It seems that our fearless Breaking Dawn leader, Bill Condon, has the BD set in Baton Rouge on a lockdown fit for a prison riot at Sing Sing. I really feel bad for all of you out there who decided to go full on spoiler whore for this one because it ain't happening. May as well just put your pants back on and head home! [Note from TK: Nooooo!!!!! Fuck you, Bill Condon!] I'm beginning to think we should feel lucky we got what we did when they were filming in Brazil because shit has seriously dried the fuck up.
Maybe this is because all the locals are determined to keep the set protected. Or maybe it's because the crew has signed confidentiality agreements tighter than Bella's pussy. Even two of our resident masterful trench crawlers (I'm looking at you Laxplays and AGirlintheSouth) couldn't catch a glimpse of one fucking famous person. But then again, it's hard to know who you're looking at when you see two of everyone. Tip for next time girls: less drinky drinky, more stalky stalky.
Condon is smart though... giving us tiny little peeks into the movie... the feathers... then the picture... you know the one. That one that gave us all a spontaneous orgasm. That one in my Entertainment Weekly that I may have licked so much the page has been reduced to a soggy mess (kind of like my panties). Did he honestly think some fucking feathers in a hand and the humpty hump pic would tide us over for ten months? He obviously doesn't know us that well then, does he? We need this for survival!
According to some reports, it's not going to get any better when the production moves to Vancouver. There have been grumblings of a "confinement unit." What the fuck does that mean? Are they afraid the cast is going to riot? All I can picture is a bunch of dudes with guns standing around making sure anyone who messes up their lines is properly punished. Um... wait a minute. Can I volunteer to dole out some spankings?
Is this another way of telling us the riot police will be in full force to impede our advancements in set stalking?
But I swear to all that is holy, if I don't get some set pics soon, I'm going to have nothing but a giant Karate Kid crane kick to the balls for Mr. Condon. So Bill... can I call you Bill? I'm thinking you better be a little more forthcoming with some photos if you value your family jewels. Seriously, I'd have even been happy with a picture of Rob eating his sandwich, or picking up a sandwich or doing whatever he was doing to that gah damn sandwich. What is wrong with those people in the deli? We need fucking pictures!
How many more days? No, don't tell me. It'll just depress me. JMFHF!
PS: UPDATE - I wrote this post earlier this afternoon... and it's like my prayers were answered. A short time ago, I saw this pic on Robsessed. Alas, it's like someone just gave me a teaspoon of water after a month in the desert. Mutherfuckers.