Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Interior Decorating. For Some Reason, ML Won't Let Me Do It...

Even though ML and I have been living in our house for nearly two years, we’ve done a nominal amount of interior decorating. This isn’t necessarily because we’re lazy (though that does play a part in it) but because my darling boyfriend and I have very different ideas of what good home décor should be.

ML is slightly more conservative than me. His tastes run more along the lines of “Italian Grandmother” while mine are a tad bit kitschy and abstract. I think my decorating ideas are awesome. ML says they’re frightening. And demented.

I honestly don’t know what his problem is. How could anyone NOT want this hanging on their dining room wall???

I MUST get this. (Found at my favorite website for home decor, Regretsy)

That being said, ML has a birthday coming up and I wanted to surprise him by doing a little redecorating in his honor.

Did I mention he’s not home? Because he’s not home.

I enlisted the help of my best buddy ever, and Snarkier Than You showed up the other night with all sorts of amazing… stuff that would transform our living room from “meh” to “fucking shit-balls awesome”.

When ML left, our living room looked like this:

Before we continue, I need to address something in this picture. Yes, that's the backseat of a van near the Grandfather clock. When ML texted me, "where can I put this seat?" my response was, "somewhere where it's not noticeable." Well done, ML. Well fucking done.

Anyway, those three photos above are what our living room looked like when ML left.

This is what it looks like now:

Hey, at least there is still a stallion on it...

Oh look, it's Edward, Wolf-boy and Frodo Baggins' sister.

 Ah yes, that eye-sore of a benchseat looks MUCH better now.

If you ever want someone to come over and completely but tastefully defile your home with Twilight merchandise, STY is your gal. Let's admire some of her handiwork, mmmm?

When ML's away, the mini-Edwards will whip out the Pattinson Panties and get totally loaded off of shitty deer blood from their New Moon Thermos.

Of course it's hot in here! Look at those fucking panties.

I said "in a not-obvious place", ML. Payback is a bitch. 

I'm not a betting whore, but I'm gonna say that ML will be a little... astounded when he comes through that front door. Also? His whole band will be with him. I WIN!!!!

ML will have endless memories of the moment he walks through the door and sees this. Because his band will never EVER let him forget it. 

I'd wish ML a happy birthday on the blog but a) he doesn't read it (THANKFULLY) and b) he's probably going to be kill me. And STY. I'm totally blaming her.


  1. Cullenary Curser (too lazy to sign in to her blogger accnt)June 29, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    Ya know, Mr. CC's birthday is in a few days. I have no idea what I'm going to get him. I think I know now :)

  2. Oh, come on. Best Birthday EVER! :) I personally would love to come home to this. Excellent decorating skills, both of you.

  3. OMG!! You are too funny.. I love it..STY you need to come to my house, I have a room in need of you special talent. He's on tour? When will he see this? PMSL...I love all your FSE's..I only have one : ( and hubs hates hm.see you tomorrow*jumpy claps,jumpy claps,squeee squeee squeee*

  4. Set up a camera to point at the front door so that you can capture the expression on his face. Then post on the blog.

    I cant believe how much twi stuff you have. (makes me feel like a bad fan)

  5. We are definitely going to need an update on how this all ends up going down.

    Damn it I need a trio of Edwards... or should I say a quartet after BD1 rolls out the wagon of crazy merch!

  6. That baby/man with the scissors looks like that UGACHACA Ally Mcbeal baby all grown up! I'm scared, yet loving it.

    If you and Snarky ever come to Vegas, I'm hiring you two to decorate my home, office and car! I'm laughing so hard at all of this. I bow down to your awesomeness JJ!

  7. nicely done!

    actually, I think the Cullen Security trio are a necessity when ML is on the road. Can't leave JJ home alone - unprotected!

  8. This is just fabulous! Way to STY! Seriously, I need an update as soon as he gets back.

    Loving the pattinson panties hanging from the thermostat. Classic!

    XO J

  9. Yes, you and STY have given new life to that room and improved it's overall Feng Shui.

    The mantle, with the photo of STY's kittay, the gang from Scooby Doo and the random Barbies works well with the Twilight poster and blocks.

    The Edward blanket over the van bench seat works because it is placed so that his lips will be surrounding your privates making for a very enjoyable rest.

    The FSE's wishing him a Happy Birthday - well, how can he NOT love that?!

    Beautiful job. The only thing I didn't see was the Sparkle Peen. Did you forget to take it out of the freezer?

  10. Brilliant!

    Please please please can we have a follow-up post of his reaction?


  11. PS. My OCD/CDO wants to know why the Edward blanket is backwards. Or, did you flip the photo?

  12. OMG! I love it, love it, LOVE IT! 100% improvement! It's themed, but not overly. The Edward blanket covering the van seat is genius!

    Hope your L enjoys the surprise party you two and the Wards are throwing him! LOL

  13. I don't understand... Don't you think he'll like it? OF COURSE he'll love it!! How could he not? Whatchootalkinbout JJ??

    wv: inspirea, JJ & STY are Inspirea's when it comes to decorating.

  14. LOVE IT! Please, please set up a hidden video camera so that we can enjoy ML's reaction to this. Also? This would not go over well in my house. However, my anniversary is coming up, and I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what to get Mr. XKR. In lieu of any better ideas, he might be getting Twilight-threw-up-on-my-house decor. STY, whatcha doin' this weekend? I've got Twi-supplies, come help me!

  15. Hey! It could have been worse! You could have decked it out in 'My Little Bronies'. LOL! DO they even make FSB's?? Cheers to you & STY! You both should get awards for this kind of genius. :-)

    wv: Flarct

    ML might flarct in his pants when he comes home to THIS.

  16. So, in typical JJ fashion, I walked downstairs this morning and almost crapped myself because I forgot we had moved the FSE's around. Siiiigh.

    I will definitely do an update and let you all know how this panned out. If I'm still alive, natch.

  17. This is hilarious.

    I'm really going to miss you when you're dead, JJ.

  18. This is why I keep coming back to read your demented blog. Hillarity, mixed with Twilight. I fancy myself a designer and my hubby is an architect so interior decorating comes a bit natural to us. My hubby would kill me if he came home to this, but I think it would be hillarious so scare him.

    Can you somehow get a video going of when he walks in the door. You might earn some extra love'n from the Forks gang if you do!!!

  19. @JJ - The fact that you scared YOURSELF with this makes it about...100x BETTER!! MAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

  20. I love this - please tell us what his face looked like when he saw it, what he said, what he did and how embarrassed he was that the band saw it and what they said to him too. Got all that? - ah feck just set up some recording equipment and then post it up here :)

  21. I will definitely need a video of him walking through the door. My husband would flip a nugget if I did this! He still rolls his eyes at my fridge collage ~ which only causes me to make it bigger, duh.

    If I had FSE's, I would set them up on my husbands side of the bed to get a good scare when he wakes up. Like that scene in Paranormal Activity.

  22. Please, please get video of ML coming in the door. And also, have witnesses. Just in case.

  23. @Myg - Good idea. Maybe someone in Joisey could get Gusgus to film it?

  24. Holy Shit...I snorted laughed when I read this shiznit...LMFAO!! I looooove the decor and just might adopt it when my BF goes away...

  25. Oh JJ....having a "den" where all my shit adorns every wall, floor & inch of surface space is one thing:

    The Cougar's Den

    But that living room, right OUT THERE where it will scar ML for life is...


    Although, I will admit I was creeped out by the backasswards Edward throw on the van seats. Precious looks super creepy when he's inside out.



  26. JJ - Once again you've shown the world why you're my hero. I love it!! We should start a pool to guess how long before ML starts taking stuff down. Put me down for 4 minutes.

    TexasKatherine - LOL!! I'll miss her too.

  27. WOW & I felt like a bad wife when I put a brand new 'team edward' bumper sticker on my car last week. Imma show Mr. Junkie this so he realizes how thankful he should be that that's all he has to look at ;)

  28. Hey STY...I was wondering if I could hire your services? Your unique perspective is just the thing to spruce up my ho-hum decorating.

  29. still looking for my vampJune 30, 2011 at 10:05 PM

    JJ, We need an update, preferably with VIDEO.

    Does ML like to cuss as much as you? If so, I wish I could be there to hear the stream of ripe profanity that flows.

    Nicely done, STY. Very nice.

    Pure awesomeness.

  30. Mmm...Decorating. Considering The Bentist and I are renting, it will be a while until we can actually "decorate" anything. But I can't wait. Gimme some paint and a credit card, and we'll go from "I just graduated college/IKEA" to "I'm making 85% less than you think because of my awesome skillz."

    I can't wait to see/hear ML's reaction to this dose of awesomeness. Love the van seat upgrade, couldn't have pictured it any more beautiful. Come to think of it, outside of the pup, the room couldn't have been any better. Hurry up and call HGTV. You got a damn special coming.

  31. 1st, this is the best payback ever...fucking brilliant. 2nd, If ML actually kills u can I have one of your LSEs?

  32. @Mama Cougar - You TOTALLY have this obsession UNDER. CONTROL. Love your den ;)

  33. OMG that is so funny! Can't wait to see what ML's reaction is.

    I have the new sewing room to look forward to and decorate! Finally we are moving next weekend! Yay more room!

    Muhahaha time to pull out the twi-merch and go wild. Hot Topic and Forbidden Planet were selling off all the old twi-merch cheep so I ordered a crap load cheep....

    Hmmmm Maybe ML would like a special pair of manties.....

  34. AWESOME!!!!

    Pleeeeease come decorate my house!!!

    LOVE IT!!!

  35. Puhleeeeeaaaasse video tape his the very least record his verbal reaction. Puhleeeeeaaaaasssse! It will be classic...I just know it. You should borrow STY's Bella dress and have it on with a drink in your hand when he walks in the door. Teehee!

  36. SO that baby-man with the scissors? I was ACTUALLY ROTFL. My husband thought I was sick but I just lost control of my body due to excessive laughter.


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