Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Just Another Bad Vampire Movie

A few weeks ago while perusing the internet for vampire movies, I came across one that sparked my interest. Not too long ago I wrote of my undying love for '80s pop star Rick Springfield but little did I know that Rick starred in a made-for-TV movie called Nick Knight where he played a vampire homicide detective who only worked the night shift. My guess is Nick doesn't sparkle in the sun.

Movie Synopsis
Four dead bodies. All drained of blood. Terror holds the city hostage, as a series of bizarre murders baffles the police. But for one homicide detective, the case is all too familiar. Meet NICK KNIGHT (Rick Springfield), a man of extraordinary power who is consumed by a personal struggle between the forces of good and evil which rage within him. Throughout the centuries, Nick has burned with an overwhelming desire to become whole and human again - to escape his dark side...THE VAMPIRE. An action-packed story of lust, revenge, betrayal and murder.

Sooooo... I love vampires and I love Rick Springfield - this was a match made in heaven. Wasn't it? Or was it hell? After spending an hour and a half watching this excruciatingly bad movie, I'm going with the latter. And I'm not a movie snob by any means - I'll watch just about anything. I'm not picky. But I've never wanted an hour and a half of my life back so badly.

"What? You didn't like my Oscar-worthy performance?"

Supposedly, this is the original movie pilot for the television series Forever Knight which evidently ran for several years but I have no recollection of it at all. Granted it appears to have aired in the early '90s which would make me most likely drunk all the time, therefore not remembering anything I ever saw on TV. Or my name for that matter. Or who I made out with the previous night.

"But what about my tight jeans? That's got to account for something? Right?"

I'm fairly certain I knew this was going to be a colossal disaster early on when vampire Rick/Nick is trying to get his brown on in a tanning bed. And the big-haired salon employees joke about how he comes in three times a week, but never gets any tanner. Really? Can you picture Edward Cullen soaking up the UV rays? Like gag me with a spoon.

Why wouldn't a tanning bed cause a vampire to burst into flames like the sun does? Or at least make him sparkle?

What made me laugh the hardest was the new partner Rick/Nick acquires while working the night shift - Det. Don Schanke (pronounced Skanky) played by the oily beau hunk dude from Sixteen Candles. You remember... Samantha's future brother-in-law, Rudy?

Since when do vampires shave? [Do you spy oily beau hunk above?]

There are very few positive things I can say about this movie but in the spirit of my slightly-less-intense crush on Rick Springfield, here's what I liked. First, Rick/Nick drives a killer 1959 Cadillac - all because the trunk is big enough to stow away in should he get caught out in the daytime. Second, Rick/Nick is still fucking hawt (except when he turns into a vampire, he's kinda scary then.) And lastly, his veeeeery tight jeans. Did I mention this already?

My kind of car -- lots of room for bodies.

If you're looking for a good ol' vampire movie, this is not it. Run far away from this film - I'm still pissed about the time I wasted watching this piece of shit. I would torture you by writing more, but there's no need... someone's already done the dirty work for me. Click here if you dare to read the whole, agonizing synopsis of Nick Knight. [All images hijacked from this site as well.] I think I'm going to go watch Twilight again now...


  1. OMGZ, am I first? Yay! First off, hi there, LKW! Second off, Forever Knight the TV series effin ruled. It was my first vampire series, so maybe that makes it have a special place in my heart. It was filmed in Canada, like, unashamedly. Aboots everywhere. It was fantastic. (I also have a very soft spot in my heart for everything Canadian too.) And thirdly, it was just so bad it was good. I'm not sure how that worked. Maybe I didn't have any expectations like you did with Rick S.? Oh! Plus it was the same Skanky!

    Of course, my taste in vampire series was forever altered, for the better, with Buffy, but still - Forever Knight was first. I don't know how it would stand up today, of course, but I have great memories. My college roommate and I had a great time saying "Nicholaaaa" in a French-Canadian accent, constantly. Come to think of it, it was a big part of our drunken nights! It's all the context, baby!


  2. wow...just watched like 2 minutes of it on youtube. ummm...no. you know what else is a really bad vamp movie? Rockula. its got Toni Basil in it. I remember watching it on HBO when i was a weebit. they had it ondemand last year. i saw...and laughed the whole time. that one too...is on youtube. :)

  3. I cannot wait to not watch this. What am I saying....I'm totally gonna watch this. Did you sit your ass through Taintlight?! No? Then you don't know what bad is.

  4. ha ha! rick springfield! vampire movie!?

    btw, the dude who played the oily bohunk rudy in '16 candles' also played the janitor in 'the breakfast club' (he's in a lot of the john hughes films) - "I am the eyes and ears of this school!" classic!!!!

  5. I really wish I had seen the TV series now. Even though Rick wasn't involved.

  6. And he was in Weird Science too! Another one of my favorites!!

  7. Now I so want to see this even if it is horrible. I just need to see it. HA!

  8. I did NOT sit through Taintlight. And I'm not sure I can... Not after the review that JJ did on it.

  9. It has possibly the worst vampire on vampire fight I've ever seen!

  10. The more points you give me about how horrible it is makes me want to run out and rent it even more. I love, love, love bad horror or sci-fi flicks and TV shows.

  11. Come on! Just the fact that he goes to the tanning bed 3 times a week should be all the reason you need! LOL! Do it... I'm anxious for someone else to experience this movie.

  12. I just added it to my Netflix queue and moved it to the top. I'll let you know when I watch it.

  13. Dude, I could barely get through Taintlight. Oh wait, I didn't get through Taintlight. That movie was fucking awful. I'd rather sit through a root canal than watch that shit-flick again.


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