I have a secret to share with you. It's not a super-duper I-could-tell-you-but-then-I'd-have-to-kill-you type of secret. It's just something I don't normally share with people. But I think we've known each other long enough by now soooooooo... here it goes...
I'm a huge fan of the Jackass movies and I have a crush on Johnny Knoxville*. There I said it.
Last night, Mr. LKW and I watched Jackass 3D DVD (without the 3D of course) and my GAWD did we cackle! We cried, we gagged, we covered out eyes, we cringed... but isn't that what the boys of Jackass are all about? I mean when they do something disgusting enough to make Steve-O puke, you know it's really gross.
Why is it so incredibly funny to see men hit in the balls over and over again? Or to watch them willingly subject themselves to charging bulls and cattle prods and lots and lots of poop? I wonder if Jenny Jerkface could blow bubbles with her farts? Sounds like a good trick for Forks JJ - get working on that.
I do believe there was one part where I not only had to shut my eyes, but I also had cover my ears because I was dangerously close to tossing my cookies all over the coffee table. [If you've seen this movie, you'll know what I'm talking about when I say "sweatsuit cocktail" - fucking grossest thing ever!] But man...that is some funny shit.
So now imagine the Cullen men cast as the boys of Jackass.
Edward Cullen as Johnny Knoxville. That's a no-brainer for the sole reason that he's the only one I want to fuck. Enough said.
Emmett Cullen as Bam Margera. Doesn't Emmett strike you as just a tad Bam-ish? I would pick him as the one most likely to play some practical jokes on Esme and Carlisle. Like, say...having your friend dress up in a gorilla costume and trash their hotel room.
Looks like they've got the whole cock-eyed hat thing down. (And I'm not quite sure why, but Bam scares me just a little.)
Jasper Cullen as Steve-O. Fitting since Jasper always looks like he needs to take a shit, and Steve-O seems to be constantly covered in shit. Good fit. Although they look nothing alike.
Carlisle Cullen as Chris "Party Boy" Pontius. Mainly because I want to see Carlisle walk around wearing as little clothing as possible. And also, I'd like to see him use his cock as a baseball bat. I bet he swings a big bat.
Level with me Twitards? Are any of you out there Jackass fans -- either in the closet or out? Don't leave me hanging! Am I the only one who wants to ride Johnny Knoxville like the prize bull at the rodeo?
*My crush on JK does come with the stipulation that if we were ever to do the horizontal tango, he will need to dipped in a vat of bleach beforehand.
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