Monday, September 12, 2011

NEW Breaking Dawn Teaser! [AKA "What the #$%& is Wrong With Carlisle's Hair?!"]

Some days I really think I am over the whole Twilight thing... And then something like THIS comes along - a little 15-second blurb of nothing and I get all hopped up and excited and remember why I got sucked down this rabbit hole in the first place. 

I think recent first-time (and likely last-time) commentor Hansie said it best in response to LatchKey Wife's Top Five Twilight Characters Who Will Not Be Gettin' In Ma Pants post -
Hansie said: You guys are TOTALLY addicted, moggy, insane, did I mention addicted. Some serious psychological problems here.
I don't even know what "moggy" means, and after looking it up, I'm still confused. She either called us mutt cats, pussy cats, or actual vaginas. Or possibly cigarettes. Or "a tall male, who is a good hugger and lacks the ability to view himself in a positive way" (hmmmm...). Or an obese gay man. It all depends on how far I am willing to scroll down over at Urban Dictionary. There was also something about sex and tuna fish, but that was "moggy style," which is apparently something very different. Regardless, I like the way the word sounds and I am just going to start using it randomly and let the chips fall where they may.

But excitement-wise, this actually got me going for some inexplicable reason. Maybe it was just because I needed rescuing from The Mondays, but it did the trick. Fine, fine, so I am probably not ever going to be so excited again that my hands actually shake when I rush to Fandango to purchase my months-in-advance tickets to a midnight screening and I am so amped up that I accidentally buy tickets for the wrong theater (I'm looking at you, New Moon), but this little clip made my day despite the fact that

1) I have no doubt that this movie (and the one after it) will be total train-wrecks

2) WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS HOLY HAVE THEY DONE TO CARLISLE'S HAIR?! (there are rumors  - semi-validated rumors! - that we will be regaled in Forks with first-hand accounts of how much PFach hated his look in these movies - stay tuned!)

Until someone more talented than us screencaps this entire 15-second clip (and we get around to finding said screencaps), please pause-and-play to your little hearts content. I know I did!

My blow-by-blow thus far, after approximately 137 viewings, with 9,635 pauses throughout - 

OK so there's Bella clutching her concave abdomen and pretending she's spied a bump (they should have at least fed her lots of fibrous foods before they shot this scene), and Edward looking like he just smelled something foul in the air after she ate said meal of really fibrous foods. Those vampire super-senses can be a real bitch sometimes.

Then there's Carlisle... I don't even know what to say about what is going on with that brassy, badly-styled, heading-into-dangerous-Flock-of-Seagulls/late-1980s-territory piece of poo on that poor man's head. And I guess in theory I am glad that someone fired whoever has been responsible for applying that same shade of Maybelline mauve lipstick that I fancied in high school to every one of the Cullens in the first three movies (they must have bought a lifetime supply, because I think they stopped production of that shade some time in 1991), but Carlisle's looking decidedly corpse-y, adding insult to injury. Not good. Then again, maybe PFach just fled the makeup trainer preemptively, since Edward still has that lovely purple puss. It's moggy, don't you think?

Why do they have what appears to be a whiteboard set up in the Cullen house??? Don't vampires have perfect memory and all that jazz??? Are they keeping Bella entertained with round after round of "Hangman"??? (Spoiler: Alice cheats.)

The wolves are back to being the size of smallish Shetland ponies, not hulking draft-horses. The Great Dane I used to feed my bologna sandwiches to at the bus stop in grade school so that it didn't eat me was more imposing.

Five minutes and twenty-some-odd more clips views later, and that's all I've got! What say you? Are you psyched? On the fence? Preparing your signs to picket the uglification of poor, mistreated Peter Facinelli? Get moggy with it in the comments!


  1. my tweetah from the other day: anyone else think that in the new BD trailer Eddykins & Carlisle look like the dead football players from Beetlejuice?

  2. Forks drinking game. Take a drink anytime someone shouts "moggy"

  3. Sadly PFach's hair looks like an angry blonde vagina.

    I'm still pumped to see the movie, well Rob really, so I shall dismiss the moggy BS we have been shown.

    I just have to keep thinking:

    Head board

  4. I was horrified over his hair. It was fine in the other movies, not great but fine.

    I'm all for the moggy drinking game in Foooooooorks!

  5. @m474 - TOTALLY see the resemblance - lol!

    And everyone else, I don't need an excuse to drink more in Forks, but shit, bring that moggy business on!

    I might change my name to "Moggier Than You".

  6. Summit makes pretty people look ass-faced. I'm off to google moggy-style.

  7. Pretty sure that's an x-ray reader board, not a whiteboard. But the rest of your post is spot on. The more previews I see of this movie, the more it looks like an B-rate eighties horror flick.

    I know she's supposed to look like hell, but Bella looks like she's doing time in a women's prison while simultaneously developing a hobby interest in chimney sweeping. Why? I thought Bella was supposed to be MORE pale when she was preggers?

  8. Bad hair, bad makeup. I don't understand why they keep making them so unattractive! They look like mannequins. Even the wolves look bad. It gets me all moggy just thinking about how awful these last 2 movies are going to be. How are we going to defend these to other people?

  9. Papa C's hair is beyond bad; there are no words for it. WTF happened?
    I don't like Robward's either.

  10. oh mah gawd! Scummit has stooped to an all time LOW! I have met Pfach and it would take some serious hard work to make that man look that moggy!

  11. Mogger humper! That trailer does nothing for me.

  12. If I were Pfach I'd sue for defamation of character!

  13. STY, you are my life now. That is all.

  14. How is it possible to de-hot so many gorgeous people?! AaaahneemalATTACK Carlisle used to crack me up but now I think that was the high point of his hair and makeup. Also: I miss Edward's bouffant.

  15. Again... Oh. My. God. That 'first time commentator' was MY MOTHER! *blushes furiously* She has been thoroughly told off & banned from commenting EVER AGAIN! Hope she listens, I threatened to hack into & delete her blogger account. Please forgive a relativly harmless MOGGY old gal who has just discovered the joys of blogs.

    Moggy means nuts, crazy, looney, a few sandwiches short of a picnic ie my mother. And can I just say my mother DOES have serious psychological problems! (I hope you're reading Ma!) Twitwats you are fully allowed to BLOCK HER!

    Also can I just say, OMG MY MOTHER HAS INVADED TWITARDED!!!! Now I have psychological problems aka I am moggy to the n'th degree, I may never recover. I may be playing the Forks Moggy Drinking Game at home by myself tonight.

    That all being said, that trailer sure is a mogger humper. Does really make me more worried than excited.

    And one more time for the people in the back..... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!! I am scarred for life. That is all. *whimpers*

  16. @Rikki_DD: YES!!! I'm so in with that!

    Summit sucks. Every movie gets worse and worse.. I sometimes question my own sanity when it comes to the movies. Ready to get let down (again)? Yes. *sigh*

  17. @ NIX

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I have my mom read entries from this blog all the time. She thinks all "you girls" are hilarious. :-)

  18. Really? You really think it looks that bad? Well, with the exception of Carlisle's helmet head, I'm not disappointed at all in the teaser. As a matter of fact, I don't give a crap about the little things. It only matters that Edward breaks a headboard, and Bella gets knocked up with HIS kid! Hell yeah! Bring that shit (oh and bring me a xanax because my lady bits will be a-tingling)!!!

  19. All's I've got to say is that I really don't like any of the movies, but (in general) I do like the actors they picked. (I'm a hard core book fan.) What the make-up and wardrobe people do to said actors is horrific. They should all be banned from styling ever again... and I think Summit will eventually go under after Twilight is done. It might take a few years for them to burn through all of that money, but eventually it will happen. They suck too hard to go on.

  20. I'm all up for the moggy drinking game! Call me Moggy_Bella and throw back a shot of tequila!

    Carlisle's hair, I've had issues with the hair in all the movies. WTF Summit can't you get it right! Hair aside, I am so looking forward to some headboard breaking goodness!

    @NIX well you mom has sure given us some wonderful entertainment! If she comes to #FORKS2011 we may just scar her!

  21. @Nix I'm totally going to CafePress to make myself a shirt that says "Moggy Bitch". Tell your Mom thank you!

    @ Everyone else:

    Sandy & I are more than willing to share the TRUE downlow on Peter's Breaking Dawn hair he spoke about it in our Meet & Greet for no less than 15 minutes and gave us every tiny detail of how the tragedy unfolded. After that, we all hugged him and told him how sorry we were, at which point he excused himself to go meet with the therapist he's been seeing since the hair went public. He's bitter. He's rageball. It's not pretty.



  22. Peter Facinelli's hair and face in this clip reminds me of Linda Evangelista during the 90s.

  23. Sorrie, hoor, Nix. Twitard "ladies"? - I have to admit that I loved the books - I couldn't get throught them fast enough. Somehow the characters that I pictured in my head were sooo much more real than the in the movies - especially the Edward in my head. But thanks for all the suggestions - I do believe I will take credit for the new South African drinking game to "down-it when you hear the word Moggy". Not exactly a catchy name - help someone ........ ? And lets remain loyal to Twitarded and include a favourite name or phrase from the series in the name.

  24. bwahahahaha

    I don't know which is funnier - this post, everyone using "moggy" in their reponses or that it turned out to be someone's mother! still caused inappropriate work laughter, regardless. Thanks!

  25. Carlisle looks like Hitler with that God awful hairdo. What the hell? Is Summits hair and makeup crew doing crack behind the scenes? It's as bad as those dudes who created H&R Puffinstuff.

  26. @Nix - it's going to be ok...breathe in....breathe out...take a drink. Your comment killed me. Same thing happened to me with my mom at another site which will not be named. She didn't insult my friends but she felt compelled to mention she was my mom in every comment she left.

    Lesson learned, keep my big mouth shut about the hilarious Twitard blog. No one need ever know my true identity. Mwah-moggy-hahaha.

  27. @likeitlemony- HOLY SHIT! LMAO! Mogger Humper is my new favorite curse.

  28. STFU!!! NEW BD TRAILER @ And it DOESN'T suck (except for poor defiled Carlisle's hair) Yea!

    Check it out.

  29. Traitors! All of youse! I'm with Gretch - I love it. But then I saw the full version that was on Facebook. I think Carlisle's hair is an improvement over the last wig he wore. Very excited for the film!

  30. I'm going to have one fucking moggy dream after staring at Carlisle's hair, that's for sure...

    I swear that is my new favorite word.

    @Nix - Oh, that totally sucks that our mom has... wait, NO IT DOESN'T!!! BWAWAWAWA!!!

    You weren't expecting sympathy, were you? Let's not forget, I got an email from my mom about that goddamn pink dildo once.

    And I banned her immediately afterward. Pretty sure she still sneaks on every once in awhile.

  31. Okay, I'm still stuck on the "there are rumors -semi-validated rumors!- that we will be regaled in Forks with FIRST HAND accounts of how much PFach hated his look in these movies - stay tuned!"

    What in the name of all things holy does that mean? For reallies, STY. Divulge the secret. I not a patient woman. And I know where to find you in about 2 wees. :)

  32. His hair looks like a 5 year old took a lighter an scissors to a Ken doll's head! I never thought I'd see a wig worse than the crap they've put on Jasper's moggy noggin!

  33. @nix - bring your mom to Foooooorks! I'm bringing my daughter.

    We survived last year's trip together. [Except for when she had too much to drink at the Twilight Lounge and started to over-share about how she had to soothe her pre-flight nerves with a late night booty call!] TMI !!

  34. I flove you guys. I really do. Each & every moggy one of you!

    @JJ Your momvasion story is much better (worse) than mine. Let's keep it that way mkay?

    IF I was ever able to make it to Forks ALL the way from South Africa, I'm pretty sure I would leave good ol Hansie aka Ma behind. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm selfish & wanna keep you guys all to myself ;)

  35. Um, just so you know, over here in the UK a 'moggy' is a cat. Nothing more than that.

    However, I'm more than happy to throw the word into conversation more than once during #Forks2011, and will happily join in the drinking game.

    BRING. IT. :-D

    CC x


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