Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Making Sausage: Behind the Scenes at Twitarded HQ

Since I met the other hookers running this blog, we've exchanged daily e-mails. It started out as maybe 10 or so e-mails per day. Then it increased to 50 plus. I have no clue how many we exchange on average now. It's well into the triple digits. E-mail has pretty much become a full time job for me. Every time I check my accounts (ideally that would be every 1.24357 seconds) I have at least 57 new e-mails. I have to delete all the notifications about my African lottery winnings (I suck at geography and even I know the continent of Africa does not have a lottery.), check the Neiman Marcus e-blasts to see if Michael Kors has seen the error of his ways regarding gold chains on handbags, and cull through newsletters from the boy's school. It's only then that I can get down to SRS BSNS and answer e-mails regarding the Gringott's troll look-alike that inhabits JJ's office building and which Fraggle Rock character was the hottest. Inquiring minds, people.

Not hot.

We thought we'd give you a peek at one our e-mail trails and a simultaneous look at the making of a blog post (and maybe this might shed some light on why they seem a little... spastic at times). We bounce a lot of ideas off each other and provide feedback. Until we get off topic. Exhibit A:


From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
It's called "Vanity Fair Wants My Money." It's all over the map, but whatever.

From: JJ
To: TK, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
Going in assholes.

From: LKW
To: JJ, TK, STY
Re: Go read my post, bitches

From: LKW
To: JJ, TK, STY
Re: Go read my post, bitches
Bitch. Lemme know when you're out. Sorry for the blank email earlier...

From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
We are all winning with technology today.

From: JJ
To: TK, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
If you just pulled that out of your ass I'm not sure if I should fire you for making me look bad or just bequeath the fucking blog to you when I die of shame for my shitty posts.

So, yea, it's fucking good.

From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
Let's just change the blog name to Stream of Consciousness & roll with it. I think the rant you shit out earlier was hysterical.

From: LKW
To: JJ, TK, STY
Re: Go read my post, bitches
I'm going in whores.

From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
Are you missing a comma, or did you really go inside some whores? Do tell.

From: LKW
To: JJ, TK, STY
Re: Go read my post, bitches
That post is awesome. I bow to your greatness. And thank you for including my favorite picture of Rob leaving my house every morning.... *sigh

From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
I was getting a little hot & bothered loading those pics into the post. Yowza.

From: JJ
To: TK, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
I just almost sharted from laughing. I'm madly trying to fold the mound of laundry in my tv room and ky phone keeps pinging with message alerts. You people are the reason I never get shit done...

From: LKW
To: JJ, TK, STY
Re: Go read my post, bitches
Mwaaaahaha! My work here is done. I never get laundry folded. I'm too busy emailing you all.

From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
2 questions: 1. Why is your phone from Kentucky, JJ? 2. LKW, you totally dodged that question. Are the whores in the freezer now?

From: JJ
To: TK, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
Even more important question - why does my phone autocorrect "ky" instead of "my"? I don't even use ky so I'm not sure why that's even in there. And the whores take awhile to drain, TK. So they aren't in her freezer yet.

From: LKW
To: JJ, TK, STY
Re: Go read my post, bitches
The whores are currently hanging out back on the game hoist draining...they'll be ready for the freezer in the morning.

From: JJ
To: TK, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
The fact that you actually know the technical term for the hangy-thingy is mildly alarming...

From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
I hope I never hear the phrase "game hoist" as long as I live. Actually, if I ever hear it again it will probably be the last thing I hear.

From: JJ
To: TK, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
Especially if you're at LKW's house...

I Googled "game hoist" and I really wish I hadn't. Avenge my death, Twitards!


From: STY
To: JJ, TK, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
eating dinner so feel free to ptmfs without me - i'll catch up! [It should be noted that it is like herding cats jacked up on meth to get 4 people in 2 time zones together.]

From: JJ
To: TK, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
On a side note - I can't wait to take a picture of the outfit I picked out for work tomorrow because HOLY SHIT it looks straight out of fucking Little House on the Prairie. I almost can't wait.

From: LKW
To: JJ, TK, STY
Re: Go read my post, bitches
I'm still waiting for the pic of your new glasses.

From: JJ
To: TK, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
Worst picture of me ever. Just sayin.

This photo may have been altered. I won't say how.


From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
I'm gonna post, tweet & put the boy in bed.
Cocks. Xoxo

From: TK
To: JJ, STY, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
I like the glasses!

From: STY
To: JJ, TK, LKW
Re: Go read my post, bitches
you're cute! stfu...


And there you have it. This was one of the cleaner posts when Blogger was behaving. It's always fun when you have to fire up the Twitard Bat Signal because "JMFHFZOMGSOABMFBBQ! Blogger ate my post and shit out gibberish! I'm going to stab someone in the face!!!"

I hope you enjoyed your backstage tour. I really wish JJ would have finished folding the laundry before guests arrived. Slacking cum guzzler.

17 comments:

  1. OMG, I'm not really first?! I didn't actually read this except for the part about "Vanity Fair." Squeeeee . . . it comes out Thursday!!! I cannot fucking wait for those photos. Rob must have one hell of an agent that keeps all the other mags from publishing pics of him so we are literally salivating by the time he shows up in one . . . and in pics by Annie Liebowitz, no less. (I'll read the rest of the post, I really will - I just had to get this out of my system!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Huh. Huh. It looks... well, we look totally kinda fucked from this perspective. I can't believe this is one of our tamer email trails. And no wonder we get shit done.

    I'm now thinking about all the random email trails I've participated in recently and how they're going to come back to haunt me...

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL! Loved reading "the makings of a post". Your email trail is hilarious! You women are so witty! This is why if you ever try to quit blogging, I will kidnap all of you like Annie Wilkes from Misery and force you to blog... Or break your legs. You choose.

    xoxoxo Suz

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loved the back and forth ladies, even if it was a tame example, and I like Jenny's red devil cat ears...and her glasses!

    But, really, I want TK's "Vanity Fair Wants My Money" post, because, think what you will about that damn hat, Robert is still fuckhawt and is worthy of our objectification...sorry, admiration!
    :)Jen

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is it sad that when I read the little house on the prairie outfit email, I knew it was JJ without even looking? Haha I thought she learned her lesson about bad outfits a few hundred blog posts ago. (I didn't think it was THAT bad. The pink tights were the shit!)

    BTW you bitches check your emails that often and it still takes you a hundred years to reply? I got a reply last month from LKW on an email that I had sent her the week after Forks. SO I'm waiting until July to reply back, just for the hell of it. And I may just reply with a smiley face. Wait for it LKW, I'm serious! I'm just giving you all shit because I'm the exact same way when it comes to emails/work emails/paying my bills/doing anything non-twi/blog/twitter/tumblr related. It's sad but I don't give a shit.

    Um....all the laundry comments just make me laugh after our blog post regarding that chick humping her laundry basket over on Borderline Phenomenal. Just in case you didn't see it, you HAVE to check it out. Seriously anytime someone brings up "doing laundry" my mind goes right there: http://borderlinephenomenal.blogspot.com/2011/01/laundry-basket-lovin.html

    Not trying to add a self-promo on the comments. This is just something you Twitards neeeeeeed to read because it's so "WTF".

    ReplyDelete
  6. That was hilarious!! Thanks for working so hard to keep us entertained on a daily basis :)

    I can't remember, how did we use to spend our time pre-Twilight? I'm pretty sure I wasn't emailing all day and reading blogs and fanfic all night.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Holy shit. Hilarious.

    I love a good twi-mail stream. Have participated in a few funnies of late.

    Since Jaymes has started some blatant self promotion, might I suggest you check this shit out:

    http://itswhinethirty.blogspot.com/2011/02/ignorant-colleague-and-amazing-group-of.html

    Fucking hilarious. I said it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This email chain is totally normal, I don't understand all the fuss.

    If the State of Washington only knew how much time I spend at work with you ladies....good thing I am stealthy and extremely fast at minimizing.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  9. OMG if any of you go missing I know who to set the cops onto...

    ReplyDelete
  10. You h00rs rock!

    LMAO@ "This photo may have been altered. I won't say how."

    ReplyDelete
  11. We iz professnul bloggy peeps, ya'll!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Holy shit tards,
    I think this has to be one of the most twi-tastic exchange of email conversations that has ever graced my laptop. I sat here while I was supposed to be writing a research paper when a tweet came through my phone mentioning the blog post. Needless to say, I regret clicking on it cause when it was actually funny, I had to read the whole thing and completely forgot I had a paper to do. O.o
    I loved it though!

    ReplyDelete
  13. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Totally have email trails like this with friends. LOL! LOVE IT!

    ReplyDelete
  14. You guys make me laugh every day! Thanks for that....as long as no laptops get damaged from spewed coffee it's fine.

    ReplyDelete
  15. @LoversLullaby--We are not responsible if you fail your class. I may need our legal department to draft a document stating such. My cat heads our legal department so that document may be a long time coming.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's good to know that at least one of you (STY) isn't emailing every two seconds and may actually be getting work (/laundry/errands/reading/Mr. Snarky) done.

    Can I make a request? Can you cc the rest of us on these emails? Reading them sounds way more fun than my job. I would love to sit on the sidelines and enjoy the hilarity. kthxbai.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't really have dead whores hanging outside at my house... well, not very often anyway.

    ReplyDelete

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