Thursday, August 4, 2011

Kristen Stewart's Shirt Looks *Totally* Cute. On Her.

I was at TJ Maxx with my in-laws when I first noticed it... My MIL and SIL were off looking at random tchotchkes, my FIL had already parked himself on the "bored husband" chairs near the checkout, and Mr. Snarky and my 4-year-old nephew were off chasing a recently acquired (and soon to be lost) super-ball around the store, while I plastered a smile on my face and tried to pretend I wasn't the type who usually shoots furtive dirty at folks who can't control their children (or husbands) in stores. 

Actually, I should back up and say I REALLY first noticed it on Kristen Stewart at Comic Con... No, not Rob and his wonked-out hair - I am talking about her shirt.

 THIS one.

 It's not even a whole shirt, really...

I hate shopping and haven't been out looking at clothes in a while, but it seemed like every other shirt on the racks was this square-ish, boxy, short shirt, usually with some sort of dolman-y sleeve, or no real sleeve. A lot of them looked like someone had sewn two squares of fabric together and then cut out some holes for your arms and head. It was in every material and incarnation - stripes, lace, twilighty-looking woods (I almost tried this one on) - the store was just strewn with 'em.

I'm no fashionista. Not by a long-shot. I am woefully behind the times (under duress, I would call my look "classic" because then I can act like I'm not really trying to keep up), and nobody has ever accused me of being trendy. I might see the trends, but I am generally late to embrace them, if I even do. I swore I would never wear capris, but now I do. All the time. I NEVER thought I would give up my boot-cut jeans for skinny jeans. Until I found the right ones (this took a LONG time). It just takes a while for me to get used to change.

When I was at the mall a few days later (I hardly ever shop at the mall, but I had coupons and was on a real shopping bender that week), I noticed "The Shirt" all over the place. Again.

Are you stalking me, strange shirts?

I finally gave in and decided to give it a try. I needed something cute to wear to Mr. Snarky's band's gig in Hoboken this weekend, anyway, so what the hell. They were growing on me and looked semi-cute-ish on the hangers...

Black. Gray. My favorite colors!

The verdict? Not good. Not good at all. I think I may have actually laughed out loud when I looked at myself in the mirror. Let me just say that this is not your mother's muumuu of a baggy shirt... It's short. And unforgiving. And made for people with bodies like Kristen Stewart or the 98-lb teenage girl I saw trying one on with skinny jeans and a pair of those 10-inch platform stilettos that would look like stripper heels but for the fact that they are in a muted nude color and have graced many a red carpet in the last year. Like most baggy, shapeless garments, they really only look good on people who you can tell have smokin' bodies underneath the masses of fabric. And horizontal stripes? Well, I should know better. {{{sigh}}}

Guess who's wearing a plain ol' black tee (again) this weekend? Er, it's classic.  Not lazy - classic.

So have you braved any new styles lately? Slowly eased into something you said you'd never wear when it first showed up on the racks? Any suggestions for someone who really just wants to live her life in jeans and black t-shirts?


  1. Fashion? Trends? Forget it.
    When you have boobs the size I do, fashion and trends don't belong in the vocab. Jeans and t-shirts is all I have.

    I thought I was cool the other day when I bought a green bra and some pink underwear.

    Pathetic, I know.

  2. I own one of "the shirts" and I wear it with a lacy tank top under because it reminds me way too much of those short shirts from the mid 90s that everyone wore. I do not bare my midriff on purpose.

  3. Thankgawd someone else finds these shirts bizarre! I discovered them at H&M I believe. I went down to pick up what appeared to be a cute peach colored top only to discover it was "a box." Srsly, I didn't even bother trying it on. The problem with being 5'2" with hips and boobs, is that you can't wear shit like that. Who am I kidding? MOST women can't wear shit like that. But on Kristen Stewart, it looked.....good. And I give her kudos for rockin' the black bra. I'd never have the balls.

    In terms of fashion trends, lets see, I can't get into skinny jeans because I hate my legs. I wore them in Forks with boots and they were ok, but that's about it. I LOVE those nude pumps everyone is wearing these days...and might have to buy some since I saw a cute yet affordable pair and Target. Plus I think they lengthen legs, which I sorely need. Hmm..what else is in? Oh yah, gladiator (?) really flat sandals...nope not for me and my legs.

    Loved this post STY. Miss you in SD.

    xoxo J

  4. Um...I'm not the trendy type. I'm more into color and fit. My tits are a pain in the ass to dress, so I have to be careful.

    Good on ya for trying something new, though!

  5. @Lindsay Rae - I DID try - i gave myself credit for that - lol... I'm not usually one to embrace change. Unless it's turning my whole life upside-down for Twilight.

    @TwiredJen - I SO remember your skinny jean/boots combo and I thought it looks fantastic!

    @addicted2retail - I actually did see some layered versions of "The Shirt" - might be a better option for me. And most people - lol...

    @Carly Fall - I am thinking there's nothing wrong with going with the jeans/tee combo - there's a reason that one's been around for so many years - it just works!

    And in general can I just say I am glad I (think) I made it through this entire post without writing "shit" instead of "shirt"?? *pats self on back*

  6. I try to stay trendy its difficult when you have huge boobs. If I wore a shirt like that it would hang on me like a sheet but not the I'm-wearing-a-sheet-to-look-like-it's-a-toga kinda way bc I could totally work that lol.

    I say if you want to live your life in jeans and a black t-shirt do it! Wear what you like, screw everyone else :)

  7. The first time I saw these "shirts" was in Maui, Hawaii in May (I do most shopping online or in tack/feed/western stores, or aeropostale, or Hot Topic). I totally thought they were swimsuit covers. HAHAHAHAAHA! And like you said, the only people I saw wearing them that looked good were the young or very fit girls that had great bodies. If I looked that good in one of those box shirts though you better believe I'd choose instead to just walk around in a bikini top & shorts. In Hawaii that is. ;-)

  8. I do own one of THOSE SHIRTS. It's longer than KStew's because the bare midriff is not a good look for me. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have even pulled it off when I was KStew's age. You know, 6 months ago *cough*welloveradecade*cough.

    I wear THE SHIRT with a wide belt to make it look less like a black cereal box. I've also had my shirt for over a year. So take that, Kristen. I was ahead of the fashion trend. When is stringy hair & uneven eyeliner going to be in vogue? That will be my shining moment.

  9. I have also tried on one of those shirts. It was a dark moment. You'd think it would HAVE to look good, since it hides all my lumps and stuff but... no. Not so much.

  10. Haha, definite kudos to those who tried! I went shopping with one of my girlfriends and she can totally rock the shirt. I, sadly, cannot. I'm perfectly fine rocking the jeans and a band tee. I've always been the tomboy and I'm happy. So I shouldn't fix what's not broken, right? :)

  11. Um. no.

    I am also not a huge fan of the black bra under the gauzy white t-shirt...I-don't-care-how-famous-beautiful-and-utterly-fucking-lucky-to-be-tapping-RPattz-you-are. I guess it is the mother in me.

  12. What's wrong with t-shirts and jeans? You mean they aren't in style anymore? Darn it! There goes my entire wardrobe...

    I totally agree with ya VitaminR totally Can't Stand the black bra showing through any shirt!

  13. Okay, I actually thought Kristen looked cute and I may be the only one, but her shirt didn't bother me. I have sweatshirts like this (they are super short but baggy, tight on the sleeve-sort of same concept and cut). You wear them with a long tank or camisole underneath that should peek out below the hem of the baggy top. My daughters actually love this cut of tee's as well. And I know what you are thinking, who wears sweatshirts in Hawaii. ME!! I'm weird like that. :)

  14. i really hate those shirts. they are so ugly and shapeless. i see them everywhere. along with the boxy half shirt trend are shirts with southwest prints (at least here in SoCal). i'm sorry but southwest prints were fugly back in the late 80's and they're still fugly now. the only people i see wearing these, of course, are the young, skinny teens.

  15. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing jeans and t-shirts as long as they aren't the "I gave up on life" variety. It can be a really smart look.

    The billowy box shirt is a trend that we can let the skinny young chics have. Same with dark bras under sheer shirts.
    I'd rather have someone think I look good for my age than think I look foolish for trying dress like a 20 year old.

  16. gladiator sandals- i don't know who came up with them, but they look good on no one. even skinny chicks with long legs. i think that even people who wear them realize this, but still wear them because they're "in".

    the top totally reminds me of the many half shirts I had in the '80s. i think it does look cute on skinny chicks, but you're not fooling anybody if you're wearing it to hide what's underneath.

    i try to be a little trendy, but i would be happy if i could wear yoga pants every day!

  17. I think Kristen's shirt looks like one of those flouncy-flowy covers someone [not me] would wear over a sprayed-on tank top to a Zumba class or something. You know, to kind of cover up little rolls that the tank can't hide. But no. I don't do Zumba.

    However, I don't have boobs, so according to most of you, I should be able to wear just about anything, huh? Um. Not so much.

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