But this year's Movie Award frock is most certainly my most favorite of all for its versatility and usefulness. It's the fucking MacGyver of dresses.
I bet you could almost hear a collective sigh of relief from her fellow female attendees. For once, no one had to worry about a wardrobe malfunction. Pop a button? Bust a seam? No prob, just steal one of Kristen's safety pins. Lose an earring? Whatevs... pull a nice diamond stud from KStew's dress.
And little did we know that her dress also doubled as a weapon. It's the Awards girls' pepper spray - no need to try and stuff that pesky canister into your microscopic hand bag. No siree. You'll be fending off handzy drunk fellows like nobody's business with your studs and pins. I imagine it would've been quite useful for Mila Kunis trying to defend against Timberlake's on-stage groping.
It just hit me! Now I know why Rob opted to kiss Taylor and not Kristen - he was afraid he would be injured by the dress!
Rob's thought bubble: "Hmmmm... do I kiss her and risk doing permanent damage to various parts of my body, or take the easy way out and make out with the wolf boy?"
I totally think that the US Military, this very minute, is devising a plan to get their hands on this dress. Just think -- combine those studs and pins with a piece of chewing gum, a bottle cap and some gun powder, she's a weapon of fucking mass destruction.
Of course, for RPattz, she's his weapon of mass-turbation. Ba dum bump!
TGIFF twat waffles!