I've been battling a summer cold since July 4th and find myself up late at night not able to sleep because every time I lay down, I start coughing uncontrollably and it really makes me want to kill someone. I'm sure my husband thanks his lucky stars each morning when he wakes up to find I haven't murdered him in a fit of phlegmy rage. Last night at dinner, I wanted to stab myself in the throat with my butter knife just to try and ease the constant tickle.
I really shouldn't complain. It's only at midnight when my husband isn't constantly asking me what I'm doing on the computer that I can peruse Twitter and read blogs uninterrupted. But I have to get up a 5am to walk a couple of needy hounds so needless to say, I need my fucking sleep. I've been like the walking dead the past week. I finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday -- and for what? A case of gah-damn post nasal drip. FML. I did get some drugs that will hopefully help me sleep. I just hope these drugs don't give me more hallucinations.
Some people talk in their sleep, some snore, some sleep walk (I've done all of these, jftr) and since my early 20s, I sometimes hallucinate while I'm sleeping. At least I think I'm sleeping. I always remember it each time it happens. Like in vivid detail. But so different from a dream. I'm pretty sure I'm awake. Sort of.
Back when I had my first apartment, it started out as spiders. I would see them on the window blinds and I would sit straight up in bed and squint really hard to make sure of what I saw. If Mr. Latchkey woke up, he would totally play into it. He'd say "What do you see?" And I'd say "A spider. Don't you see it? It's huge!" And he's say "There's no spider, go back to sleep." And I'd lay back down and go back to sleep like nothing ever happened. The next morning I'd remember it as clear as day.
A few years later, there was a squirrel sitting on my dresser. Not really, it was just another hallucination, but I'm pretty sure he was just hanging out up there mocking me. Probably enjoying an acorn, chuckling at the crazy lady who bolts up in bed and stares at him. I wish I knew where he lived.
It's been a few years since I remember seeing shit in the dark -- but recently, there's been an onslaught of crazy stuff happening in my bedroom at night. And I don't mean the fun, naked crazy shit. I must wake up once a week to some shape on the ceiling or moving around my room. I'll even go so far as to quickly switch on the light just to make sure. The other night, I would've have sworn on a stack of bibles that there was a fucking cat walking around in my bedroom. I don't have a cat. Which is probably why I leaped out of bed and flipped on the hallway light and searched high and low for that elusive feline. I found nothing.
I find it odd that I never hallucinate about people. It's always some kind of animal. I almost wish it was a person -- they can't hide as easily as the critters. But not just any person. I don't want some big, hairy sasquatchy-type beast lurking in my bedroom. No thank you. I would, however, be really, really ok with some cold, hard, sparkly fellow showing up at the end of my bed. Preferably nekkid.
So what's the weirdest thing you've ever done in your sleep? Have you spilled secrets? Or walked down the street naked? Do you see Edward Cullen in your bedroom?
Here it is...your moment of Robert Pattinson
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