Monday, December 19, 2011

All I Want for Christmas is...Another Year of Robert Pattinson

It's that time of year again - I have been in denial since some time around mid-October when the Christmas decorations and merchandise started appearing in stores. I remember having a minor meltdown in the middle of Macy's, actually - right by the tarted-up too-early holiday Godiva display. But here we are, less than a week away from Christmas, and I still haven't told Santa what I really want for Christmas. Granted, I haven't had Santa's ear much of late, and when he did make a brief appearance at the holiday party I attended this past weekend, I decided it would be in poor form to perch on his lap. Frankly, Party Santa seemed a little randy, and this was not a party for kids, soooo... I guess I'm also apprehensive about whether I would end of on the "Naughty" or "Nice" list. Actually, I don't want to know.

Realistically, I think I was on both lists this year.

Regardless, I know what I want for Christmas, and it's not an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. Or a Red Rocket of any sort. I want a 2012 Robert Pattinson Calendar. Box it up with a few lumps of coal if you must, Santa - I understand! - but I want that calendar

I currently have a 2010 Robert Pattinson calendar in heavy outdated rotation. At some point in early 2011, I realized that I didn't have an acceptable replacement, so I sat down one night with a glass of wine and bottle of Wite-Out (or maybe it was a bottle of wine and a glass of Wite-Out - who can recall now?). I was patting myself on the back pretty vigorously for my resourcefulness when I realized I didn't give a damn about whether the days of the month were correct or not. Let's face it: this calendar isn't about being informative, unless the information I am seeking is "Robert Pattinson is HAWT!" It hangs on the wall with some other choice Twilighty ephemera in what could only be categorized as The World's Tiniest Walk-In Closet. Other than those rare moments when I've just completed a very rigorous cleaning and shoe-putting-away, I can barely get to it, so I probably shouldn't be relying on it for necessary information like "what day is it?" 

Once I resigned myself to the fact that is was really just an excuse to have a nice RPatts photo hanging in my closet, things were just grand. It's in a spot that cannot be seen unless you are really trying or standing outside my bedroom looking in the window (and if that's the case, we should probably talk, Stalkie McStalkerson). Most of the dates are whited out and not filled  back in, so I can switch the pages with impunity whenever I need a little change of scenery or when the lipstick smoochies get to be a little much. I kid - there is usually too much debris on my closet floor for me to make actual lip-to-glossy-paper contact possible, so I usually improvise, transferring a smack on the ol' kisser by way of my fingertips to the general area of his face. Maybe what I should really be asking for in 2012 is a cleaning service...or a shrink.

The Breaking Dawn 2012 calendar gave me the willies (like most of the Summit-approved merch - blech), but when I went looking for a Robert Pattinson calendar, I found only a couple of seriously unofficial-looking possibilities:

 Bonus fridge magnet? Do I have something metal in my closet to stick it to? Hmmm...

This is my fave - the pics are oldies but goodies!
It's possible I might make sure the closet is clean enough for me to get close to this daily...

Decent, but... I'm a little underwhelmed with the selection, especially given that the prices tend to be in the thirty-bucks-and-up range. Or they are now when it's five days before Christmas and everyone is getting desperate... While you can't really place a price on bootlegged photos of The Precious, for that kind of money, how about a Rob-A-Day 365 Day calendar - plus an extra bonus leap-year shot! Make that one extra-sparkly, please...


  1. You can make calendars on snapfish and shutterfly... put that Robporn folder to WORK! Oh, and order me a copy too, mmmkay?

  2. Holy fuck! I never even considered a Rob-a-day calendar! That would be the best!

    I've only found two versions of Rob 2012 calendars. [Be careful when you're searching, because some places are still selling 2010 or 2011 calendars.]

    I got really excited about those refrigerator magnets. They were less that $2 each, so I wanted all if them. When I got to the checkout screen, I had less than $20 in merchandise, but almost $70 in shipping charges! Whoa!

    What I really want is BD1 FSE! I haven't found one yet. I neeeeeed it!

  3. You should go to

    I printed off 2 Rob calendars for relatives and 1 for myself. You just have to make sure you have pictures that are high enough resolution and the website will let you know if the pictures you chose are of poor quality.

    The hardest part was choosing which 13 pictures of the Precious to use. It was only 15.95 plus shipping. Discounts on shipping for multiples. I've ordered from them before- a melamine plate with Twilight Rob and a couple of Robward mugs. I love them all.

  4. All you need is time, an ink jet and lots and lots of Rob photos and you can make your own Rob-A-Day calendar.
    Or just print a big stack of Rob photos - who cares what day it is?

  5. I second MyAfterCar, make your own on Shutterfly for 1/4 the price!

    If I don't comment/email again this week, hope you have a wonderful Christmas Ms. STY.

    XOXO J

  6. your closet sounds just like my 'shrine' in the water heater closet. I too need a new monthly dose of hawtness. Where are the links to these calendars? Me want both!

  7. I...can...make my own?! YES!!! I can't even tell you how happy this makes me! Because I think I have better shots to choose from - I mean, "Jaw-Porn January," anyone??? "Fingers February"? I am SO on this!

    @TwiredJen - Thanks sweetie - hope you also have an awesome holiday! xo

  8. Oh and I think both of these calendars were available through Amazon in some form, but the pricing was weird - from other sellers, I guess? You might be better off just getting a Goggle shopping search going...

  9. Hilarious. I have a poster of Rob in my closet too. :)

  10. It never once occurred to me to make my own RPattz calendar. You ladies are fucking geniuses.

    And $30 for a fucking calendar?? Does Rob come with it?

  11. I ordered the one that ended up costing me $27 from Amazon (included shipping). My 15-year-old niece calls me a "creeper" so I have my RPattz in a corner in my little home office. If she can't see it, she can't make fun of me -- or call me names.

  12. I gonna need LOTS of paper and ink!!

  13. Ehem, proof you bitches never read my blog. You could have WON this last year!

  14. Santa came early for me. I ACTUALLY had a "you are on a date with Robert Pattinson" dream this week, and YES, he kissed me. Tongued me to be specific. I think what played out in my mind was a strange amalgamation of Twilight kisses but somehow I was on the receiving end. THUD.

    I have been less Twitarded of late, but that dream totally rekindled the flame. I WILL be either making or ordering my calendar now, fo sho. I do believe I will have the hots for him until I die. Sheer perfection. Sigh.

  15. @Rob's Bitch - In our defense, many of our emails trails start with "did I write this already? If I did, can you find it for me because I totally can't remember". Or, at least, mine do. :)

    @Twi-me - Hi there!! And a tongue kissing Rob dream is more than enough to rekindle the flame!! Lucky you!

  16. I NEED a Rob a Day Calendar! Now!


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