Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Twilight: The Audiobook. [Proceed with Caution]

I'm relatively positive that this post may compel some of you want to cause me bodily harm. But that's a chance I'm going to take. And if you find it necessary to launch a mafia-style hit on me in Forks, just please...where the bruises won't show...'kay?

Unless it's this kind of hit and then I'm totally ok with any bruises he wants to give me. (source)

I also feel like I should preface this by reminding you that I love the Twilight books. The first time I read them, I thought nothing would ever live up to them. Fuck, I even loved Breaking Dawn.

In my Twilighty tenure, I've read the books numerous times, seen the movies more than I can count on all my digits, and pretty much made it my life's mission to figure out how the hell I can create my very own Edward Cullen vampire that will treat me like a princess while agonizing over whether or not he'll kill me when we finally fuck.

"I must figure out a way to have her without halving her."

What I had never done until now was listen to the Twilight audiobooks. Maybe I was just too cheap to drop the $28.95 on iTunes. But when I was inundated with iTunes gift cards this past Christmas, I finally decided to take the plunge. And now...those 12 hours...I'll never get them back. Ever. Those 12 hours that could have been dedicated to more important things - like scouring the web for Rob-porn. Makes. my. head. explode.

Where the fuck do I even begin?

Let's start with the basics. When you read the Twilight books, you know the writing isn't going to win a Pulitzer Prize. But the story is so frackin yummy and Edward is so dreamy that while you might kinda want to punch Bella here and there, you can generally overlook Stephenie's literary short comings. You skim over all the blathery crap, strip away the obvious overuse of her thesaurus, and get down to the good stuff. The kissing, the leg hitching, the pillow biting. You get the idea. You must... you're here, aren't you?


For me, the act of someone reading these words out loud, every single one of them, made me want to pierce my own eardrums. And hearing those words, bad narrating job aside, just magnifies that, well, Steph's writing leaves a little to be desired. I decided there was no overuse of the thesaurus. Nope. Turns out Stephenie was dry humping the fuck out of that poor reference book. What the mutherfuck just happened? I tell you what happened... I spent 12 hours being audibly assaulted.

The narrator--whose name I shall never type--tops my list of problems with the whole operation. If I ever met her in person, I might have to fight back the urge to go all "Face Punch!" on her ass just so I'd never have to hear her voice again. I knew I was in trouble the first time she said "Bella." Or more precisely "Bel-LA" - the inflection on the second syllable of her name gave me a burning need to ram the car in front of me. ZOMG serenity fucking now! Just say it like a normal person--it's "BELL-a", you moron!!

Oh gawd, she sings too? Maybe Guantanamo Bay needs a new form of torture.

I generally love audiobooks and have only ever turned one off without listening because the narrator's voice was too much for me to handle. But then again, I'm usually not so deeply invested in those books. I usually don't live and breath a Nora Roberts book the way I do the Twilight Saga. And even though my first instinct was to just turn it off and walk away, I paid $28.95 for this fucking audiobook so I was damn well going to force myself to listen...no matter how detrimental it could be to my fellow commuters. Or my eardrums.

But before I rip out what's-her-name's voice box, I need ask her one question: Why the fuck do you insist on making Edward Cullen sound like a PUSSY??! This really bothered me...yes, I'm bothered. I know he's supposed to sound all old school and borderline pretentious, but he is NOT supposed to sound like he wears a fucking skirt.

"What if not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy?" News flash sucky narrator chick... bad guys are generally NOT pussies.
Learn it. Know it. Live it.


Anyone want to put money down on whether or not I'll be purchasing New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn audiobooks anytime soon? So Twitarded nation, have you tortured your senses with the audiobooks? Do you hate my review with a blinding passion or do you want to give me double high fives and a chest bump? Inquiring minds want to know.

55 comments:

  1. LMFAO! Right when I read your tweet about this post I immediately said outloud, "Bel-LA." Hahahaha...you are so right on, that bugged the shit out of me! Lucky for me I didn't buy any of them though, I just borrowed them from the library and burned them :)

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  2. Hahaha! I totally tried to borrow them from the library but I could never find the fuckers. So instead, I blow nearly $30 to piss myself off!

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  3. Yes, I agree, Bell-a! That did bother me but then I got used to it. I did check them out at the library before I decided to buy but I only bought Twilight.

    I kind of wished they would have had a guy do Edwards voice. Or done it like an old radio show but that's just me.

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  4. LKW, look in young adult. I did that too and finally asked.

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  5. Wait a second, just the ONE book was $29??? I thought surely you got all four for that price. How can an audiobook that you download cost more than a hardcover? With shipping? Ripoff.

    That's disappointing that they sucked. I would very much like to hear YOU narrate them. I bet you could make them much, much more interesting :)

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  6. yes! i listened to the audiobooks too, and every time she said "Bel- LA" it was like nails down a freakin' blackboard! I was so into the books that I couldn't put them down, so I borrowed a friend's audiobook when I realized I couldn't read and drive at the same time. Listening to her voice was marginally less painful than the car accident I could have caused while reading and driving to work.

    while we're talking about different formats for the Twilight series, does anyone else wish there were a "Twilight: The Musical"? I just think it would be epic! just throwing that out there...

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  7. The same girl who convinced me to read the books last summer lent me the CD's for my iTunes...her gift came with a warning that it was the worst narrated book ever. It is a fact-so a high five/chest bump to you for going balls out and putting it to paper (or blog) because everyone was thinking it.

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  8. i have a couple friends who have listened to all the audiobooks multiple times. i don't know if they just became immune to her awful voice, or they just don't care. i however can't stand it when people read books to me, so i never bought them. thank god.

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  9. Oddly enough this makes me want to listen to the audiobooks. And then mimic them and leave messages on your voicemail.

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  10. DO IT!! DOUBLE DOG DARE YA! LOL!!!

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  11. My sis listened to Eclipse on audio but I couldn't stand her voice either! I want to listen to how beautiful Edward is in my own mind! So instead we just make fun of her name! Oh and I love that manip pic of Rob as a hot mafia guy! yummy!

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  12. This may get me kicked out of the fandom or rediculously mocked in Forks, but I have never read the books. Ever. I drive an hour each way to work, and I have only experienced these through the audiobooks. I own the first three actual books and will buy the fourth when the collector's edition comes out. I did read Bree, but come on - that only took a couple of hours.

    I think when you read the books, you develop these characters in your head. You see them. You hear them. Nothing is going to live up, which is why we make fun of the movies and still love them. I guess I am lucky in that the movie came first and these came second. I had not preconception of them, so it is what I know. I'm kinda glad now!

    My word verification is mighstin, which looks suspiciously like might stain. :oD

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  13. I'm afraid to listen now - lol! it's curious that there is ONE review of the audiobook on amazon - like maybe they deleted a bunch of stuff or something? hmmm... One time I did but on a pair of headphones in my local Barnes & Noble because Twi was playing and I think i ripped them off my ears a few sentences later.

    Listening to audio books is supposed to HELP with road rage, not increase it!!!

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  14. @LoriAnnTwiFan - yes we WILL mock you - lol!!! but seriously, you should read the books. i adore the movies because of the books; i honestly don't think they stand up so well on their own as good movies [ducks]. If you don't read the books, we will force you to change your screen name to "LoriAnnLKindaLikesTwilight" or something...

    : )

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  15. Maybe we should do a "reading circle" at FORKS 2011?

    LatchKeyWife, would you kindly open you book to chapter one and start for us? o.0

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  16. @rottymama Reading cirlce in Forks! I just snorted water up my nose reading that, laughing so hard.

    I have converted my entire office of ladies over to Twilight, and they all listened to the audiobook. Only one asked to borrow the actual books (FYI- it was a dude! Fucker still has Breaking Dawn). My entire office loves the series, but HATES the lady who reads it. So many good people out there who can read and acctually change their voice when a new character is speaking.

    I would love a redo of those audiobooks with someone like Johanna Parker who reads the Sookie Stackhouse books. Now there is someone that can speak for multiple characters and it sounds different each time.

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  17. downloaded only the free first chapters of Twilight and New Moon on itunes and felt the same way. props to you for suffering through. her Edward voice was AWFUL! I can't even imagine the leg hitch scene (do I want to?)

    however, this all being said, the Water for Elephants audio book is GREAT! like, listen to it a few times great. listen away my lovelies and just imagine Rob in those riding boots...

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  18. I bought the audiobook on CD used. That was the only way I could justify it. And yes, I did listen to the whole thing. And yes, I may have also listened to a little of New Moon too.

    The only thing you really need to know, though, is that the narrator's creepy voice haunts me. Seriously. She now also narrates my nightmares. If they had done an audiobook with different people doing different characters, I would have cast that chick as Jane. Cuz her voice seriously freaks the fuck out of me. Casting her as Bella is like casting Hugh Laurie to do the voice of Cinderella. Actually, that would be funny. So let's say James Earl Jones as Cinderella. "Prince Charming, I am your faaaaather...". See? Doesn't work.

    I listen to a shut load of audiobooks (long commute) and people make so many shitty choices for narrators. Does anyone know who picks them?

    Audiobooks I love:
    Hunger Games series read by Catherine McCormick
    Song of Ice and Fire series read by Roy Dotrice (first 3 books anyway)
    Shopgirl read by Steve Martin

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  19. Thanks for the warning. I won't even go there. I think Imma spend my money on the Rifftraxs instead - all three movies for under ten bucks!

    You all know that there are some fanfiction stories available for FREE download on iTunes [search for iFics podcasts]. There aren't many, but there are some that are quite smexy!

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  20. F that. <----- That was my first thought when I saw how much it cost on itunes. I wanted to buy it right before FOOOORKS last year so we had something to listen to on our 3 hr drive to the airport at 1am and then something on the drive from Seattle to Forks at 8am. BUT I was not about to pay that amount. I'd just read the books outloud to myself instead.

    I really think you Twitarded ladies should record your own Twilight audio book. I miss all of your voices, plus hearing JJ snort while reading certain parts would definitely be worth $30.00

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  21. LKW- Sometimes I swear we are twins seperated at birth, minus your penchants for killing big game ;)

    I was JUST in Borders this afternoon...BEFORE reading this post. This large dowtown Borders is 2 blocks from my office and happens to be going out of business (sniff)..so naturally I wanted to see how great the discounts really were. Of course I noticed the "Vamp table" right away, and low and behold something I'd never seen in the store before...or noticed. There before me was, Twilight, NM, Eclipse and BD on audio CD. Immediately I wantd to statch em' up because I'd heard good things, but then I read that it was narrated by some chick with a weird name. That alone I couldn't get over. I don't know what I thought, I knew KStew didn't narrate. However I just couldn't bare the thought of listening to it from another female's "voice." I might have caved and bought Twilight just for shits & giggles if it weren't still $24, or some other random ammount I still felt was expensive.

    That all said, I'm soooo glad I dind't get it. So glad. I would have probably thrown the CD out my car window.

    xoxo J

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  22. Sorry for the typos, I'm uber tired. Night!

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  23. 'Have her and halve her' Bwahahahaha!

    I have only ever listened to one audiobook and that was David Sedaris. You should totally bring it for the road trip to Forks though LKW....good laughs in the car.

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  24. I have listened to all four audiobooks. More than once. Biggest annoyances by FAR:

    * Aforementioned Bel-LA
    * The dude who reads the JPOV in Breaking Dawn. CREEPY.
    * She talks so fucking slowly! Seriously, love, speed it up a little. There are between 12 and 20 CDs per book, that could seriously be reduced...

    The one set of audiobooks I can highly recommend (I drive ALOT) are the Harry Potter series. Some are read by the incredibly talented Stephen Fry, others by a guy called Jim Dale who is also fab.

    Also, I laughed at Ilyana's accent. Alot. But then, it's the little things. If I was reading this aloud you'll all be cracking up too.

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  25. Bel-LA?? Are you freaking kidding me? I wouldn't have made it past the first minute before it would have been thrown out the window.
    I vote that all the Twitarded mods narrate them. Put me down for a whole set!!

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  26. Oh, and the hat in that first pic of the Precious up there....if you must put a hat on the Sex Hair, Annie Leibowitz, that is much more like it, IMO. JS.

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  27. @rottymama - I'd love to open the reading circle in Forks but my voice is almost as annoying and I'm not sure everyone would appreciate my Maine accent. I might make Edward sound like a redneck. And that wouldn't be good!

    @VitR - Thank you for picking up on that... It was one of my proudest captions.

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  28. LOL!! Well, this makes me happy that I'm too cheap to fork out the $30 for an audiobook when I already own the books! Plus hearing any voice besides RPattz as Edward just won't do. At. All.

    Bel-LA. Really? Is she channelling Laurent from the meadow scene in NM? Maybe she's a gay pirate too! ;)

    xo

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  29. Gah! I've listened to them all on audio book (check out the library-much cheaper than iTunes!) and I am right there with you on the way that chick says Bella. I thought I was going to stand up and scream in the middle of my office...Anyhoo, I remember feeling really stupid for not realizing how horrible Twilight would sound read aloud. I was genuinely surprised at how cheesy it was. I was like "Don't say it. Out loud."

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  30. I have listened to all 4 books on audio book and first I have to say that I only listen to them in the car when I am trapped in there anyway going to work. I'd rather be 'reading' them but since it's kinda hard to do that when driving, I'll settle for the audio books. Gotta get my Twilight in somehow.

    yes, that woman's voice is totally annoying, but honestly, I got used to it. What is more annoying that HER voice? The dude that does Jacob's voice in Breaking Dawn !!! His voice bothers me much more than hers. I think it's because when a woman does Edward's voice, she makes him sound like a pussy, but when the dude does Leah's voice, it sounds like a drag queen. It's just creepy!

    So if you make it to the Breaking Dawn audio book, skip the Jacob parts! LOL

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  31. OH, THANK YOU!

    I skipped the audio book after listening to an excerpt and H8TING the narrators voice...huge disappointment. Where is the audio book 4.0 edition?!

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  32. @TwiKiwi50 - Thanks for the tip on the Harry Potter books. I've been wanting to buy those audio books but was too afraid they might suck.

    As for Twilight...I don't think I could listen to anyone actually read them out loud now. They have their own sound in my mind and anyone else would just irritate me. Unless it was Rob of course. :-)

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  33. Great post, beautifully written, and I love you. So sorry, sorry, but.....
    Who/what the fuck is Ilyana Kadushin?
    Google says that is the voice for the books. But Google also brings up a photo of Ozzy Osbourne. IMDB says he/she is the voice of Grand Theft Auto IV.
    Was Ilyana hired by a Twi hater?
    Good news is he/she has a web site which invites, almost begs, for people to come there and hire him/her. And to leave comments?

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  34. I'm chest bumping you. I can't listen to audio books...I just...fucking no. Hearing someone elses voice reading lines from characters I've already heard in on screen voices is super squicky and reminds me of Kindergarten circle time when my teacher used to over-animate Dr. Suess. Even at age 5, I knew Dr. Suess was an Emo motherfucker and Hop on Pop was NOT meant to be read like a poodle on Ritalin.

    I never would have purchased those anyway, but LKW, thanks for taking one for the team, baby. I'll buy you a drinky-drink in NYC BABY!!!

    MC

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  35. Oh sweet Edward... Bel-LA *shudder* Yeah, I'm up for the double high five chesty! I'm so glad I got the audio-books from the library...And as soon as I got through chapter one, I knew it was going to be hellacious. But I just.couldn't.stop. Breaking Dawn was totally awesome; in a root canal with bamboo shoots kinda way.


    After I listened to the books the one time, I swore I'd never do it again. That all changed when I was driving with my friend. She plugged in her iPod to my stereo, and I told her to just put it on shuffle. She warned me that it wasn't all "music" and I just figured she meant lesbo spoken word (her term, not mine). About a 45min into the trip, I heard ONE word of a Twi chapter and I screamed. My friend was shocked. The audiobooks are her favorite. She won't pick up the actual books anymore. Maybe it's a lesbian thing? If you give Edward a chick's voice, she can *ehem* relate to how WE feel about him? IDK, I'll have to dig deeper on that one, but it makes sense.


    vw: fraidd (verb)

    Are you fraidd?
    No. I'm only fraidd of losing you.

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  36. I'm going to admit I borrowed them all from my mom, burned them all onto my computer and they are all on my iPod. I've listened to them a LOT. I listened to them while doing dishes, laundry, driving, exercising etc so any time spent on it would've been "wasted" anyway.

    I actually got so used to that lady's voice that when I read the books I heard her in my head. Once I realized that I had to stop listening to her.

    I'm with you, TwiKiwi50 and UtterlyAbsurd Bella. Jake's voice is bad... but even worse... when he tries to sound like Bella when he speaks her words. I usually skip his part.

    ... But... if you think Ilyana's bad, you should hear the girls who have read Midnight Sun and posted it on YouTube. I will admit... they do an admirable job for being amateurs and it makes you realize how hard the job really is.

    I also agree with Amers425. My favorite all time book is Atlas Shrugged. I've read it countless times over the years. I actually spent $100+ for the audio book and had a really hard time with it because the voices weren't the same. I only listened to it once and then I sold it used to someone via Amazon. At least I only lost a little money.

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  37. I have a long commute and would never have discovered Twilight if I hadn't run across the audiobook at the library. I had just finished the entire Outlander series and was in need of new material, and thought something light would be a nice change. (The woman who narrates that series is amazing, by the way.)

    I almost stopped about 10 times. That girl's voice is AWFUL, though she does sound like an adolescent, which I guess is appropriate. And Stephanie Meyers' writing really is terrible young adult. But somehow by the middle I was hooked, and by the end I was an addict.

    I then rented the movie and checked out New Moon on audio. Couldn't make it through that, though... she doesn't read fast enough, and I needed more more MORE! So I devoured the texts in the next couple of weeks.

    I did listen to all of the books on audio eventually. Jacob's voice didn't bother me that much... it's more his attitude that gets to me! That, and the fact that SM threw another narrator into the mix in BD, which I thought was a weird move.

    I wasn't all that impressed with the guy who reads the Harry Potter series. Hermione's voice really bugged me, and was Harry supposed to be a Liverpudlian?!

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  38. Chest bumps all the way.
    I was recently training for a marathon & asked my husband to download the audio book for me hoping it would make those 16, 18, 20 mile runs more tolerable. And for the most part it did. I know the book so well that I didn't have to REALLY pay attention and it took me to my happy place when I really needed it. But you totally hit the nail on the head. In fact, the Be-LLA thing was so annoying, that I started saying it (out loud) as I was running each time the narrator did, just for fun (running really long distances is really boring...just saying).
    That said, audio books kinda irritate me anyway, just for that reason - the narration. I always thought it would be better if they had a male/female voice, kinda to act things out.

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  39. Okay, I know I would NEVER do the audiobook. Tt is just all wrong if isn't RPatz voice speaking Edwards words. When I read the books, it's his voice I hear. I am not interested in hearing any other voice uttering Edwards words in my ears.

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  40. I DL'd the audiobook when they had a special offer (that lasted 1.32 seconds) 2 years ago for free. I listened to approx 45 seconds & couldn't take anymore. It was awful. AWFUL. LKW was being kind in her critique.

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  41. I had all 4 audiobooks bought for me as gifts over 2 years.

    I think I got maybe 5 minutes into the first CD before I wanted to punch the damn women.

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  42. Double High Five, Chest Bump & a Booty Shake! I was going to purchase the audiobooks Tonight! With words like "Bel-La & making Edward sound like a pus" oh I would have "Face Punch" someone into next week! Thank you for saving my son the embarrassment of leaving his Frat House Parties to bail his TwiObsessed mom out of jail!

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  43. My hubby made me buy they Twi audio book cause he hates to read but wanted to know how the book went. We listened to it on a trip to Michigan to see my dad. I HATED it! Bel-La, ugh, can't stand it! I wanted to stab letter openers in my ears every time she said it. And the way she read Edwar was just ...... odd. I couldn't take it. So bad.

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  44. OMG! I bought it too (Twilight only). I wanted to stay awake while driving one night. Well, I didn't know that I would stay awake because I was so fucking mad at the damn narrator!

    I didn't finish it - money be damned.

    Next time, I'll just play the movie on my iPad while I drive and listen. At least then, I'll hear my kind of heroin!

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  45. I liked hearing your version of her Bell-AH voice in person.. But just listening to you talk about it (yesterday at lunch) made me want to burn my ears off. It would have scarred me for life and made me want to curl up in a corner with my Edward doll, and blanket.. ROBPORN stat!

    I imagine the girl: She's got the figure of a hippo, teeth of a komodo dragon and the nails of a daymn meat eatin' dinosaur! You try havin' that shit runnin' through yer brain and see if you don't get nightmares! WASSUPP! LMAO! Brain bleach or maybe just a listen of the commentary to hear Rob's voice to erase the memory of that sad audio.. What did you do? To ease the brain of that wicked woman who has no reading talent?

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  46. I've been carrying the unopened Twilight audio set around in the trunk of my car for a really long time and never seem to get around to listening to it. Now I can't decide if I should open it just to hear her say Bel-LA or regift it to one of my unsuspecting Twitard friends.

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  47. I could never ever listen to those audiobooks because of Rob, lol. I only want his voice in my head whilst listening, no pussy (like you said) trying to be him. I could stomach everyone else, but not what would happen to him.

    Now you've warned me to NEVER go near them. Not if they cost a penny. Not that I was ever really going to anyway. LMAO that narrator sounds like a right pain in the arse. OMG.

    I've only ever bought one audiobook of a teen horror called Cemetery (one of those "point horror" ones. And I actually really like it still! The voices of them men are beyond sexy, even several of the women, lol. But of course, the main chick sounds like tinkerbell gone retarded - I really want to kick her voicebox in for drilling holes in my eardrums. Give me scratching down a blackboard with your fingernails over it anyday. So much more melodic!

    Thanks again for warning. And sooo sorry you can't get those hours back. Or gift cards!! Hope you find a ton of yummy Rob porn to help the load.

    *TJ*

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  48. okay, so I'm posting this anonymously because I'm afraid you'll all assassinate me with super nasty bloggy vibes otherwise (besides, I had to change my gmail address so lost my login, blah blah).

    Anyhoo, my twilight reading history is that my hubby downloaded the first audiobook for me (folks, hasn't anyone out there heard of bittorrent!? You don't have to actually pay for it - just share and share alike!)

    Well, I wasn't sold on her voice but I loved the story, so I quickly bought and devoured hard copies of the next three books as I didn't have the patience to wait for the bittorrent download. By this time I had developed an insatiable appetite for the books so listened to the downloads that had by this time come in as well. And since then have listened to them more times than I can count, though usually just my favourite bits, which are pretty much all in the first book. A few comments:
    - I like the way she reads Bella (and I never noticed the Bel-LA phenomenom, but maybe that's because I'm Australian so I have to deal with the whole book being in a different accent)
    - The way she reads Edward, well, there's certainly some cringeworthy moments. But it's nothing compared to the GUY who reads Bella. Oh my god, that is just sheer fucking aural torture.
    - Despite all this, the audio books have become my 'comfort food'. If I've had a shitty day or am coming home and feeling brain dead, I listen to them and it kind of soothes me. Somewhere in the universe, even if it's just a fictional one that exists in our heads, there IS a perfect guy *sigh*.

    I guess that no matter what the medium, the story itself reaches in and grabs our ovaries in some deeply resonant, archetypal, collective unconscious, primal cave woman way, and we just can't help ourselves...

    That's how I feel, anyway. Beyond help. So don't point the bloggy bone at me! I'm already lost!



    er... folks... hasn't anyone heard of bittorrent? you don't actually have to fork out your hard earned cash.

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  49. OMG!! I have just 2 discs left of Water for Elephants and I LOVE IT!!! The narrators are fantastic also. I can not WAIT to see this movie now!

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  50. My ex-husband and I used to be over the road big rig drivers and got into audio books, I should be honest and say we were totally obsessed (we drove straight thru from Atlanta, GA to San Antonio, TX while listening to "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"). One of the best readers, surprisingly, was Burt Reynolds, and he did all the characters, males, females, different accents, really excellent. Is this Ilyana woman the same Ilyana who was on Opray a couple of weeks ago?

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  51. I have always liked Twitared for the raunchy humor. But, you people can apparently be a bunch of dicks sometimes. While many of you would NEVER hear an audio book as they remind you of "grade school" or to summarize the comment section, "Eww... That whateverhernameis is like.... so Dah Umb the way she says her Naaame, Like Oh My GAWD".

    Get off of your high horse and recognize that those of us that have dyslexia or are blind are happy we even have an audio book. Contrary to what you might believe, the world does not revolve around YOU. There are many books I would like to read but, can't because they are not on audio so Fuck You for being so damn insensitive. Now I understand why the media makes fun of Twihards so damn much. I'm also posting anonymous because it's not like you know who each other is anyway, so who really gives a fuck.

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  52. I'm on board for the Twitarded read Audio book series of the Twilight Saga. I also like the idea of the read along in Forks.

    I have had the audiobooks on my Amazon wishlist for a loooong time but I never do anything about it. I would still like to listen even after all the reviews. I like torturing myself, sometimes :) LOL!!

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  53. IturngooberatnightMay 23, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    thank you for saying this, I was searching all over the web for someone to voice my horror at this disgusting audiobook. I can't stand her accent, hate the way she prolongs syllables that were supposed to be short, hate her tone of voice, hate all her "personal touches" to the different characters equally. HATE IT!
    if someone, for whatever reasons, might like to listen in, they should just search for it on youtube, they were (at least partially) uploaded there.

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  54. I only listened to the taster on ITunes and was so enraged by the woman's inability to act out a character I could have screamed.
    I'm a drama teacher and my students have a module where they have to record an audio book, a children's book, and they have to animate the characters. To be honest, it's not really that difficult.
    It is incredibly clear that this woman is no actor. Where's the inflection? The changes in here voice just aren't there. She reads it so monotonous that I was leaning into my computer at work willing her to speed things up a bit.
    12 hours long? I had read the book in a lot less time than that. It reminded me of story time in a primary school.
    I might set up an audio book business where the books are read like a play. Might try and fit that into my classes next year and see if we can make any money. I'm sure people out there would be happy to not have to listen to this woman's voice again after we've put her out of business.
    Wonder if she's rich? And whoever auditioned and hired her wants stringing up, at the top of a very large pole!

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  55. @DramaJ oh please, oh please, oh please!
    Have your students read and record some fan fiction stories for iFic! I don't think there has been anything new added for a long while.

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