Sunday, October 30, 2011

Mother Nature Must Be A Twilight Fan

Seems over the past year, we've been having some really fucked up weather. I know it's normal for the southeast to have its hurricanes, for the midwest to have its tornadoes, for the northeast to have its blizzards and for hellish places like Texas to sometimes, well, feel the actual temperature of hell. But it seems to me that all these natural disasters have been hopped up on steroids lately and I don't like it one bit.

The northeast got hammered by snow this past winter -- I thought we would lose Jenny Jerkface in a snow bank at one point. Texas experienced something like 874 straight days of over 100° weather this past summer and I was pretty sure TK was going to go all fucking postal on some unsuspecting neighbors nearly every day. I don't even want to discuss that horrible string of tornadoes that stretched from Texas to Virginia last April. And just to kick us northerners in the nuts again, Mother Nature dropped 5-10" of snow on us before Halloween. Before fucking Halloween! Dude, WTF?

See those leaves still on the trees? That means it shouldn't be fucking snowing!

So this whole weather pattern got me to thinking... what the fuck has crawled up Mother Nature's vagina that has gotten her so blistering angry that she feels the need to release such a wrath on us? Is it because she hasn't gotten laid in a bazillion years? Who does MN go to get her needs met anyway? Do you think she even has a boyfriend? Father Time maybe? I bet that dude definitely needs Viagra.

JMFHF, this is what I got when I Googled "Mother Nature is Angry" -- I'm a skerred!

Or maybe the more sensical answer to why MN is being such a dirty twat lies in her taste in movies. I think she's a Twilight fan and since those assholes at Summit have made us wait an eternal 18 months between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn: BtS, she has decided to seek revenge on everyone. Way to go Summit... how does that make you feel? I suppose if I had the power (and wouldn't get arrested), I might throw the same type of tantrum (minus the unnecessary loss of life, of course.)

Hopefully once MN gets an eyeful of Edward Cullen's sweaty back breaking headboards, she'll just sit back with her freshly whittled dildo and enjoy the show. And leave us the fuck alone. I could use a nice mild winter. And Edward's sweaty back breaking my headboard. Please.

headboard gif
Now doesn't this just make everything better?


  1. I showa hope that's not a sign of worse things to come. Cause if so, we is fucked. But I agree, breaking headboards makes it all better..sort of. Glad I have people in the south to sneak away to when the going gets rough. Nice post.

  2. I don't know about MN but the sweaty back/headboard makes everything right in my world. I'd pay money to watch only that for a loooooooong time.

  3. His back better NOT be sweaty!!!

  4. Oh yeah, EC's sweaty back breaking headboards will definitely work for me. I'm going to see Twilight on the big screen for the first time Tuesday night with "I Give Up" and I can't wait! I know I'm gonna go apeshit when Bella says "Who's he?" I'd better wear my double-layer flannel undies!

    I bought my BD Pt1 ticket tonight too!! SQUEEEEE!!!

  5. Yes. Yes, that image does make everything right in my world!

    BedWard is a true thing of beauty!

  6. I'm also seeing Twilight on the big screen 1st time on excited, I can't catch my breath! And I believe this gorgeous gif is totally making up for the snow and having no power all last nite & most of today...had to charge my laptop at sis's house so I could check in here for my nightly fix - oh so glad I did! (I owe you, sis! Tho you'll never appreciate exactly why...) Thanks, LKW...

    now, i just have to survive taking the 10-yr old dressed as a ghoul with glowing red (HA!) eyes out trick or treating in the freezing cold tomorrow nite-I make the yearly trek only to get my "reward" - all the twix's!!! Happy Boo Day, everyone!

  7. God that headboard. Best gif ever. Made my day! But uh...That MN pic IS scary! I would be pissed if I had a tornado crotch, too (I think I just found a new insult. Excellent). What? I'm the only one who looked?!

    Sorry about the snow. I must say, though, that Penn State football game was pretty fun to watch with all that snow on the field. Snowy football is just plain entertaining! And snow before Halloween is pretty normal in Michigan. Hell, more often than not, my Halloween costume had to be able to fit over snowpants! Now that's trick-or-treating! Only the strong (and warm!) survive. I guess it's just like the kids here in Oregon wearing costumes made out of vinyl table cloths to be waterproof :)

  8. So not once in your weather recap did you mention the Pacific Northwest where all the sparkly goodness transpired. I'm hurt........

  9. OMG, that headboard scene has got to be one of the most erotic scenes ever to be in any movie. I just can't wait. Gawd, Rob has the sexiest back evah!

  10. I cannot effin' BELIEVE the weather some of you Twitards have been having over there! I mean, it's just... WRONG!

    Over here in the UK we've been savouring some of the mildest temperatures ever. I've a feeling, though, MN is just trying to lure us into a false sense of security--she has a habit of messing this little island up big time at the drop of a hat.

    As for the 'sweaty back gif'... GIMME SOME O'THAT!!!! :-)

    I can't WAIT to see this on the big screen--and have finally managed to get my workplace to grant me just an ickle bit of leave (as opposed to the large chunk I originally requested), so I can at least travel North to share the #Twiathon experience with other like-minded people :-)

    I guess that means I'll be seeing #BD1 a few hours before a whole bunch of you. Makes a change ;-)

    I'll try not to tweet too much...

    CC x

  11. If they cut this from the movie....I will scream so loud all of Twitardia will her me!

    veriword: gravings....that's what I will be digging for someone, if they cut this scene.

  12. It really, really does make everything better. Gah.

    Sorry that you guys have been hit so hard weather-wise. If we have one snow that sticks each year it's a big deal - last year, we had four. Global warming, my ass.

  13. We finally (and by "we" I mean "ML) cleaned up all the tree limb carnage in our backyard from the storm. It involved a lot of chainsawing.

    Mmmm, thrustward. Less than two weeks before this movie comes out!


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