Monday, June 20, 2011

Happy Birthday, Edward - 110 Spankings Coming Up!

WARNING: For those of you prudes trying to stay pure for Breaking Dawn - there's a tiny little spoiler-y thingy at the end. Just wanted to warn you.

June 20th is the one day of the year when I'm reminded what a pervert I am. This year it's the day when Edward Cullen turns 17 for the 93rd time. The day that paints me as a fucking pedophile for lusting after this (magnificently beautiful) underage boy. And yes, I'm just twisted enough to risk the authorities showing up at my front door by lusting after the 17 year old -- not the 110 year old (although they did dress him this age in New Moon).

In celebration of Edward's 93rd 17th birthday, before we line up to give Edward his 110 spankings Twitarded style (you know, with lots of grabby hands), let's take a short trip down memory lane... and remind ourselves as to why we fell in love with him in the first place.

Dear Edward -- I'll never forget the first time I saw you walk through those doors. It was the first of many pairs of underpants... ruined. But in a good way.

If I had been in your Biology class... I would've been glad to let you eat me. IYKWIM

I hope you can read my mind. I'm thinking about sex. With you. Angry sex.

I'll say it in the throes of passion. Out loud. Really loud.

No one does that smirk any better. Are you going to spank me now? Is it my turn?

Sex strut... *gaspsputtergaspgaspded*

You were responsible for the orgasm heard 'round the world. Even with your wonky nipple. And air-brushed abs. Which I still want to lick.

No words...

Ok, maybe just three...

Lucky fucking bitch.

I can't wait until November. For it will be then that Edward gives us his greatest gift. A good bruising, headboard crumbling, thrusty fucking that I know I'll be happy to just witness -- even if I can't be at the receiving end.

headboard gif

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EDWARD! I'd really love to give you a birthday blowjob so call me, 'mkay?

What are you all doing to commemorate this special day?


  1. They may have given Edward the wardrobe of a 110-year old, but they gave Jasper that 110-year old's grandmother's hair.

  2. @Kelly O - IKR?! All it needed was to be slightly apricot or lavender-colored and it would have looked like they raided a nursing home for that 'do!

    and I can't BELIEVE this is the third celebration of the fake-blessed-event we're commemorating here! AND Latchkey STILL has that birthday blowie offer on the table. One of these years, bb - even if it takes eternity - lol...



    Thanks for remembering, LKW! Love, the other dorks you blog with.

    : )

  3. all this yumminess makes me want to watch Twilight tonight.

  4. I needed to look at the pretty. Thank you for this post. :)

  5. so this is a little off topic, but can someone please explain or send me a better pic of the wonky nipple? i keep looking at this pic and see nothing to complain about but i've heard this so many times before.

    truth be told the treasure trail is really fucking distracting so wonky nipple or not i still would love to get my hands on Him!

  6. What a great blogpost! I am laughing and crying!!!! I would be seriously locked up if anyone found out how old I am....just sayin', no regrets either....I am such a perv....(at least Vampward is older than me)....

  7. @Olypen...No one is too old to enjoy the Precious! My aunt went with us to the midnight shows and she's at least 65!

  8. @Olypen I don't think of him as 17. I need him to be 110, so I don't feel like such a cougar!

    But looking at his sexy strut makes me feel 17 again! Heck, perving over Edward makes me act like a 13 year-old boy sometimes. (In an inappropriate - not gay - way.)

  9. First thought this morning when I saw the date was: oh, it's Edward's birthday. Then I ate a bunch of cookies and desserts in celebration.

  10. I thought about it being his birthday...but I thought about it being his 20-something-th brithday. I just can't mentally make him 17. Thanks a lot, fanfic.

    Oh, and thanks, LKW for all of the fuck-yum pics. Om.Nom.Nom.

  11. @Latchkey - I enjoyed this post. It made me laugh and smile.

    I'm with @RobzSinger - I want to rewatch Twilight and think I'll do just that.

  12. "no words...or maybe just three...lucky fucking bitch". LOL.

    Pictures of The Precious are a great way to start the day, thanks.

  13. I meant to comment earlier but I watched the gif for 30 minutes straight instead.

    Nothing will ever make me feel the way I did the first time Edward walked through those cafeteria doors. It was fucking magical. And panty-melting.

  14. I didn't even realize it was Edwards birthday. Ah well! Better late than never right?

    WV: bangstr

    I'd like to bangstr Edward for his birthday today!

  15. Bwahaha at "lucky fucking bitch"! And can I just say BEST.GIF.EVER!!!!!!!

    vw: rapters - yup, thats us!

  16. Great post LKW!!! Of course, I am a day late reading it. I, like, JJ had a hard time getting to the commenting stage because that fucking GIF is just way too good to look at. Hold on a sec.....................................sorry, I had to go look again.

    Happy Birthday big fictional, hot, vampy, sparkly dude. I believe your existence has changed me forever...for better or worse.

  17. Gotta go take a cold shower now. Thanks bitches.


    PS- I didn't meant to call you h00rs bitches. I'm tired and it's my new favorite word.

  18. Happy Blated bday Edddy! holy shitballs. that was a spectacular sneek. lahoves it. miss you whoreflappys!!

  19. WTF?? How did I miss this?? Happy Belated Birthday, Edward!! You're the right kinda monster for me. ;)

    Thanks for all the lovely pics, LKW!

  20. ok wow, i just got lost watching the GIF of the headboard for like 5 min before i realized any time at all had passed, it was like i was in a trance i just couldn't look away.....ahhhhh i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited for november!!


Comments are our life now. Leave one!