! That made me snort laugh loudly at my desk. My boss asked what I was laughing at. "Oh nothing." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  16. You did it everywhere! Thanks for the new time sucking

  17. Read this very early this morning before work and LMAO all the way there...."chicken fuck" is the funniest thing I've ever heard....this site makes me laugh like NOTHING else!!

  18. Oh gawd. I'm crying. I have the wormhole in my dining room, so if you hear from NASA, tell them to call me too.

    Thanks for the great laughs.

  19. LOL! I can never get enough of these.

  20. I so flove damnyouautocorrect and had no idea there was another site - oh Gawd, I'm gonna be sniggering at inappropriate times all over again :-/

    My Droid had the autocorrect feature switched on until recently - and I too fell into it's clutches! Major tweetfails all over the place!

    Loving the new banner - very Spring-like. Though it seems your fourth Twitard has bounced off somewhere. Care to enlighten us?

    CC x

  21. I fucking LOVE I too spend too much time on it but I always end up crying from laughing so hard. That stuff is pure gold.

  22. Yeah, autocorrect is a son of a bitch and generally tends to fuck me over on a regular basis. My mom, my boss, my co-workers have all experienced the joy of my incorrectly corrected messages.

    "Bella, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a dude." Totally PMSL on that one! Thanks for a much needed laugh TK!

  23. I vote we have a day where none of us correct our autocorrect on Twitter. I bet it would be a hoot. Maybe we could do it to celebrate Rob's birthday on May 13th...isn't that right?

  24. Note to self -!! LMAO!!!!!

    and your captions were killing me.



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