Friday, December 2, 2011

What Would My Vampire Gift Be?

Edward reads minds. Alice sees the future. Jasper calms the masses. Jane cripples people with agonizing pain and a bushy-eyed stare. I'm seriously feeling pretty left out in the special abilities category. So I got to thinking...if I were an amazingly gorgeous, sparkly vampire, what would my special gift be? Not that I'm delusional enough to think I'll ever be a vampire -- even though I'm almost there with the pasty white skin -- but work with me here. This is my fantasy.

Yes, Jane. Even vampires should wax.

I'm not sure I could handle seeing the future -- that's just a little too much responsibility. Or reading peoples minds. Sometimes it's better not to know what people really think of you. (I'm looking at you, Anonymous commenters who think it's ok to insult my writing [ouch!]) I have to admit, I've always been insanely jealous of Harry Potter's invisibility cloak which is just the fucking bomb-digity. But it almost crosses the same line as reading minds. There may be some conversations I don't want to eavesdrop on.

What is it that I enjoy doing? Something that makes me happy, yet protects me from others. I think I would want to go the route of Jane. I would want a power so crippling that people would flee at the mere sight of me. A power that would render me immune to defeat. Or one that is just fun and makes it easier to add to my freezer collection.

I want to freeze people with a single touch.

And I'll need these slippers to complete my bad-ass vampire outfit!

They would stay frozen forever, even on the hottest day of the summer. Until I release them from their icy prison at least. But with great power comes great responsibility. Or so I hear. I would only freeze the bad guys -- you know, like Edward only killed the scum of the earth during his young vampire years? I'm not going to take advantage of my new power and go all willy-nilly with the freezing. Maybe the cops would even hire me to help capture criminals... 

If you were a sparkly vampire, what special sparkly vampire power would you want?

Don't piss me off or I will blind you with my sparkles!


  1. This is an insanely difficult question. Hmm. Immortality, plenty of time for other activities with hot undead husband since I don't require sleep, perfect body, good breath, no more papercuts? Life already sounds pretty darn good. I'd have to go with something similar to Jasper's gift. Rev up said undead husband when I'm in the mood, make him thirsty and ready to hunt when I'm not, and finally force, I mean inspire Stephenie to finish effing Midnight Sun. Gah.

  2. Tuff question. Something tells me that in Maine the ability to freeze will soon be redundant.

    I once asked my teen what superpower he would want if he could have one. He immediately replied "Russia".

    I'm still trying to decide which power I would want. Is lust a superpower?

  3. I think this is kind of related to the "what super-power would you choose" to which I ALWAYS reply "invisibility" even though I don't think that would ever work as a vampire power. On the other hand, that guy in Bree Tanner had the closest thing to invisibility. Not sure if I'd want to repel people like that though.

  4. I'm kinda with MyAfterCar... 'cept I would edit it to "Make people horny". That way, I could have my way with whomever I want (hey, I'm a fuckhawt vamp, everyone wants me) and sometimes I might even let my husband join in. Or watch. And also it would be helpful to have one of those pen-zappy things from Men in Black so that people would forget it happened. Wouldn't want to be labelled as the town vamp-slut.

    ... or would I? *ponders*

  5. I would want the ability to erase & influence minds - like "Yes, here are your lottery winnings", or " Sure, mes. beautiful, no way were you talking on your cell while driving"
    Ahhhh, if only....

  6. I would want Edward's super speed so that I could work a whole day in an hour, then get all my housework done in seconds, leaving me plenty of time to lie around with a glass of fine wine, a bowl of something crunchy, salty, & sweet (think chocolate covered pretzels, my new favorite thing to eat EVER) and re-re-re-read Twilight, watch Twilight (and WTF, mmmmm!)& lie around fantasizing about swimming in the waters off Isle Esme with Robward....just saw BD again and oh! he is simply breathtaking....I am a wantess...I want sooooo bad...

  7. Hmmm, invisibility is tempting, but I think I'd like to be able to stop time, a la the Twilight Zone. Only my power couldn't break like a stupid stopwatch. I could chill out and take some me time and procrastinate to my heart's content without appearing lazy or losing any actual time. Awesome. AND it would mean everyone around me would shut up for as long as I wanted. I'm feeling bitchy and intolerant today.

    Wait, would vibrators work outside of time? Ah fuck it, it's my power, I say yes ;)

  8. I'm super-excited that I'd be able to run really fast, so I didn't get that much further in what I want my abilities to be. I guess I would have to say seeing in the dark...oh, that's already done. I'd have to say calming people. I'm more like that, anyway, even though it can be a pain, I'm good at making people happy.
    WTF is that slipper guy? Is that from a movie?? It looks like Arnold Schwarzenager (I know. I think I'm the only one who can't spell his name and I'm too lazy to google).

  9. @TwitardedMom--Russia? Bwahahaha!

    I would like to be able to sterilize people with my mind. Or, if that's too much to ask, I'd just like to be able to give a urine sample without peeing on my hand.

  10. @Twitardedmom: I'd be careful if I were you. That kid could be plotting world domination and your demise Stewie Griffin style...

    @TexasKatherine: um, when you say sterilise you mean germs, right? Although there are some people who need to be removed from the gene pool asap. I'm looking at you, Snooki.

  11. Am I the only one who would want to move things with my mind?? Or influence the elements like Benjamin in Breaking Dawn?? I'd want something that would freak people out! :)
    Or flying would be cool too. :)

  12. Teleportation - NO question. Or I guess if it is a vamp power it would be super speed. I would give anything just to be where I want to be immediately.
    Just saw BD for the 3rd time BTW. I think my official favorite part is the vows/kiss. Also love, LOVE the soundtrack.
    In my happy place.

  13. I would definitely want to be able to read minds but be able to turn it on and off. I always want to know what people are thinking

    @TK lol I too would love to not pee on my hand when giving a urine sample! I thought I was the only one with that problem

  14. laughing over all these!

    like what @anon said - something like a combination of a Jedi mind trick and that flashy thing from "Men in Black" would go a looong way towards making a forever-life easier.

  15. @Anonymous - I'm down with telekinesis. That's what I would want. It would be awesome if I could just move shit around and the possible fuckery you could to do to other people would be endless.

  16. So many options! Hard to choose just one...

    If it's a Monday and I'm at the office, my choice would definitely be to bring the pain ala Jane.

    Overall, I'm torn between Jane's gift and Edward's....I'd love to be able to read minds. I can't imagine a situation where that wouldn't come in handy.

  17. How about the ability to CHANGE people's minds. Now THAT is something to ponder...
    You DO love me Robert Pattinson. You WILL make me your love slave. You will pamper me with whatever I want.
    Oh yeah!
    Take that, biatches!
    And it could be so useful to society. You could change the minds of rapists and murderers so that the urges were no longer there. Just think about it!

  18. Really?! Freeze? You live in Maine. Half the year you just have to put them out in your front yard for a few minutes and the job is done! :)

    My super vampy power...I would want something formidable, too. I already have kick ass speed, dazzling good looks, and all the time in the world (literally). Now I have to find something awesome to do when I'm not doing something awesome? Hm..

    I think I would want the power to make people aware of how long they have to live. It would be a subtle defensive skill. And it would be subjective. It would change with decisions, similar to Alice. It would be like some innate awareness that "today is the day." or "in 10 years, I'll be dead," but not know how it would happen. And it could be one of those things where I make them aware, then hand them off to Felix and they just know that in .345 seconds, they will be no more. They could call me "The Game Clock" or something.

    What a fucking mind fuck it would be...

  19. Like Gretch said...

  20. I'd definitely want to be able to heal people. I know it's cheesy, but I'm a loving kinda girl, when I'm not busy hating everyone.


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