It's true. Sure, my house is mostly clean and there isn't any weird life-forms growing on my kitchen counters (I can't say the same for my refrigerator) but as far as doing... household-y stuff, I'm a bit of a fail.
More or less what my fridge looks like. The mold is somewhere in there...
Take cooking, for example. I have these awesome cookbooks that just kind of gather dust on a high shelf in the kitchen because I can't be bothered to cook. If ML didn't frown upon having spoonfuls of peanut butter for dinner every night, I probably would never prepare a meal.
That being said, I'm actually trying to change my mentality about cooking these days. I've discovered that pretty much anything tastes good if you throw it in some chicken broth and call it a soup. I no longer dry heave the entire time I'm handling raw chicken and I've learned that hot sauce is a bad chef's best friend, especially if you're totally fine with your food searing off layers of your mouth with every bite.
The only spice I need.
Frankly, with some of the meals I've made lately, taste buds are definitely not necessary. Possibly even detrimental.
This year I'm hosting Christmas dinner for my family, which means I have to actually cook something reasonably edible. Deciding to embrace this fact--and realizing that corn chips and salsa is not considered "dinner" food-- I've been poring over recipes online. I found this one and decided to give it a try, because it seemed so unusual. I mean, slow-cooked ham? I've never heard of cooking an eight pound slab of ham in a crock pot! There may have been a good reason for this...
I also had the wherewithal to realize there was a high potential of the recipe tasting absolutely fucking disgusting. Rather than unleash the possible tastebud-murdering recipe on my family, I decided to invite my friends over for a little
In my defense, I did warn my test subjects that the ham they would be served could possibly taste like utter shit. Nevertheless, for some reason they were game. Eager, even.
The day of the meal, I knew I was in over my head the moment I began to wrestle the ham into the crock pot and fill it up with apple cider. It became immediately apparent that removing the ham once it was cooked without sending a tidal wave of boiling hot apple cider all over myself and the counter would be... tricky.
Things took a turn for the worse when ML announced that the ham smelled like "mulled wine or potpourri." I halfheartedly defended my ham and insisted that cinnamon, cloves and pig was an awesome, flavorful combination.
Ten minutes before everyone showed up, I finally tasted my ham.
It wasn't good. I served it anyway.
Even the Full-Size Edwards look totally fucking disgusted.
I managed to swallow down a few bites of the ham before I surrendered and admitted it was akin to chewing on a piece of leather potpourri. Snarkier Than You agreed with me, but in a much more mature and polite fashion. Ironically, Mr. Snarky and OPattz were eating it with great gusto, which was a bit surprising to me.
ML was just thankful he's a vegetarian.
Despite the total fail of the meal, it was still great to have an excuse to get a bunch of people together on a Sunday night. Yes, the ham tasted like fruity shoe leather but no one threw up on my floor so I'll consider a success.
It tasted like this but smothered with cinnamon and grossness.
I've decided that I'm just going to serve a boring old ham for my holiday dinner. They can be disastrous enough in their own right for the cooking-challenged. But better to be safe than sorry. At least, in this instance.
Have you ever had any meal disasters? Served half-cooked turkey? Set the ziti on fire when someone important is coming to dinner? Or do you play it safe and just order in?
Also, anyone have a good spiral ham recipe? Preferably one that doesn't involve a slow-cooker and a bouquet of fragrant spices?