Friday, August 26, 2011

FORKS UPDATE: Tees + Wednesday Night in Seattle: Be There or Be...Someplace Else.

So I was going to post something tonight about how I'm not ready for a hurricane and how I had to cancel my trip to Maine for my grandfather's funeral/memorial service because apparently the entire Northeast is going to be on lockdown for the next 48 hours and I can't get stuck at the South Portland Airport Hampton Inn for five days (no offense, fam). But I won't go there.

Probably. Hopefully. But "Jersey Shore" is pretty damaging.

Instead, I am pleased to be providing an update on the happenings on the FOOORRRKKS 2011 front - the trip is approaching so fast that I am fighting back motion sickness, but good things are falling into place. Ok not falling, exactly - there is a certain amount of work involved in all this stuff. Anyway...

An update on the t-shirt front: as we should have expected, Zazzle fucked us hard up the ass with no lube approximately twenty seconds after we posted the Forks 2011 merch. Apparently they have a real hard-on for us, since the (literally) 13,000+ other things that come up if you actually search for "Star Wars" (and you wouldn't find our merch in this search) must be completely legit and have been given the blessing of George Lucas himself. But our items were flagged and removed immediately, and orders that had been placed were cancelled.

 Use the Forks, Twatwaffles. Zazzle, you are the Death Star.

I'm not gonna lie: I wish Zazzle wasn't such a flaming douche-nugget. Cafe Press is less user-friendly. Plus they take a greater cut of revenue for themselves [note: any profit on shirts or gear goes into the Forks kitty - it won't be much , but we'll use it to defray the costs of the tickets]. BUT they have better selection AND they apparently don't employ an ahhhmie of unpaid-intern legal wonks to police their pages and take down anything that might even have the slightest reference to someone else's intellectual property, with no recourse for the seller. Plus I think that Zazzle may have had it in for us since the first time they fucked us over Mr. Snarky's drawings and we called them every vile name in the book (and then some) on Twitter.

The take-away from all this angry rambling: get your FORKS 2011 gear HERE.

On a different note - a REALLY positive, no-Zazzle-fuckery note: VitaminR70 has pulled some strings and come up with an uhmazaballs place for those of us who will be in Seattle on Wednesday night (9/28) to chill, mingle, and throw back a few [dozen] cocktails. We'll have a private room (yay!) at The Rendezvous Tavern - it's called "The Red Room of Pain Velvet Room" and I want to go to there RIGHT NOW.

See you there, Fifty...

It is stumbling walking distance from the Mayflower Hotel (where we are staying and where Double_Dippin has arranged a sweeeet Twitarded discount) and other local establishments. If you'll be attending, please say so in the comments and let us know how many people you'll be bringing... This isn't a huge space, and if a lot of us are in Seattle that night and plan on getting together, we might need to get a larger room.

Please give me a moment to digest that while breathing into a brown paper bag to compose myself...

Ready or not - it's almost time! FOOOOOOORRRRRKKKKSSS!!! 


  1. OMG! How fuckawesome!!! Can't wait!! (Yay Vitamin R and Double Dippin!!)

  2. I will be in Seattle on Wednesday, I havent booked anything at the Mayflower. I havent figured out the lodgings yet for Wed night. 9 Ineed to work on that)

    I would love to meet up with you all in seattle and see sites and/or drinks.

  3. I'll be there with HappyChica303 in tow! Can't wait!

    And let me just ask . . . how irritating was that reservations bitch at The Mayflower? @Jaymes805 was right when she warned me about having to randomly yell out TWITARDED!

    Bitch asked me five times - "WHAT group did you say you're with? . . . I'm sorry Mam, but I can't understand what you're saying. . . or what you're spelling!"

    Then she decided to look it up by the date, since obviously I talk like I have a mouth full of shit or dick or something, and she comes back with "Is the name of your group T-W-I-T-A-R-D-E-D?" When I confirmed that she spelled it exactly like I had already spelled it - twice - she asked "What kind of organization is T-W-I-T-A-R-D-E-D?'

    As I frantically looked around for some duct tape for my head, I said "Just don't worry about that. Can I get the discount or not?"

    "Yes. . . . And will you be going on to Forks on Thursday?" Inquiring minds want to know.

    "As a matter of fact, I will!" Why? Do I get a special Bon Voyage Breakfast or something? Or maybe she's thinking about calling ahead to warn the good people of Forks before we get there!

    Anyway, I just wondered if anyone else began their adventure by battling wits with the reservation desk?

  4. Here are a few little tidbits of things to do and places to go in Seattle if anyone is interested:

    There is an Italian restaurant in Ballard called Volterra.

    The Frye Art Museum has a macabre exhibit running through the end of October by Gabriel Von Max called: Be-Tailed Cousins and Phantasms of the Soul.

    I saw an add for Escala they still have some units available and you can call to make an appointment for a tour.

    Looking forward to seeing everyone again.

  5. I will be there! The drink menu looks yummy - Chocolate Russian...mmmm!

  6. Shirts ordered, check.

    RRoP FTMFW, I'm totally going to bring my paddle! lol ;)

    The hubs and I are still looking to split a room at the receptionist-chick-who's-a-bitch place.

    see here:


    ps... that place accommodates 20-40, lol how many of us are coming?

  7. Well it is a bar as well so people can overflow into the bar. My friends own this fine establishment so I have already warned them. If it starts looking like too many people will be there we may need to re-evaluate. Woohoo!!!!

    Love the shirts.

  8. Me an my roomies will toatally be there (4 of us). Let the fuckery begin!

  9. I'll be there, but count me as two because I believe Kitty-Elvis plans to attend.

  10. I'll be there with Double_Dippin and Micki_Martini.

  11. I am SO there! I will have @TwiFanger and @ChloeCougar with me & I'm glad to hear it's within stumbling distance of the hotel.

    Yes, Mayflower receptionist is probably named Lauren. Stoopid bitch.

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  13. You're going to have such a fuck-awesome time, no doubt! Wish I could be joining all of you.

    Right now I'm here in NJ holding on for dear life (just like JJ and STY). Once Irene departs her fat ass, then my family and I are heading up to see my mom on Cape Cod for the week. It will be the 2nd time going up there since my dad passed away in April and it's strange not seeing him. We're trying to convince Mom to move back down closer to all of us.

  14. Oh, I can't wait for the post-Forks 2011 posts! You guys are gonna have such a fanfuckintastic time!!!

  15. Me me me! I'll be sitting on STY's lap.

  16. I am assuming The Swedes and I will be in attendance Wed. night (3).

    Cannot believe Zazzle is run by such dick-heads. Well, then again, after the last Twitarded flap, I can. Don't we have a lawyer here who can threaten THEM?

    Cleaning house and found my map of Pt. Angeles from last year. Yay! BTW, if anyone needs a riding crop for the weekend there is a great western store there

    Hope all you easterners are doing OK. Hot and sunny in Seattle.

    May the FOOOOORRRRRRKKKKKSSSS be with you.(Sorry, but I'm going to be abusing that for at least the next 4 weeks.)

  17. I will be there! Count me as 2 :)

  18. Red room of drunken fuckery with twitarded h00rs FTMFW!!!! I'm most def there :)

  19. I will be there with my hubby since it is his 50th birthday that day and I'm abandoning him to spend our 23rd Wedding Anniversary with you h00rs in Forks!

  20. *Pout* I have class on Thursday, which is why I won't be getting in until a later hour already. I damnhellshitfuck wish we could make it to Seattle on Wednesday, but it just isn't practical...

    And fuck a cactus, zazzle. Fuck a spiky, stiff, thick cactus.

    vw: vendeadi
    I have a vendeadi out for zazzle and their douche-nuggetry.

  21. Looks awesome. I'll be arriving Wed evening. Can't wait to meet everyone in RL.

  22. I'll be there with red_bella!

  23. I will be there. Hopefully Living with Edward will be with me AND maybe even my hubby. So 1-3 for my group please.

    Off to buy my shirt.

  24. I'll let you know. But it's very likely since I work down there & can just drive the 5 minutes to work the next day. :-)

  25. @defenderofmice and I will be at the Mayflower!

    Looking forward to seeing everyone again. I had no problems with reservations, but I did everything on line and emailed them afterward to tell them I was with the group and they changed the reservation and emailed me back.

  26. Is this the Mayflower Park Hotel on Olive Way??

  27. i will be there! i will be the third wheel hanging around @twi-lin and her hubs.

    @twi-lin graciously offered to pick me up from the airport and let me stay with her in WA even though it was her E's bday!

    can't wait to meet you all in the RROP!

  28. WHUT?! WHUT?! The Red Room of Pain...I'll be there. Will Fifty? Pleasesayyespleasesayyespleasesayyes. You girls seem to be good at pulling strings, so I figure getting him there should be a piece of cake.

    I'll be there w/ my two lovely h00rs/roomies @jiffsimpson and @allthingsHHH!

  29. Late to the party, but I will be there on Wed. night, maybe plus one. Can't wait!

  30. LOL - in my haste to post my excited comment, I didn't mention officially that I will be there on Wednesday. :)

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  32. I'll be there with Josie and maybe rikki_dd? I'm sure they'll post on their own. And Musing Bella.. ;-)
    Can't wait!
    Kris Kendall

  33. I'm so sad that I just now discovering this site because I go to Washington/Forks EVERY damn year for the past 3 would have been nice to have people to run around and be all...shenannaginy...with.

  34. I will be there....but I'm flying solo because my friends suck and bailed on me! They said something about being adults and being responible with their money but they just sounded like the adults on the Muppets when they talk so I stopped listening :-)

    I'm going to need to make new friends with you ladies in Forks so I have someone to get in trouble with!

  35. *shouts* HERE!

  36. I'm very late on this, and I DID submit the form indicating this, but I will be at the RROP on Wednesday with a +1. So, count 2 more in there.

    Seriously, what time? Did I miss this somewhere?

  37. I will be there. But only for the Red Room of Velvet Pain. Did I get that right? I couldn't get more time off work. But am driving down from Whistler/Squamish to attend the event of the year. See you all there.

  38. How did I miss this?

    I will be there!


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