Sunday, June 26, 2011

Case of the Mondays

If you're on this side of the hemisphere, you are on the cusp on the most dreaded day of the week: Monday. It comes around the same time every week, yet I am never prepared for it. I like my job; I just like napping in the middle of the day better. (Technically I can nap whenever I want to, but it's easier to not have to pretend like I'm praying at my desk.)

My office got word from on high that some changes were coming down the pike. That is usually business speak for "TK is about to get ass fucked." This uncertainty had me perusing one of my favorite sites, Despair, Inc. I go here often and reorganize my list of favorite demotivators according to how I'm feeling about my job. They are pretty much all my favorites, but these rose to the top last week.

I'm not terribly concerned I'll lose my job (but if you'd like to make a donation to the "Save Ferris & TK" fund anyway I'll send you my address). I just like to go to work, be paid to shop online most of the day and go home. I don't like when people mess with my routine.

I leave you with one of my all-time favorite clips. If you haven't seen Office Space, we can't be friends. True story.

Office Space Printer from Shang Xiao on Vimeo.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta! Happy Monday, Twitards!


  1. I totally have this kind of relationship with pretty much every piece of office equipment at my work. I'm often heard calling the printer a "fucking dirty whore." My coworkers have come to expect this type of behavior from me.

    I hate Mondays. And I've started hating Sunday nights too because I'm dreading Monday so much!

  2. I would love to do that to a printer at work (number 5, specifically) because that fucking thing jams if you sneeze near it and then I spend twenty minutes trying to fix it because it happens to be near my desk.

    Mondays suck. I wish I could blog about the insanity and utter ridiculousness that goes on in my office but... I need my job. I'm mildly concerned I could lose it just for blogging about Twilight but I'm pretty positive I'll get canned for talking smack about people at the office.

  3. This post is the best. I hate Mondays and Sunday nights. I am sitting here putting off laundry hoping that if I have nothing to wear I wouldn't have to go - if only it were that easy.

    I love the demotivators website. I used to have the Unique one as my wallpaper because it perfectly described all the punk 20 somethings I have to deal with on a regular basis.

    Also, I am loving the Office Space clip - that is maybe my favorite movie. I am feeling very Milton right now. The floor on which my office is located burned in a fire and the only office not destroyed was mine (because I sit in a closet in a back hallway which I am pretty sure isn't linked to the sprinkler system). So instead of relocating me to the new space with the other 100 people on my floor, my facilities people decided I could sit in the burned out shell of a floor by myself. They have been kind enough to mask the scent of burn and water damage with eau de urinal cake so that is always good.

    Can't wait for tomorrow.

  4. @Mel in the atl--I shouldn't be laughing, but I am. OMG, you gotta love corporate logic. One company I used to work for talked about moving me to the un air conditioned basement to free up some office space. That didn't go over well. Also, I'm refusing to do laundry right now. You can't make me.

  5. oh, I've seen Office Space. We can be friends then. **phew**

    and damn you security cameras that don't allow us to kidnap office supplies to punch them in da face anymore. damn you.

    have a *great* Monday, TK. Whatever that means...

  6. Mwahahahaha! PreK/kindergarten teacher bitches...I am off for the summer. Best career switch ever! Pay sucks ass but I don't have to deal with business people anymore so BIG fat pile of WIN in my mind.

    Loved that scene from Office Space. Anyone who has to deal with office equipment can relate to the murderous rage they incite.

  7. @ TK, glad I gave you a laugh. I actually find the entire situation pretty funny myself. Truth be told i really don't care and i travel for work a few times a month so it isn't that bad.

    The one good thing about sitting in total isolation is that I can sneak down the street to get coffee for an hour because there is no longer a break room on my shithole floor.

    I may stop at Staples on my way to work and pick up my red stapler.

  8. Oh, ladies, I feel you, do I feel you!

    I've been MIA for quite a while, not least because I recently LOST my unfulfilling, tedious office job. As much as I disliked it, I dislike unemployment even more.

    I'm currently applying for temp jobs to keep myself afloat while I figure out what's next, and my favorite is when interviewers ask me what my long-term goals are.

    Long term??? Seriously? I'd really just like to FEED MYSELF NEXT WEEK, THANKS. I'm sure you'd love to hear about my hopes and dreams of someday becoming super famous and marrying the Precious, or how I'd like to travel the world on unlimited amounts of cash, but as that's not directly relevant to the fact that I'm interviewing to answer your phones for 2-3 months, I guess I'll just gloss over that. It is THE MOST RIDICULOUS question ever. Long-term?? There's a reason I'm applying for your temporary position!

    In any case, I genuinely miss you Twitards, and I'm terribly sorry for going missing all these months! If anyone has lightening strike of genius about which direction my life should take, I would gladly milk that sucker for all it's worth COUGH I mean listen to your sound life advice. I'd be perfectly willing to help Scummit by being a consultant on how not to make totally gorgeous actors look bizarre/mediocre/downright unattractive, but I hear they're not exactly thrilled to receive my application!

    @Mel, I chuckled out loud - urinal cake, ew!!! Also, HE TOOK MY STAPLER.

  9. And by lightening, I meant lightning. :)

    OH, and on the note of evil copiers - another temp job I interviewed for was a company that sells and rents copiers! YIKES THAT SCENE IN OFFICE SPACE WOULD BECOME MY LIFEEEEEE

    wv: fluncest. I've written at least three sample sentences with the word fluncest, but none were even close to being okay, even for THIS blog!

  10. Oh yeah, gotta love Office Space. Sunday nights & Mondays suck ass.

  11. I only go to work to support my Twilight addiction.

  12. When I was working for a bank I once got molested in the safe deposit vault. True story. From behind. Good times.
    I also was the only one who could change the toner in the fax machine and one time I emerged from the task with my skirt unzipped in the back and toner on my forehead.
    Then one day we got robbed and a teller was threatened to have his "knee caps knocked out". I thought that was rather original.
    I once spent the day teaching this rather handsome latin fellow how to play solitaire in my office. He really didn't have good command of the english language and NATURALLY a game of computer cards was purely educational.
    I had to fire someone once because he decided to have mental breakdowns and lock himself in the bathroom from time to time. He was from Italy and I'm pretty sure had a mail order bride. He was last seen selling checking accounts in the aisles of supermarkets.
    Once I called an exterminator to the bank because there was a smell of death in my office and when he left after searching EVERYWHERE I realized I had shit on my shoe and that was the smell. I never told anyone.
    OK...I'm done.
    Love you TK...
    Mrs. P

  13. I hate Mondays too...and Tuesday's kind of suck ass as well. So much for positivity.

    xo J

  14. You wanna know what makes my Mondays worse? The fact that you bitches are all back there enjoying your Sunday.

    Oh, and right now, I go outside to chip ice off my windscreen of a morning just as I read tweets about relaxing in the humid summer evenings with a refreshing beverage. Yay me.

    But hey, they don't call me Future Girl for nothin'. See you bitches on Friday, when you still back there in Thursday-land...

  15. One of my favorite movies, ever. So many good quotes, I don't even know where to start. My favorite might be: "I could... I could put strychnine in the guacamole." Or "Two chicks at the same time." I could go on and on!

    I've really made an effort over the past few years to stop getting depressed on Sunday nights just because Monday morning is coming. It's going to arrive whether or not I'm dreading it, and I refuse to let Monday blues ruin my Sunday. So, I avoid thinking about it at all until the alarm goes off on Monday morning. Sundays are much better that way.

  16. I hate Monday's too! I gotta say though that I am pretty lucky. I like my job (most of the time). I work for my family's company so I have it pretty good. However, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't rather win powerball & never work again. LOL!

  17. I have to say that I dread Mondays so much that it's started to ruin my Sundays - lol... Thankfully I had True Blood last night to distract me! And will for the next however-many-weeks the season lasts...

  18. @Mrs.P ~ Your shitty shoe cracks me up!

  19. @Mrs. P - I fucking love you so hard. The end.

  20. Mmmm...Office Space. I suppose we can get together for a drink then?

    Mondays. It's so easy to hate them. Even if you don't. It's like a free pass to be a bitch all day, even if you aren't. "Oh, it must be because it's Monday. She would never tell me to eat a bowl of herpes otherwise. Who SAYS things like that?" I personally like Mondays, but that's probably because I like my job. I do pretend to hate them, though. It's the societal thing to do.

    VW: swati

    @Fooorkspimp You lost your job, bb?! BOO! I'm pissed for you! You let me know if there's anyone who needs a good swift swati to the balls, m'kay?

  21. Not as bad as a burned out office space but my old office has mushrooms growing in it. NOT KIDDING!! Mushrooms!! I told them the water issue was not fixed but no one listened to me. I am just glad I moved my office eons ago!!


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