Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Jasper and Alice make a Renesmee of their own???

I love the internet. It's full of news and videos and porn and just millions of other things that make me smile or help me piss away my time uselessly. It's like a one-stop shop for the good, the bad and the maybe-I-should-alert-the-Feds-to-this.

Whenever I'm searching for stuff on the internet, my motto is "the weirder the better". Seriously, if it makes me uncomfortable (and I'm talking more "what-the-fuck-IS-that" uncomfortable, not "it-puts-the-lotion-in-the-basket" uncomfortable) to look at, then I want it.


Of course, the icing on my cake is when I stumble across something totally fucking off the wall AND it somehow has to do with Twilight. This happens often. Rumor has it those Twilight fans are a weird fucking bunch.

And that's why I nearly fell out of my chair in a fit of hysterics the other day when I came across a doll that is supposed to be the likeness of Jasper's and Alice's love child, if they could have had one.


QUICK!!! GET THE WOODEN STAKES AND END THIS ABOMINATION!!!

Oh, wait. These are Twilight vampires we're talking about.

RIP IT APART AND BURN THE PIECES!!!

To get the whole story on this little bundle of... er... terror, go here. It's worth it, I promise. 

Personally, I kind of want this doll. I also bet if I showed this to ML and told him I was getting it as a conversation piece for a living room, he wouldn't be so disagreeable to my doll-heads-in-a-jar centerpiece that I want for the dining room.

 Right? I don't get why he says it frightens him, either.

27 comments:

  1. That was just wrong! *shivers*
    I think I'll just stay in the house myself.

    And whistle while I work. [Thanks again TK!]

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  2. Oh my God!!! I need this so I can carrynit around with me..that is too fracking funny..I love to look at the bizare stuff on the Internet too..therenis a lot of it that's for sure..remember when we made the cross yourself with Rdward babies..lol

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  3. "HIS FANGS ARE SECURED INTO HIS MOUTH BUT CARE SHOULD BE TAKEN WHEN USING HIS MODIFIED PACIFIER AND BOTTLE OF FAKE ANIMAL BLOOD."

    Thanks for the above info, I'll take extra special care when putting anything in its mouth.

    When my daughter asks for another American Doll, I feel I should push this little gem on her ; 0

    Speechless.

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  4. Ps..not having spellcheck or auto correct is not working for me...wtf

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  5. I like the doll head in a jar idea. Man, why didn't I think of that???

    Seriously? That WTF picture is hillarious! I'm still laughing about it. This must be how Big Foot rumours started.

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  6. On the current season of True Blood, there is a charred baby doll that keeps reappearing, even after they try to dispose of it. It's EVIL, I tell you!! Anyway, I am traumatized by dolls because they are all hideous to me and now True Blood is playing into my fear of plastic children.

    That WTF pic is clearly the neighbor's dog cruising upright on his hind legs after taking a piss on the nearby chapel. Or whatever that building is. Seriously? What is that? LOL!

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  7. Waddya mean those Twilight fans are a weird fucking bunch? Don't you know like atracts like?

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  8. Burn it with fire.

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  9. Too bad this was already bought. I had a vision of me driving to Forks with this thing strapped to the front of my rental car.

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  10. @JJ - I love the doll heads! Can't you just see a jar full of Barbie heads? I'm digging into my daughter's stash right now... The brandy snifter with the little naked babies is cute too! Off to Archie McPhee I go!!!

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  11. Bwahahahaha.

    Love the name of the blog "Regretsty" and that this was posted by "Helen Killer".

    Lots of goodness there.

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  12. Um.....Off to check out the link, BBL.

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  13. My favorite reaction from the site:

    "Not to mention that in the book they don’t have fangs. And yes I have also read the books. So no judgement from me."

    xo J

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  14. @Rikki_DD--Dying. Laughing.

    In all seriousness, WHAT IS THAT THING IN THE FIRST PICTURE?

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  15. Kill it now! Burn it with fire! That is probably one of the most disturbing Twi related things I have ever seen. The link is priceless.

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  16. I had to comment coz my W/V is Nenegne, that could be his name! Renesmee & Nenegne! Lol!

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  17. I may or may not have had nightmares starring this fucking freak of nature doll last night. *shivers*

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  18. Yikes! I hope whoever bought that doesn't live near me; if I see that monstrosity being pushed around in a cart at Target, I might just lose it (as in pee myself laughing).

    Side note: I decided that since I was on the Regretsy site, I'd take a look around. Of course, the "Penises" link jumped out at me, so I clicked on it--and promptly froze up my computer. Mass panic ensued that my kids would wake up and spot the fake penii on the screen. Fortunately, Google Chrome heard my silent pleas and crashed.

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  19. I am rarely scared. But that is a scary motherfucker!

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  20. This is why I am afraid to come to Forks. Though I long to with all my heart.

    I will not know a single soul and so when all the happy Twitards pass solitary me on the street etc., will they not be wondering -- oh maybe there goes one of those people who cradles a Jasper-Alice doll and feeds it pig's blood?

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  21. That first picture of WTF gets me every time. I always just stare at it & try to figure it out. Weird.

    That doll is so FREAKY. I seriously wonder about people sometimes. LOL! It looks more like Spikes love child from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

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  22. @Getinthecar - HOLY CRAP! MAH!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I think I might want to hug you now just for that comment!

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  23. There are Twilight fans, and then there are REALLY REALLY BIG Twilight fans! Although I guess her use of fangs is suspect - lol...

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  24. See....now I don't see this as a Jasper/Alice love child at all.

    To me, it more closely resembles the genetic lottery of an offspring produced by TwiredJen & Eric Northman.

    Am I right?

    MC

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  25. Oh how I wish I did not look at this post before bed. *cries*

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  26. Initially, I was bothered by the fangs...clearly this person didn't read the books very well AT ALL, but then I saw the things NAME. Jasper Dean? Did I miss a memo? DEAN?

    There's being obsessed and then there's being utterly delusional.

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