Monday, May 23, 2011

Something Smells Fishy

No, this isn't another post about my vagina. It's not even a post about JJ's vagina. Shockingly, it's not a post about vagina at all. It's a post about how Mr. TK is in the dog house.

You see, we went to a festival on Saturday. We did the usual gorging ourselves on food and talking the boy out of riding rides that looked like they were assembled by drunk carnies hell bent on having their revenge on the uppity folk with a full set of teeth. The boy guilted Mr. TK into riding some sissy roller coaster where the boy squealed with glee while Mr. TK shit his pants.



It was on our way out that Mr. TK had the genius idea to let the boy play a game where the prize was a live goldfish. You already know where this is going. The only one who didn't see the end result a mile away was Mr. TK. About thirty seconds after Mr. TK insisted that the games are rigged and there was no way the boy could possibly win a fish, we were on our way to Petsmart.

Meet Rex, aka Mr. TK is in Deep Shit.

We are now the proud owners of a one dollar fish in an expensive tank. I suppose the tank isn't that expensive comparatively, but it does sting to shell out money on potential cat food. We haven't had good luck with pets in the past , so this does not bode well for Rex. If you Google "survival of the fittest" you will find a picture of our house. The only good thing that has come out of this is that I discovered I have actually DO have moral fiber - thin and tenuous at best - but it's there. Because if I didn't, Rex would be swirling down the toilet.

Oh and guess who is the only person that's remembered to feed him so far? And so it begins.

19 comments:

  1. You have my sympathies. I am stuck with a 20(?) gallon fish tank my daughter hasn't got around to moving to her new home. So I have to feed the little darlings every day. I try to get her to move it - so far I've killed off all the freshwater shrimp and her $20 something or other, but she still won't take it away.

    At least I don't have to feed the remaining fish frozen chunks of bloodworms. How many of you have cute little packets of bloodworms in YOUR freezer? Even the cats won't touch them, and they pretty much eat everything.

    I'm telling you this in warning, cause even when they leave home, they manage to leave their pets behind. OK, I'm guilty of the same crime, but at least my mother LOVED my cat.

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  2. I won a lizard once at some fair. I believe it was actually a faire, with an "e", as in renaissance, as in fuck-you-don't-go-there. Anyhoo, I was a wee bit older than the boy (not much) and my parents were horrified when I came home with it but all was good because the thing somehow managed to hang itself on a thread or something two days after I shelled out 3 weeks of my allowance on a shitty aquarium for it.

    I think they were relieved.  

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  3. My son constantly sees those games to win fish and begs me to play.  I tell him that I will let him juggle with knives before I let him ever try to win a fish.  Just waiting for that one to kick me in the ass one day...better start getting my story straight for the ER docs now.

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  4. I HAVE BLOODWORMS IN MY FREEZER!!! in fact, mr. snarky once left a tiny bowl of them defrosting on the top of the fridge, and when i went to open the door to get something out (most likely booze-related; definitely was NOT looking for bloodworms), the entire thing flipped over and dumped on my head, dripping down my hair and face. i was SO unhappy!!! i think i was freshly washed, too - i forget because i have blocked the entire experience out of my brain for the sake of sanity. 

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  5. i'll send you some fishy treats TK - i have connections. 

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  6. Oh TK, I feel you, except mine was/is a dog.  The man got it in his head that we needed a dog a year ago and we ended up obtaining for free from Craigslist. She had to get rid of him...hes house broken, crate trained, well behaved...etc.  Lies! all lies!  It took a month to get the dog to stop peeing on the floor. 
    Now, hes cute and all. We are still working on getting him trained.(guess who does that?)Three months in husband was all like " I never realized how hard it is to train a dog" (Really?!) So now, He doesnt bolt from the house everytime we open the door anymore (much) and he somewhat listens to the other members of my household. 

    My kids want fish but theres no way in hell I'm gonna let that happen.

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  7. Our carnival goldfish "Coral" lived 7 fucking years and grew to be 4 inches long. When she died I didn't want to flush her (she might have stopped up the toilet at that point). I put her in a ziplock bag & stuck her in the freezer awaiting a proper burial. Of course we forgot all about her for like 2 years until I decided to actually clean the freezer. If you think that's bad our friends kept their dead cat in the freezer because it died over the winter and the kids wanted it buried in the yard. When spring thaw came they held a memorial and buried it.

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  8. When I saw the title of this post in my blog role, my first thought was "it could be my vagina." No joke.  I'm in the middle of cooking dinner, but will come back to read this post when I can fully concentrate. I have a feeling it's a good one.

    xo J

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  9. You know how people say 'if you can keep a pet alive, you can keep a fish alive'? I think it works the other way around too. You've fed your son for how many years now? I think the fish might be ok. ;)

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  10. So....My initial reaction was "Close your fucking legs."  You know your crowd oh, so well. 

    Be careful with that goldfish.  The Bentist's sister had a goldfish (Silver) for so long, he turned gold.  How long?  9 years.  NINE FUCKING YEARS!!!  A GOLDFISH!  In just a little round goldfish bowl!  Is Mr TK prepared to spend nine years in the dog house? 

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  11. Told you I'd come back. I'm not a fan of fish as prizes at the fair. I feel bad for those fish. It's basically their dooms-day, or week, however long the fair/festival lasts.  You see some fat 5 year old carrying poor Nemo in a sloshy plastic bag, dropping him in between licks of his hot dog on a stick. I just feel bad for them.  Take care of that fish TK...or I might hunt you down...;)

    xo J

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  12. I am also a sucker who bought a giant fish tank for the three stupid fish that my son won at a fair a few years back.  The tank remains.  The fish died within days.  I can only keep human and furry animals alive.  I kill plants and fish with the skill of a professional hitman. It's quite disturbing.

    Anyway, you are not alone in this situation.  

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  13. Gah, this commenting thing is still killing me.  Last night I couldn't comment; today I can.  Anyway, good luck keeping that thing alive, and then explaining death to your child when it inevitably kicks the bucket.  

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  14. This gives me ideas for a Halloween costume...

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  15. Still looking for my vampMay 24, 2011 at 1:31 PM

    I could have written this post.  From the whole "he will never win...it is rigged" conversation, to hauling the fish away in a plastic bag,  buying the tank, and being the only one in the house to feed it.

    And yes, I also have bloodworms in my freezer.  I considered putting some on DH's toothbrush to get him back for letting the boy play the fish game in the first place.

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  16. I know! I hate those damn carnival games. Rex is living in luxury now. He has a cushier life than I do.

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  17. My sympathies. Why do the men never listen to us? Don't they know we're always right?

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  18. just_bella TeamBDMay 25, 2011 at 3:51 AM

    This post just_made me think of Darla in Finding Nemo... *shudders*

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  19. OMG!!!! That's, like, just wrong!!!

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