Sunday, July 17, 2011

Public Speaking 101: Tips & Tricks From Kristen Stewart

It's been a while since we've picked on Kristen Stewart... Frankly, she's grown on us over the years and we think she has awesome taste in men, so we don't make fun of her these days. Much. But when we received a link to a new video over the weekend, we knew her number was up.

This came to us direct from the source, the very talented team of peeps at Barely Political. If we have a "Bella Off" in Forks this year, this video is going to be mandatory for perfecting your blinks, nods, stuttering, brow-furrowing, hair-tousling, and staring off into space. I know I'll be using "The Kristen Stewart Speak More Good" method at my next public peaking opportunity (can I get another "FOOOORRRKKS!!!" ???) -

Special thanks to Anastasia, aka "The Grieving Widow" at the end of this vid for sending this to us (and nicely done!).

Anyhoo, since we've already broken out the torches and pitchforks, I happened to notice that YouTube is littered with videos showcasing Kristen's..."special" mannerisms...

This one is almost enough to spark a seizure (you've been warned) - if I didn't know better, I'd say it was manipulated, but it's alllll BlinkyStew!

There were also a bunch of videos devoted to her biting and licking her lip and such, but GAH that seemed a little icky - I mean, who would get into something that???

It would just be SO wrong... Why would anyone focus that much attention on another person's mouth? EW. Creepers. That's who...

Oh yeah... Erm... Well... I mean, it's totally not weird when it's about Robert Pattinson's mouth... Am I right? Can I get an amen, people? WOOT!


  1. Okay after seeing that Kristen blinking video, I'm worried that she needs to get that checked out. Or smacked on the side of hear head because a wire is loose.

  2. A-freaking-men!!!
    The blinking is REALLY funny sped up!

  3. Amen! I'm all about Rob's mouth lol.

    I don't think I need a crash course in "The Kristen Stewart Speak More Good" method... I think I'm an idiot enough on my own and embarrass myself infinitely without twitching. Oh god that's all I'd need to start twitching *facepalm*

  4. The Kristen video was funny, but the Rob videos . . . . Christ-on-a-Cracker! What those do to me! It's just all kinds of wrong! I feel like such a perv! I get all gooey just looking' at those pictures!

  5. Damn, that actress playing the KStew even got the whole hand thing down too in that video. I like the Stew, but, damn. I'm wondering, is that a generational thing? Like that's something twenty year olds just do? In that case, I wonder what my five year old daughter's going to start doing in about ten years to be all affected. Guess I'll just have to wait and see!

    Freaked out about the blinking video also. I never really noticed that before! I was too distracted by Rob in most scenes, I guess. Huh.

    Have fun in Foooooorrrrrrkkkkkksssss y'all! I just like typing that!

  6. Seriously, the girl sputters, stutters, and twitches like she's got a palsy and can still pull a sexstick like Rob.

    Come on Rob, I can be quirky too.

  7. It pains me to say this because normally I think this blog is brilliant but this hits below the belt. Not funny. Kristen is more respected than Rob in Hollywood yet there's this dichotomy with the rest of the world that I don't understand. Rob is just as awkward and says some really dumb shit (I'm sorry, his comment about getting to "fuck" Reese at the MMA's this year made him sound like a douchenozzle, roast or not) but gets away with it. Double standard? You betcha!

  8. Oh oh oh oh that beautiful mouth...seriously! I would be swooning on the floor if I were not already safe in my waterbed (hey, it's THE BEST bed ever made!). What is it anyway, the shape of his lips? the coloring? the incredibly sexy voice? the way my bones melt when he licks his lips? I can no longer form a coherent thought so hoot hoot and sigh...

  9. Woah! That girl has KStew down to a T. AMAZING! I'm kind of jealous, I wish I could impersonate her like that!

    And that 1st Rob vid was almost too hot it hurts.

    XO J

    xo J

  10. I completely agree with Anonymous that posted on July 17 at 11:47. I frequent this blog from time to time and usually get a lot of laughs from reading. But this post is crossing the line a little for me. So she blinks and plays with her what? This was also a Twilight video. She has grown into herself a lot more since then. Also, aiming this at a woman Rob obviously ADORES more than anything...kind of a low blow.

  11. Seriously people - of all the things we've written about on this blog--and the countless times we've made fun of ourselves AND Robert Pattinson, and THIS is what gets people's panties in a bunch? I have to admit I'm shocked. Anyone reading this who thinks we are seriously hating on KStew needs to get over their case of The Mondays and put their tongue back in their cheek, which is where it goes when you read this blog (in case you forgot, which apparently a few of you did). Sheesh.

  12. Amen STY!
    p.s. i was looking at the time you posted that and forgot your in a different time zone. I'm jealous it's only 9am here and not 10am.

  13. Hmm. I think some of the anonymii are pulling STY's/our chain or else are the same person. Who who reads this blog feels the need to go anon in a mild defense of Kristen Stewart?

    Great actress? She's got a distinctive schtick, for sure, always playing the same character, one whose attitude could be summed up as:
    "I'm never gonna run right...and fuck you."

    On the other hand, Rob seems to have a real future in acting only in comedy. How To Be may be one of the worst movies ever made, but he was actually amusing in it. As a seriouso dude, tho, he too has the dynamic range right now of a hairpin.

    All the more reason to love the Twilight characters and keep the actors separate, reserving Rob for separate fantasies...

  14. I absolutely freaking ADORE KStew, and I think her mannerisms are cute and authentic - in person, anyway; the blinkyness bugged me in Twi but she improved in the next few movies. I loved that video - saw it a few days ago and holy crap, the girl in the video has her KStew impression down to an art.

    There wasn't even any hating in this post, so not sure where those ridiculous comments came from... if you want to defend KStew from the critics, there are many, many other blogs to read! Everyone is fair game here, especially the writers, who post way worse (albeit totally hilarious) things about themselves, so maaaaaybe it's time to find something else to read. Just throwing that out there.

    Blinky, stuttery, awkward - I'll take it all. I flove her.

  15. Oh CHRIST in a CLOWN CAR.

    Mountain, meet fucking molehill.

    Everyone knows I HARDCORE love me some KStew and will defend that girl to the ends of the earth like the bitchy Mama Cougar that I am. That being said - she's young, she does weird shit, has strange nervous tics & mannerisms, and trust me, SHE KNOWS IT.

    Anyone ever heard that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"?

    There was no hate at all here. I have a feeling if Kris read this, she'd be all "FUCK, I know, RIGHT? God damn...why the hell do I keep doing that shit? I forgot to take my fuckin' awkward antidote today. Seriously. And by awkward antidote, I mean fuck Rob hard against the shower wall."

    Keep Calm and Giggle it out people. This is NOT a dig dealio.


  16. I know. i saw this vid the other day and it made me LOL! That KStew impersonator is very good ;)

  17. Hehe. "Christ in a Clown Car"! Gotta love that Cougar ;)

    Why bring the nasty here? This is my Happy Place! Come on people! DO NOT BRING THE NASTY TO NIKKI's (& many others) HAPPY PLACE!

    I love that vid & you know, people who can't laugh at themselves are seriously missing out. The lovely TwiTwats know how to laugh at themselves.

    Flove you guys!

  18. That is hilarious, cheered me up after a gigantically crap day. Even my husband laughed. Thanks STY.

  19. Lighten up Anon's. KStew's like one of the girls here, all our idiosyncrasy's are fair game. Doesn't mean we don't love her.

    The Rob video's melted my monitor.

  20. Agree that we do not want any kerfuffles in the Happy Place - lol!

    In the rare instances where we are left less-than-positive comments (their infrequency is notable, and it's not like these were rants or particularly ugly/nasty), we usually ignore them. Or let you guys do the dirty work for us and take people to task where need be - lol... But I was so genuinely baffled by the fact that THIS POST was something anyone had taken offense to that I felt the need to chime in.

    Love you guys! : )

  21. This video cracks me up over and over again. The chick who plays "Kristen" really has it down pat.

    And sorry people brought drama to the party, folks!

  22. Huh? I thought if we added hot RPattz videos and pictures to a post, it automatically off-set anything negative said about other people.

    Those videos could've gotten me fired today.

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  24. Bwahahahahahaha! Can we get that actress to come to FFFOOORRRRKKKKSSSS!!! Maybe she can bring her ROb look-alike boyfriend too. She could be the judge of "Do your best Bella!"

    Anonymous Shmoponymous.

    Why does Rob biting his lower lip just do things to me? I was biting my lower lip the other day and my daughter asked me if I was about to cry....apparently I do not look sexy when biting my lower lip...I look on the edge of a nervous breakdown...oh well. Blink, blink, twitch, twitch.

  25. She also never closes her damn mouth. It's always hanging open. Is she a mouth breather??.... ew.

  26. Am I the only person excited that STY is planning on using the vid as inspiration for 'public peaking' at FOOORRRKKKSS? I cannot wait to see a K-Stew inspired When Harry Met Sally moment! Lolol!

    And I agree, that actress has a real talent for the Stewisms :o)

    v/w@ redrom (of pain?!)

  27. You know where she got this from, right? Jordan Catalano!

  28. @Ava Gacser - OMG it IS very Jordan-Catalano-esque!

  29. So when NM came out, our friend Mel hadn't seen Twilight so we had a girl's night where we made her watch it. And since we'd seen it so many times, we decided to spice it up by making up a drinking game based on K-Stew's lip biting.
    Only rule: Any time anyone bit their lip in Twilight we had to take a drink.

    Fast forward to 4 empty bottles of red wine and we all pile in the car to see New Moon b/c we couldn't just stop with the first movie. We smuggled in B&J wine coolers and passed out in the movie theater mid-heckle. I wish I was joking.


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