About a week before the trip, I made a mental list of things I needed to do ASAP. The list consisted of items like making sure the boy can locate a matching pair of shoes, checking the weather so I can plan ensembles accordingly, doing laundry, more laundry and then some more laundry, etc. None of those things happened. We needed to be out of the house fairly early on Friday morning. Our flight didn't leave until mid-day, but I fit some sort of terrorist profile and it always takes us FOREVER to get through security. I have no idea why, but it's been the case since the first time I set foot in an airport.
Thus far I've been able to narrowly avoid a full cavity search. I always get pulled aside, patted down (even before this was the norm) and my belongings swabbed with those things that test for bomb-making residue. My mouth doesn't seem to be concerned about my sanctum sanctorum being probed by disgruntled security personnel and I usually manage to make things worse for myself. I try to mind my P's and Q's a little more since it was intimated I was thisclose to being hosed down in a concrete room if I didn't STFU. It's not that I have a problem with authority; just with people who think they can tell me what to do. It's totally different in a pretty-much-the-same-thing kind of way. I might have made a sarcastic comment (pre 9/11, mind you) while my purse was being swabbed down for trace chemicals about being a member of the Local 401 Pipe Bomb Builders Union. ("We meet every second Thursday!") I learned my lesson, but it still takes us forever and a day to get through security.
Knowing all of this was ahead of me on Friday, I decided to kick it into SRS BSNS mode Thursday night. Sort of.
List of priorities in my head:
- Pack myself
- Pack the boy
- Feed and water the cat
- Start writing my next blog post
- Scrubbed the kitchen counters five times
- Cleaned the baseboards
- Pet the cat
- Stared at something shiny
- Moved all the furniture in the living room and vacuumed under it
- Painted my toenails
- Rummaged around in the pantry
- Held the cat over my head and sang the opening song from The Lion King
- Yelled at Mr. TK for procrastinating
We made it to the airport with time to spare. I didn't get pulled aside in the security line (first time ever!). Everything went without incident until the trip home. We very nearly missed our flight. Why? Because we lost time prancing around the mall looking at junk we didn't need to purchase. We ran through the airport, Home Alone style, pushing down old ladies and small children. We finally made it to the check in counter (because the online check in was down, as were the self-service kiosks) and the nice lady explained how completely and utterly we were fucked. The boy danced around and sang "We're staying another niiiiiight!" while Mr. TK begged to be seated on the nose of the plane. We did manage to get on the plane and arrived home safe and sound.
I have absolutely no segue here, but I wanted to wish all the mommies a happy Mother's Day. Whether you are the parent of a human or furry/scaley/slimey baby, we hope you enjoy your day.