But something happened this year. Someone stole my fucking Christmas spirit. The jolly is gone. Missing. Dead. And it's totally bumming me out. I feel like a total misfit.
I think I can attribute it to a few things -- #1 being Mother Nature's inability to get the fucking weather right this year. It's supposed to snow in December, NOT October. And it's not supposed to be 50 degrees eight days before Santa is supposed to depart the North Pole. How is he expected to land his sleigh on my roof with no snow? (Seriously, I think you people in warmer parts of the country are lucky he even makes it to your house. Does his sleigh have wheels for tropical climates?)
My scrooge-y grinch of a husband isn't helping matters either. He does nothing but whine about every aspect of the holiday. Buying the tree... erecting the tree... the shopping for presents... the crowds... the Christmas card. Every time he complains, he sucks just a little bit of the festive fervor out of me. I normally tell him to shut his pie hole, but this year it has taken its toll. It makes me want to punch every Santa I see in his nuts.
I think this picture is labeled wrong. It should say "Mr. Latchkey Wife".
Our newest family member, the bull-in-a-china-shop-I-eat-everything-not-nailed-down bloodhound, is also putting a damper on my Christmas cheer. I was forced to get a midget tree and put it up on a table. *gasp* We were so afraid she'd eat every ornament she could reach so we didn't want to risk it. I really don't need to be paying thousands of dollars to get the Edward and Bella Hallmark ornament surgically removed from her large intestine. No thank you.
I also had to be weary of where I placed the other non-ornament decoration. Especially the stuffed ones. She's a sucker for anything with stuffing that she can shred and snack on. And I only have so many high flat surfaces to display things. Needless to say there are a lot of Santas and snowmen that never made it out of the attic this year. I pray to Yukon Cornelius that she grows out of this phase by next year.
Yummy... I love stuffing. Even if it's not Stovetop. Bad dog.
I thought a good 'ol viewing of Rudolph would pep me up. I just got pissed that all those asshole reindeer were shitting on the poor little red-nosed guy because he was a little different. I mean really Fireball? You're wearing a blonde toupee. Shut your mouth. Next on the list is Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas. If that doesn't do the trick... I give up.
Anyone have any other suggestions? What's your go-to for getting your Claus-o-meter up to full power? I need help before it's too late!