Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Vanity Fair: Ooooh... Uhhhhh... Huh.

I'm sure a few of you have wondered why no one here on Twitarded commented on the Vanity Fair..."situation" back when it was--more or less--hot off the presses. Or when it first appeared on the interwebs, which was a few days before it came out officially. Maybe you just chalked it up to our usual "better than never" way of doing things.

Honestly? I'm just not quite sure what to say about it. When the pictures first came out there was a flurry of "what the fuck" and names bandied about like "Crocodile Amishward" and whatnot. Within seconds of resting my eyes on the pictures there were a million little snarky remarks. And a few "Jeeeezus, he's still hot for a crocodile hunter" as well.

I heard that alligator was the only thing that could cover up the giant hickey KStew gave him...

Then I began to read on Twitter that the actual article was a little...sad panda. Or, more specifically, sad Pattinson. Being easily swayed by mass opinion from time to time, I decided I didn't want to read the article because then I would feel bad for making fun of the pictures.

Apparently I do have a soul. Bummer.

Eventually, I did read the article. And I did feel bad for Robert Pattinson. Marginally. I mean, it must blow monkey nuts to be constantly hounded day in and day out by a bunch of overzealous fans. I mean, if I saw multiple Latchkey Wifes and Texas Katherines barreling toward me and screaming about wanting to touch my face or clothes I'd probably freak the fuck out. Or at least try to play dead.

Jeeeeeezus. I had some funny quip to put under this pictures but then I looked too hard at it and forgot.

A slightly less sympathetic part of me wants to tell him to buck up, ride the obnoxious roller coaster for awhile and then skate free and clear for the rest of his life (if that's what he wants) because holy-fucking-shit is he making a lot of money. I'll trade ya, RPattz: you can have my thankless, soul-sucking finance job and I'll spend a day or two running from overzealous teens and their cougar-y mothers (who I'm probably friends with at this point so I guess I wouldn't really be running because we'd all just get together and go to a bar and talk about you... oh, never mind...).


I get that in theory you shouldn't have to decide between doing something you love and being an irresistible black hole of x-chromosome hormonal impulses the likes of which haven't been seen since a much-earlier British Invasion, but it is what it is. Try to channel a little Ringo Starr or something and you'll be just fine.

So here's my little pep-talk, Mr. Pattinson: you seem like an uber-smart dude, you're obscenely, panty-dripping hot, you have enough money to live very comfortably for a number of years and you're talented. Just ride this thing through with your chin up.


Because, like all things, this too shall pass.

But before it does, I need to look at this photo a few more times...

34 comments:

  1. Why the f*ck can't I find this issue of Vanity Fair at any store in my town!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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  2. I have yet to read he article as every store that I go into still has last months issue on the stand. I was even in Barnes and Nobles tonight--No Rob Dundee. makes me sad as the issue came out last Thursday! Arrugh!

    Its hard to feel bad for him as hes "single" traveling the world, making movies, living in hotels and loads of cash. Im really not seeing a downside. Go anywhere and do anything (sigh) - movies only takes weeks to film (usuallly -not twilight) he could take the rest of the year off.

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  3. Haha! I'm with you JJ on this.

    Love the pic of Rob and the jazz band. Wish I was a fly on the wall the day they took this picture.

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  4. Yeah it's pretty sad panda.. but I guess that's the price you pay when you're that smokin and talented.

    Rob playing instruments...I need new pants. I want Rob to perform a song with 100 Monkeys. My ovaries would explode all over the floor but it would be so worth it.

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  5. Reading the article make me SO glad that he has Kristen. She's strong and she understands probably better than anyone the madness that goes on in the eye of the Twilight hurricane. He makes her laugh (just give the Eclipse commentary a listen if you don't believe me; I grinned the whole way through listening to her giggle like a schoolgirl at his adorkable lame jokes), and I would imagine that she gives him strength. Team Robsten 4-ever.

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  6. I harassed my local newsstand all last week, then I saw it at BJ's on Friday. (Ha! I just wrote BJ's!)

    Anyway, my fav part of the interview:
    "He picks his head up again and—oh, wow. He can’t escape his looks any more than he can escape the attention of his fans. His face has a kind of gorgeousness one sees in the faces of children, with its perfect pale skin, red lips, large eyes. It’s hard to say it any other way: he’s beautiful."

    Yep. Nancy Jo Sales was dazzled by Rob - she get's it! Well, she get's that part anyway. I don't know if he really is that miserable all the time. I would be more than happy to cheer him up! (Refer to BJ's comment above.)

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  7. Crocodile Amishward?!?! frakking hilarious. I was sooooo excited to get another Robalicious VF but when I saw the cover I was so disgusted that I just couldn't buy it. I'll see enough of the pics online to get my kicks. And I'm sorry if he is having a hard time... actually not really. Suck it up, dude. And then go take another Benjamin bath, drink a Heineken, and get over it.

    Although... if you needed a little comfort - of the physical king - I'd volunteer. Poor baby...

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  8. I was also a sad panda after I read the article. I teajust wanted to give Rob a big hug & not in the I would totally screw your brains out kinda way, but in the I wanna cunt punch the next stranger who violates your privacy and really hope your not suicidal kinda way. But JJ has a point, this too will pass & if he's really sick of it he could always pull a J.D. Sallinger and just disappear and live off of his already ridiculous bank account.

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  9. Is anyone else thinking it? Pic #2...YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON! That & I want to straddle him in the front seat of that car.

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  10. There's a magazine/newspaper store nearby that I stopped into on Sunday. The guy there said they'd have it in on Wednesday (tomorrow). When I asked if they had the April VF yet he asked "is there some young guy on it?" I'm like, (DUH), yeah, Robert Pattinson!! He said "he'll be here on Wednesday". Jeez, wouldn't want THAT rumor getting out...

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  11. Wow Beautiful your vanity fair really i like it and nice your look. thanks for nice posting

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  12. There's not much about Robert Pattinson that doesn't make me drool on myself profusely... except that fucking HAT. GET RID OF THAT FUCKING HAT! I'm even ok with the reptile scarf...just get rid of the HAT! Who the fuck thought that HAT looked good on him. I mean yes, he could probably wear a trash bag and look good, but that HAT makes me want to exorcist vomit on someone...preferably whoever made him wear that hat! {I'm glaring at you Annie...}

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  13. Sad panda indeed, JJ. Even his face looks vapid and empty in these (so no props to AL). And yet, since nobody has asked him an original question since, what? 2008? perhaps he was just following the lead of the interviewer over and over.
    What wipes away any pathetic jackassness of anything he says here, tho, is the aspect of the Eclipse commentary that shows him as a true romantic. It popped up in his Twlighlt comments, too, in the sunny day scene in the schoolyard where he notes some random guy in the background of the scene and remarks how that guy will go through life clueless and kicked to the curb repeatedly by women (in that guy's case possibly also because he looks like a douche, but Rob's general point is different).
    And in the Eclipse commentary, he elaborates on that theme of men being helpless, and notes correctly (IMO) that the Edward of this film in particular is forced repeatedly to accept the woman he loves cavorting with another guy.
    Yeah, yeah, there's a thin line between manly devotion and nutball possessiveness. But pics and even whiny interviews by Robward don't bother me if I can keep believing there is a tender-hearted soul underneath.

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  14. I think that being a celeb is kinda like being a mom. you don't complain to the kinds about how they make you tired and all you complain to another mom. Go talk to somebody who understands your situation like Brad Pitt or something don't make us feel bad about liking you and your work: we pay you your salary. If you don't like it, 100000 guys wants to replace you as Edward. Sorry.. I don't like the winy Rob..

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  15. I hardly think switching places with him for a few days would give you the accurate understanding of his situation. I don't envy anyone with his level of celebrity. He can't go out to clubs because guys want to punch him and girls want to rip his hair and clothes off. It's easy to joke about it but if that is your life year after year, yeah, not so funny.

    I would love to see an interview that doesn't take him to that same place over and over again. I look forward to seeing him in other roles and think it would be an awful lose if he decided to quit making movies to let the frenzy die down.

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  16. This is difficult because I do feel bad for him. However, like you said "this to shall pass". Once all the Twilight stuff is over most of those teeny boppers will move on back to Justin Bieber or whomever they decide is best. Some others will go on their way to lust after the next new thing COUGH *alex pettyfer* COUGH! But his real fans will stick around for the long haul. It will all eventually get much better & he'll be able to go out without being attacked & molested.

    WV today: billy

    Weird. Thanks ladies!

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  17. Thank god I'm not the only one that felt a little bad for him! That article was such a downer, and where are the super sexy Rob photos???? Annie did a shit job this time around... except for the one in the car, I'll take the car.

    I'm on the fence about his personal space, really, because I'd probably be the one to jump on him while yelling "JUST DO ME, ROB, JUST DO ME!!" were I able to get close enough for such an activity. He *should* fear people like me. However, I'm sure SOME of the interest in him will fade after another two years - he should enjoy it while he can.

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  18. I can't argue that he's well compensated for what he does, but it does suck that he can't be a normal bloke during his down-time. i mean, it would be frightening to have people chasing after you and pounding on the windows of the room you are in (LKW, I ASKED YOU to stop doing that!!!).

    other than being his fine self, he doesn't do anything in particular to promote himself or make a scene a la someone like brittney spears who deserves all the paparazzi mobbing she gets. not saying that it exactly sucks to be him, but it's not like he's truly able to enjoy some of the fruits of his labor unless he goes into some fortress-like gated community, when all he really wants to be able to do is have a pint with friends in a dive bar and go underwear shopping every once in a while without having to live like he's on the lam.

    i kind of felt bad after reading the article for the part we play in objectifying him and whipping up the rpatts frenzy, but let's face it - we might talk the dirtiest, but we're not the real problem here - well, most of us, anyway - lol...

    ; )

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  19. Sorry if I'm rambling here but I really don't thinks this was 'Rob' in the interview. Not saying that he wasn't interviewed because he was, but its hard to know the truth about what he said, and how he said it. It seems like the interviewer had an idea/feel she wanted for the article so that is how it went. Things that famous people/celebrities say are taken out of context, twisted and portrayed in a way that fits what the person writing the article wants. Do I believe that Rob gets tired of some of the 'celebrity' things he has to put up with? Yes of course, just like we all get tired of some of the BS we have to put up with. In all honesty from interviews on TV and in print, Rob has rarely complained about much (not saying he has reasons to) so if he was having a bad day so be it. I'm just annoyed that the person who interviewed him went for that angle.
    And I love the pictures...I think he looks absolutely stunning.

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  20. Damn! I don't feel bad for him. We certainly don't make up the psychotic hookers that climb walls and hack email accounts Quite the contrary; we're the ones that come with swords blazing when "the precious" is being swarmed.

    When he asked "what do they want"? I would like to know what the hell they want too? Aside from a good old fashioned ass kicking..

    I'm so tired of the Robsten question. Get over it. Will any of our lives be altered if they are or are not a couple? **Both middle fingers to the interviewers that won't quit beating the hell out of the dead horse

    He's Robert mutha fu*ing Pattinson. There's no way he'll ever escape his beauty and talent. He just is..

    He sounds completely "over" Twilight.. LoL when he said "man I just head-butted it"
    When your face is on a Burger King fries box (not that I would know anything about that...)
    It becomes less of a Series written by an author turned movie, and a more of a bubble gum pop magazine article.

    Get the filming of BD over already so he can move on.

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  21. I still want to lick him like a damn lollipop! And find out what's in the center or exactly how many licks it takes to get there.

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  22. Nice post. I can't find this anywhere!

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  23. I haven't been able to find the issue yet either, but from what I've read of the interview so far I have two words: Leonardo diCaprio....he was where Rob is now a few years ago so, yes, this too shall pass. I just hope Rob has strong people around him to help him navigate the next few years cause they could be perilous.

    As for feeling sad for him, I always struggle with this aspect of celebrity. I mean, the guy's an actor...he chose this career, but where's the boundary? Just how much "access" does the public have a right to? In this 24/7-TMZ-Twitter-paparazzi world we live in it's a tough call.

    All right..enough already! Too serious! There are a couple of ovary killing shots to sustain us until WFE but I'm with LKW on the fucking hat. Who was the stylist on this job FIRE THEM NOW!!

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  24. SO HAPPY to read this! I love Rob, but I was on another board and the commenters were going on and on about poor Rob and talking about how lucky he and Kristen are together, and how they must make each other SO happy. Nothing annoys me more than when these whack-job "fans" see a photo or read something and decide they know what goes on with Rob. I LOVE Rob. I think what he lacks is perspective ... this won't last forever. And then he might wish it did.

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  25. I agree that Rob may be lacking a bit of perspective, but I can totally empathize with him. I think it would get a bit old to have to dodge papz and cameras if you just want to go out to dinner with your girlfriend. Sure he's making serious jack on these movies, but what good is it if you can't go out and enjoy it like the regular person you still think of yourself as? His world has been turned upside down by not-so-sane fans who would literally tear the clothes off his body and the hair from his head, all in an attempt to become his next girlfriend. A couple weeks of that would be exhausting. A couple of years and I can see how it could feel like it's never going to end, and you're never going to get to be normal again. I do believe that this will all die down and he will get to be that almost anonymous person again one day. But in the meantime, I find it hard to believe that he's really all emo, all the time. I think the article was edited for a specific feel, for whatever reason. Not my favorite article or photo shoot, and I was expecting great things from Annie Leibowitz (sigh). But the car picture just about makes up for all of it. Holy shredded ovaries, he is muther-fucking HOTT.

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  26. I have mixed feelings about celebs complaining about their tough lives. If you don't want to be spotted,don't go to the "hip" restaurants, clubs,etc. If Robsten had showed up in the pub where I had lunch Saturday, no one would have noticed. (well,except for me)But at the same time, it sucks that fans can be so out of control that your ability to live a half-way normal life is shot.

    I was impressed with the crowd around Jackson all weekend as everyone was very polite-- too bad Rob's fans can't dial it down a few notches.

    I also suspect that the severe drought in fresh Rob porn these days is that he has figured out how to lay low most of the time. Otherwise how come I didn't see him strolling around Vancouver last weekend?

    Seriously - he probably could have walked right past me and I wouldn't have noticed. For all I know, he was stalking me all weekend!

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  27. I bought the magazine for the pictures. I still haven't read it.

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  28. Late as usual commenting....I read almost all the comments. My take, which is the same take as some here, is that the interviewer sucked ass. It was her job to direct this interview and ask him good, interesting questions. SHE focused on the shite he has to deal with so therefore it makes him look whiny. Honestly, considering he seems like and unlikely sort (due to his personality) to achieve this level of fame, I think he handles things remarkably well. We have all watched and read 5 million Rob interviews...he answers what he is asked....and he rambles. So, you know what? Yes, I felt sorry for him but mostly I just thought it was a crap interview.

    In reference to the PILF photos.....For three plus years I have fantasized about Annie photographing Rob...and THIS is what we get? Why the need for the fucking hat and alligator? Don't mess with perfection Leibovitz...fuck! Why are there not a million photos of him jamming with the band? That is what I want to see....not pilgrim hats and water creatures.

    Shwew....I feel a little better now.

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  29. I've read all the comments and I believe Snarkier Than You nailed it, I totally agree. Anyway this interview has probably been edited a lot to get a certain feel, plus Rob might have been having a bad moment - we all have. The pictures are OK, not the best photoshoot, but OK. I still strongly believe that the whole star system is rotten and that just because you're an actor does not mean the public is entitled to know everything or anything about your private life.
    I notice that no one mentions here that Rob apologized several times in the interview for sounding like he's complaining. I belivee he spoke from the heart, you know he's always sound genuine in all his interview and does not really seem to censure himself.

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  30. I swore I would go and buy this when it came out and now it is 2 weeks...maybe 3 weeks later and I still do not have a copy. I hope my hairdresser has this one when I go there in May - it's how I got the first mag :) not that I couldn't just find it all on the webs and blogs and Twitter.

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  31. I've read all the comments and I believe Snarkier Than You nailed it, I totally agree. Anyway this interview has probably been edited a lot to get a certain feel, plus Rob might have been having a bad moment - we all have. The pictures are OK, not the best photoshoot, but OK. I still strongly believe that the whole star system is rotten and that just because you're an actor does not mean the public is entitled to know everything or anything about your private life.
    I notice that no one mentions here that Rob apologized several times in the interview for sounding like he's complaining. I belivee he spoke from the heart, you know he's always sound genuine in all his interview and does not really seem to censure himself.

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  32. I bought the magazine for the pictures. I still haven't read it.

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